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—Alright! Are you ready?—said Jabber, slapping Fu on the back with a laugh.
Over the past few weeks, Jabber had been insisting on trying to cook something with his new poisons; he’d worked hard to make it as edible as possible, since he didn’t plan on tasting it himself.
He went around one by one, offering his little brownies to every Raider who crossed his path, insisting repeatedly, but unfortunately for him, they all turned him down. They all knew perfectly well what was up—Jabber isn’t generous, or kind, or even a good baker, so it was easy to assume it was a trap
Although there was one who couldn’t refuse the dangerous offer—that was Fu. His response was quite obvious, and Jabber knew it; he would never refuse an order. Even though Jabber wasn’t as insistent as the others, Fu accepted on Jabber’s first try, which thrilled him immensely. He was truly excited to test his best toxin alongside someone else.
—A-and what’s supposed to happen?— Fu asked, taking a piece of the brownie in his trembling hands
—Calm down! It’s just a neurotoxin mixed with… other stuff! It’d be way too boring to tell you exactly what’s in it, and knowing would just make you more nervous, so just eat it!— he replied, devouring the brownie in a single bite
Fu ate it without thinking too much about it; his stomach churned with nerves. He knew perfectly well that there was something in it, but for some stupid reason he trusted Jabber—not to mention that deep down, he felt a slight thrill at the prospect of finding out how it felt. He always saw Jabber as so... happy and determined, and he’d started to associate this flamboyant personality with the things Jabber frequently consumed
—M-mhhh… and how long does it take… you know, to kick in? Right now I feel just like always—Fu said, breaking the silence between them.
—Tsk! Take it easy! The food takes a couple of hours to kick in, but I promise you, it’s three times as effective!—he replied happily—Besides, you’re not alone,it’s my first time eating something with so many ingredients, not because I’m a coward! It’s just that I’m not very good at cooking—he finally said with a apologetic tone
It was midday; they were sitting on the floor outside what was their temporary home, an abandoned building near the contaminated zones. Jabber’s words had managed to calm Fu’s nerves a little; he felt more accompanied, and a silly thought crossed his mind: if one of them fell, they both would. That fleeting scenario provoked a couple of stifled laughs from Fu; he couldn’t imagine Jabber any more euphoric than he already was.
—Me? Ha! I don’t think so. I’m practically immune to this kind of thing. Besides… I’m not weak-minded—he replied, almost proudly, flashing a mocking smile at Fu.
—W-weak-minded? I don’t get it—
—Oh… you see, if you’re sentimental or going through a rough patch… or some shit like that, it usually makes you feel a little off and it’s not as fun anymore— he replied, somewhat uncomfortable—You know, I have an idea! Being here alone won’t be much fun; let’s go to town instead—
Fu nodded without giving it much thought. He was thinking about Jabber’s words, and how the weak could have a… hard time, and that made him tense up a little. He wouldn’t lie—he is weak, and always has been—so all he could do was close his eyes and hope nothing embarrassing happened to him
It took them about 20 minutes to walk from the outskirts to town, and Fu was anxious; he didn’t feel a single change in his body—everything was just as usual—and it had already been nearly an hour since they ate the brownies. He wanted to ask Jabber if this was normal, but he held back; he didn’t want to sound like a coward.
Jabber, despite everything, also looked just like always, laughing and saying silly things every minute, guiding Fu through the town crowd. It didn’t seem like they were heading anywhere in particular—just walking, hoping to find a good spot.
—We’re here!— Jabber said, pointing to a small bar that, despite its size, was packed with people—Let’s sit down and talk about something I promise you won’t even notice when we’re already doing stupid things and laughing about everything!—he said excitedly.
They both sat down at an empty table, right up against the wall, almost invisible to most people—God! The last missions the boss gave us have been a real headache, haven’t they? You almost died on that stupid trash beast good thing Cthoni got there in time!—
—U-uh… yeah, I was pretty lucky there. I could’ve died… and you? What did you do that day? I tried to fight, but…—
—Don’t even mention it! I had to fight Mr. Bad Attitude again; it was really exciting—and fun! Even though I beat him, it was funny seeing him laughing hysterically from the hallucinogen!—he said, interrupting Fu
—Well... at least you managed to beat him, so you had a good time! I... I couldn’t finish my fight, or even start it; the guy never wanted to attack me...—he said, sounding dejected—maybe that’s why the boss was about to leave me to my own devices... for being weak...—
Even though he didn’t want to, he began to recall those moments, and how useless he felt when he realized he’d been the only one who couldn’t even start his fight. It was always the same—he was the only one, the only useless one among the Raiders, and at this point, he wouldn’t be surprised if Zodyl kicked him out, or simply eliminated him to leave no loose ends
—You bet! I had to fight Mr. Bad Attitude,it was really fun! Even though I beat him, it was thrilling to see him bleeding out!— he said, interrupting Fu
—Well... at least you managed to beat him. I... couldn’t do anything... that’s why the boss wants to get rid of me—
—Don’t even mention it! I had to fight Mr. Bad Attitude,it was really boring! It didn’t take me long to beat him!— he said, interrupting Fu
...
...
Fu paused for a moment, focusing on what Jabber was trying to tell him, realizing that he was annoying him by repeating the same crap over and over again; he felt a headache just from hearing Jabber’s voice over and over
To be honest, he barely knew what the effects of Jabber’s drugs were, but he knew very well that something was happening—he just didn’t know what, or why it was happening only to him. Jabber was very expressive, and if he were feeling the same thing as him, he’d probably be making weird noises, but he wasn’t
It wasn’t unbearable either. I didn’t want to give Jabber the satisfaction of making fun of me, or take advantage of the situation and provoke him into doing something stupid, so with all the strength I had, I tried to keep my gaze fixed on a pretty clock hanging on the wall behind Jabber, limiting myself to nodding with a smile at everything he said.
The pretty clock kept moving, but he didn’t, and neither did Jabber. Maybe it was broken, but broken clocks don’t move, so it was probably him who had stopped
—Hey! It’s boring talking to myself! What’s going on?— he asked, rolling his eyes with an annoyed expression
The sudden change had brought Fu back; there was no clock anymore, and Jabber seemed to be speaking coherently again. His pain seemed to have gone from zero to a hundred, accompanied by an unbearable heat in his neck and the frantic, violent thumping there. He felt a winter chill in his hands, but a burning heat in his head, which was slowly beginning to scare him
He no longer thought about what Jabber would say if he admitted how he felt, but for some reason he couldn’t; he had words in his mind and on his tongue, but his mouth refused to open. He knew what he had to do, but his body seemed to be acting independently of him—rigid, without any movement other than the occasional movement of his eyes to look around and that of his hands, pinching his thighs.
He could feel his neck throbbing violently, over and over again, the words seemed to never reach his mouth, and in a single, desperate, fear-filled movement, he grabbed Jabber’s hand and pressed it against his neck, looking him in the eyes in the hope that this gesture would mean something
Jabber’s expression shifted from confusion to something almost like pity; he softened his gaze and tilted his head in a way Fu had never seen before.
—S-sorry… W-what s-should I do?— Fu finally asked, managing to speak after a long silence.
—Relax… you just need to drink some water and calm down—he said, sounding much more serious than usual
At that moment, Jabber pulled a bottle of water from somewhere and handed it to him. It didn’t take long to finish it; the unbearable heat in his neck seemed to be going nowhere, and he didn’t dare speak anymore either. He felt that with every word, everything spun around more, and almost by reflex, he leaned carefully against the table, trying to drown out the loud noise of the bar
Unfortunately for him, just then a waiter arrived; he seemed ready to kick them both out if they didn’t order anything. Jabber seemed to have noticed the same thing, ordering something
He couldn’t tell if Jabber had said something to him or not, or if it was simply the mix of the bar’s countless noises, but at that moment, leaning on the table with both arms, he felt Jabber’s hand rest on his head with a gentleness he’d never felt in his life. The sudden contact didn’t bother him, but it didn’t do much either—it was strange.
The caresses stopped the moment Jabber tried to lift Fu off the table, almost against his will, since Fu was about to fall asleep. Despite being a bar, it also seemed to have a café, so Jabber ordered a piece of cake—the sweetest one of all—and, almost forcing him, made Fu eat it little by little
Fu seemed to be struggling to eat that cake; he chewed it, but for some reason couldn’t swallow it. The chewed pieces swirled round and round in his mouth, as if he’d forgotten how to eat and swallow.
The waiter seemed to have noticed Fu’s strange behavior, and tried to speak to him while he was eating the cake. Maybe it was because of the dark circles under his eyes, or maybe his neck was red—although Jabber had mentioned something about him feeling cold, he swore that wasn’t the case. The waiter’s words were confusing; they didn’t seem to form meaningful sentences. Nervously, he asked Jabber, whispering in his ear—C-can you… make him leave?—
Those words were enough for Jabber to, in a kind and civilized manner, successfully get the waiter to leave.
—Hey, you’re pale. Go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face. I’ll wait for you— Jabber said.
Fu nodded, and gathering all his strength, he began walking toward the bathroom, dodging everyone in the place.
Once in the restroom, first of all, he started drinking water nonstop. The heat in his neck had subsided quite a bit, but now he was driven to despair by the dryness in his mouth; he felt an almost desperate need to drink water. There was another guy next to him, washing his hands. Fu feared looking too upset, so he obeyed Jabber’s orders and splashed water on his face, but with every movement he made, he felt it was too obvious
He hated this, so he walked over and locked himself in a stall at the back of the bathroom and sat down, slamming the door shut. He wanted to lie down, stretch out on the floor, but he refrained; it would be weird to see a pair of legs sticking out of a stall, wouldn’t it? So, sitting there, he tried to sleep, but the uncomfortable position prevented him from doing so, and an uncontrollable tremor began to take hold of his hands and legs. It reminded him of those moments of total despair where only Hii could save him, but Hii didn’t seem willing to show up.
He felt a strange pain in his chest, mixed with a feeling of total emptiness. What would happen if he died? Had he done what he wanted to do? Was this the right time and place? Although he knew that a moment as unimaginable as death would come one day, he certainly hadn’t imagined one like this. Trying to push those thoughts away, he tried to convince himself that it didn’t matter if he died; he had already done everything he’d dreamed of. If he died there, he could do so in peace.
—Fu! Are you here?—Jabber asked aloud.
—Y-yes, I’m fine!—he said, opening the cubicle door.
—Look! You look better now. God… you gave me such a scare—he said, gesturing for Fu to get up—Don’t be dramatic,you’re not going to die—
—S-sorry… I don’t know what happened. I-I just—
—No! Don’t apologize, it could have happened—he replied, cutting Fu off—Let’s do something fun instead—he said, taking both of Fu’s hands, pulling him out of the stall, and dragging him out of the bathroom.
Normally, when they did something illegal or unethical, he used to get very nervous and anxious. He feared doing something wrong and ending up arrested or something like that, but now, alongside Jabber causing chaos in the bar, running all over the place, knocking over tables, and pushing people out of their way, he didn’t feel that anxiety he used to. He felt a lightness in his chest he’d never felt before, and unconsciously began to smile
They escaped the bar with ease; Jabber seemed to be an expert at causing chaos and then disappearing as if nothing had happened. They both ran side by side, with no clear destination. The only thing on both their minds was the stifled, silly laughter they were making, their uncoordinated steps, and the confused looks people around them were giving them
The euphoria they felt was almost indescribable. Despite Fu’s persistent pain, he tried with all his might to ignore it, focusing solely on the moment. With every step, every laugh, his vision began to blur, and he felt an unbearable pain in his stomach, suddenly vomiting.
He rested a hand on the wall where he had vomited, trying to wipe his mouth, fighting the urge to do it again. Jabber stopped upon hearing the sound and realizing that Fu was no longer keeping pace; laughing, he approached him to lend a hand.
Fu wouldn’t know whether to say it was the worst or the best day of his life—perhaps both. It was a grotesque mix of fear and anguish, and overflowing happiness. Nor would he know if he’d be willing to do it again; most likely he would agree, but only if Jabber came along, since he’d never forget how, even after he’d thrown up, Jabber came over to hug him, and how he’d almost fallen asleep sitting somewhere in that town, resting his head on Jabber’s shoulder