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Look, Seika's not going to pretend that she's a perfect being that has landed all of her shots with 100% accuracy. It is only by the grace of Arceus that trying to ask Taunie out, slipping her elbow off the counter, and splitting her eyebrow open in Kyoya's apartment kitchen somehow didn't turn her away from dating her entirely. And before that, she'd pussyfooted around that woman enough for the both of them.
But come on. Come. The fuck on.
Some Johtonian love song that's as old as Seika's parents is softly playing in the background. It's a harsh contrast to the tirade that Professor Corbeau has oh-so-thoughtfully directed to his colleague Professor Philippe over the phone rather than Seika herself, who is on her third cup of coffee and thinks she might be smelling colors at this point. She can only really describe their back-and-forth as similar to that of an old married couple, as cliche as that is, because the deadpan tone of Philippe's voice over the phone betrays just how much of Corbeau's voice he's heard throughout his life.
"… and, y'know what, maybe that's on me," Corbeau rants in a way that Seika can clearly tell that he doesn't think this is on him at all. "Maybe I'm the idiot for assuming that the average student would be able to identify the molecular structure of Salazzle pheromones. Except I sent a mass email to all of my classes with all the information and study guides they could possibly need, so what gives?"
"They're lucky to have you, Beau," Philippe replies noncommittally. Seika's phone buzzes and she takes it out to see that her brother, trapped in the same grading related torment nexus as herself, has risked it all to text her some very critical updates.
"They're damn lucky to have me!" Corbeau all but throws his hands up in the air, and swiftly catches a sheet of paper that he'd kicked up in the process. Seika decides this is as good an opportunity as any to reply to Kyoya's message.
Seika figures she'll leave the conversation at that.
She and Professor Corbeau are in hour five of their post-finals grading spree, and it's just not going well at all. A sizeable fraction of Corbeau's students got automatically failed on the basis of plagiarism, which he threw a very eloquent fit about, and no matter how speedy of a grader you are it's just impossible to not have your eyes glaze over after the twentieth senior thesis about Pokemon toxicology. Seika wasn't even going to entertain her boss' request for a lackey to push some papers around until he offered a fat bonus for it— under the table, of course, because even when he was being nice he had to be shady about it.
That being said, now that Seika's actually here, the sweet juicy gossip about Corbeau's stupid obvious crush on Philippe is payment enough.
See, it has been clear as day to Seika and Kyoya both, as their teaching assistants, that they are in love with each other. When they'd both started working for those two, Kyoya had basically been made to be a glorified receptionist for Professor Philippe, managing his calendar and office hours, and he'd made the critical mistake of telling Professor Corbeau that the man was unavailable when he was on his personally mandated coffee break. Corbeau had told him that that was bullshit, and that Philippe always had made time for him, and then Philippe had emerged from his office to tell Kyoya to stop arguing about it and just let the man in already, holding two cups of coffee.
Two! And Corbeau had known which one was his before Philippe could even say anything! That was hardly something that you'd do for someone that Philippe claimed was "an esteemed colleague and someone I respect deeply, nothing more," when Kyoya had tactlessly interrogated him about it.
Anyway.
Corbeau takes his feet off his desk and ends his call with Philippe, which is Seika's signal to pretend that she had been working diligently this whole time. A single hour passes, during which time Seika gets exactly two more grades done, and then she stands up to stretch, cracking bones that she thought only men Corbeau's age and Griselle from Nouveau Cafe could crack.
"So, Professor," Seika starts, "how long have you liked Professor Philippe?"
Corbeau all but spits the coffee out of his mouth. "Excuse me?!"
"I said what I said."
Seika is aware that she's probably crossing all sorts of professional boundaries just by asking, but she's bone tired, her eyes are swimming, and she just can't bring herself to care.
"First of all," Corbeau points an accusing finger at his assistant, his veins bulging, "that's an unprofessional question to be asking and none of your business besides. I don't pay you to pry into my love life, you know! Since you've got so much free time on your hands, maybe I should leave the rest of the grading to you and take off for my holiday break early, how about that?"
It's in one ear and out the other, and Seika knows Corbeau knows it.
"Second of all."
He slumps back down into his chair and puts the back of his hand up to his mouth. Even as delirious as she is, Seika can recognize the light flush on his cheeks, and… is that a hint of a smile? From Lumiose University's scariest professor?
"… the better part of a decade, maybe."
This was Seika's idea, of course, but she would be remiss to overlook how Kyoya's ability to gaslight carried the entire operation. To begin with, Corbeau and Philippe wouldn't have come on this "friendly lunch" between the four of them if Kyoya hadn't told them that he and Seika were flying out this very night instead of tomorrow— coincidentally, that happened to make this the only day that both professors had a clear schedule around noon, and therefore time to go to a cafe to celebrate the end of a grueling finals season.
And this is really neither here nor there, but this might also be the first time that Seika and Kyoya have seen their bosses in anything even remotely casual. Just based on his taste in music, Seika figured that Corbeau had kind of an old soul, and wouldn't you know it, his idea of a casual outfit did end up being a purple argyle sweater vest and khaki slacks. It's Philippe that takes her off guard. She knew he had tattoos and piercings and probably had to fight for his life in the interview process leading up to his current job, so maybe this is on her, but Philippe turning up in a black leather biking jacket and ripped jeans was far from the first thing she would've thought of when it came to such a soft-spoken, polite man.
"You're late," Corbeau drawls when she and Kyoya sit down at one of the cafe's outdoor tables. "Philippe and I were just having a lovely conversation about how unprofessional that was and how we should both fire you immediately— with a handsome severance pay, of course."
Philippe scratches his head with a thick index finger. "Professor Corbeau was just telling me about how grateful he is for your hard work, Seika. For as much as he likes to joke around, he's very appreciative of you taking the time out of your day to help him grade."
"Thanks, I know," Seika smiles back. "Unlike this bum—" she points a thumb at her twin brother, who's already getting ready to look affronted for sympathy points— "that overslept five alarms and who his roommate had to physically shake to wake up so he could make it to lunch today."
"Only because you kept asking for one more round of Unite until the sun rose," Kyoya grumbles, on cue.
"That's very unfortunate," Corbeau interjects between sips of his coffee. "If only you were at some sort of establishment where you could purchase a caffeinated drink and perhaps even a meal so you could replenish some of that energy."
"If only," Kyoya sighs, immediately turning to flag down a waitress so he can order a triple espresso and a salad so he can at least pretend that he doesn't eat garbage on a regular basis, and a medium-caramel-macchiato-hot-no-whipped-cream-and-oran-berry-cookie for Seika. (Because what are brothers for if not to be coerced to courier drinks to their sisters that deserve a little treat?)
So far, so good. The twins ease Corbeau and Philippe into a false sense of security by talking about their plans for break and seeing their family back in Kanto. Seika almost gets lost in yapping about how excited she is to have her girlfriend meet her parents for the first time, but a well-timed kick to her shin from Kyoya helps her turn the focus back to their professors.
"So what about you guys? Any plans for the holidays?"
Corbeau and Philippe share a look.
"We were thinking of taking a work retreat to Alola, as a matter of fact," Corbeau replies. "I've been before, but only for research. It'll be nice to get some sun and actually experience what the region has to offer."
… We?
"He says that, but if I take my eye off him for a second he'll have caught a Toxapex and then he'll stay up all night analyzing the chemical structure of its poison," Philippe sighs. Seika doesn't miss how much softer his voice sounds, even when he's exasperated. And besides, Kyoya has told her enough about his professor that she knows he's just as much of a workaholic as his rival-and-probably-crush.
"Oh, now there's an idea." Corbeau takes another sip of his coffee and picks a fry off of Philippe's plate without blinking an eye. "Philippe, do you reckon payroll will send me a strongly worded email if I mark that as 'class preparation' and make them pay me for my time?"
"Considering how cross they already are with you for your excessive overtime, I believe that would be inadvisable, yes."
"You are no fun at all, you know that?"
They look and sound so comfortable with each other. Seika can't believe they haven't just confessed and gotten this little dance over with. Maybe it's because the two of them are older and don't get the whole Vivillon-in-your-stomach feeling thing anymore, but they're clearly happy with each other's presence.
"Y'know, you guys sound like an old married couple sometimes," Seika jokes, and then immediately regrets how unsubtle a comment that was until she catches the tinge of pink on both professors' cheeks and their wide, surprised eyes. And then something incredible happens.
Corbeau laughs.
"You really think so?" He pops another one of Philippe's fries into his mouth. "Well, I could certainly do worse than Philippe, I s'pose. He's a good man and he'd make for a good husband, if you set our academic disputes aside."
The man in question is tamato-red, covering his mouth with his hand and refusing to make eye contact with anyone. And anyone in his position would react the same, Seika thinks to herself. His crush just openly admitted that he would be okay with marrying him, after all.
"Seika, Seika," Kyoya whispers to her in a way that's just loud enough for their bosses to hear. "Seika, I messed up. We gotta go, dude."
"Hmm?" Corbeau tilts his head to the side. "So soon?"
"Ah, uh, I'm really sorry!" Kyoya bows quickly. He ought to win an award for his acting skills. Too bad his true talent only shines in the stupidest of situations. "It turns out I totally misread the boarding time for our flight, so Seika and I have to leave, like, now. It was really nice catching up with you! See you next year!"
Seika bows apologetically, and after putting down the cash to pay for both of their meals, lets Kyoya drag her by the arm around the corner.
Corbeau lets out a sigh he didn't realize he was holding in.
"Y'know, I'm all for separating work and personal matters, but I think it's caused quite a bit of unnecessary confusion in this case," he muses. "We 'sound like an old married couple,' do we?"
"Those twins certainly have quite an active imagination." Philippe takes Corbeau's hand and places a soft kiss on his ring finger. "Though I suppose it can't be helped when you call our anniversary trip a 'work retreat' and hide your wedding band on a necklace that no one else gets to see."
"Please, you know that's for lab safety," Corbeau chuckles. "And your own wedding band has to fight for real estate with the fifty other rings you wear on a normal basis, too. You're one to talk anyway— I'd like to think that I'm more than just a 'respected colleague' at this point, dear."
"Kyoya wasn't going to leave me alone if I gave a more committed answer than that. We wouldn't have gotten any work done for the rest of the day."
"Good thing he and Seika aren't here anymore so I can love on you without those two prying into our affairs." Corbeau pushes his cup of coffee diagonally across the table, and sits down where Kyoya had just been, right next to Philippe. "This coffee really is quite good. Want a taste?"
Philippe leans down and lets Corbeau pull him in for a kiss. Even the offensive amount of sugar that his husband insists on having in his coffee on the daily tastes warm and lovely when it's Corbeau's lips he's tasting it on. When they finally part, Philippe's face is much more relaxed.
"I'm serious about keeping the trip work-free, by the way," he tells Corbeau. "I'd like for us to just… spend some time together. Take some long romantic walks on the beach, maybe. We can worry about work once we come back."
"And deal with the five hundred emails from students asking for a regrade or curve in the week before classes start in the new semester, yes."
"Beau, please." Philippe, emboldened by their new proximity, puts a hand around Corbeau's waist and moves his thumb up and down the side of his torso, just enough to poke underneath his ribs. "You can set up an autoresponder or have your TA take care of that once she's back from Kanto. Speaking of which, I can hear you around the corner, Kyoya. Do you want to sit back down here and at least be comfortable while giggling with your sister about our relationship?"
"Wah?!" Kyoya all but leaps out of his hiding spot, apparently having never considered that switching out his jacket and being just out of Philippe's line of sight would not make his and Seika's yapping any quieter.
"I-I'm sorry!" Seika stammers. "I really didn't know you were already married!"
"Consider that a lesson learned. You too, Seika," Corbeau chides, his eyebrows already back to a deep furrow. "You're very lucky I'm in a good mood. Now stop looking like sulking Fidoughs and sit back down. You two barely ate anything, you must be starving."
"Okayyyy," both twins say in unison, not missing how the necklace with Corbeau's wedding ring, a silver-and-violet work of art that matches Philippe's, now rests on the outside of his sweater vest.