Chapter Text
I couldnt help it, my heart and brain just couldn’t handle the thought.
Rudo killed regto, that’s all I can think about…
No
It’s all i can hear
‘But why…? How?’
Why would rudo even do that.
He has no reason too…Maybe their words got to him?
…But that contradicts the whole argument, Rudo wouldnt!
He is an amazingly talented, intelligent and caring person who is just misunderstood…
I’m his friend…
I’m a friend of a killer…
It feels wrong.
This all feels wrong
It always has but this…?
It feels wronger than before.
Wrongly accused…
Wait
When wouldve rudo even…
‘Rudo was with me.’
My eyes snap open in a pit of darkness, i slowly sit himself up as I stare into that darkness.
“He was….”
No.
“With me—“
NO.
I sit up sharply, quickly yet still pacingly rising from the couch that ive slept for the most of my life.
Passing my sleeping mother who never even tried to accept rudo’s kindness, who never cared, who never listened to herself and only to those who give us the filth of money.
It’s dark out but if I hurry then I wont lose it.
I must hurry
What if someone has taken it.
Taken whats mine.
Taken what I have left of this messed up world.
I reach the scene, the end of the world if you want to know.
The pit dropping.
The only thing that contrasts the dirt in the grown is the plush that has been stepped on.
Abandoned…
Just like he was in the emptiness of this disgusting flithy world.
‘How horrid…’
My knees buckle, i feel my knees hit the earth as the abandoned plush laid before me…
“…FUCK!”
The pain vibrates through my arm as the knuckles of my fist hit the soiled ground next to the plush
Tears fall onto the fabric of the plush, i couldn’t help but just stare down at it.
At him.
Thats all I do.
Stare.
Watch.
I couldn’t even think logically.
Now, it’s too late.
'Everything I had is gone.'
They stole my heart,
they stole my soul,
and now?
I have nothing,
expect an empty hole in my heart.
“Why live without a purpose?”
The words leave my lips before i could even think of speaking
My brain is empty
But full.
‘What is my purpose? All I do is walk around’
‘We all just walk around without a purpose, make judgments without even knowing the full truth…
‘…without any context.’
Then, a single thought comes
‘We were never meant for a purpose and if so, our only purpose…Is for entertainment’
‘Our pain is the city people’s entertainment.’
There is nothing to do in these slums…
Maybe i’m just like the city people…
“It was always entertaining watching rudo fix…” slips from my lips
Ive always loved watching him figure out how to make something that we thought would never work again, begin to become alive
His eyes would glow with something i would always like to believe was joy, he would ramble about what was going on and how it was broken…
…how to fix it too…
He made me feel smart…
he made me feel normal.
He didnt make me think badly about others
He didnt gossip, he didnt hurt anyone, he defended himself, that’s different from hurting an innocent person.
But this world?
All they do is gossip, judge and hurt the innocent.
They didnt even try to listen
Were just human filth
We cant even think without being told how to!
FaThEr lIkE sOn
He WiLl tUrN oUt lIkE hIs FaThEr
‘You don’t even know him.’
I lift the plush off the ground.
YoU cAnT hAnG aRoUnD hIm
SoN oF a MuRdEr
‘You don’t know his kindess.’
I slowly rise from the ground.
‘He didn’t deserved to be abandoned.’
Brushing off the dirt off the fabric.
He is love.
He cares…
…So much.
He saw worth in everything.
He even saw worth in someone as disgusting as me.
I’m not sure how I got back home…but I remember watching the sun rise…
I only started my way back home when I saw the red in the sky, holding my last memories of him within my arms.
The red in the sky reminded me of his eyes
His ruby red eyes…
Dark, royal, sharp and enchanting…yet caring and gentle.
Not a single bad intention in those eyes, only the want of understandment.
The want of being useful.
I got home and laid back down on the couch, my mother would be waking soon…
I don’t feel like going out today
Or ever again.
It will be boring…
All I need is this plush, the pit in my heart feels full as I hold it to my chest.
There is nothing more to do except follow my mother like a helper.
Nothing else to do, I sleep.
I tell her that I’m not feeling well, even told her that the plush was something a city person gave me and went to sleep.
I’ll sleep my days away and rot like the flith I am.
I dont care.
I’m alone.
The only person who didnt force me to think a certain way is gone, now im stuck in a place of forced emotion, forced feelings that have no real purpose.
'Why didnt you just help him?'
'Maybe if you did'
'Then he wouldnt have killed regto.'
'Maybe he wouldve been a normal child.'
But they all just wanted him dead.
Thats what they really meant when they said to throw him in the pit.
Kill him.
He doesnt deserve to live.
How flithy.
Human flith.
The tribefolk…and the city people are one in the same…
They dont deserve to live.
I snap my eyes open as my mother wakes me up for dinner, i slowly rise off the couch as her words are like mushy smoke fading into nothing…
I eat, then go back to sleep.
Repeat.
I’m not sure how many days have passed…
It’s all a blur.
It always been a blur, essentially with Rudo no longer filling the empty days.
I was always so excited to see what he would be fixing up, what he found and what he’d do with it.
Some days, I may help my mother but those days I don’t sleep.
How could I?
I flop back onto the couch, closing-my eyes…
I never leave without him.
Ive named the plush…Aadil
Aadil Themis…
I lost Rudo…
Aadil is all that I have of him…
Aadil doesnt make me think things, he doesnt gossip, he doesnt hate without reason, he listens, he loves, he protects me from those flithy words.
As the world passes, I watch, rot, sit and stay silent.
Some days, me and Aadil would talk about the pit. Mainly rudo.
If he survived, he would be in heaven…so much trash to fix…
I miss watching him.
I think I miss his presence the most…
But the hole in my heart is filled by the last and first thing he ever gave me…
Aadil will never leave my side, i will always hold onto him…
Never again will I abandon you,
Rudo.
Not with him in my arms.