Chapter Text
Fabian took a gulp from Tarek’s novelty ‘Little Miss Princess’ mug and tried to ground himself. He’d arrived for Bargain Brunch forty-five minutes ago, but was already on his third fix of instant coffee.
You could say he had a lot on his mind.
Vanessa, Marcus and Tarek were engaged in a vigorous conversation that Fabian was pretty sure had begun as a discussion of where the best waffles in the city could be found, but at some point during Fabian’s trip to the kitchen for a coffee refill had devolved into an evisceration of Marcus’s boss.
He needed to just say it. Right now, it was all he could think about. Once he said it and heard how dumb it sounded out loud, he’d realize there was nothing to worry about. They’d already mostly finished their food and Vanessa had work in an hour, so Fabian had a limited window of time to discuss his problem.
“...it’s total bullshit, like what do you mean I can’t wear a mesh long sleeve to work? Is this 1950? I literally don’t-”
“I think Ryan is cheating on me.”
The conversation screeched to a halt, Fabian’s friends all turning to stare at him. Vanessa froze, her hands in the middle of tying up her blonde curls. Tarek coughed into his mimosa. Marcus paused his rant, the fork he’d been gesturing with stilling in midair.
The three of them exchanged glances. Oh no. They already knew. They’d probably been seeing the warning signs for months and didn’t want to hurt Fabian by telling him. Was it someone they knew? Was it someone Fabian knew? How could this-
Fabian’s train of thought didn’t get any further because his friends all burst out laughing. He stared at them blankly.
“Thank god. I thought the reason you were acting weird was because you were gonna cancel on us for wine night this weekend,” Vanessa said through a fit of giggling
“Yeah Fabe, way to give us a scare,” Tarek wheezed.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys? This is serious.”
Fabian tried his best to appear stern, but it just invoked another fit of giggles.
“I hate you all,” Fabian huffed.
Marcus gave him a you’re-being-ridiculous look. “Fabian. Come on. There is no way Ryan’s even capable of cheating on you. The guy is obsessed with you. You know you were his most-played artist on Spotify last year? I’d literally be less surprised if Tarek came out as straight.”
Fabian groaned. “Okay, okay, yes. I know it sounds crazy, but something's going on. He’s been taking calls at weird hours and leaving the room to pick them up, which he never does. He always says it’s Wyatt or his sister but he’s like… nervous about it.”
“So? Maybe he just wants a little privacy,” Tarek replied, throwing his legs over the side of his armchair.
“That’s not all. The last few weeks, he always has some weird excuse for why he can’t make it to group hangouts. Whenever I get home and he’s already there, he gets all cagey like I just caught him watching porn. I tried to open his nightstand drawer the other day and it was locked! Like, he bought a lock and installed it! Tell me that’s not strange.”
“Alright! We get it, it’s weird. But do you really have any conclusive reason to believe something’s up?” Vanessa asked through a mouthful of waffles.
“Yeah, like has he been distant? Withdrawn?” Tarek offered.
Fabian fidgeted with the hem of his cardigan. “No. That’s the weirdest part, he’s been super affectionate. Like, more so than usual.”
Vanessa and Tarek shared a conspiratorial glance.
“What? Is that a bad sign? Is he doing it out of guilt?”
Fabian realized that, at some point, he’d started nervously pacing and, for some reason, was holding a neon blue penis-shaped candle most definitely belonging to Vanessa, gesticulating wildly with it. Maybe he’d had enough coffee.
Vanessa rolled her eyes. “You need to relax. Ryan is the sweetest guy on the planet. Plus, he doesn’t have it in him to pull off an affair. He’d, like, combust with nerves. Remember when that guy at your last Harbourfront show tried to get his number? He panicked and said I was his wife!”
“Okay but if he’s not cheating, that’s even worse!”
“How is that worse?”
“It means he’s hiding something from me!”
“Don’t we all hide things from our partners?” Marcus chimed in, perching on the side of Tarek’s armchair.
Fabian sighed, sinking into a cross-legged position on the sofa and tossing the candle onto the coffee table.
“Not me and Ryan. We don’t have secrets.”
There was more Fabian wasn’t telling them. He loved Ryan and he loved their life together, but he couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. He would never rush him, but Fabian had been ready to take the next step in their relationship for a while now. “Boyfriend” just didn’t feel like a big enough word for what Ryan was to him anymore.
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Ryan half-ran, half-walked across the street, keeping an eye on his watch as he hurried home to his and Fabian’s townhouse. He was making good time. As long as he got home the next fifteen minutes, he should be able to strew some tools around the garage and rub some motor oil on a tank top before Fabian got back from Bargain Brunch. When he told Fabian he couldn’t make it, he’d said it was because he had to replace their car’s spark plug and it was an all-day job.
It was hard, lying to him, but as Ryan closed one hand around the smooth, velvety box in his pocket, he knew it would be worth it. Almost everything was in place now. He’d only need to keep this up for another week. Seven days. He chuckled to himself as he strode quickly down Wellesley Street, for once unconcerned about what passers-by might think of him.
He was going to propose. He was really going to do it.
The jeweler he’d found was an hour away, so it had been pretty difficult to hide the visits he’d been making there over the last month. Especially since he'd been taking the subway in case Fabian noticed the car being gone. After several sessions of examining all the rings they had on offer, he’d decided to design it himself. Ryan knew Fabian wasn’t too particular about his jewelry, but he deserved something unique. Something perfect for him.
It had been a time-consuming endeavor. So had planning the proposal itself, which he decided to do at one of their favorite local bars, The Lighthouse. It was where Ryan had seen Fabian play for the first time since they were both seventeen. He had quietly reached out to all of Fabian’s friends to mark the date in their calendars. The proposal itself was still going to be private - Ryan shuddered at the thought of having such an intimate conversation in front of anyone else - but he’d asked everyone to come early and wait downstairs. He knew Fabian would want to celebrate with all of his friends. Ryan beamed to himself as he remembered they were really his friends now, too. Vanessa, Tarek and Marcus had enveloped him in a crushing group-hug when he told them his plan last month.
Ryan was fairly sure Fabian was none the wiser. It had been a while since they’d discussed the idea of getting engaged, but Ryan had made out as if he wanted to wait until summer so they could host an engagement party in their back garden. They’d done a lot of work on it; Ryan had discovered, after spending his whole adult life in apartments, that he actually had quite a green thumb.
He carefully considered the flowering seasons of everything he planted, so the garden was beautifully in bloom year-round. They had a wisteria-covered deck with cozy couches, a firepit and twinkly lights. Ryan’s favorite thing on earth was spending evenings out there tangled up with Fabian, sipping tea and listening to the cicadas.
He’d had to miss a few hangouts because those were the only times Fabian was guaranteed to be out of the house, but he felt like he'd come up with reasonable excuses. Vanessa had readily volunteered to be his watchdog, texting him updates when Fabian left and stalling for him if Ryan needed more time.
It hadn’t been easy, but he was in the home stretch now. The only thing that might give him away was how affectionate he was being. He knew it was a little much, but he couldn’t help it. Ever since he started planning the proposal, he’d felt more in love with Fabian than he ever had before, which he didn’t think was possible.
He didn’t know why it mattered to him that the proposal was special. He and Fabian had discussed marriage before and there was a mutual understanding that things were heading that way. Fabian didn’t really care how it happened, he’d said as much.
In fact, Ryan had considered popping the question spontaneously a thousand times. Once, on a long train ride home from a faraway show, Fabian had been dozing off with his head on Ryan’s shoulder. He had lifted one of Ryan’s hands and sleepily pressed a kiss into his palm. Ryan had nearly blurted out “marry me” right then and there. Every moment he spent with Fabian was heavenly, and he often found himself dangerously close to letting the words slip out.
But every time he thought he might just go for it, he felt something tug at the back of his mind.
Ryan felt a little bit of guilt over the lack of romance in the way he and Fabian’s relationship had come about. He had been clunky and unyielding and awkward at all the wrong times. He’d missed every opportunity to create those special moments, to be the charming partner that Fabian deserved. Now, they were settled into their life together, and Ryan was determined that he would get this milestone right.
He was going to sweep Fabian off his feet.
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“Babe?” Fabian called out as he tossed his satchel onto the kitchen counter and shoved the punnet of raspberries his ungrateful friends had left untouched at brunch back in the fridge.
An odd thump rang out from somewhere in the garage.
“Uh- shit- yeah! I’m here!”
Ryan stumbled out of the hallway and into the kitchen, tugging down the hem of a dirty tank top. His strong arms and chest were exposed, the thin fabric straining across his gorgeous torso. He was sweating a little. Fabian’s concerns about Ryan’s behavior, as well as any thoughts other than “damn, he looks good,” momentarily drifted away.
Ryan must have noticed how Fabian was staring, because he grinned and made his way around the kitchen counter, resting his hands on Fabian’s hips.
“Hi,” Ryan murmured, as Fabian wrapped his arms around his neck.
“I like this sexy mechanic look. We should have problems with our.. whatever you’re fixing more often,” Fabian hummed, glancing down appreciatively.
In one quick move, Ryan lifted him onto the counter, moving his hands to the small of Fabian’s back as he pulled him into a sweet, searing kiss, both of them smiling into it.
Fabian loved this. He leaned deeper into the kiss and tried not to think about how much more he would love it if he could call the man he was kissing his fiancé.
When they finally broke apart, Ryan carded his fingers through the ends of Fabian’s hair, his palms resting gently on either side of Fabian’s neck.
“I love you,” he said in a tone so plainly adoring, Fabian almost forgot everything he’d been stressing about all day.
“I love you too,” Fabian replied, smoothing his palms up and down the sides of Ryan’s torso.
Fabian didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he had to do something to alleviate his worries.
“Are we okay? I feel like things have been… off with us lately.”
Ryan’s fingers immediately stilled, his eyebrows drawing together in concern.
“Oh. No, everything’s fine. I mean, everything with me. I’ve just been busy, I guess. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
Fabian wrapped his hands around Ryan’s wrists, guiding his hands down into his lap and interlacing their fingers.
“I’m fine. I just… you know you can talk to me, right? About anything?”
“Yeah, I know,” Ryan said softly, bringing their joined hands to his lips and pressing a soothing kiss to Fabian’s knuckles. “We’re good. I promise.”
Fabian gave him his best seductive smile. “Why don’t we go take a shower and wash some of that grease off you then?”
Ryan laughed, enveloping Fabian in another hungry kiss, and Fabian decided to put his silly thoughts aside. There was really nothing to worry about. They were in love, they were happy and Ryan would propose when he was ready.
Fabian just couldn’t help but wonder when that would be.