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Ilya missed Shane. Lying injured in a hospital bed alone was no fun, and his knee was really starting to hurt. Ilya hated pain medicine. He didn't like the nausea that typically accompanied it but he also knew better than to let the pain get worse. So when the nurse came in offering once again to give him something for the pain, he reluctantly accepted.
"My husband will be here soon. Will you please send him in as soon as he gets here?"
The nurse agreed as Ilya started drifting to sleep. But when he woke up a few hours later, it wasn't Shane at his bedside. It was Svetlana.
"No," he grumbled. "Don't want you. Want Shane."
"Happy to see you too, asshole," she snarked back.
"Where is he?" Ilya whined.
"He sent me instead," Svetlana said.
Ilya grabbed for his phone, ready to give Shane a piece of his mind, but froze when he saw Shane's text, a photo of him holding a test with two pink lines and the caption: This sucks.
Ilya immediately began to sob.
"Ilyushka, what's wrong?" Svetlana asked, grabbing his hand.
"Shane is pregnant. I'm going to be a Papochka!"
"Ilya—" Svetlana started.
"Our baby will be so beautiful and so good at hockey. And Shane will be so pretty growing our baby." Ilya's face crumpled. "But wait, he said this sucks. He does not want baby?" Now he was crying for a different reason. "I need to call him."
"Ilya—" Svetlana said again.
But Ilya was already calling, and when it went to voicemail, he didn't hesitate. "Shane, please do not do anything drastic. It will all be okay. I will support you. You do not need to retire—"
"Ilya!" Svetlana yanked the phone away from him. "Stop!"
"What? Why are you being mean?" Ilya said, tears still streaming down his face.
"Shane has COVID, you idiot. Not a baby."
Ilya blinked. "What?"
"COVID. The test is for COVID. He is sick, not pregnant."
"Oh," Ilya said, disappointment coloring his features.
His phone rang in his hand.
"Ilya, what are you talking about?" Shane's voice came through. "Of course I don't have to retire. And the only drastic thing I'm doing is watching way too much reality TV. Those housewives are mean to each other!"
"Shane, this medicine is too good," Ilya said. "I saw the test and I thought...maybe I had magic sperm."
There was a pause on the other end of the line.
"What?" Shane said.
"I thought you were pregnant," Ilya admitted quietly.
Svetlana was shaking her head, trying not to laugh.
"Ilya, we're both men," Shane said gently. "That's not how this works."
"I know," Ilya said. "This medicine makes me stupid. I am sorry you have COVID."
"It's okay," Shane said. "I'll be there as soon as I test negative. How's your knee?"
"Hurts," Ilya said. "But not as much as my heart when I thought you did not want baby."
"Ilya, you know I want to raise kids with you," Shane said softly.
"I know this. Medicine makes me act like an idiot." Ilya's voice went dreamy. "And you would be so pretty, and our little freckly baby would be skating at two years old. A prodigy." He paused. "Shane, science is stupid. Maybe we just try?"
Shane laughed, and Ilya could hear the fondness in it. "I don't think that's how biology works."
"Is not fair," Ilya grumbled.
"I know," Shane said. "But we'll figure it out when I'm not sick and you're not on pain meds, okay?"
"Okay," Ilya said. "I love you."
"I love you too. Now let Svetlana take care of you."
"She is very mean," Ilya said, glaring at his best friend.
"I can hear you," Svetlana said.
"Good," Ilya muttered as he hung up.
"You know I am never letting you live this down, right?" Svetlana said.
"Shhhh, I am injured. I must rest," Ilya said, closing his eyes dramatically.
"Okay, don't worry. I definitely won't send this to the Centaurs WAGs chat."
Ilya's eyes flew open. "Why are you even a part of that chat? You are not wife or girlfriend!"
"Cassie likes me," she said with a shrug. "And technically, Harris is not wife or girlfriend either."
"Harris is boyfriend. This counts," Ilya muttered.
"Then I am best friend. This also counts."
"You are worst friend," Ilya corrected.
"Shhhh, you are drugged and confused," Svetlana said with a grin. "Now rest while I tell them all about the magic sperm."
Ilya groaned and pulled the blanket over his head, already starting to drift off again. Maybe he wasn't able to get his husband pregnant, but there was one thing he knew for sure, after his knee healed, they were going to have a lot of fun trying.