Work Text:
Dazai had a repeated life. Wake up, work, shower, sleep. Occasionally drink. But he stopped showering weeks ago along with sleeping. He worked as an artist, finding inspiration all around him, that changed when the colors all around him dulled.
He laid awake staring at the ceiling, another night of unrequited sleep. His friend, odasaku, used to always fill his art with color, and the world along with it, but after he died everything turned dull. He sat up and walked to the bathroom debating if he should brush his hair, he hadn’t for the last few weeks, he eventually brushed it off, a chore for tomorrow. He stepped over all the discarded clothes on the floor, not caring less about the mess, and laid back in bed.
His boss, Kunikida, has been nagging him to paint something new. Osamu was tempted to paint himself hanging from an rope. But he knew that would be ‘Too far’ (in Kunikidas worlds) to sell. He sat up limply and got dressed with some random clothes from the floor, it wasn’t a big deal, it’s only been a week since his last shower, and got ready to go buy some more Ramen noodles from the store.
Dazai Osamu froze. He just saw the most beautiful man known to mankind shopping. Bright ginger hair that looked soft to the touch and one blue eye with the left being brown, he also had freckles. Dazai knew he stunk too much to approach the gorgeous man so he just watched from afar. The next morning he actually, surprisingly, showered and went to the same store. He saw the man leaving and instantly tapped his shoulder, the man looked at Dazai and tilted his head. Dazai stood there shocked, the world wasn’t so dull anymore, the bright fiery hair before him lit the whole world up like the sun, he composed himself. “Hey, I just wanted to say that you look..gorgeous..”
The man chuckled before turning to face Dazai fully, “Well, thank you. What’s your name?” Dazai didn’t think he’d get this far.. he rubbed his nape before holding his hand out to the ginger man. “D-Dazai..Dazai Osamu..You?” the man smiled, a bright gorgeous smile, before shaking Dazai’s hand.
“Nakahara Chuuya, nice to meet you.”
Those were the last words he heard before his life changed completely. Dazai managed to get Chuuya’s number, Dazai texted Chuuya memes often along with a bit of teasing.
2 weeks later. . . In December
Chuuya had managed to make a date to meet Dazai in Dazai’s place to hangout, Dazai’s apartment was a mess, So, for the first time in months, he started cleaning up. He even sprayed air freshener, and put a few candles! When Chuuya came over, he knocked 3 times, Dazai fussed with his hair and clothes before opening the door, “Hey chibi! I have a movie on for us, you like horror?” Dazai moved to the side to let Chuuya in, Chuuya looks around, impressed, before turning to Dazai “Yea, I do like horror, it’s quite warm in here.” Chuuya took off his red plaid scarf along with his black bomber jacket. Dazai wore an grey knitted sweater with black slacks and cat socks. Dazai led Chuuya to the living room, he helped Chuuya with making popcorn, occasionally getting butter everywhere and playing with it.
“Dazai, why are you staring?” Chuuya asked, tilting his head. Dazai couldn’t believe he had such a beautiful man in his apartment, on his couch, and he wasn’t his boyfriend yet! Wait..what if Chuuya already HAD and boyfriend?! What if Chuuya had an husband? The thought made Dazai shiver, Dazai decided to ask after a few minutes of silence, “Just wondering if chu has a partner.” Dazai asked hesitantly, ‘I mean, if Chuuya did, wouldn’t be any surprise. He was gorgeous, kind, and oh god oh so much more better than me’ Dazai said in his head. Chuuya chuckled and tilted his head at Dazai, his hair falling over his shoulder. “Well, I don’t mackerel.” Dazai was overjoyed! That means he had a chance to keep Chuuya all to himself! “Just wondering.” Dazai acted calm, he needed to plan the perfect confession!
with Chuuya with him now, he managed to get a few friends, a woman with a Purple-ish bob with the name Yosano, an white haired boy with the name Atsushi and his boyfriend, Akutagawa, and A grown ass man with an sweet tooth for years, Ranpo. Kunikida found out after catching Dazai hang out with them instead of working, ‘Oops.’ Was all Dazai said. Dazai fidgets catching Yosano’s eye, “What’s wrong Dazai? Why so fidgety?” She pats Dazai’s head, “Well..I met someone and I wanna ask them to go out with me. But he’s insanely gorgeous.” That seems to catch Yosano’s and Ranpo’s attention, “What’s he look like?” Ranpo asks. And Dazai goes into full detail about Chuuya, about how he’s so gorgeous, so kind, and so loyal. Yosano asked for a picture but Dazai came empty handed.
After a few days, he took Chuuya out on an unofficial date. They passed by a flower cart and Dazai looks at Chuuya “Ne Chuuya, which flowers do you like?” Chuuya scans the cart and points at Stargazer Lillie’s, Dazai chuckles “Well how much are they miss?” The woman looked confused and pointed at the Stargazer Lillie’s and Dazai nodded “Oh, these are ¥600.” Dazai fishes out his wallet and pays for them, holding them until they get back to Dazai’s apartment. Dazai gives the flowers to Chuuya and asked the question he’s been waiting to ask. “Chuuya..will you be my boyfriend? I love you so much and I can’t stand the thought of you with another man..please Chuuya?” All Chuuya did was smile, a soft, pained, smile. And he shook his head no, Dazai deflated. “But why?..” Dazai asked, and Chuuya’s smile fell, “Because Osamu, I’m not real.” Dazai stood there shocked. “…What?..” Chuuya caresses Dazai’s face, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Dazai grips Chuuya’s wrist desperately, “No..no no no! I can feel you! Please Chuuya don’t leave me now..you made me happy!” Chuuya kissed Dazai’s cheek before letting go. Dazai closed his eyes, savoring his touch, and when he opened his eyes, it was all gone. The warmth of the apartment, the clothes he cleaned, he never cleaned at all, the candles he supposedly placed, not there. Chuuya’s scarf, gone, even Dazai’s bandages, gone. Dazai was left to face the ugliness of the world without Chuuya. The ugliness of his mind and the ugliness of his arms that were littered with scars.
Dazai painted Chuuya nonstop, even publishing his art couldn’t fill the black hole in Dazai’s chest. He isolated himself from his friends, their calls fell on deaf ears. Dazai sat limply against the floor and then got up to do what he waited to do for so long. After three more days of absence his friends broke into his apartment to find him 10 inches off the floor with a fallen chair on the floor. His funeral reached the news, Kashimura Chuuya, Who has bright red-orange hair and one blue eye on his left and brown on his right, freckles, a firey personality, along with multiple piercings and rock band shirts watched the News and shook his head, “Damn, I feel bad for him. I wonder what his lover was like.”Kashimura turns off the Tv to go cook Ramen, while walking to the kitchen, he spots a single stargazer Lillie on his counter. He looks around confused before smelling the lillie and smiling. The story of Dazai Osamu became history. He faded away in history just as he did when he lost his beloved sun.