Chapter Text
On the phone, late February:
“Ben, did you mess with my Spotify playlists?”
“Who, me? What's a playlist? Some fancy word for eight-track?” He knew Jud wouldn't buy for a second, but a man had to make an effort.
“Cute. I guess that's what I get for giving a detective my passcode. Last time I ask you to check who texted.”
“Sorry, love. In all seriousness, I should have kept my hands to myself. I just…happened to see that it had my name on it. And…”
“And?”
“I may have taken a picture and listened to all the tracks when I got home.”
“All of them?”
“Yup.”
“You must have hated every single one.”
Hate was a strong word…but, “Not…my taste, that's for sure.”
“Well, I guess you've punished yourself. Karma’s a bitch.”
“Can I ask…?”
“Can I stop you?”
“Country?" He'd been genuinely confused.
“What, that's weird?”
Well if he had to state the obvious, “You're from Albany. New York.”
He could almost hear Jud shrug. “Coach never had anything else on at the gym. And, before you ask, he was born and bred in Albany, too. I guess it had kind of infiltrated old white guys everywhere by the time I was in high school.”
“Please do not say the year…”
“It was two thousand and…” Jud started in a sing-song voice. Benoit cut him off before the final blow.
“I thought I was already punished? And you liked it?”
“Yea. I mean, I like rap and hip-hop and classic rock and all the other stuff, but when I hear a song and think of you…mostly it's those.”
"Huh." Benoit wasn't sure how to take that.
Jud thought for a second. When he spoke, Ben would hear the smile in his voice. "Honestly? It's not the accent. It's ‘cause they’re unapologetically sappy. And I am so, so embarrassingly in love with you.” Jud snorted at his own folly.
Benoit smiled, “I wish I had a retort, but…”
“Oh my God, you have one too.”
“What?”
“A sappy playlist.”
“I do not.”
Pause.
“I have a sappy CD.”
Jud cackled, “I have to hear it!”
“Now now…let's not be hasty…”
“Turn about is fair play, Mister.”
“Well…see, that's the beauty of this classic format. You'll have to find it first.”
“Oh, game on, Detective…”
—-
“How did you…do that?” Benoit Blanc's voice on the phone was genuinely flummoxed.
Jud grinned.
“Do what?” He tried his best to sound sweet and innocent. Wouldn't fool Ben for a moment.
“Apparently, sneak into my car, find where I hid my CD, steal the thing, and then somehow add a track and put it back while I was none the wiser?”
“I think Geraldine was right, I need a lawyer.”
“You…” Ben was clearly laughing now.
“Misspent youth, remember? Oh, and don't forget listen to it. I did that too. Just for the record, you need to lock the CD if you don't want folks to add to it. Had to have Nick find me something that was still capable of CD burning, and I probably don't want to know how he did…but it was worth it.”
Jud paused, then his teasing fell away. “Did you like it?”
“Jud…”
Jud wasn't sure how to read his tone, pushed forward. “Had to do a deep dive to find something that felt right. You'd be proud. I know a ton of musicals now…at least the names.”
“It…I loved it, sweetheart” The tone was clear now, touched and loving in equal measure.
Jud breathed out, smiling, “It's true, you know. I heard that one and thought, that's exactly how I felt that first morning after we made love. Or maybe in the car, when you told me you wanted forever. I'd never been so sure of anything in my life.”
“Well, you can break into my car anytime.”
“Oh, I know I can.” Ben laughed.
“You might have to show me how you do that…could come in handy.”
Jud laughed, what a perfectly them plan for a night out. "Absolutely. Well start with your car and work our way up to the back door of El Diablo.”
“You haven't…”
“Nick was locked out! I was helping a buddy. Oh, and that one time he was out of town and Alma's wine order didn't come through. We were a little desperate. I paid him back, though.”
Benoit was laughing. “You are a menace.”
“And you love it.”
“I do. Teach me when I come this weekend, it'll save me the next time I leave my keys in my other jacket."
Jud laughed, “It's a date..."
—---
“Hey…so funny thing”
“Yea?”
“There seems to be an extra song on my playlist. Since yesterday.”
“Huh. Fancy that.”
“You're…how'd you do that? You’re in Brazil!”
“I have my ways. Did you like it?” He was genuinely a little concerned. This was far from being his area...
“I…yes.”
“I was thinking about what you'd said, remembered that from way back. Was it sappy enough?”
“Perfectly. And I can't believe you found one that was still…you.”
“Jud, you know that I absolutely love this life I've made, but I’d be lying if I said that there isn't still a smidge of the boy who ran barefoot to feed the chickens in there under the silk shirts and vests. You…make me feel safe enough to take him out of hiding, sometimes. Also, that song is older than you are, I hate to say. Remember it being on the radio when I was first living in New Orleans. Kinda took me back there when I heard it. Still don't love the music, though.”
He could hear Jud's gentle smile, “I'm glad you don't hide him from me. I know how much it means.” Benoit swallowed, thinking of the frightened boy from Albany. Jud continued, "And it means more because it's not your thing. That you try to meet me halfway."
“I'll always try to. Might need help, pretty old and set in my ways sometimes.”
“And I am too used to denying what I want. We’ll help each other.”
“Always.” He had no doubt at all about that.
“I love you. Thank you for the song. I'll be listening to it as I fall asleep.” It was getting late.
And what a lovely thought. “Please do that, sugar. I wish I could be tucked in next to you.”
“Me too.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”
“Hey…can I send you another one?”
“Anytime.”
A link popped into his messages.
“Goodnight, Ben. I love you, too.”
They hung up. Benoit sat back, smiling. Then he clicked the link to the song Jud had sent over.
He knew it from the opening chords.
“I was alone so long, i didn’t even know that I was lonely…”
He felt tears come to his eyes, overwhelmed with love and tenderness. He listened for a moment more, then reached down and paused the track. He'd save it to listen to over and over while he fell asleep.
If he couldn't have Jud’s heartbeat, this was the next best thing.