Archive of Our Own

The fire in front of them lit up the faces of Shane Hollander’s brand new teammates. Apart from traveling for their games, this was the first real teambuilding trip that Shane had gone on. Montreal didn’t really focus much on having a good dynamic in its team.

The Ottawa Centaurs were the best team Shane had ever been part of. There wasn’t one player who hadn’t welcomed him like they’d been friends for years already. They didn’t question his habits, didn’t pry about his relationship, they didn’t insult others as jokes in the locker room. They teased each other, sure, but it was always friendly.

Due to a lot of traffic on the road, the Centaurs had only arrived late in the evening their camping place. They had managed to find a kind, old man who let them use his field next to a forest to put their tents on.

He let them use it for free since there weren’t any sheep on that particular field that month. In return, the team gave the man free tickets to their next home game.   

The Centaurs tried their best at putting up the tents while Shane started on the fire. He and Wyatt gathered some dry sticks at the edge of the forest and balanced them to make a small tower. They put some dry grass underneath it to really get the fire going.

Once they were satisfied, Wyatt watched with wonder how Shane set the sticks aflame with one of his matches. Then he lowered himself unto the ground and blew as much air under the fire as possible. All the oxygen made the flames grow quickly.

The others joined them shortly after and Ilya felt almost like a proud mom, watching Shane put his scouting skills into action. He was both impressed and scared that Shane was going to burn himself with his long lashes so close to the fire.

Shane tried and failed to hold the eager hockey players off for as long as possible to protect his hot accomplishment, on of them at least. Ilya had to bite his lip to suppress the fond smile at his husbands annoyed expression when Troy Barrett dove towards the fire to torture the fluffy white marshmallow on the end of his stick.

Shane fell next to Ilya in his folding chair, making the thing squeak in protest. A look of betrayal fell over his pretty face as Ilya leaned forward to hold his own snack over the fire.

‘It looks great’, Ilya generously complimented Shane who’s gaze softened with pride. Ilya offered him his first marshmallow but Shane predictably refused.

The fire reflecting in Shane’s dark eyes was like watching the sky burn with stars. Ilya secretly made the wish to always be allowed to stay by his side like this. Their fingers intertwined in the red glow dancing over their skin like words being drawn in a secret language.

Later that evening Shane did allow himself one bite of marshmallow, much to Ilya’s delight. Especially when he allowed himself to subtle kiss the sticky sweet sugar from Shane’s lips.

At least Ilya suspected it would be sweet, he was becoming too congested to really taste anything. He knew that it would be a good idea to retreat into his tent, but he was too comfortable here. They didn’t do this very often: being together with the team without any responsibility.

Ilya had only briefly closed his eyes against the flashing light that worsened his debilitating headache, but next thing he knew, he was being softly shaken awake.

Shane let his hand linger on Ilya’s shoulder in silent worry. Ilya ignored him and focused instead on the rest of the group who were looking at him expectantly.

Barrett smiled ominously at his captain from the other side of the fire.

‘Truth or dare? Your turn’

Ilya let his eyes wander over the other players and let his smirk slowly fall back into place. He wondered what terrible secrets he’d missed being exposed.

He opened his mouth to answer but his voice caught in his throat. Ilya quickly cleared his throat, effectively suppressing the coughing fit threatening to escape him the whole evening.

The next time he tried, thank god, his voice came out even and smooth.

‘Ask away’

Ilya had no idea who was supposed to ask him a question because everyone seemed to be thinking. As their captain, Ilya liked seeing his team work together but ideally not when they were undoubtably searching for ways to ruin his life. Ilya suddenly had a terrifying vision of him having to spill his deepest, darkest secrets.

No matter how much he really didn’t want to stand up, he decided that anything was better than getting interrogating without being able to say no.

‘No, no, wait, truth is boring. I want some action’, Ilya lazily uttered, stretching his arms above his head to demonstrate how bored he was. He bit back a wince at the strain in his throbbing glands and the growing severity of his headache.

Bood looked like he wanted to argue for a second but Troy already slung his arm over his boyfriend’s shoulder next to him.

‘Harris probably has good ideas. He needs to if he wants to keep our boring hockey social media interesting’

Harris eyes twinkled mischievous and his gaze flickered between Shane and Ilya for a dangerous moment before he turned to the rest. They started whispering furiously and Ilya swallowed nervously.

Wyatt straightened delighted and threw his stick into the burning fire in front of him.

‘Okay, since we’re never allowed to ask them any fun questions, this will be funny’

Then he turned to Ilya smugly.

‘For your dare, you have to act out what your first date with Hollander looked like’

Ilya released the breath he’d been holding with a surprised laugh. That was a funny dare, he knew how curious their teammates were about the history of their “rivals to lovers” situation.

Ilya looked over at Shane who had turned bright red, refusing to look anyone in the eye.

‘How about we reenact the day we met?’, he stuttered nervously. Ilya found it endearing, he really wanted to kiss the freckles that stood out against Shane’s flustered cheeks.

Dykstra raised one eyebrow incredulously. ‘What, you can’t act out your first date? Did you forget how it went or something?’

‘No, I remember. Vividly’, Shane choked and then ducked his head behind Ilya’s neck in embarrassment. Dykstra’s mouth fell wide open in realization.

‘Oh my god Hollzy, I never would have guessed! You’re such a saint normally. But then again you can be quite direct too. Cutting to the chase and all that’

Ilya’s almost died laughing, glad he was at least still able to take deep breaths trough his mouth since his nose was so stuffed up. 

Eventually, the others agreed to let them act out the day they met.

Shane and Ilya both stood up and put some distance between each other to signal the start of their little play. Ilya felt a bit giddy.

‘Alright, so for the audience, I will play Shane Hollander and my husband will step into shoes of famous, awesome hockey player: Ilya Rozanov’

Ilya pronounced his name the Russian way and winked mischievously at Shane, letting the other know that he had planned something ridiculously entertaining.

Knowing Ilya by now, Shane seemed to get the gist and shook his head in despair, regretting his decision to be a part of this already.   

‘Here we go. Is Saskatchewan, 2008’

Ignoring the baffled murmurs of his teammates at the sheer earliness of the date, Ilya Rozanov slowly came up to Shane Hollander.

Shane had one of his matches in his mouth, resembling a sigaret and Ilya fought to prevent a smile from breaking trough his professional mask already. He swiftly got back into his role, though. This was going to be good.

‘Ilya Rozanov?’, Ilya called earnestly and he gave a little wave.

Shane was very busy looking at the sky, his gaze everywhere but on Ilya, as if the latter didn’t exist to him at all. With a distinct air of arrogance, Shane carded a hand trough his half long hair.

Ilya bit his lip to stop himself from giggling at the obvious theatrics.

‘I am Shane Hollander’, Ilya tried again.

‘I wanted to introduce myself’

Ilya held out his hand, but the other man was still looking away, paying him no mind.

Shane bent down to flick his sigaret and only then pretended to notice Ilya by seeing his shoes. Shane’s eyes jumped to Ilya in played surprise, a dramatic “oh” escaping him.

Shane stared suspicious at Ilya’s outstretched hand for a few seconds, like he was asked to do something far below his station, but eventually shook it firmly. Very firmly.

Afterwards, Ilya nodded towards Shane’s sigaret and spoke very slowly and loud, as if he were talking to a toddler.

‘I’m sorry, you. are. not. supposed. to. smoke. here’

At the word “smoke” Ilya made grand gestures with his hands, at which point some of his teammates snickered.

Shane’s lip twitched, amused. He held one hand to his ear, pretending not to understand Ilya at all.

‘Excusez-moi? Je ne parle pas anglais’

Again some laughter sounded from their public.

Ilya watched Shane sheepishly but then started apologetically rambling:

‘Well, you are awesome player to watch! Very handsome. Cannot take my eyes away. I want to do things to you, maybe on first date’

Now Shane was the one having trouble to stay serious, his eyes shimmering with badly hidden mirt. He resolutely kept going with giving his impression of Ilya a distinctive French accent.

‘Yes. Of course. I started playing hockey so I could keep staring at my own reflection in the ice all day long’

Ilya snorted along with some others Centaurs. Then he straightened his face.

‘Anyway, I should go. They are

waiting for me. Good luck with tournament’ 

Ilya held out his hand again, which Shane took, shaking it slowly. Then Ilya kept his grip on Shane’s hand and pulled the other man closer.

Even though they were improvising, Ilya and Shane seemed to have the same idea, because they both leaned in.

The Centaurs, thinking they would kiss, cheered. However, before their lips could touch, Ilya just took the “sigaret” from Shane’s mouth with his teeth.

Ilya spit it out on the floor and mumbled something foul about Russians and smoking. Then he turned his back on Shane and walked away.

Shane was openly laughing now and chuckled lightheartedly:

‘You will not be so nice when we beat you’

‘That is not happening, baby’, Ilya turned to walk backwards and blew an extremely exaggerated kiss at Shane.

After that, Ilya ran back to Shane quickly and made them both bow in front of their teammates.

Wyatt stood up from his chair and pointed an accusatory finger in Ilya’s direction:

‘It didn’t happen like that, there’s no way! Ilya isn’t even French?!’

Bood, next to him, grinned like a madman.

‘Artistic liberty, I suppose?’

Troy shook his head,grinning absurdly.

‘We’ll never know how you two really met, will we? Or got together for that matter?’

‘Nope’

‘Jamais’

—

As the Centaurs continued their game of truth or dare, Ilya let Shane take his turn to ambush another team member.

Ilya wanted to stay and watch Shane interact with the Centaurs like he had never played for another team in his life. He was content to just lay back in his chair and relish in the fact that everyone here knew that Shane was his. Finally.

But Ilya couldn’t ignore the pain in his head for much longer, it hurt too much. He mumbled a quick excuse of needing to use the bathroom to Shane and hurried off without anyone really noticing.

On the way to his tent, Ilya pushed down the guilt. If he told his team he was going to sleep, they would ask questions. Ilya was a famous night owl; staying up late and sleeping in. The last thing he wanted, was to worry Shane.

Ilya just needed some time alone, to tend to his “affliction”. He could come back as soon as he felt better.

In the tent, Ilya lowered himself unto his inflatable mattress carefully. He was glad that he and Shane inflated their mattresses earlier because the lack of oxygen Ilya was currently able to get into his lungs, might have posed a bit of a problem.

Ilya wasn’t concerned yet, he’d played trough worse symptoms. His dad wouldn’t have allowed otherwise.

Or maybe Ilya just didn’t want to admit to himself that he was undoubtedly, unmistakably suffering from hayfever. Not just now, but any time he was in Canada. The country that would be his new home, and it was rejecting him.

Ilya didn’t dare to think about that too much. He sniffled into his sleeve, wishing he’d remembered to pack tissues, and started dozing off slightly. Far away, he heard some noise outside of the tent and with some effort, he blinked his eyes open.

Shane climbed trough the hole in their tent, falling unto his knees once he was inside. Ilya startled and swiftly turned away from Shane to subtly rub at his face.

Shane still caught the tears in his boyfriends eyes.

‘You alright?’, Shane asked softly.

Ilya looked up, vanishing his pained expression with practiced ease. It hurt to talk with how stuffed up his sinuses were. Ever since he’d broken his nose several times, they’d been giving him a hard time.

‘Yes. All good’, Ilya assured him.

‘Are you upset?’, Shane asked tentatively, feeling like calling Ilya out for crying wasn’t a smart move right now. He had no idea what could have upset Ilya in the short time since he left the campfire. He seemed fine then.

However, the tears could also be a side effect from the smoke of the campfire. He’d noticed the same thing happening when Ilya was at the cottage with him.

But then Ilya had called the tent claustrophobic earlier, and Shane had the impression he was kind of cornering the man right now. Only he wanted Ilya to know that he had his full attention. That if he wanted to talk, he could. Ilya needed a little push sometimes.

Except now, Ilya merely looked confused. He scrunched his nose when Shane wiped away a lonely tear from his cheek with his thumb, and then realization dawned on Ilya.

‘No, not upset. My eyes are just-‘

Ilya makes a vague gesture with his hand in the air, looking for the English word he wanted to use.

‘Tearing up?’, Shane hinted helpfully.

‘Yes’, Ilya nodded satisfied.

‘Is it because of the smoke?’

‘Yes’, Ilya lied, glad that he didn’t have to come up with an excuse himself.

At least he had taken some allergy medication when he had been to Shane’s cottage for the first time. His reaction to being outside was much better then. Ilya hadn’t been able to go out and secretly buy anything now, since Shane was always with him.

He thought he could deal with it, but clearly he’d messed up again. He really wanted this trip to be amazing. Sadly, it seemed that Ilya was incapable of not drawing attention to himself for once.

Ilya sighed.

‘I’m tired. Will go to sleep. Long day tomorrow’

Shane nodded, unfolding his knees from underneath him.

‘Did you brush your teeth?’

‘Of course Hollander’

Because of course Ilya had used his last scraps of energy to try and be a good husband that was clean and hygienic. More importantly; someone that Shane wanted to kiss.

Shane looked oddly disappointed, which he hid with a timid flush.

‘Yes. I wil do the same then’

With that, he got up and climbed out of the tent again.

—

Ilya watched him go, feeling terrible. He almost fell asleep sitting up again before someone else disturbed his peace.

Harris crawled past Ilya without really looking at him, appearing on some sort of mission.

‘Sorry, I lent Luca my charger but I need it back’

Then Ilya sniffled and gave a light cough, before he could help it. Harris looked up from Haas’ mattress and narrowed his eyes upon seeing Ilya’s face.

‘That doesn’t look good’

Annoyed, Ilya opened one eye.

‘Is from smoke’

Harris shook his head, worried: ‘I don’t think so. My family lives on a farm, you know. My niece has terrible allergies and she looks just like you do now. Do you have hayfever?’

Ilya was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand now, trying to relieve some of its itchiness.

‘Stop that. You’re making it worse’, Harris  admonished him.

Ilya’s face was starting to swell a bit, but not quite noticeable yet. When he didn’t listen, Harris grabbed his wrist and pushed it down from his face.

‘Only little bit’, Ilya admitted vaguely and Harris raised one eyebrow, catching on quickly as usual.

‘You only have a little hayfever? In Russia you mean?’

Ilya couldn’t deny that: the climate in Russia was very different from that in Canada.

‘No, is always like this, then goes away, nothing to worry about. Am used to it’

The first part might have been a lie, the last part wasn’t. The important thing was that it  reassured Harris enough to leave him alone.

When Shane came back, he sat down next to Ilya and started to fully unzip both of their sleeping bags. Ilya watched him sheepishly, already accepting that he didn’t have enough camping skills to understand what was going on most of the time.

Either Shane could read his mind or he felt the need to justify himself, but a moment later he started babbling to himself in the way he did when he was nervous.

‘It would be nice to put both our sleeping bags unzipped on top of each other. I don’t know about you, but I get very cold at night and an extra layer would help. I thought we could share them like a blanket, if you want?’

Ilya’s stuffed up brain took some time to understand what Shane was ranting on about. Sharing a blanket though, that sounded nice. Like home. So Ilya nodded enthusiastically, making Shane blush again and then wincing when the movement hurt his head.

‘If you knew anything about camping, you definitely would have made a joke about this. So I’ll do it in your honour: the best way to get warm under a sleeping bag, is to wear as little clothes as possible. The fabric works best on bare skin’

Ilya’s jaw dropped open as he stared at his adorable boyfriend with his adorable freckles and a rare, smug grin on his face. He forgot all about his ailment for a second. 

‘Are you saying we need to get naked?!’

Shane giggled lightly and shrugged very pleased with himself.

‘Going camping requires some sacrifices every now and than’

‘You have taken “back to basics” very serious’

Shane stuck out his tongue. He had turned the sleeping bags into sleeping-blankets and beckoned Ilya to get underneath them. 

‘How to connect with mother nature better than through reverting back to the way she first made us?’

‘Bloody and crying? You will murder me?’

Shane snorted and pulled Ilya closer, until they were spooning each other. Shane put his lips against Ilya’s neck and exhaled contently.

‘More like naked and hungry’

Ilya almost groaned as he placed his hand over Shane’s where it was caressing his chest. Of all times, now was the moment Shane decided to get adventurous? Too bad that Ilya was too exhausted to do more than hum in agreement. Shane didn’t seem to mind.

Outside, the soothing rain made the small tent seem less claustrophobic and more cozy. Ilya secretly wanted to cry, but he held it back. If a few tears escaped anyway, it wasn’t noticeable amidst his allergic ones. 

He almost wished that Shane had pressed more, but if Ilya couldn’t speak for himself, well that was his own fault. He just wished he wasn’t so weak.

—

Shane had no idea what time it was when he woke up. The tent was still covered in darkness as he listened to the soft breaths of the other people still asleep in the tent.

Shane turned himself around underneath the sleeping bags. He frowned when he noticed that the shoulder he was laying on was gradually becoming an ice block. Shane pulled on both of the sleeping bags, trying to get his part of the blanket back from out of Ilya’s firm grip.

Ilya made a soft noise of protest in the back of his throat and Shane rolled his eyes in the dark, even in his sleep Ilya was dramatic.

However, when Shane closed his eyes, the sound didn’t stop.

Shane laid silently on his side, trying to figure out why Ilya was making little sounds with every breath. He didn’t usually snore unless he had caught a cold, which had happened only once. Ilya had a good immune system.

Suddenly Shane froze. His husband was breathing weird. Laboured. Wheezing.

In a surge of panic, Shane threw the sleeping bags of them both and starting shaking Ilya’s shoulder frantically.

As soon as Ilya woke up, he started coughing to try and take a deep breath in. Shane massaged his back helplessly.

‘Try to breath, baby’

When the coughing calmed down slowly, Ilya mumbled things in Russian, still a bit out of it.

‘In English, Ilya’, Shane urged his boyfriend, his heart nearly beating out of his chest.

‘Is hard to breath’, Ilya croaked out.

Even half asleep, Ilya was aware enough to know that saying he couldn’t breath would freak Shane out.

Shane in the mean time, had finally found his flashlight and pointed with it to Ilya. As soon as he saw the swelling on the other man’s face, his eyes widened even further.

‘You’re having an allergic reaction to something’, Shane stated slightly out of breath. His eyes roamed over Ilya’s body as if it would tell him to what exactly.

Ilya mumbled something in Russian again,

but, taking lessons, could make out: ‘Canada and killing me’

At that moment something awful dawned on him, guilt washing over him in waves.

‘It’s the pollen, right? It’s the grass and the trees, the flowers’

Ilya scrunched his nose in protest at the words, then fully turned away and sneezed twice politely, but very loud, into his elbow. Shane flinched. It simultaneously confirmed his suspicions though.

He was glad Ilya at least had some relief, even though he was now rubbing at his nose as if he wanted to tear the thing off. The good thing was that he could breath again.

Shane felt bitter regret fill his chest. He should have checked the pollen count while choosing this area.

‘Izvinite’, Ilya muttered somberly.

But Shane shook his head sternly.

He fucking hated that word. He had learned early on that Ilya only used it if he was apologizing for something when he really shouldn’t, according to Shane.

Ilya used it when he apologized for things his father learned him to be sorry for. Everything that made Ilya feel like he still needed to earn his father’s approval, made Shane’s skin crawl. If the man wasn’t already dead, he’d seriously hurt him.

‘À tes souhaits and don’t apologize, it’s normal’

Ilya scratched distractedly at his earlobe, a gesture that Shane distinctly recognized as self-soothing.

‘Is loud’

‘It’s good for you, getting all the bad stuff out of your system’, Shane argued.

‘You know you can be loud around me, chérie. You don’t need to hide’

Shane didn’t know if Ilya deliberately avoided his gaze or if he was still trying to win this fight with his nose. It didn’t matter, he had bigger fish to fry at the moment.

‘I’m sure someone here has some anti-allergy pills. I’ll go ask around’

‘I don’t take pills’, Ilya snapped when Shane tried to move away from his boyfriend. He knew this was a tense topic for Ilya and he understood why.

‘I know, mon amour. But-’

Luckily, before things could escalate, a sleepy whisper sounded from across the two man where Luca Haas had woken up from all the noise.

‘What’s going on?’

Shane seized the opportunity eagerly.

‘Do you happen to have something for hayfever with you?’

Haas shot a suspicious glance at Ilya, understanding the situation quickly. Much quicker than Shane had done.

‘Oh yes I do actually. I have some liquid antihistamine’

Shane’s eyes widened in a mixture of hope and disbelief. What even are the chances? But Haas rummaged trough his backpack in the dark for a while, before indeed pulling out some medicine and a pack of tissues. He threw them both into Ilya’s lap with the aim of an atlete.

‘Oh my god, you are the best!’, Shane laughed relieved.

As Ilya unscrewed the cap of the medicine, Shane’s guilt slowly became replaced by anger.

‘You should have told me you had hayfever’ 

‘Is never this bad’, Ilya protested, his voice still congested, but less so after blowing his nose.

‘What you mean is that no one ever noticed it’s this bad because you hide yourself away, waiting for it too pass, whenever you can. Even though it never does’, Haas spoke out, uncharacteristically stern.

Then the young man turned to Shane and said: ‘I bought these for him because he once almost suffocated while I was in the shower’

Shane knew that Ilya and Luca often roomed together. At first Coach Wiebe had ordered his captain to make sure the rookie felt at home with the Centaurs by keeping an eye on him. But after some time the two hockey players formed a special kind of bond. One that Shane hadn’t fully grasped yet. Maybe it had something to do with them both being European.

‘You need to tell me when you don’t feel wel, mon coeur’, Shane whispered to his husband, showing him that he wasn’t mad anymore. He just needed Ilya to understand how much he worried him.

Ilya bowed his head ashamed, sounding so honest and obvious when he said: ‘I didn’t want to ruin camping’

Shane couldn’t take the devastated look on the Russians face. He caressed a hand trough Ilya’s sweat-damp curls.

‘Oh Ilya. How long have you been feeling bad?’

‘All day. Was very nice evening though, enjoyed it’

Shane tsked in a way that his mother would have been proud off.

‘You could have enjoyed it more if we’d packed some medicine. For now you really have to take this’

Ilya’s stil seemed a bit hesitant and

Shane tried to think of how he could reassure the man.

‘I have some trouble with being in high pollen area’s for too long as well, If you want I’ll take a dose too? If it goes wrong, we’ll suffer together like tragic lovers. Like Romeo and Juliet’

Ilya sniffed in disdain.

‘Ah so when is Shakespeare, is okay to use word ‘lover’?’

Shane grinned.

‘You know Shakespeare?’

At that, Ilya smiled Shane’s absolute favourite smile ever: the one that was half “up to no good” and half “deeply in love with Shane Hollander”.

Waiting for what was about to come, Shane let Ilya lean forward on one hand and bring their lips closer together. As if Shane could read the words as well as hear them.

‘Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I will kiss you for it’

Ilya pressed his lips softly against Shane’s, chasing his worry for him away.

‘Was that Shakespeare?’

‘No, I am okay. I don’t want to waste Haas’ medicine’, Ilya ignored Shane’s question and then downed his dose of medicine with one gulp, proving to Shane that he had it under control. Which took him enough time, Shane thought but didn’t say it.

—

When everyone settled back in their sleeping bags, or underneath them, a storm was had broken loose outside. Raging winds were tearing at the tent forcefully and it rained so hard that Ilya was starting to doubt how waterproof the tent really was.

‘Ilya?’, a soft voice sounded from the other side of the tent.

Ilja was fully awake in a second.

‘Yes?’

‘Is our tent gonna fly away?’

Ilya chuckled to himself. Haas sounded so earnest.

‘No. Shane checked. He is super scout. Hey Haas, come here. Bring your sleeping bag’

There was some shuffling and cursing when Haas stepped not lightly on Ilya’s foot. After a moment, Luca lay next to Ilya, breathing in the smell of campfire and expensive cologne, feeling more at ease in the presence of the two older men. They wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

Everything was silent for a while but Shane knew that Ilya was trouble sleeping. Some days were just bad. With their new team not so much but in quiet moments like this, Ilya’s thoughts got loud sometimes.

Shane felt Ilya’s discomfort tangible in the air. He wasn’t very tired himself so he decided to do something about it.

‘Shall I tell you a story? About my early days as a scout? The first time I went camping, my mom made me these packages with clothes for every day. However, instead of going for a swim on the third day as planned, we went to the lake on the second day. I had no idea in which package my mom had packed my swimming trunks so one of the scout leaders ended up ripping all the packages open in search for it. From there on everything was mixed up and-’

Ilya vaguely remembered feeling sorry for little Shane before he shamelessly drifted off to sleep.

‘Ilya?’, Shane whispered experimentally after a while and when the other man didn’t answer he stoped his trip down memory lane, whispering a gentle “good night” instead.

‘Hey, I want to hear the end of the story’, Haas’ offended voice broke trough the silence. Shane startled, surprised that the younger man was still awake. But he smiled and dutifully carried on whispering about his own embarrassing adventures until the early morning hours.

—

Ilya didn’t even know what time it was when he woke up, feeling much better, but unable to find his husband anywhere.

‘Shane?’

‘I’m here’, Ilya heard from the other side of tent, which was strange.

‘I’m moving our belongings away from the edge. If it keeps pouring like this, they might get wet’

Only then Ilya noticed the complete downpour that was now accompanied by loud thundering and lighting. That was concerning.

‘Are we highest point? For light in storm?’, Ilya asked Shane nervously.

Shane grinned fondly at Ilya’s wording.

‘No, we’re close enough to the forest. It will hit a tree before it hits us’

Suddenly something started scratching at the door of their tent. Ilya froze: maybe the tattoo of the bear he’d gotten, for his former team and because it reminded him of Russia, fitted Canada too. Or maybe they were actually dealing with wolves this time and not just stupid wolf-birds.

Shane, the brave hero that he was, to Ilya at least, immediately moved towards the wolf’s den to meet their hungry jaws with nothing but his bare muscles and determination to protect his husband. Or Shane went up to the opening of the tent.

‘Hello? Anyone? Open up please! We’re getting soaking wet’, a frantic voice called from outside. It didn’t sound like a wolf as much as it sounded like Zane Boodram.

‘Coming’, Shane called urgently and began to fumble for the zipper.

‘Ilya, shine some light’

Ilya had put phone in his the pockets in his pants because he didn’t trust it to get lost amidst the mess in their tent.

He shone his flashlight around, causing Luca Haas to wake once more, blinking blearily into the bright light. Shane opened the door of the tent, welcoming a completely drenched Bood, Wyatt and Dykstra in.

‘Our tent wasn’t waterproof at all. We realized it too late. I think we did something wrong when we set it up’

‘Did you get all of your stuff’?, Shane helped taking over the bags from his teammates.

‘The most important things’, Dykstra muttered somberly.

‘What about the others?’, Ilya inquired.

‘They’re holding up fine I think’, Wyatt shrugged and then squeezed himself in between Ilya and Luca.

‘I lost my sleeping bag’

Ilya quickly grabbed the upper layer of their sleeping bag-blanket and threw it at Wyatt before he could steal both of them. He didn’t want Shane to get cold.

It was way too cramped in the tent originally made for three and everyone lay on top of each other in a heap of limps and wet hair and sleeping bags.

Ilya burried himself deeper in the safety Shane’s arms. He felt Wyatt’s eyes on him, giving them a curious look. Ilya didn’t care, he was already asleep.

—

The next morning Wyatt woke up to his captain facing him, still asleep. Shane Hollander had his hands wrapped around his waist and Rozanov’s curls were ruffled by the makeshift pillow, his mouth slightly parted. He looked peaceful, almost sweet, Wyatt thought.

Until, of course, he woke up.

‘If you keep staring at me like that, I will report your creepy behaviour to Wiebe’, Ilya snarled annoyingly at him.

Wyatt rolled his eyes.

‘I will report whoever kept me up with their snoring last night. I know it wasn’t you because it sounded further away’

‘Bood snores. I have roomed with him’

Ilya tried his best to smooth out his wild head of curls without waking Shane in the process.

‘I am just glad I didn’t accidentally cuddle you instead of Shane’

Wyatt frowned at the thought of his captain trying to strangle him in an embrace at night.

‘That would be disgusting’

‘That is homophobic’

—

Ilya made his way over to the edge of the forest to brush his teeth again. This time, when he opened his toiletry bag, he saw something that he didn’t last night: a postcard.

Ilya narrowed his eyes at it, almost expecting it to be a threat or something. But who had acces to his toiletries? There was no address or stamp on the enveloppe. 

Scanning the area, Ilya made sure no one could see him, before he opened the envelope and immediately threw the card far away from him. He followed the paper sheepishly as it fluttered unto the wet grass without exploding. Well, you couldn’t be safe enough, right?

Deeming the card safe enough to touch, Ilya crouched to pick it up.

‘Someone else up early, I see’

Ilya nearly lost his balance and tumbled face first towards the ground at the sudden voice behind him.

He steadied himself with the tip of his fingers and grimaced as the dewy grass felt cold beneath his finger. He really hoped none of the man had done any of their business at the edge of the forest last night. Why did he throw that stupid card again?

Nose to nose with costumized fuzzy  slippers containing Troy Barrett’s face, Ilya looked up at Harris. He swiftly straightened himself, letter in his hand and willed his cheeks do be good Russians and behave.

‘I dropped this’, Ilya explained slightly embarrassed as he waved the card in front of Harris.

Harris nodded kindly.

‘You look better. Slept well?’

‘Not really. The storm destroyed one of

the other tents so they slept with us’

Harris grimaced in sympathy.

‘I don’t even want to imagine. I suppose no one got a good night of sleep then’

‘Don’t think so, though Bood was snoring, I heard. Maybe he got some sleep’

Harris laughed at that.

‘Let’s hope so’

Then he looked at the wet paper Ilya was still waving around as if trying to air dry it.

‘Are you going to read that?’

Ilya swallowed with difficulty.

‘I have done this already. Nothing important’, he told Harris dismissively. He just woke up, cut him some slack.

Harris frowned as he tilted his head in a way that Ilya could only describe as a teacher hearing that someone’s dog ate their homework. Ridiculous. Anya would never. Unless Ilya wanted her to of course.

‘I literately saw you open the enveloppe and throw the card away on my way here’, Harris pointed out dryly.

‘Ah’, was all Ilya could really manage because what on earth could he say to that? Where did Harris even come from?

‘I thought it might be-‘, Ilya seemed to think about the right words for a moment, ‘bad message’

That wasn’t really what he wanted to say but it got the sentiment across.

Harris’ skeptical expression faltered, making room for a troubled one.

‘You thought that it might be a threat? Have you gotten those before? I always try to delete any bad comments of our social media, but I don’t know with Russia…‘

Ilya tried not to read any of the comments if he was completely honest. He had never come across any real threats but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of the dangers of being openly queer. He was terrified of it happening, even more so if it would happen to Shane.

He assured Harris that he would let him know if he ever got any real threats, but the other man didn’t seem to believe him.

‘Give me the card, I’ll read it to you’

‘What if message is threatening my dignity?’, Ilya protested, not fully convinced.

Harris snorted and started reading it anyway. His eyes scanned the card thoroughly but his expression remained calm.

‘It’s from Yuna Hollander. That’s Shane’s mom, right?’

Ilya’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. How had Yuna managed to sneak a card into his suitcase? He hadn’t seen Shane’s mother since coming over for dinner last week. And he definitely didn’t bring his toiletry bag with him then.

She must have given it to Shane when he came to pick up his old scouting stuff from the attic. Ilya almost felt himself tearing up before he had even heard what Yuna had wanted to tell him.

Harris cleared his throat after not receiving any real pushback from the captain and started reading out loud:

‘Dear Ilya,

I hope you’re having a great time camping with your team. We have this tradition in the Hollander household of writing Shane cards whenever he goes camping. Since you are part of the family know, here you go!

First of all, don’t forget to wear sunscreen and drink enough water. I can’t wait to hear all your stories when you get back! David is missing you during game night, he keeps losing from me.

Don’t worry, Anya is doing great with us! I don’t want to meddle of course but I think I am getting somewhere with learning her how to sit! I do find it odd that she only does it on David’s lap. Perhaps because he takes her on walks all the time.

Anyway, we will pick you and Shane up when you come back. We will be there around six o’clock with Anya. Take care of yourself Ilya!

Love, Yuna and David’

Okay, Ilya was definitely done for. He made sure to subtly wipe the tears from his cheeks before Harris finished reading. He had to take a deep breath in to keep himself from full on sobbing but only felt slightly embarrassed by it.

Ilya had gone on many hockey camps when he had been younger in Russia. He loved being away from his father for a while, he loved being free, being consumed by hockey.

His mother always used to send him postcards of his favourite hockey icons, to remind him what he was doing it for. She always believed in him.

God, Ilya wished Shane could have met her. Or maybe even Yuna. He knew they would be friends, both very determined. Very loving.

Harris was staring at him, his eyes also suspiciously misty, as he handed the card back to Ilya. He didn’t say anything just watched the other man intently.

Suddenly Ilya just wanted to get away from his scrutinizing gaze. He’d brush his teeth after breakfast.

‘I’m going to try and get some more sleep’

‘Good luck with that’, Harris gave a half smile. He was silent for a moment when Ilya walked away but then he called again.

‘Ilya?’

Ilya turned around to find Harris approaching him shyly.

‘I just wanted to say… I’m really glad you came, you and Shane’

Ilya raised an eyebrow: ‘Of course. We wouldn’t miss team activity’

‘Yes I know but- I was thinking, at your wedding, at the beautiful speeches everyone gave, how nice it was to hear people talk about their love for you. Knowing you love them too. I just think it’s a pity to wait for weddings or funerals talk about things that matter so openly.

What I’m trying to say is thank you. It meant a lot to me that I wasn’t the only queer person working with the Centaurs anymore. I know you never said it, but I have a spectacular gaydar, so I kind of suspected. I always found comfort in that.

This trip is just a stupid teambuilding activity right, but you are here with your husband. That alone is such a hard-fought victory, one that you earned because you were brave and resilient. Even though it’s not much coming from me, I am proud of you’

Ilya stared at Harris quietly for a moment. He’d never known he made that much of a difference in anyone’s life, let alone that of his friends.

He had taken just as much comfort in someone else in the group being openly out and accepted. And now again, it felt special to have someone who understood how unbelievable it was for Shane to be here with him.

‘No. Shane and I are here because you and Troy were brave. And I can never thank you enough for that. For being my friend’

Harris blinked furiously when he held out his arms uncertainly in front of Ilya: ‘Can I hug you?’

When they let each other go, Ilya immediately tried to relieve some of the tension. He had acknowledged enough of his feelings for one day. Galina would be proud.

‘We should really go on a double date sometime’

Harris laughed as Ilya sniffled quietly.

‘Did my post-wedding speech make you that emotional or are you still sick?’, Harris teased him.

Ilya rubbed his neck sheepishly.

‘I might have some sort of fever’

Harris pursed his mouth knowingly, chastising him.

‘Well, back to bed then and don’t forget to take another dose of medicine this morning’

Ilya rolled his eyes, he really was being babied everywhere. Or maybe that was just what friends did: they cared

‘As if Shane would let me forget’