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It was Dennis’s last day at Pitt; he had graduated and would return to the countryside to work in rural medicine. Not in the Broken Bow. He would miss sharing the apartment with Trinity. She would too, even if she’d rather die than admit it. The karaoke nights that little by little were taken over by Mel and Javadi. The strange and senseless connection he had with Langdon, since the day he was treated for drinking too much.
The motherly love, coming from Dana, that he swore he would never experience; the war stories Abbott told with a lightness; or the Halloween night when Jack made everyone wear demon horns or cheap halos; Shen’s peculiar humor; McKay’s advice; the brilliant Samira Mohan, with whom he had coffee while they complained about the attending physician.
And of course Robby, the one whose anxiety attack Dennis witnessed on his first day, whom he saw constantly climbing onto the roof, the quick touches at work that helped ground him especially in the first months. When Robby took a sabbatical that didn’t last ten days away from his apartment but insisted Whitaker stay there, offering the key. He even retired the motorcycle. Duke’s funeral, where Robby collapsed on the ground, unable to do anything for days. Whitaker had become a support for him.
Maybe Dennis could stay a few more months or years. The desperation was persistent. He had been in Robby’s apartment for a long time, and more and more he looked at the man, not only had he memorized his daily routine, but he had also inserted himself into it.
It wasn’t strange for them to spend days off together, Robby reading in the recliner while Dennis watched television on the couch or checked his phone, and at night they would have dinner together at some new restaurant in the city.
Dennis hadn’t stopped going to the bar with Trin and the others. However, without realizing it, he stopped going back with someone. Men still hit on him, offered to buy him a drink or danced holding his waist. It didn’t make sense to accept their proposals, knowing that when he got to the apartment Robby would be there waiting for him, asking about his night.
When he went to pack his bags, he realized most of his things were no longer with Trinity. He didn’t think about it when he took his clothes out of the guest room and stuffed them into Amy’s truck. How could he forget about her, especially since they were going to move to the same farm. Maybe Dennis should ask her to be his girlfriend or something like that.
His parents would love it.
If he got married, maybe Robby would accept being his best man. Or maybe he would be hurt at losing, as he himself wrote in the recommendation letter, “one of the best, if not the best student I’ve ever had.”
Dennis would leave Pittsburgh at seven in the evening; even though he could have had a day off, he chose to take the day shift. To say goodbye to everyone.
The day was calm; there were few high-risk cases and they didn’t let him take them. Most of the time he treated elderly women with common pains of age, children with mild colds, a broken leg that would heal in months and return to perfect condition.
At the shift change, Abbott arrived with a white box and placed it in the break room. Dennis heard Robby thank him with a pat on the back before gathering everyone in front of the patient board.
“So, as everyone knows, this is Dr. Whitaker’s last shift with you. A certain person may or may not have threatened me to throw him a farewell party.” Trinity nodded proudly; Robby, on the other hand, had sad eyes all day, avoiding him as much as he could, even though when they met in the hallway he would grab him as if he were a lifeline. “Everyone who just finished your shift, to the meeting room.”
Dana was already there waiting for them next to the decorated mannequin. On the ceiling there was a banner taped up, the handwriting a little shaky. Goodbye Dennis. He wanted to cry; Pitt had become a family, dysfunctional but family. He couldn’t believe he was leaving this place behind.
He thanked everyone with the same shyness as on the first day, only this time holding back tears in his eyes, received a hug from Dana and ate her chocolate cake.
After a while and loud laughter, little by little the day-shift staff went home, leaving Dennis, Trinity, and Robby. When the older man went to the bathroom, Trinity allowed herself to hug her idiot.
“I can’t believe you’re going back to being a hillbilly,” she ran her hands over his back, the grip firm.
“Thank you, Trin, for everything.” They pulled away from the hug and Trinity looked at him with a sad smile, giving a light shove to his shoulder.
“You owe me a bunch of avocados, and you better come visit me, huckleberry.” She left the room with slow steps, she was being too nice, she couldn’t let the others think she had softened because of a hillbilly. “You saved saying goodbye to your daddy for last, smart.” Dennis blushed when he realized Robby was there, probably waiting for their moment to end to come in.
“Who’s daddy?” He crossed his arms over his chest covered by the green jacket.
Whitaker looked at his sneakers with immense interest. “It’s just…”
“Shh.” Robby brought his index finger to his lips; he couldn’t help noticing the slightly chapped lips. “I’ll walk you outside.”
“Okay, thank you.”
Dennis took a long breath, taking the opportunity to swallow all the air he could before passing through the automatic door. The step was taken, the backpack on his shoulder it would be the last time he entered that hospital.
The air was cold; Robby automatically held Whitaker’s shoulder, his hand warm over the fabric. His eyes were more watery than the rest of the day; up close you could see small tears forming but not falling. His crow’s feet were furrowed, closing eyes that seemed so big and deep. Robby let out a long sigh.
“You’re going to be a great doctor there…” his throat was flooding. “They’re lucky to have you.”
Dennis wanted to say yes, to manage to respond something, but he didn’t know how. He raised his hand, maybe it was too much, brushed the back of it against Robby’s cheek, watching him pull away and then give in to the touch. His mouth opened for a moment, trembling. “Pleas …”
Dennis took the apartment key from his pocket and held it out. He didn’t take it; he would never take that away from him. It was stupid to think that maybe Dennis would still need to use it.
The hospital was quiet; they could do anything there and no one would care. Robby could make him give up. Dennis could stay. He moved closer to the older man; he still wanted to know if the beard speckled with white hairs was soft.
Robby ran his calloused hand through the soft blond curls; Whitaker sighed, unable to move. Let Amy have an accident.
A beam of light hit them, the sound of an engine. The black truck had arrived. Amy had arrived, right in front of Whitaker.
“I promise I’ll call, Dr. Robby.” Amy had left the steering wheel, going to the driver’s side; Whitaker put the bag in the back seat while giving attention to Theo, who was making faces at him.
Robby could do nothing but watch the scene unfold in front of him; it would be selfish even to wish the days in the apartment would last forever. He was selfish.
Whitaker moved toward the driver’s seat, staring into his attending physician’s eyes a little longer, maybe wanting to remember every detail he could. He fastened his seatbelt, ignoring Amy’s words, turned on a lively song and let himself be carried away.
He started the engine, gave a wave that was soon answered with a nod. If Robby asked anything now, with those deep black abandoned-dog eyes, Dennis would do it no matter how absurd it was. Their souls were saying goodbye.
The truck pulled away, and with it Dennis as well.
Robby stood still, stretching his neck as he watched him leave, his furrowed brows trying to hide the disappointment. He looked at the ground, trying to hold himself together or avoid anyone seeing him so miserable. Finally, he let the tears fall; they marked the ambulance area of PTSM.
The closest he came to having a family, his family had been swallowed by the night. The sound of the truck had faded.
For the first time in a long time, Robby would return to the apartment riding his motorcycle.