Chapter Text
The auditorium wasn’t as packed as it should’ve been. It was actually really empty. There were only a few people, and the talent show should’ve started by now.
“Come on, it’s 6:30. Why haven’t they started yet?” Jackie leaned over to whisper in Shauna’s ear.
Shauna shrugged and stared blankly at the stage. Jackie almost had to drag her here. She really didn’t mind these events, but she would’ve rather stayed home. Home, where she would’ve been thinking about Jackie. Like she thought about anything else.
Maybe it was best to get out of the house.
But if getting out of the house involved being with Jackie? Yes, home would be the better option.
Natalie was in some punk rock band. She played bass. Shauna admired her, wished she was closer friends with her. She loved how she never gave a fuck about what anyone thought of her; she didn’t let opinions and eyes hold her back. So there was a reason to come besides Jackie.
Laura Lee was also supposedly singing a song. Something about God, probably. Sometimes Shauna found her excessive faith to be a little overbearing, but Laura Lee wasn’t the worst of her teammates. She actually didn’t mind her presence, most of time. As long as she didn’t try to preach to her every other sentence. The whole team was supposed to come support Nat and Laura Lee, but the only other Yellowjackets in the crowd were Taissa and Van. And Misty, of course. But she doesn’t count.
“I think it’s starting,” Jackie said. The lights began to dim.
Shauna just nodded. She was never as big of a talker as Jackie, which she liked sometimes. It let her escape. She could slip into cracks of conversation and hide away, zoning out while Jackie entertained everyone. Nobody hardly ever noticed she was there unless she spoke to them first, which was a blessing and a curse.
Shauna scanned the rest of the auditorium to see what few people decided to attend. Jeff was sitting with his friends on the other side of the auditorium. Shauna didn’t know why they were here, but she knew that they would probably be making fun of everyone who went on. It was common for Jeff and his group of friends to make remarks under their breath (or sometimes out loud, if they wanted more laughs) when anyone other than Jackie or someone in the popular clique spoke. It annoyed her sometimes that Jeff could be so rude, especially when Jackie is like an angel.
The first few acts went on. Shauna was only half paying attention. She often found herself in these places, thinking about much more important things. Really, none of this ever meant anything. So what? Some untalented kids put on a performance and get a round of applause when they beat everyone else? Sounds like bullshit to Shauna. Certainly not something she would want to spend two hours of her life watching.
Occasionally, Jackie would lean over to whisper something in her ear about the performance, or share a look. Every time this happened, Shauna could feel a shock go through her. A sort of electricity coursing through her body, like turning on a light switch.
“This guy’s really passionate,” she whispered to Shauna as some sophomore she’d never seen read off a poem, probably spraying the entire front row with spit. She giggled.
Natalie came out next. Her ripped black shirt was draped artfully over her upper body and her small black shorts clung to her. She had on fishnet tights and combat boots that laced up past her ankles. Her bleached hair was messy but perfect. She had a way of doing that.
Her band played a cover of some metal song Shauna had never heard. They were actually pretty good, even if it might’ve not been her taste. Natalie always seemed so careless and effortlessly cool. Like she didn’t need anyone else. Like she didn’t have raging love holding her back.
The song ended, and Jackie cheered obnoxiously. Shauna just smiled and clapped, a little louder and with more effort than she had for the rest of the acts.
Suddenly, the lights came up again.
“I think it’s intermission,” Jackie said. “Can we go to the bathroom?”
“Sure.”
They stood up and walked to the door, where they bumped into Tai and Van. The two had gotten suspiciously close over the past few months, which Shauna had taken account of. She had meant to talk to Tai about it, but after their big fight in middle school, it’s always been a little more awkward between them. Even after they made up.
“Hey guys,” Jackie said, hugging each of them. Shauna just stood to the side and smiled.
“Hi Jackie, hey Shauna,” said Tai. She wore a henley top and jeans that hugged her thighs and loosened around her shins. Her hair was tied into a messy ponytail, with pieces hanging out in the front.
“Hey,” she said shyly, a gentle smile crossing her face.
Jackie made small talk with them while Shauna zoned out, slipping away yet again.
“Come on, let’s go,” Jackie said, snapping her out of her daze.
The pair headed to the bathroom. Jackie entered one of the stalls while Shauna waited by the sinks. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was slightly wavy, the little eye makeup she put on was hanging underneath her eyes. It made her look tired and almost sickly. Her loose burgundy t-shirt was draped over her pale skin. She touched up her hair so it laid somewhat nicely.
Jackie came out of the stall with a sigh, pulling up her sleeves.
“What’s wrong, Shipman? You look upset.”
“It’s nothing,” she muttered.
Jackie reached over Shauna for the hand soap and rubbed her hands together under the cold water. The way her hair fell over her face made something ease in Shauna, but she didn’t know what it meant. Jackie felt like melting.
They made their way back to the auditorium, past the concession stand with overpriced chips and water. Jackie had decided that they would sit next to Van and Taissa this time. Shauna took a seat in between Jackie and Tai as the lights dimmed again.
Shauna had zoned out so hard she didn’t even realize Laura Lee was up next until she started singing.
She did an a cappella cover of some gospel song, which was pretty awkward. Thankfully, no one ridiculed her after her performance. Not even Jeff and his asshole friends. Jackie must’ve threatened him not to, she thought. Shauna always felt a little bit bad for her. Her faith was strong, and she didn’t let anyone get in the way of it, despite how much she could get teased for it sometimes.
Everyone clapped as the next act came out. Jeff was making his way over to their spot, alone. Usually he brings a friend with him everywhere he goes, but not now. It was almost always Randy, who’s had a crush on Shauna since freshman year and who Jackie has tried to set her up with like a million times. Jeff whispered something in Jackie’s ear.
“He wants me to go back and sit with him. Is that alright?”
“Do you have to leave?” Shauna asked in return.
“You have Tai and Van. You’ll be fine. We can just sit in this row behind you guys, if that makes you feel better.”
“Okay,” Shauna muttered.
Jackie climbed over her seat and into the row behind. She settled back into the chair and into Jeff’s arm.
Throughout the rest of the performances, Jackie would frequently lean forward to tell Shauna something. It seemed like she was more interested in Shauna than her own boyfriend.
At some point, she stopped leaning back into Jeff, and just rested her head on the chair next to Shauna. The scene was so intimate. Shauna was almost grateful that Jackie had moved back to sit with Jeff, because they’re even closer now than they would’ve been if she had stayed.
Shauna turned her head around to tell Jackie about how she thought the singer of this band could use a little work, but their faces bumped together instead.
“Sorry,” Shauna said timidly.
“Come on, Shauna. It’s fine. You’re always so sorry for everything,” Jackie teased.
“I guess,” Shauna smiled. She looked back to Jeff, who seemed to be focused on the performance. For once, she thought.
Shauna’s hand was resting on the head of the chair, which she didn’t even realize until Jackie touched it. She played with her fingers while the performance was happening. All Shauna could think about was Jackie’s relationship with Jeff, but neither of them seemed to be paying attention to what was going on. It was just Shauna who felt like she was going crazy. Like she was hallucinating.
Jackie’s magnetic field was strong. Shauna knew that. And she hated how she was so pulled into it. How roped in she became. How she seemed to leave anything and everything behind for her. She liked to think she was strong, but she could never resist Jackie. She didn’t understand how anyone could. Everyone loved her. Shauna wondered what made her so special.
The lights came back on for the last time. The performances were over.
“Wait, I thought there was gonna be a winner or something,” Shauna said, recalling last year’s talent show. Amanda Duncan had won and made it everyone’s business. She bragged about it for like, a month. It was just a shitty rendition of some Broadway song.
“No, they decided not to do it this year. Not enough teachers signed up to be judges,” Jackie replied.
“That was like the only reason I came,” said Van.
“I know, everyone’s so lame this year. Ever since that administrator guy got fired, everyone’s been off,” Jackie said.
The four of them walked together out into the parking lot. The lot was about half-full, which was shocking considering how few people had attended. Shauna’s mom’s car was pulled up to the curb, waiting for her.
Jackie found Jeff outside and climbed into his car. She smiled at Shauna, who waved and smiled in return. Shauna had to force herself to look away so she wouldn’t see Jackie stare for a second longer. When she turned back for one last look, all she saw was Jackie’s hair flip as she settled into the passenger seat.
Shauna climbed into the passenger seat of her mother’s old car and smiled. It had been a better night than she expected, but her life had seemed so dull lately it was hard to tell what was actually fun.
She thought a lot on the way home. Was it all in her head? Jackie was so intimate and gentle with her when the lights were out. When everyone was focused on something else. Even with Jeff so close in proximity. Shauna couldn’t understand what she was doing. It’s not like anything could happen between them. Jackie had a boyfriend. She would never cheat on him while they were still together. During their big fights, she had a few party hookups, but nothing that would qualify as real cheating. They were happy and so in love. And Shauna was so jealous. That was all she wanted. She needed it. What she couldn’t tell was if she needed a boyfriend or if she needed Jackie.
She never had a friend as close as Jackie. She knew it. Jackie knew it. As friendly as Jackie was, she didn’t have any other best friend either. Shauna doubted it sometimes, when she saw her talking to Van or Mari, or was on the phone with one of her summer camp friends. Shauna could never make friends as easily. As much as she hated to admit, she was a jealous person. It was one of her biggest weaknesses. She didn’t like the feeling of jealousy that seemed to spread across her skin.
She craved those close moments with Jackie like they were fresh meat.
But they’ve started happening on their own now, which is new. She didn’t have to force them.
And Jeff lingered in the back of her mind through all of it.