Work Text:
“So,” Mariner said—or more accurately slurred, considering she was well into her fifth drink of the night, “what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t?”
The success of an important mission had warranted a party, complete with alcohol. It appeared to T’Lyn that nearly everything good that happened on the Cerritos apparently warranted a party with alcohol, but she never complained. Although she herself didn’t drink, her friends seemed to enjoy it, and she took particular pleasure in watching Mariner’s cheeks flush more and more as the lieutenant grew steadily drunker.
“Become a captain!” Boimler declared, slurring nearly as much as Mariner. He took another gulp of his drink, spilling half of it down the front of his uniform.
“Oh, come on, Boims! Don’t you have anything better?”
“What? I want to be a captain!”
Mariner shook her head and turned to Tendi. The Orion appeared to mumble out some sort of reply, though T’Lyn didn’t manage to understand what it was. Mariner, on the other hand, seemed to understand, for she nodded sagely—either that or she was so drunk that she simply thought she understood. Besides Tendi, Rutheford was already passed out. Thus, Mariner turned to T’Lyn.
“What about you T’Lyn?” Mariner pressed.
T’Lyn considered the question carefully, as if it was the most important response in the world, rather than something Mariner would likely ever forget she asked come morning. “I would like to be kissed.”
What was it like to be kissed? One likely would have expected that, at over sixty years old, T’Lyn would know the answer. However, she did not; it was still a mystery. Would it be as lovely as human poets wrote, or would it be wet? It was a scientific curiosity that T’Lyn had considered only in the abstract sense.
“You’ve never been kissed?”
Mariner sounded horrified, which T’Lyn might have taken as acephobic on a normal day. However, she was pretty sure Mariner’s overreaction had far more to do with her being drunk than anything else.
“And you, like, want to be kissed?” Mariner asked, proving T’Lyn’s point.
“I suppose I am partial to the idea of being kissed,” T’Lyn replied, “but I am not sure if that translates to the physical act. I do not think I know, but I would like to settle the matter by finding out.”
As a Vulcan, T’Lyn was diligent about suppressing her baser emotions. However, because she didn’t allow herself to feel those emotions, it made her unsure about her own feelings. The idea of kissing did seem logical, but T’Lyn didn’t know if it was because she actually felt the desire to kiss someone, or because kissing was simply the social norm. Was it her true desire, or was it compulsory heteronormativity?
“Well, then, we’re going to fix that!” Mariner declared. “Tomorrow, we’re going to find somebody for you to kiss!”
***
Having admitted to never having been kissed partially because T’Lyn thought Mariner too drunk to remember the conversation in the morning, T’Lyn was thus surprised when Mariner approached her after her shift the next day.
“Let’s go find you a kisser!” Mariner declared.
“I am not sure this is necessary.”
“Oh, come on! You agreed last night.”
T’Lyn had agreed to Mariner’s preposterous plan last night, but only because she thought Mariner would forget about it. She could find no logical reason to refuse then, and T’Lyn could find no logical reason to refuse the next morning either. She supposed she would simply have to let Mariner go through with it, and turn down any suitors the lieutenant came up with. After all, it would not be good to admit that T’Lyn possessed any kind of nervousness about the prospect. That was a very un-Vulcan-like emotion.
“Great!” Mariner said, even though T’Lyn hadn’t agreed—merely kept quiet.
Mariner linked her arm through T’Lyn’s and started pulling the Vulcan forward, as if she knew T’Lyn didn’t want to come willingly. T’Lyn knew that humans—and the Cerritos crew in particular—were much more physically affectionate than Vulcans, but nevertheless she had to fight off a blush at the intimate touch. She could feel Mariner’s body heat even through the layers of their uniforms.
“Now, if it’s a random kiss you’re looking to try out, you could always go to Captain Ransom,” Mariner said, rolling her eyes. “I’m pretty sure he will kiss any woman for any reason.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
Mariner laughed. “Okay, fine. So you’re looking for someone specific?”
T’Lyn was not looking for somebody specific. She was not sure that it would matter whom she shared her first kiss with. It would either be awful, or it would not and she would have her answer. It should be that simple. However, T’Lyn was aware that things were never that simple around somebody as chaotic as Beckett Mariner. While it was rather endearing most of the time, T’Lyn did not think that was the right person to help her pursue her first kiss. It was probably best done not around Beckett Mariner. Thus, T’Lyn figured the best way to get out of the situation was to make it as hard as possible.
“Yes,” T’Lyn said firmly, “it has to be someone that I would be amenable to kissing.”
“Very well. What’s your type?”
“I don’t know.”
T’Lyn did have an idea of what she would like in a romantic partner, but she didn’t want to make it easy for Mariner. The less the human knew, the harder it would be for her to find T’Lyn someone suitable to kiss. Then, eventually, Mariner would give up.
“Hey, girls,” said Ensign Manhaver as he rounded the corner, passing them as he made his way to his shift.
“What about him?” Mariner hissed quietly. “What do you think?”
T’Lyn paused for a few seconds, as if considering, before firmly saying, “No.”
Mariner groaned. “Oh, come on! You have to give me more than that!”
She turned to give T’Lyn a determined look, as if her gaze alone could force T’Lyn to open up more. T’Lyn refused to budge; she wasn’t going to make this easy for Mariner.
She had not considered that she hadn’t seen Mariner’s face from so up close before. It was fascinating. Her eyes were a very complimentary brown to her skin tone, and her curls looked light and bouncy. Such close proximity helped T’Lyn see just how aesthetically pleasing Mariner was. The human lieutenant probably had no trouble finding someone to kiss.
“I’m sorry; do you even like men?” Mariner asked suddenly. “I’ve been known to assume everyone is just as pansexual as me.”
T’Lyn thought about keeping quiet, but she doubted that would deter Mariner. The human had been very persistent about taking T’Lyn’s silences as confirmations. T’Lyn then thought about lying, but she thought that wasn’t fair to Mariner. They were friends, and T’Lyn didn’t want to lie to her friend. Plus, it would be much harder to continue the act that Vulcans don’t lie when Mariner tried to set T’Lyn up with men and found T’Lyn routinely uninterested.
“No,” T’Lyn finally said. “I am as of yet uncertain if I like women, but I know I do not like men.”
“Well, that’s a great start!” Mariner replied, giving T’Lyn’s arm an enthusiastic squeeze. “Oh! I have the perfect woman to begin with.”
***
Having expected Mariner to take her to one of the Cerritos’s communal areas—or another place where they were likely to meet someone—T’Lyn was thus surprised when their destination turned out to be Mariner’s quarters. Mariner strode in confidently as if the room belonged to her—which it did, insofar as it could in a non-capitalist society—while T’Lyn paused on the threshold.
Unsurprisingly, Mariner’s quarters were rather messy. She had several uniforms strewn about the place, as well as other odds and ends, including her Dilmer II soap flute which T’Lyn felt a sudden urge to smash. Although the room contained a hopefully neutered tribble, it did not contain another humanoid for T’Lyn to consider kissing.
“Come in!”
Mariner sat down on her bed, patting the space next to her. Reluctantly, T’Lyn stepped inside the room and joined Mariner on the bed. Despite having once shared a hallway, this felt far more intimate as a space that was wholly Mariner’s. There was enough space on Mariner’s bed that T’Lyn could sit down without touching the human, but nevertheless T’Lyn felt as if she were aware of every millimeter of space that was separating their bodies.
She was so focused on her closeness to Mariner that she did not notice that Mariner was using her padd to place a call until an unfamiliar face appeared on the screen.
“Beckett Mariner,” said the Vulcan on Mariner’s padd.
“Durga!” Mariner said in a voice that T’Lyn recognized was reserved for people Mariner did not get along with very well. That did not endear this potential suitor to T’Lyn in any fashion.
“What do you want?”
“This is my friend, T’Lyn.”
Mariner angled the padd to show T’Lyn sitting next to her. The two Vulcans glared impassively at one another. Someone else would have understood that to mean the two were not likely to get along, but Mariner determinedly pressed forward.
“T’Lyn is looking for the perfect woman to share her first kiss with, and I thought that since you’re both Vulcans and both science officers, you might be good for each other.”
Despite not wanting to go through with Mariner’s plan, T’Lyn felt she nevertheless ought to thoroughly consider Mariner’s choices. Durga was rather pale—almost grey-skinned. It was the opposite of Mariner’s warm dark skin, and it made Durga look washed out. It was a very unattractive look.
Suddenly, T’Lyn realized that in order to observe Durga, she had leaned over into Mariner’s personal space to crowd towards the padd. They still weren’t touching—and yet T’Lyn could not help but wonder what would happen if they did. It was an illogical train of thought, so T’Lyn shoved that aside, and abruptly pulled away from Mariner.
“I am not interested,” Durga said bluntly, and ended the communication.
“Well, I never liked her anyway!” Mariner declared in a huff. “Rude.”
“Why did you attempt to choose her to be my first kiss, then?”
T’Lyn did not think she would find anyone attractive who Mariner didn’t like. That would feel like a betrayal of their friendship.
“You’ve both got that emotionally-distant Vulcan vibe going on, so I thought it might work well together. Guess not. Don't worry; I still have plenty of ideas.”
Mariner grabbed T’Lyn’s hand to yank her to her feet. It was quite the intimate gesture for Vulcans, causing a dark blush to stain T’Lyn’s cheeks. However, Mariner didn’t seem to notice; she was too focused on her next task. T’Lyn should have pulled her hand away considering how improper it was. Illogically, though, T’Lyn did not.
***
The next place that Mariner took T’Lyn was decidedly less intimate, and had far more potential options. The gym was suitably full when the pair arrived, though T’Lyn was unsure if it was standard considering she had never been there before. Mariner dragged T’Lyn to the edge of the room then pulled her hand away.
“The gym is an excellent place to find kissable ladies,” Mariner declared, gesturing around at the room. “They all look so hot when they’re working out. What do you think?”
“I fail to see how watching sweaty women exercise is supposed to tell me anything about their kissability.”
Mariner pouted. “Don’t you think any of them look super attractive? I mean, come on, not even Ensign Haubold? Look at that flexibility!”
Mariner gestured towards where the blue-haired security officer was doing yoga in a skintight leotard. T’Lyn had to admit that Haubold’s flexibility was impressive, but she did not think it would make the ensign a good kisser. Unless kissing involved a lot of flexibility. T’Lyn didn’t think it would, but she supposed Mariner was more knowledgeable about that sort of thing. Perhaps there was more complexity to kissing than T’Lyn had thought.
However, T’Lyn didn’t want to kiss Haubold, so she made up an excuse. “It smells in here.” It was a fact. The gym did smell horrendous. T’Lyn had served on the Cerritos long enough to be inundated against typical human smell without the need for scent blockers, but the gym was saturated with unwashed bodies in a way that T’Lyn found repellant.
“Oh, sh*t, T’Lyn!” Mariner exclaimed. “I totally forgot about the Vulcan sense of smell! I’m so sorry! Let’s go.”
Hurriedly, Mariner strode towards the exit. This time, she did not take T’Lyn’s hand, as if aware that T’Lyn’s urge to leave the gym outweighed her growing exhaustion for Mariner’s antics. It would be illogical to be disappointed in such a development.
***
The next place that Mariner took T’Lyn was no more inspiring than the gym. However, it was more quarters, even if they weren’t Mariner’s—and T’Lyn did not get the feeling that Mariner had exactly been invited.
“Castro!” Mariner exclaimed as she butted in. “What’s up?”
“Mariner. What are you doing here? You haven’t been to one of my salons since you broke up with Jenn.”
“T’Lyn, this is Castro, Anya, Wendy, Meredith-”
“Mariner!” Castro crossed her arms over her chest, huffing. “You can’t just break in here uninvited.”
“I’m trying to help T’Lyn get herself a girlfriend to kiss, and I thought this would be the perfect place for us to come hang out.”
T’Lyn wondered if she was supposed to find the women in the room attractive just like she was at the gym. Similarly to the prior location, the women in Castro’s quarters were all dressed casually with a lot of exposed skin. They were all aesthetically pleasing to look at, but T’Lyn was not sure that meant she wanted to kiss any of them.
“Get out!” Castro practically screamed.
With a dramatic eyeroll, Mariner grabbed T’Lyn and pulled her out of the quarters. “So rude.”
“You did barge unexpectedly into her quarters without asking. Most species would consider that rude.”
“Well, I thought it would be a cool place for you to hang out to find someone you want to kiss.”
T’Lyn raised an eyebrow. “I heard the last time you attended one of Castro’s salons, you phasered everyone attending.”
“We needed to conserve oxygen!”
“Logical. I merely found it fascinating that you would think that I would find such a gathering valuable even though you thought they were better unconscious.”
T’Lyn thought Mariner might have blushed at that, although it was hard to tell thanks to the dark color of her skin. “I thought you might like something different. The last time I was there, they were all into candles and meditation, which seemed very Vulcan-y. I know you only hang out with us because you were assigned to Tendi—and Tendi will not let you get away without being her friend.”
“That is not true. I find your company agreeable with or without Tendi’s influence.”
The grin that broke onto Mariner’s face was comparable to the sun peeking out from behind the clouds after a gloomy day. It was warm and bright and T’Lyn thought she might like to see it everyday if she could. She wondered what she could do to make Mariner smile like that more often—without any of her lingering PTSD.
“Then perhaps we should go back to our typical haunt to find you a kissing partner—the bar.”
***
As Mariner and T’Lyn slid into their usual booth, T’Lyn hoped that this would be Mariner’s last attempt to find somebody to share T’Lyn’s first kiss with. The Vulcan would much rather spend the rest of her off-duty hours with Mariner alone. It would be logical to return to their normal routine.
“Anyone in here catch your eye?” Mariner asked, leaning close to whisper at T’Lyn.
“No,” T’Lyn said. The only one who was catching her attention was Mariner. T’Lyn was entirely focused on Mariner’s closeness, entirely ignoring everyone else in the bar.
Mariner hummed. “Are you sure?”
“Perhaps this was not a good idea after all. After all our failures today, it seems illogical that I will find the right partner to share my first kiss with.”
“I’m not ready to give up yet.”
T’Lyn should have expected Mariner to give such an answer, but it was still unsatisfactory. Mariner was far too determined to drop things easily. Normally, T’Lyn thought it was an admirable quality—especially when Mariner was daring to go outside the rules in order to do the right thing—but right then it was rather irksome.
“Hey, Barnes!” Mariner called out. “Come join us!”
The Trill seemed surprised to be called out by Mariner, but she nevertheless came to join them anyway. T’Lyn wished she could come up with a logical excuse to send Barnes away. She would much rather spend the time with Mariner.
“Hey,” Barnes said, sliding into the booth next to Mariner.
“T’Lyn here is looking for someone to share her first kiss with,” Mariner announced. “How do you feel about being that person?”
Barnes looked T’Lyn up and down. Then, she smiled. “I would like that. You’re such a cool person, T’Lyn.”
Just like with the rest of Mariner’s suggestions, T’Lyn gave Barnes a logical appraisal. However, whereas the other applicants had something against them, T’Lyn could find no faults with the operations officer. Barnes was smart and pretty and they worked together well. She made an excellent candidate for a first kiss.
“I… don’t know,” T’Lyn said, which felt like a lie. “I am not sure I want this.”
She wondered if this meant she was a full aromantic asexual after all. Barnes was extremely kissable, and yet T’Lyn didn’t particularly feel any desire to try it out. She still possessed lingering curiosity about what it would be like, but she did not lean forward to try it out—and suspected she never would.
“Oh, come on!” Mariner exclaimed. “She’s the hottest woman on the ship! Surely you want to kiss her. At this point, the only other option has to be Delta Shift—and those guys are awful!”
“I suppose I don’t want to kiss anyone at all.”
“But you have to want to!”
Hearing Mariner say something so acephobic was rather discomfiting. T’Lyn had assumed Mariner’s words last night were nothing but drunken fumblings, and it felt wrong to hear Mariner repeat that while sober. T’Lyn wasn’t entirely sure how asexual she was, but she figured she had to be somewhere on the spectrum considering how unsure she was. If it ended up that T’Lyn wanted to kiss someone, that was valid, but she knew it was perfectly valid if she wasn’t interested after all. It was wrong of Mariner to claim otherwise.
“I have to go,” T’Lyn said abruptly. “There are some… projects I need to work on.”
“T’Lyn, wait! I didn’t mean-” Mariner exclaimed, but T’Lyn was already striding away.
***
An hour later, T’Lyn was meditating in her quarters when she heard the door chime. Slowly, she rose to her feet and let the door open, knowing Mariner was liable to break in anyway.
“T’Lyn, I’m so sorry,” Mariner gushed as the door closed behind her. “I didn’t mean to say there was something wrong with you not wanting to kiss anybody. I just…” She blew out a breath, and yanked on her curls. “I suppose I needed you to want to kiss someone because then you would want to kiss me.” She suddenly looked T’Lyn straight in the eyes. “Because I want to kiss you, T’Lyn. A lot.”
Curiously, T’Lyn titled her head. “Then why did you not offer to be my first kiss originally?”
“Because it would ruin our friendship! I didn’t want to destroy what we have on the off chance that you actually don’t like kissing! But I suppose I’ve already ruined it anyway, so here I am, confessing anyway.”
“Very well. How shall we begin?”
Mariner blinked confusedly at T’Lyn. “Begin? Begin what?”
“Kissing.”
Mariner’s eyes went wide. “But I thought you didn’t want to kiss anybody after all! You don’t have to kiss me just to spare my feelings.”
“I was not a fan of you attempting to set me up with someone else, and I did not have a desire to kiss Barnes. However, I would be partial to kissing you.”
Those words caused Mariner’s face to light up in another one of her beatific grins, causing T’Lyn’s stomach to flutter. T’Lyn wondered how she could have been so illogical as to not realize what all the tickles she felt around Mariner meant. In hindsight, she should have realized long ago that she was curious about kissing Beckett Mariner most of all. However, it was only after Mariner’s confession did it finally click into place.
“Well, we should probably start with something gentle,” Mariner said, stepping forward with an eager bounce to her step. “Probably short, so as not to overwhelm you.”
T’Lyn nodded. “Agreed. As you are the one with experience, you should likely initiate the kiss to get proper positioning.”
“Obviously.” Mariner lifted a hand, hovering it near T’Lyn’s cheek. “Can I? So that you have proper facial positioning too?”
“Very well.”
Mariner settled her fingers lightly on T’Lyn’s cheek, causing yet another fluttering in T’Lyn’s stomach. Carefully, she used those fingers to guide T’Lyn’s face into the kiss. Their lips brushed for barely an instant, but T’Lyn nevertheless felt the feeling sparkle throughout her body. It was a bit wet, after all, but not in a way that was terrible.
“What did you think?” Mariner asked, their faces still so close that T’Lyn could feel the human’s breath on her lips.
“I need more data to postulate a conclusion.”
There was a smile on Mariner’s lips as she gave T’Lyn another kiss. This one was 0.3 seconds longer than the first.
“Is it going to take a long time?”
“Indeed. I think you will need to kiss me many more times before I can determine a conclusion.”
“Then I suppose I’ll just have to keep kissing you.”