Work Text:
Changbin isn't sure what he was expecting at 3am. Scratch that, he does know what he was expecting. Nothing. Literally nothing should be happening at 3am. He should be fast asleep with an alarm set to go off in 2 hours for the gym. What shouldn't be happening is the doorbell jolting him out of sleep.
He grumbles and pulls himself out of the comfort of his bed, a real struggle considering the time and how it was oh-so-comfy. He finds a bathrobe he has tossed into his dirty laundry basket and wraps it around himself, so he's not meeting whoever the fuck has chosen to wake him up, in his boxers. He may be slightly pissed but he has some decorum, the line is thin this late, though.
He swings open the door, ready to give a small earful to whoever it is, but instantly deflates when he's met with the sight of Chan, a long time friend of his.
"Hey." Changbin greets him, not having anything more to say because what he did have prepped doesn't matter.
"C-can I come in?" Chan asks, wringing his hands together and making direct eye contact with his shoes.
"Of course." Changbin steps back to allow the other to enter, "What's going on?" He asks once Chan is inside his apartment and the door is shut behind him.
Chan is still looking at the floor, but Changbin doesn't miss the small sniffling coming from the other.
Changbin holds both of Chan's shoulders, "Hey, hey," He coos gently, "What's going on? Whatever it is, I'll help you."
Chan just shakes his head, no longer stifling his sniffles and soon enough it's obvious that he's crying. "H-hug?" He hiccups out.
Changbin immediately wraps his arms around the other and they stand there, in the entryway to Changbin's apartment for quite some time, until Chan's crying slows down, back to simple sniffling.
Changbin is gentle as he guides the other to his living room, uncaring for the shoes Chan is still wearing. Though, Chan cares. He makes Changbin wait as he unties his shoes and sets them neatly on the rack, regardless of his current state. Once he's back standing, Changbin wraps an arm around his shoulders and guides him to one of the couches.
He doesn't prompt the other when they sit. Instead, he gives him time to collect his thoughts and share what he wants. Which isn't anything apparently. Chan makes them sit in silence for a while before he even says something.
"It's just been a bad day." He mumbles out, grabbing one of Changbin's decorative throw pillows to hug.
"It's 3am Channie." Changbin sets a hand on the other's thigh, "We both know it's more than that."
Chan nods, "I wasn't…being nice to myself." He admits sheepishly.
"That's okay…well, not actually, but," Changbin sucks at this comforting thing, "It's okay to have bad days and bad thoughts, but I'm happy you came here." He cringes at himself because he's just rambling, poorly at that.
"Thank you for opening the door." Is the response Changbin gets and he feels guilty about his earlier grumbling about being woken up at this ungodly hour.
"I'll always open it. Wanna talk about what you were thinking about yourself?"
Chan vehemently shakes his head. He hugs the pillow tighter and seems to purposely keep his gaze away from Changbin's.
Changbin won't accept that. He removes his hand from Chan's thigh and cups his face, forcing his gaze up. More tears well in Chan's eyes at the action and he shakes his head to the best of his ability in Changbin's grasp. He squeezes his eyes tight, and purses his lips, trying not to make a noise.
Changbin swipes his thumb across Chan's face to clean the tears as they fall. "It's okay Channie. Whatever it is, let me carry some of it too."
It takes awhile for these tears to quell as well. Chan seems to lose all the fight in his body and melts into Changbin, so the other now has to wrap his arms around him to hold him up. There's probably snot and tears on his bathrobe now, but he was going to wash it anyway, so it doesn't matter.
"I—I don't like how I look." Is how Chan starts and everything falls out of him like water down the rocks. He forces each word pass a hiccup, "I'm too big, but not big enough. I don't have the muscles or bulk others want me too nor am I small enough to be held. I'm too big for someone to cradle and hold and pickup. I want to be babied but I'm too big for that. I shouldn't even want it." He mumbles into Changbin's shoulder.
Changbin tightens his grip around the other. It's all wrong. Chan is perfect just the way he is, but he doesn't believe that would be helpful to tell right now. Would Chan even believe him?
"And I'm too quiet. I like to watch, but that's weird. I need to talk more. My cleaning and organising habits are too much. I'm obsessive and get anal when other's are trying to sort something but it's wrong. But I don't know why it's wrong and that's more upsetting to them." He's starting to hyperventilate some.
"Shh, shh. I got you, Chan." Changbin murmurs into his ear, running a hand down his back and making soothing circles.
"I get too engrossed in things. It's obsessive. Because it's never right. I need to spend more time doing things to make it right and others do it so easily it seems. I can put hours into my work and it's still wrong. People still complain. I can't do it right, it's useless." He talks so vaguely but Changbin knows what he means.
"No." Changbin doesn't mean to speak—interrupting the other. "Your hard work is so evident, Channie. Anyone can tell. And your organising habits are interesting, but they're yours and that's what makes it special. And you aren't too big or too little. You can bench a fucking man, but also…" Changbin purposely trails off as he repositions himself to basically squat Chan.
Chan lets out a yelp in surprise. His arms instantly going around Changbin's neck to support himself. A surprise chuckle breaking loose from his mouth.
"See?" Changbin grunts, only a little. "Not too big. Now let's get you in bed. It's 4am. We can have better thoughts in the morning." It's slow moving to get to his bedroom, because yeah, Chan is a grown man with plenty of muscle mass and Changbin still feels half asleep, but he has a point to prove.
He unceremoniously drops Chan on his bed and has to spend a second catching his breath. He makes a scooching motion with his hand, "Make room for me, ya baby."
Chan makes a wet chuckling noise before sliding over so Changbin can get on the bed too. Changbin pulls the covers up over both of them and wraps an arm around Chan. "What we're going to do is sleep and in the morning we'll discuss more of this, okay? Nothing is gonna change this late at night."
Before he gets fully comfortable he opens up his phone and switches his alarm to 7am. Once that is done he wraps both arms around Chan's waist and tugs him closer. He stays like that until he is sure that Chan has fallen asleep, then he buries his face in between the other's shoulder blades and drifts off as well.