Work Text:
Lui Yi knew he should be happy for Chusan. Isn't this what he wanted for chusan anyways? That he starts liking girls and he is now even dating one. And obviously the next step might be marriage and eventually a child.... which Chusan’s father was expecting. Then why did their conversation made him uncomfortable? Why every word felt like a stab to his heart? Why he felt like running away and well that's what he did, isn't it? Came upstairs and now holding the cigarette wishing that conversation never happened.
Lui Yi took a deep breathe trying to calm his mind even if the trails of thoughts never subsided when he felt someone taking his cigarette away. As he turned he found chusan behind him, his faced full of concern, "Are you upset?" He asked.
Lui Yi looked away, was he that obvious? How did chusan notice it?
He immediately hid his worries and answered as if nothing bothered him, "No, I am not. I have to go."
And before chusan could react Lui Yi found himself walking away from him.
However, before he could descend the stairs, Chusan reached out and placed a hand against the wall, blocking his path. Lui Yi instinctively looked up at him—the distance between them suddenly far too close.
“Where are you going?”
There was that same expression on Chusan’s face — concern, worry, as if he could see right through Lui Yi, as if he understood exactly how the conversation had affected him and wanted to comfort him if he was hurt.
Lui Yi maintained a calm, unaffected expression as he spoke, " I have work He Chu San. Its urgent so..."
But before he could finish Chusan interrupted, "You said there was no work today and that you even gave your gang members holiday."
Lui Yi was caught off gaurd, he opened his mouth again but no words came out.
"Stop lying to me." Chusan continued, his voice soft, " If you are concerned with what my father said then please don't. I told you before love is a liftime commitment to me and I don't see my future with Mei. I am not marrying her."
"You should." Lui Yi said even before his mind could completely process chusan's words. His gaze drifted for a moment before returning to Chusan "eventually you have to. Your father isn't wrong."
"I mean look at you, you are smart, intelligent, even good looking" He said with a smirk "You have good job, the next step should be finding a pretty, nice woman and marrying her."
"Hey, He chusan" his voice a but louder now, pointing a finger at chusan, "if Mei isn't the one then tell me your ideal type, i will help you find her." He tried to smile, even if those word somewhat pierced his heart he tried not to show it to chusan.
He shouldn't.
It was wrong.
Chusan looked at him in disbelief. The concern now turned into something else — Sadness? Disappointment? Lui Yi didn't know what to name it. Or maybe he did, but didn't have the courage to face it.
But He Chu san had it enough. He was tired of playing games. Tired of acting as if he did'nt understand anything. Tired of pretending that even as a joke imagining anyone in his life apart of Lui Yi did'nt break him apart.
"My ideal type you said?" He took a step closer still bracing a hand against the wall, "okay then listen" his eyes never leaving the older one gaze, "I want someone who might not be perfect but they are caring towards me. They might not speak all the right words but their action gives away how concerned they are for me. They might be dangerous or feared by the world but with me they can be themselves, almost like a kid." He smiled at the word. "Someone who is ready to burn the world for me." His voice dangerously low, "Someone whom i can call my home."
Lui Yi could feel heat rising up to his cheeks. He chusan the way he described the person he wants... no it can't be... it shouldn't be... him.
He looked past the younger one too hesitant to look at him.
Chusan as if reading his face added, "And also, even if you already know let me remind you, it would be better if it's a man."
And that made Lui Yi look at him again, eyes widened, too stunned to utter a word.
"Even better if his name is Xia Lui Yi." And a crooked smile appeared on the younger boy's face as if he knew what he was doing. As if he knew which buttons to press to get a reaction from Lui Yi.
"Ya, He Chusan" Lui Yi almost screamed trying to push chusan backwards but chusan immediately held his hand and pressed it against the wall.
"Why? I thought you were interested in finding my ideal type?" there was a playfullness to his voice yet laced with something sharper beneath.
"Do you even realise what you are saying? I thought I helped you? You are..." Lui Yi stopped midway.
This was wrong. Chusan deserved better. He was ruining his own life. That was all the older one could think.
He took a deep breath. This time, when he spoke, his voice was calmer, more like he was trying to make the other one understand "Chusan... you deserve a decent life, a normal life. The things you are expecting is not what our society will ever allow. A relationship with a gangster? A Man? Do you even realise what you are asking for?"
Chu san tried to interrupt but this time Lui Yi signalled him to listen him, " even for a moment I forget you want a relationship with a man but me? Nothing is hidden from you. My past is messed up, i am not even sure i have a future and my present," he half laughed as if he was cracking a joke, "its in complete dark. I have nothing to offer you He chu san. I am only going to drag you into my dark when you are suppose to shine." He spoke quietly, his voice carrying a quiet sadness.
Chusan let go of Lui Yi's hand and slowly reached out to hold his face as if testing if lui yi would allow it. Giving him enough time to jerk his hand away if he wanted to but to his surprise Lui Yi did'nt.
"Lui Yi, it is because I know your past and I am in your present i want to be part of your future too. Despite of all the circumstances that led you to the choose this life i have seen what kind of person you are and that's why I choose you. Behind all the darkness surrounding you is just a boy who deserves to be loved and I.... I want to give all my love and my care to him." Chusan’s voice was soft, yet unwavering.
And then he took a step back, creating a distance between them. Lui yi immediately felt the lack of chusan's warmth but he didn't say anything.
"I will never force my feelings on you Lui Yi so if you have never even for a moment considered me more than a lackey or a friend I promise I will never bring up this conversation... my feelings to you." Chusan spoke with an unwavering courage, "however, if you only want me to stay away from you because you are worried about the society or the judgments I will have to face then the reason isn't enough. Nothing can make my feelings change for you."
For a moment there was a complete silence.
"You might regret this decision later." Lui Yi said finally, his voice low, roughened by years of restraint.
Chusan shook his head softly, "I think i will regret if I don't try enough to make you mine."
And that earned him a small yet genuine laugh from Lui Yi.
Chusan took a step closer, closing the distance between them, "and so here i am asking you Xia Lui Yi"
Lui Yi could hear his own heartbeat quicken, each thud louder than the last, as he waited for what chusan would say next.
"Will you be my boyfriend? Will you give us a chance?"
The first thought that rose to Lui Yi was he shouldn't say yes. The danger he is surrounded by, the uncertainty in his life Chu San shouldn't be dragged into this mess. And chusan who had his own share of pain and suffering deserved something lighter, someone safer. However as Lui Yi looked at the boy the sincerity he carried the certainty in his words... it unsettled him more than his own darkness.
And it made him want to be a little selfish.
Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was a bit reckless.
But for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to want, truely want, something without calculating the damage it might cause.
"Then i will make sure you won't regret this decision" was all Lui Yi could say before he caught chusan's collar and with a quiet pull drew him into a sudden, intense kiss.
It took a moment for chusan to realise what was happening but the very next moment he melted into the kiss — deepening it.
But just as quickly, Lui Yi gently pulled back.
"Wait."
Still slightly dazed, Chusan instinctively leaned forward, as if trying to follow him back in.
"He Chusan" Lui Yi said firmly.
"What?" Chusan breathed, with a pout.
It might have been the cutest thing Lui Yi ever saw but he forced himself to stay steady.
"You are still in relationship with Mei you need to break up with her first. And your father we need to take his approval too. I—I don't think this is right, right now."
Chusan’s expression wavered. For the first time, there was a flicker of nervousness on his face that Lui Yi could clearly see. His eyes kept drifting away, avoiding Lui Yi’s gaze.
“Why? What happened?” Lui Yi asked, his chest feeling strangely heavy. “You don’t want to break up with Mei?”
Did he misread everything? Had he been too quick to assume Chusan wanted to make their relationship public?
“No,” Chusan said immediately, almost panicked, as if afraid Lui Yi would misunderstand him.
“That’s not it,” he added, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
Lui Yi just stared at him, waiting for a proper explanation.
“Well… Mei and I… we were never actually dating" Chusan admitted quietly, as though bracing himself for anger. “So there’s no need to break up.”
He hesitated before continuing, his voice softer now. “On the very first night, I told her that I like you… and asked if she could help me by pretending we are dating to make you… jealous.”
He quickly added, “I am sorry. But it worked, didn’t it? And my father… you don’t need to worry about him. He will be fine as long as I am happy.”
Silence settled between them.
Lui Yi said nothing, simply staring at him.
“Chusan,” he finally said quietly, “come here.”
He gestured with his hand.
Chusan took a step back, even more nervous now. “I… I think we should go downstairs. Aunt and Father must be waiting.”
“He Chusan!” Lui Yi shouted, running toward him as Chusan turned and rushed downstairs.
“I won’t let you go,” he said, his voice sharp with emotion. “You lied to me… you planned everything to make ME jealous? Come here!”
And just like that, the house was filled with laughter and warmth, the earlier chaos melting into soft smiles and relieved sighs.
It wasn’t just New Year anymore—it also felt like a new beginning for both of them.