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Regulus blinked his eyes open. 

A vast ceiling loomed over him. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he woke up, but he was pretty sure this was not typical. 

“Oh thank heavens, he’s awake.”

Regulus struggled to sit up, but a woman appeared in front of him and tutted, “Don’t get up too quick, dear. Take your time.”

The woman was familiar to Regulus, but he couldn't pinpoint who she was. Behind her another man stood, a bit older than her and adorned in green robes, who again had a familiar presence. In fact he had the same feeling about the room he was in as well. He knew he had been here before…but when was it? 

“Where am I?” 

“You’re in the hospital wing, dear. You were brought in a few hours ago.”

“Is this St. Mungo’s?” Regulus asked, despite having been to St. Mungo’s before and it looking nothing like the expanse of room in front of him. 

The man and the woman exchanged glances. 

“No, my boy,” the man replied, tentatively. “The hospital wing at Hogwarts.” 

“Hogwarts?” He knew of the school of course, but he had never gone there…he thought. Actually Regulus was having a difficult time remembering anything. It felt like he was trying to connect dots that were miles apart. “Why am I at Hogwarts?”

A look of alarm flashed across the woman’s face. She knelt down next to his bed, looking at him eye-level. She had soft, comforting eyes despite the worry. It was very different from what he was used to. 

“Dear, can you tell me what year it is?”

Regulus thought hard. How old was he? He felt older than he remembered. He was a teenager, he was almost positive about that. And he was born in 1961 so…

“Well we must be in the 1970’s,” he muttered to himself. 

“Horace, the headmaster. Get him now.”

The man nodded, turning quickly to leave out the set of heavy oak doors. The lady got up from her position, shaking a little as she did so. The fear radiating from her was not helping Regulus feel any better about his predicament. 

“You must be starving,” the nurse said, waving her wand and summoning a tray. “Please have something to eat. Do you…do you know how to…?”

But her question must have been answered, for she trailed off when Regulus took a large bite of toast. He was, indeed, ravenous. He scarfed down his toast and jam, and was well into his fruit bowl when the man returned with two others in tow; an elderly man and another middle aged woman. 

“It’s most peculiar, Albus,” the nurse said, as they approached. “It’s not as if he was obliviated, yet there is something very wrong.”

The elderly man sat at the end of Regulus’s bed, a warm smile being a welcoming difference than the grave looks of the others. 

“Hello,” the man said, “Do you know your name?”

Regulus swallowed his toast. “Regulus Black.”

“That’s wonderful. And do you know where you are, Regulus?”

“The nurse said Hogwarts.”

“Do you know what Hogwarts is?”

“A school. For wizards.”

“Are you a wizard, Regulus?”

“Of course,” Regulus responded, fully confident in this answer. It was a relief to know something. 

“Do you know the houses of Hogwarts?”

“Yes. Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryfinndor.” 

“And what house are you in?”

Apparently that was the end of the easy questions. 

“I don’t know, sir. I don’t remember going to school here.”

The man responded with a small hum, going into thought. 

“Excuse me, sir, may I ask who you are?”

“Of course,” the old man said, “I am Professor Dumbledore. I am the headmaster at Hogwarts. This is Professor Slughorn,” he gestured to the other man. “He is the head of Slytherin. And this is Madam Pomfrey, our nurse as you called her, and Professor McGonnagal. Do you remember any of us?”

Regulus slowly shook his head.  

“What do you remember, Regulus?”

It was hard to describe what he remembered. The older memories seemed easier to reach; bits and pieces from his childhood. But after a certain age, around 10 he thought, it was as if there were clouds obscuring the memories. He knew they were there, but try as he might, they were just out of reach. 

He told the professors as much. 

“Fascinating,” Slughorn said, “What do you think happened, Albus?”

“I have a theory,” the headmaster said, “But I must again look over what was found next to young Mister Black when he was discovered this morning. And then I will write to a colleague at St. Mungo’s for confirmation. In the meantime, Horace, please send word to Orion and Walburga Black about their son’s condition.” 

Professor Dumbledore got up and patted Regulus on the head in a strange gesture of comfort. 

“Do not fret, Mr. Black. We will all do our due diligence to return your memories to you. For better or for worse.”

The two men departed, leaving the nurse and the other professor standing near his bed. In the parting words of the headmaster, Regulus started to feel a little nauseous. The weight of the situation he was in fell upon him. Regulus was in a foreign place with people he did not remember and only knowing a fraction of who he was.  

“Is there anything we could get you, Mister Black?” Professor McGonagall asked. “Would you like a book to read or-?”

“Does my brother go here?”

The professor looked taken aback.

“Your brother…as in Sirius Black?”

“Yes, Sirius. Is he at Hogwarts as well?”

“Yes, your brother attends school here.”

“Can I see him?”

“You wish to see your brother?”

Regulus felt frustration easing in as they were seemingly talking in circles. Of course he wanted his brother, he could only remember a few people and Sirius was at the forefront of them. 

“Yes. I want to see Sirius. Please.”

Professor McGonagall hesitated. 

“I know you must not remember…but your relationship with Sirius is…. strained.”

With recent years missing, Regulus’s memory was almost entirely of his childhood, and the only person from his childhood that he felt safe with was his brother. All he wanted was his brother to tell him it would all be alright. 

“Please,” Regulus said again, “I want to see him.”

The two ladies exchanged looks and Professor McGonnagal nodded. 

“I will fetch him. And I will have Professor Slughorn round up some of your school friends. Maybe they will help you reach some of your memories.”

The professor left, and the nurse busied herself taking vitals and scribbling down on the chart she held. The awkwardness felt heavy. Regulus tried again to close his eyes and access any memory from his time at Hogwarts, but he was being turned away in his own mind. Instead he saw memories from his childhood at Grimmauld place, unpleasant ones that Regulus wished had been erased instead. But there were also happy ones; not crystal clear, but still there despite the years since they occurred. He remembered playing hide and seek with his brother, staying up late reading under the covers, when Kreacher made him a birthday cake. He imagined holding these ones, tying them in place so they would not disappear the way of the others. 

A short time passed when Regulus heard voices approaching from outside in the corridor. 

“Well what the hell is wrong with him?” said a muffled voice. It was deeper than he remembered, but Regulus was positive that it was Sirius’s. He heard the professor's soft scolding as the doors swung open. Even without his full memory, Regulus recognized him on sight. Taller, more toned, longer hair; yet definitely his brother.

“Siri,” Regulus breathed in relief at the first sight of a familiar person. Sirius stopped in his tracks, his face showing a mixture of confusion and disgust. 

“Excuse me?”

Regulus recoiled back into his pillow, unsure how to respond. 

“What’s wrong with him? Why am I being taken away from my very important studies, Professor?”

Professor McGonagall glared at him. “I’m afraid your brother has lost parts of his memories”.  

“What, like he got himself obliviated?”

“Not quite. Someone who is obliviated wouldn’t remember anything about themselves. Regulus knows who he is, but many of his memories are locked away. He appears to have some from his childhood-”

“That’s unfortunate,” Sirius snorted. “Well what the bloody hell am I supposed to do about it?” 

Regulus shrunk even further. 

This was not the brother he remembered. 

Professor McGonnagal grabbed Sirius by the arm and yanked him in front of Regulus. 

“Your younger brother is confused and scared, Mr. Black. He wanted to see you. You will sit here until his friends arrive and do your best to comfort him.”

Sirius started to protest, but she hushed him instantly. 

“That is an order, Mr. Black. Madam Pomfrey will see that you follow it.”

His older brother grumbled curses under his breath as she turned and walked away. Regulus stayed quiet as Sirius kicked the chair at Regulus’s bedside, plopping into it with clear irritation. Then he looked up at Regulus.

“You really don’t remember anything?”

Regulus shook his head silently. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell. Well let me catch you up on the last-whats the last memory you have?”

“Uhm, my tenth birthday I think-”

“Last six years then.”

That answered how old Regulus was. Six years was a lot of memories to lose.

“You and me-we don’t talk. You fucking hate my guts and the feeling is quite mutual.”

Regulus blinked. “Why?”

“Why? Merlin’s balls, we don’t have all day. You are an arrogant, self-centered, Grade-A bigot who looks down on anyone who isn’t pureblood just like our fucked-up parents.” 

“Oh.”

“And you hate me because I am a blood-traitor who was expelled from the family because I like boys.” 

“Oh.”

“That’s all you can say? Fucking “oh”?” 

“I-I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, right,” Sirius scoffed, “I should savor that apology because it’s the only one I will ever get from you.” 

Regulus did not want his brother anymore. Or maybe he did, but not this one. He had a hundred questions, but now did not seem like a good time to talk to Sirius, who had gone silent and was picking at the black nail polish on his fingernails. 

“Siri-uhm Sirius?”

“What.”

“I don’t remember hating you.” 

“Good for you.”

Regulus picked at a loose string on the edge of the bed sheet. 

“The last memory I have of you-you gave me a present for my birthday. You snuck into my room after bedtime. It was a book, I made you read me a chapter. It was about woodland elves going on a quest to find the fountain of youth. You said I couldn’t let mother and father know about it, they wouldn’t approve of fairytales.”

Sirius froze for a second, as if the memory was returning to him after being forgotten. But if it had affected him in any way, his brother ignored it by rolling his eyes.  

“You aren’t going to change anything by reminding me of one good memory, Regulus. You might not remember, but I have six years of bad ones to offset the few good ones.”

The front doors to the wing opened again, and a group of teenagers in black cloaks and green ties came in. 

“Thank fuck,” his brother stood up. 

“Regulus, what the hell mate?” a dark haired boy shouted, but Regulus was too busy watching his brother leave to bother to answer the stranger. 

…..

Regulus slept soundly, mentally exhausted from trying to access memories that just would not appear for him. His supposed friends told him everything about himself. Apparently Regulus was a great quidditch player, an excellent student, snarky but a good friend to them. They told him how they had found an unconscious Regulus that morning on the floor of their lavatory with an empty glass shattered on the floor beside him. They had rushed him to the hospital wing where he had been out for around five hours before Professor Slughorn had fetched them saying he had awoken. 

Try as he might, Regulus couldn't picture himself in the stories they told. Part of him felt as if he was still who he was at ten years old. He knew that these friends of his were trying to be comforting, but it was honestly a relief when they had finally left. After a small dinner, Regulus had read some from a book his friends had brought him before turning out the lights. Regulus stared at the full moon outside the vast window, illuminating the night sky until his eyes drifted shut. 

Regulus woke in the early hours of dawn to the doors being banged loudly open. 

“Merlin Pete, you know people are sleeping in here,” a voice hissed. The voice stirred a reaction somewhere in the recesses of his body, but Regulus couldn’t pinpoint why. Regardless, he kept his eyes shut and pretended to be asleep. 

“It’s just Regulus,” said another that Regulus knew to be his brother. He opened his eyes a fraction to see his brother and two others levitating a fourth body through the doors. For a fleeting moment he thought Sirius might have killed someone and was hiding the evidence in the hospital wing. The ridiculousness of the thought was quickly confirmed by Madam Pomfrey hurrying over and gesturing to lay the boy two beds away from Regulus. 

“He had a pretty rough go,” the taller, bespeckled boy said. “He was out cold as soon as he changed back.”

“Poor dear,” the nurse said, “Most likely he will sleep most of the day. Thank you boys. Go get some rest before your first period.” 

The boys departed, and Regulus saw the nurse fuss over the boy; tucking him under the blankets. Regulus opened his eyes fully, looking over at his brother’s friend. The teenager had long scars on his face. Coupled with the fact that the one boy had said he had ‘changed’, Regulus was confident that the teen lying in the bed was a werewolf. Regulus wondered if he had already known that his brother was friends with a werewolf. 

It was difficult to fall back asleep, but Regulus soon found himself drifting off again until it was late morning. After breakfast, he asked Madam Pomfrey if he could leave the hospital wing with supervision, but she refused his request and offered a book of puzzles instead. The morning passed slowly. 

After lunch, Regulus received an unexpected visitor. 

The tall, bespeckled boy entered the hospital around one, walking first to the werewolf still lying dead to the world. 

“Mr. Potter,” Madam Pomfrey said, “Shouldn’t you be in class right now?”

“Free period,” the boy smiled. Madam Pomfrey raised a skeptical eyebrow but pressed no further, retreating back into her office. 

The boy said something and it took Regulus a moment to realize he was speaking to him. 

“Pardon?”

“I asked how are you doing?”

“I-well enough I suppose. Considering things.”

The boy walked around his friend’s bed and approached Regulus’s. 

“Mind if I sit?” he gestured to the chair next to his bed. Regulus studied the boy before deciding his response. He was tall with an angelic face and hazel eyes. The demeanor he gave off was opposite of his brother’s cold and reluctant one; he was calm, relaxed even. Every person who Regulus had seen since he woke up had been anxious.  This boy, however, smiled brightly when Regulus nodded and he swung the chair around to straddle it. 

“Do you really not remember me?” he asked, draping his arms over the chair’s back. 

“I’m afraid I don’t.”

“That’s for the best, I suppose. You aren’t my biggest fan. I’m James Potter.”

The boy stuck out his hand to shake, as if they were meeting for the first time. It was warm to the touch. The accompanying grin on his face made Regulus desperate to make the connection to who this boy was, but nothing surfaced. 

“I hate you too?” Regulus asked tentatively. 

“Sure do. But I don’t hate you, if you’re wondering. Otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting with you right now.” 

“Is there a reason I hate you?” 

James shrugged. “I am in Gryffindor. We are Quidditch rivals. I am Sirius’s best friend. Probably all three of those.”

“But there isn’t…like we didn’t have an interaction that would make me hate you?” 

“Nothing like that,” James replied, “To my dismay, you and I have limited interaction. I get a lot of sneers. Some scoffs. The occasional eye roll. And if I am really lucky, I will get an insult aimed directly at me.”

He was grinning brightly as he said this, and it crossed Regulus’s mind that James was there to mess with him. 

“If we aren't on good terms, then why are you talking to me?” 

The confident attitude disappeared, James almost looking sheepish. 

“Well I might’ve…I’ve always wanted….I could never…”

“Are you losing your memory from sitting next to me?”

James let out a loud laugh. “I’m glad to see your wit isn’t gone. What I meant to say was that you would never let me talk to you. I’ve been trying to for years. Not to take advantage of your current predicament, but it might be my only chance to.” 

“Why do you want to talk with me?” 

James paused for a moment, as if he himself didn’t know the answer. 

“I suppose it’s like how they say you always want what you can’t have. You refuse to talk to me, so that makes me want to even more.”

  It was an odd thing to want, in Regulus’s opinion, but he wasn’t going to argue. 

“What position do you play in Quidditch?” Regulus asked, figuring some light conversation might be ideal before asking the questions he really wanted to. 

“Well not to brag, but you are not only looking at Gryfinndor’s Captain, but also the school’s best chaser. Second best player, next to you.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“About being the best chaser or you being the best player at Hogwarts?”

“Both.”

“You will have to take my word on both. If you could escape your confines, I could show you my raw, natural talent. But surely your friends told you what a wonder you are on the pitch?”

“They told me that I was a seeker.”

“Not just “a seeker” you are “THE seeker”! The only reason that Gryffindor won against Slytherin last year was because of my skills and your keeper’s lack of them. You, however, made a flawless catch. Your flying skills are unreal!”

James said this with such an enthusiasm that Regulus felt it was impossible to fake. He himself was feeling a little embarrassed by the high regard James seemed to hold him in. 

“I believe you. About me being the best, the jury is still out on you.”

James chuckled. “If you are still in this wing tomorrow, I will sneak out and fly right outside that window to prove it to you.”

  Regulus, for the first time since waking up, felt a smile tugging at his lips. This was not unnoticed by James. 

“Ah, there it is. The rarest but most beautiful sight of all. Regulus Black’s smile.”

For a moment Regulus found his insides flipping. James was watching him with a softness that made the world feel a little bit more bearable.  

“How do I insult you?” Regulus asked. 

“Oh I have kept a list of the most creative ones. Once you called me a dollar store version of Paul McCartney but with the voice of a three-horned toad. That was clever. Or when you congratulated me on my master finally making me a free elf,” James cackled, “That one humbled me, I was of the opinion that I looked smashing. You are bloody brilliant at coming up with insults.”

This sounded like Regulus. When he was little, he had a knack for knowing just what to call Sirius to push his buttons. It was almost a relief to be told something about him that fit into what Regulus knew about himself. 

“What else can you tell me who I am? My friends mostly told me memories and Sirius-well he didn’t hold back on telling me how awful I am.”

James winced. 

“Yeah. That doesn’t surprise me. Whatever he said though…I don’t think you are a fraction of that.” 

James scooted the chair closer to Regulus’s bed. 

“Here’s what I know. You are incredibly smart, but you keep it to yourself. You are never boastful about it. You love to read; you always have a book with you, everywhere you go. On top of being an outstanding athlete and a great student, you also draw. You draw in the margins of your textbooks, on your friends arms, on the desks in the library. It’s always small things: constellations, snakes, roses- but they are incredibly detailed.” 

Regulus had drawn all the time as a child. Anytime he got ahold of a quill and some parchment, Regulus would draw pictures that he would give to his brother and to their house elf. There used to be a drawing Regulus had made of a hippogriff hanging on Sirius’s bedroom wall. It was probably not there anymore. 

“How do you know all this if we don’t talk?” Regulus asked. 

“You won’t talk to me, so I watch. I’m quite observant. For instance, you like to pretend that you are cold and untouchable. But I have seen the lengths you go for your friends. How you care for the younger players on your team. You still care what happens to Sirius, despite you telling him that you would drive a dagger through his heart and smile while doing it.”

That one stung in the throat as he swallowed.

“I said that?”

“Yeah. But when Sirius fell off the Quidditch stands during the Slytherin-Ravenclaw match, I saw you. You flew so fast down to the pitch once you realized who it was. And even though you stayed your distance, I could see how worried you were..” 

“He fell off the stands?”

“He was being a tosser and got a punch to the face, leading him to stumble right over the railing. Remus caught him with a levitating spell before he splattered on the grass, but his nose needed some repairing.” 

That sounded like the Sirius he knew. Always getting into fights. 

 “Do you know what happened between me and Sirius? Why we don’t talk anymore?”

James gave him a pitied look. 

“No, not everything.”

“Do you know when it happened? Because I….I can only remember good things.”

“Can I ask what you remember? You don’t have to if that’s too personal.”

Were they too personal? Maybe it would have been. But to Regulus in this current state, he was desperate to talk to someone about them. As if speaking them aloud would assure him they were real. 

“All of my memories are from when we were little. He protected me from our parents, always taking the fall even when it was my fault,” Regulus felt the tears threatening his eyes again. He swallowed them, not wanting to cry in front of the kind stranger.  

“He cared so much for you back then,” James said softly. “In our first year he was always worrying about you. He wrote you a letter every week. He was looking forward to you coming the next year. And then over the summer holiday-something happened. When you arrived at Hogwarts, you two were no longer speaking. He wouldn’t tell us why.” 

Regulus’s insides were twisting, now knowing the when but not the why. One summer had changed everything. 

“The arguing started, and it used to be just petty insults. But then Sirius ran away to live with me because…well I don’t really know if that’s my story to tell.” 

“He lives with you?”

“During the holidays, yeah he does.” 

“And…he’s happy there?”

“...yeah.”

“When did he run away?” 

“After our fifth year. And that’s when things started to get really bad.” 

“What does ‘really bad’ mean?” Regulus asked, despite being terrified of the answer. 

James wrung his hands. “The slurs and the death threats. From the both of you.” 

Regulus felt dizzy. 

“James, why are you here? If I am a bad person.” 

James sat up tall. “I never said that. You both said awful things to each other. I know that Sirius is coming from a place of hurt, and I am sure that you are too. You are not a bad person, Regulus. I don’t believe it.”

Regulus pulled his knees up to his chest. “Maybe it’s for the best if they don’t figure out how to get my memories back.”

“Don’t say that,” James said, putting his hand on Regulus’s knee “Then you won’t remember what a great Quidditch player I am.”

It made Regulus smile despite his inner turmoil, a feeling that was short lived when the doors opened and his brother appeared. As soon as Sirius saw James sitting by Regulus’s side, a fury flew over him. 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” 

James quickly withdrew his hand from Regulus’s knee, stumbling to get out of the chair.  

“Pads, calm down.”

“CALM DOWN?!? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?” 

“I came to check on Remus, just like you are doing now, and then was checking to see how Regulus was faring.” 

“CHECKING ON HIM?!? WHILE HE’S IN A VULNERABLE STATE, YOU FUCKING PRICK.”

A flash of hurt crossed James’s face and Sirius paused his rant. 

“Honestly Sirius, you think so lowly of me-”

“-shit no, Prongs, I didn’t mean it like that-”

“-I was seeing how Regulus was doing in a situation that is terrifying for him because his asshole brother won’t do it-”

“-James, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insinuate that you would take advantage-” 

Madam Pomfrey, hearing the shouting, emerged from her office.

“You two-out. Now.” 

The two boys both started their own protests. 

“-I was just visiting Remus-”

“-Regulus and I were doing fine until he came-”

A groan came from behind the arguing pair, and they turned to see the werewolf sitting up, rubbing his eyes. 

“What’s with all the shouting?” he asked.

 Regulus, really not wanting a third party to be added into this fray, got up. 

“Where are you going?” Madam Pomfrey snapped.

“To the lavatory.”

The matron immediately softened. “Of course dear. Don’t you worry, these three will be gone by the time you return.” 

Regulus left swiftly, escaping the scolding that was happening in the room behind him. He stood in at the sink for an extended time, letting the minutes tick by until he was sure that James and his brother had to be gone. He crept out, relieved to see that he was once again alone. He slipped into his bed, and Madam Pomfrey came out with apologies for the disruption and some sweets from her personal stash. 

He was shaken up from his conversation with James. Both about what James revealed about the falling out between Regulus and Sirius, and from James himself. Those hazel eyes were not leaving his head, and how he spoke of Regulus replayed in his brain on a loop as he spent the rest of the afternoon and into the evening reading. Madam Pomfrey bade him goodnight, and Regulus allowed himself to think of James as he fell into sleep. 

The sound of the door creaking open awoke Regulus from his drifting. He was surprised to see that no one was entering. The door had simply opened and then shut again. Regulus sat up in his bed. 

“Hello?” he called out. 

“Shhh,” someone hissed, “Regulus it’s just me.”

To his surprise, Sirius appeared suddenly out of thin air, causing Regulus to jump. 

“Merlin-”

“Shhhhh!” his brother said again, “You don’t want to rouse Madam Pomfrey, do you? Let me cast a silencing charm.”

Sirius pulled out his wand, draping a cloak that Regulus had not noticed earlier on the chair. He muttered lowly and a bubble of soft light went around them before fizzling out. 

“There,” Sirius said, sitting in the chair. “Now you can talk.”

“What is that?” Regulus asked, staring at the cloak. “Is that-?”

“Yeah. It’s cool isn’t it?”

“Incredible,” Regulus muttered, before remembering that it was Sirius who had arrived in it.

“What are you doing here?”  

Sirius sank back a little. “James told me I should come.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t start that again,” Sirius said, “I know your memories are gone, but you can hold a conversation.”

Regulus apologized, but Sirius waved him off.

“Stop, I should be the one apologizing. Remus-”

“The werewolf?”

Sirius looked at him wide-eyed. “Wha-who told you that?”

Regulus blinked. “Was it a secret? It was quite obvious, it was a full moon and he was torn to shreds. Did I not know?”

“Nobody knows except us and professors, but now that you are pointing out how easy it is to figure it out, I am kind of doubting that.”

“Sorry,” Regulus said again. 

“No, it's fine. Anyway, Remus laid into me. And then James laid into me. And then Peter, our other roommate, agreed with both of them. I’ve realised that I am not being fair to you since you don’t remember the shit you’ve done to me.” 

“...thank you?”

“You’re welcome. So this is me officially checking to see if you are okay. Are you? Okay?”

  “As much as I can be for someone with little memories in a place I don’t know and the only person I know hates my guts.” 

Sirius chuckled. “Fair enough. Do you know why this happened?” 

Regulus hesitated. “I did this to myself, I think.”

“Oh shit. Why did you do that?”

“I guess there was something I didn’t want to remember.” 

Sirius fell quiet. 

“But you chose to remember our parents?” 

Regulus smiled. “That’s how I know I didn’t choose which memories to keep, I would love to forget them.” 

“That is something we agree on,” Sirius said. “I suppose James told you about our past, uhm, disagreements?”

“A little bit,” Regulus admitted, “I asked him, but he said it wasn’t his story to tell.” 

Sirius sighed. “Of course he did. Always the stand-up guy.” 

“He mostly told me about me. Things I couldn’t remember.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like how I am great at Quidditch. 

“Yeah, he would,” Sirius said, “James insists you are the best seeker he’s ever seen. I don’t know about that, clearly James never saw Lars Svensson play for United. But you are good. Great, actually.”

Regulus felt little better, despite the compliment. 

“Why would you think that James would be taking advantage of me?” 

Sirius winced. “I shouldn’t have insinuated that-he would never do something like that. To anyone, but especially you. He always has had…I guess you’d call it an affection? Despite it not being reciprocated.”

“He likes me?” 

“I guess so. I don’t understand why, he knows how much it pisses me off. And you have never liked him, really you hate him almost as much as you hate me. So I guess seeing you actually talking with him normally made me really…angry? Jealous? I don’t know, actually.” 

“That makes sense.”

“It does?”

“Yeah. James is your friend. Not mine.” 

“Yeah.” Sirius stared off past Regulus, lost in thought. “Still, it was a shitty thing for me to do. What else did he say about you?”

  “That I draw.”

“Oh, you do? That’s good, you were really good at it when we were young.”

“I guess I draw on desks sometimes.”

“You used to do that under your desk at home, remember? When Kreacher found it, I thought he was going to die of a heart attack. His precious Regulus had done something naughty.”

“I never thought he would scrub under the desk.” 

“I never thought he would either, he was a shit housekeeper most of the time.”

  Regulus cracked a smile. “Remember when we played hide and seek, and you stumbled upon his stash?” 

Sirius pretended to gag. “I had never smelled anything worse. I thought I was going to keel over on sight.” 

“I don’t understand why there was so many of mother’s old stockings-”

“-he really loved his hosiery. How about, do you remember the time we were playing hide and seek and you accidentally witnessed Father singing?” 

“Oh so you believe me now that it happened?!”

 “It’s such a ridiculous idea, you can’t have made it up.” 

“I didn’t! I was trapped for twenty minutes listening to him butcher Edith Piaf. I never did see him the same way after that.” 

Sirius laughed and Regulus felt a warmth spread within. This was his brother.  It felt good to remember. 

Anecdote led to another anecdote until they were both sore from laughing. 

“I’ve changed my mind, I am glad that you decided to keep your old memories,” Sirius said, wiping at his eyes, “We had some great ones, didn’t we?” 

“Yeah,” Regulus agreed, “These ones are nice.” 

Sirius suddenly became solemn once more. For a moment he too had forgotten the last six years, but the weight of them settled thickly on him again. 

“I wonder what you were trying to forget,” his brother said softly.

Regulus felt the happiness that had arisen flatten down in his throat. 

“I don’t think I want to know. I told James that it might be better if I don’t get my memories back. Start over from where I am now.” 

Sirius looked at him bewildered.“That’s ridiculous, why would you want to lose six years?” 

“Because I don’t want to be a bad person.” 

Sirius fell quiet. 

“If everything you said about me is true-then I don’t want to be that-”

“Reg-”

“No. There is no excuse on earth that I could have had to treat you like you say I did.” Regulus closed his eyes. “But if I don’t get my memories back, then maybe…maybe I can be good.” 

“Reggie, you are not a bad person.” 

“You said I was-”

“I know. I know what I said. But James- he always says that ‘hurt people hurt people’. And I think he’s right.” Sirius scooted his chair closer to Regulus’s bed and after hesitating for a moment, stretched out his hand to put it on Regulus’s bed. Not quite touching, but a gesture none the less. His brother was here. 

“What happened to us?” Regulus asked. “Why did you leave?”

Sirius took a deep breath. 

“Things broke after my first year. Mother and Father went from disliking me to loathing me. The tension in the house was awful. I think that that is what started it between us. It just built up over the years until-well we hit a breaking point the night I ran away. We were no longer brothers after that. ”

“Why did you run away?” Regulus asked, scared to know the reason. Scared it was because of him. 

Sirius hesitated. There was something he wasn’t telling Regulus. His voice wavered as he buried his head into his hands. 

 “If I hadn’t, they would have killed me.”  

Waves of nausea overcame him as he watched the will in his older brother breaking in front of him.  Regulus reached tentatively out, resting his hand on top of Sirius’s.

“I am so sorry, Siri. I am sorry that I wasn’t there for you.” 

Sirius looked back up to meet Regulus’s gaze. For a moment they looked at each other, searching for the brother that they used to have. Then Sirius broke.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to say that.” 

On impulse, Regulus reached out and wrapped his arms around his older brother. Sirius gripped onto him tightly, shaking as his tears wet his younger brother’s shoulder. 

“I have missed you so much Reggie.” 

“I have missed you too.”

“You don’t know that, you don’t have your memories.”

“I know this. I can feel it.” 

….

Madam Pomfrey found the Black brothers sleeping in the morning; Sirius in the chair with his head resting on his brother’s bed. Despite the clear breach of rules, she did not wake them. It was not her business, she decided, if it brought some peace to both of the young men in front of her. Sirius awoke twenty minutes later, slipping out the hospital wing with promises to his little brother that he would be back when curfew was lifted. And he kept his promise. The two ate cereal while the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall came to explain what was going to happen later that morning. 

“You will be escorted by Professor McGonagall at eleven to St. Mungo’s to undergo a memory restoration procedure.” 

“Is it going to hurt?” Sirius asked the question that Regulus was silently wondering. Professor Dumbledore had made no mention of the Black brothers’ newly restored relationship, almost as if he had expected it. 

“I was told it is relatively painless, though it can be quite disorientating. In all my years, I have never encountered someone who has undergone such an undoing of blocked memories,” the professor said thoughtfully, “Nor someone who had managed to block so many in the first place. I will have to pick that brilliant brain of yours later, Mr. Black.”

Regulus looked down embarrassed at the spoon in his hand, but the headmaster seemed sincere. 

“Are our parents going to be there?” Sirius asked yet another great question. 

Professor Dumbledore shook his head with a sad smile. “I am afraid that Orion and Walburga Black are currently unavailable, though will be awaiting the outcome of today from their resort in Morocco.” 

Regulus held in a snort, while Sirius asked earnestly, “That means I should go, right? Being his next of kin and all.”

Regulus looked at him incredulously, “You make it sound as if I might die.” 

Sirius shrugged. “I’d like to be there, Professor. As his support system.” 

The headmaster had a twinkle in his eye as he said, “We can arrange that.”

“Albus, we don’t let students go to Hogsmeade with out parental permission,” Professor McGonagall said, “Let alone to another city-”

“-I shall contact Fleamont and Euphemia post haste,” Professor Dumbledore said, “Professor McGonagall will fetch you at half past ten.” 

Sirius grinned. “Don’t worry, the Potters will give their permission. I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up sending a “Get Well Soon” package for you.”

Just as Sirius thought, Professor McGonagall arrived at 10:30 on the dot to escort both of the brothers to the Headmaster’s office where they would floo to the hospital. It was the first that Regulus was seeing of Hogwarts outside of the hospital wing. There were few out on that Saturday morning, but the odd trio were getting interested stares as they moved through the corridors. 

“Does any of this look familiar?” Sirius whispered to him.

“I think you know the answer,” Regulus hissed back.

Sirius gave him an uneasy grin. Finally they reached a statue of a stone eagle in an alcove. 

“Ice Mice,” Professor McGonnagal said a spiral stone staircase appeared in front of them. The professor led, followed by Regulus. At the top lay the large office of the Headmaster. 

“Right on time,” Professor Dumbledore said, “I have sent word that you will be arriving momentarily. Best of luck, Mr. Black. I do hope when I see you again that you will have fond memories of me.”

Regulus gave a small nod. As in the corridors, the professor led the way by disappearing in the floo first. 

“You better go next, Reggie,” Sirius said, nudging him towards the fireplace. Regulus looked back with an uneasy expression. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right behind you.”

Regulus grabbed the powder in his hand, closing his eyes tightly as he threw it down shouting “St. Mungo’s”. When he opened them again he found himself in the unmistakable reception area of a hospital. 

“Come now,” Professor McGonnagal bade him by her side, “Once your brother arrives we will make our way to admission.”

Ten seconds later, Sirius stepped out onto the tile flooring. “Well it looks no different than when I was eight.” 

“You have visited before?” the professor asked. 

“He was bit by a jarvey after taunting it in the garden and his hand swole up like a balloon,” Regulus replied. 

The Professor shook her head, quietly muttering to herself about never wanting children. 

The reception in admissions sent them up to the fourth floor where they were to check in with a nurse at Spell Damage. The elevator ride up was silent, except for Sirius’s nervous tapping of his foot. When the doors slid open, they entered another reception area. 

“Oh yes, we have been expecting your arrival,” the witch at the nurse’s station said, “I’ll call for someone to come get you.” 

The three of them sat in the chair nearby. Sirius picked up an issue of Witch Weekly that was sitting on a nearby table and began to browse it. 

“Do you want to know your horoscope for this month?” Sirius asked Regulus. “What are you, a cancer?”

Regulus couldn’t help but glare at his brother. Sirius looked amused. 

“Ah, my mistake. Clearly a Gemini.”

“Regulus Black,” a voice called out, and all three of them stood up in response. 

“That’s me,” Regulus said, his voice shaking a little. 

“I am here to take you back,” the nurse smiled, “your family can wait for you here. It shouldn’t be very long.” Regulus nodded and moved to go with the nurse. 

“Wait!” 

Sirius grabbed his arm, pulling Regulus back into a surprising hug. 

“Regulus when you get your memories back-there is a lot I said. A lot of awful things. But I need you to remember this above all else: I love you. You will always be my little brother and I will always love you.”

Tears were running down Sirius’s cheeks, and Regulus was vaguely aware of his own. He nodded, letting go reluctantly as the nurse led him through metal doors and away from his brother. 

“Don’t worry, darling, you will have your memories back soon!” the nurse said cheerfully, but Regulus said nothing. 

Regulus was led to a room labeled “memory recovery”. Inside was fairly empty; a reclining chair sat in the middle and a stand with a bowl sat near it. The nurse had him sit in the chair, and fastened a strap around the middle. 

“This is just a precaution in case you pass out,” she explained. “We wouldn’t want you falling off and getting a concussion. That sure wouldn’t help your memory!” 

Regulus eyed the bowl beside him. “And what’s that for?” 

“In case you vomit,” the nurse said cheerfully, “Our specialist will be in here soon. He is the best we have. He’s dealt with this issue at least one time before.”

Her words fell flat of encouragement, and Regulus was left alone, fastened to a chair. He chewed on his thumbnail. Not five minutes passed when the nurse returned, this time with an elderly man, even older than Professor Dumbledore. 

“Hallo son. I hear you’ve been messing with your mind? Very dangerous thing to do.”

“So it seems,” Regulus responded, “I don’t know why I did it.”

“You shall shortly enough. This procedure is fairly quick, you are going to drink a tonic to help open your mind. I will then use a series of spells to see inside and find the block that you put in place. Once I find that, I will be able to remove it and the fog should lift on your memories!” 

“Easy enough,” Regulus muttered. 

“Exactly! But I must warn you; getting that many memories at once, especially the ones you were attempting to block, can be quite overwhelming. Common side effects are dizziness, vomiting, and loss of consciousness. All very normal. I have a draught mixed already that will get rid of the feelings of nausea, but it may take a few days for your mind to settle completely. I will send you with something for the headaches. You can take it every 4-6 hours. Do you have someone that will be taking you home today?” 

“Uhm, yes. My professor is here. And my brother.”

“I will be sure to give them the instructions as well. Are you ready?” 

Regulus swallowed his nerves. It was for the best if he got his memories back. Whatever he was trying to forget, he could face it now that he had his brother back. Sirius promised he would not leave him. 

The draught tasted like the awful medicine he had to take whenever he got ill as a child. What they called cherry, but really tasted like floor cleaner. It made his brain feel fuzzy. A black edge started clouding his vision.

“I can’t see.”

“Perfect, that means the window is opening,” the doctor said, but he sounded far away. The doctor said something else, but now Regulus was only hearing ringing. It was awful. He wanted to grab his ears, but he forgot how to use his limbs. 

There was a sharp pain in his head, as if someone were poking around with a hot poker. Flashes of memories snuck out; laying on the floor listening to music, riding a train, eating at a large table in an enormous room. Despite everything else happening to his body, Regulus grasped at those as if he could hold them tight. 

Then the floodgate opened. 

All at once, the last six years flashed before him:

Sirius leaving for Hogwarts. Their parents being furious when they hear he is in Gryffindor. Regulus looking forward to his letters each week. Their father intercepting them. Sirius gloating about his new friends. Regulus getting jealous. 

Getting sorted into Slytherin. Meeting his new friends. Meeting James. Hating him. Being fascinated by him.  

Summer holidays. Sirius arguing with Regulus. Their parents yelling at Sirius. Regulus watches. He does nothing. 

Playing quidditch. Flying mornings, before anyone else is awake just to feel an hour of freedom. Playing against James. Watching him fly without a care in the world. Hating him for it. Wanting it for himself. 

Arguing with his brother. Screaming. Insulting. Thinking his parents are right. Sirius is a traitor. 

Going to Hogsmeade with his friends. Laughing. Seeing James with his brother in The Three Broomsticks. His heart beating faster. He hates him. He wants to join them. 

At home, arguing with Sirius. Calling him a slur, mentioning Remus. Their mother overhearing, coming in screaming. Their father beating Sirius with a firepoker. Sirius bleeding on the ground, begging their father to stop. Regulus watching, biting back tears. 

Sirius not coming home that night. 

Sirius calling him awful names in the corridor at school. Regulus firing them back. Crying alone in the bathroom.

Walking into the locker room and seeing James taping up a young Slytherin’s wrist. Talking to the younger child on how to avoid straining your arm while playing chaser. James looking up and seeing Regulus and smiling. Regulus being felt like he was hit by a truck. 

Researching how to change who you love. Desperate. Finding a book in the restricted section, detailing a potion to rid you of unwanted memories. Spending weeks making it. Standing in front of the mirror, convincing himself this is the only way. Taking a drink-

“Son? Are you there?”

Regulus tried to answer the doctor, but promptly vomited, missing the basin altogether. And then he passed out. 

When Regulus woke again, he was still fastened to the chair. The doctor was staring at him expectantly, smiling brightly when he saw Regulus’s eyes blinking open. 

“Ah, there you are! Don’t worry, it hasn’t been more than a few minutes. How are you feeling?” 

Regulus opened his mouth to speak, but felt the nausea come again. This time he turned into the basin in time. 

“Good, good, get it all out,” the doctor patted him on the head. “I take that as a good sign that the memories are back.”

Regulus struggled to catch his breath. It felt impossible to feel so many emotions at once, but Regulus couldn’t pinpoint what he was feeling. He couldn’t pick out of his brain a response for the doctor out of the pool of memories that were swimming around. 

The first one to come out hit him upside the head with such a force, he almost keeled over again. 

“Sirius.” 

“Is that your brother? Yes we can fetch him.”

“No-”

“Not to worry, it will be perfectly safe for him to see you now. I will speak with your professor as well.”

“No-” Regulus tried to protest again, but the doctor left while the nurse untied the straps. 

“Did they all come back?” the nurse asked, getting out a small vial from the cupboard. She poured it into a cup, followed by two pills. 

“Yeah,” Regulus said, “Yeah I think they are all there.”

“I told you there was nothing to worry about! Now take this, dear, it will help with the headache.” 

Regulus didn’t even realize how his head was throbbing until she mentioned it. He gulped down the draught, hoping it would help the taste of sick in his mouth. The nurse busied checking his vitals as the door opened once again, this time his brother and Professor McGonnagal walking in. 

It was weird, now that he knew who she was, that his transfiguration professor was the one to attend hospital with him. But the older lady was looking at him in a way that made Regulus feel safe, so he supposed he didn’t really mind. 

His brother, on the other hand, was looking nervous. Of course he was. Regulus now had every bitter word that his brother had ever tossed his way settling in his memory. 

“Regulus,” Professor McGonagall walked over, putting a hand on his arm. 

Regulus, with every intention to say that he was fine, but something about the comforting touch made him blurt out: “My head hurts.”

“The draught will kick in soon,” the nurse assured. “Your vitals are fine, Mr. Black. Whenever you are ready to leave, you may check-out at the desk. It was lovely to meet you, and I hope you feel better.” 

Professor McGonnagal patted his arm gently as the nurse departed. “I will relay your recovery instructions to Madam Pomfrey when we return to school. You do know who that is now, correct?”

“Yes Professor,” Regulus replied. “I remember everything now.”

Sirius made an uncomfortable noise. Their professor looked over at him, and then back to Regulus. 

“I would like to speak more with the doctor, if that is alright. When you two are ready, meet me in the waiting room.”

She gave one last look towards both brothers and left, the door closing behind her. 

Sirius took a deep breath, and then looked at Regulus. 

“Reg-”

“Siri, I’m so sorry. It’s my fault, I almost killed you-”

“Reggie you didn’t almost kill me-”

“Yes I did, if it wasn’t for me then father never would have found out that you were seeing Remus-”

Regulus was sobbing now. 

“I should have stepped in, I should have stood up for you-”

Sirius strode over to Regulus, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders as Regulus shook. He couldn’t even get words out now by how heavily he was crying. 

“Breathe, Reg, breathe. It’s okay. It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“Y-y-you shouldn't."

“I do. We both have a lot to apologize for. But we don’t have to figure that out right now. Right now, I just want you to breathe.”

Sirius held him until he was no longer shaking. Until his sobs turned into sniffles. When Regulus was finally breathing again, he let go. 

“Now,” Sirius said, hand still on Regulus’s shoulder. “We are going back to Hogwarts and having lunch in Professor McGonnagal’s office. She graciously offered it so we could have a place to talk.” 

Regulus shakily got to his feet, Sirius’s grabbing him to steady him.

“Are you good?” his brother asked. 

Honestly, Regulus wasn’t sure. But he nodded anyways and allowed Sirius to help him out into the hall. 

Thirty minutes later, the Black brothers were alone in Professor McGonnagal’s office eating ham and cheese sandwiches and sipping pumpkin juice. Regulus had relayed what the experience was like getting his memories unblocked to the headmaster, who thankfully did not ask any more questions on why or how Regulus had blocked them in the first place. 

Sirius, however, did not have such respect. 

“Is it too soon to ask what it was?”

“Was what?” Regulus asked, taking another bite of sandwich. 

“What memory were you trying to get rid of?” 

Regulus swallowed hard, choking a little.  

“Oh. I was trying-I was trying to get rid of-I-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Sirius said quickly. 

“No, no I think it would be good if I told someone. Make me feel less-hopeless.”

Sirius set down his sandwich. Full attention on him. 

Regulus cast his gaze down at the floor. “I-I felt like I was getting feelings for someone-and I didn’t want them.” 

Sirius blinked. “You gave yourself amnesia…over a crush?”

“Not just a crush…it’s because I was getting feelings for…for a boy…”

His brother stopped chewing. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Sirius went silent for a moment, and Regulus was anxious of what his brother was going to say.

“You were scared. Of ending up like me.” 

Regulus wanted to protest. But it would have been a lie. 

“Yeah.” 

“I guess James was right.”

“What?”

“Hurt people do hurt people.” 

It made sense now, looking back, knowing that Regulus was denying his feelings for the past five years or so. Every insult that he hurled at his brother was a reflection of how Regulus was feeling about himself. 

“Hey Regulus.”

“Yeah?”

“I am sorry that you felt like you needed to get rid of those feelings. There is nothing wrong with you.”

Regulus stayed silent. Sirius moved closer to him, putting a hand on his arm. 

“We are going to need a shit-ton of therapy.”

Regulus let out a surprised laugh. 

“That is an under-statement.” 

“But for now…you have me. You have a really good sandwich. You have a warm bed you can go take a nap in. And you are thousands of miles away from our shitty parents. We can figure everything else out later. Nothing has to be done today. Take it one step at a time, okay?” 

Regulus nodded. His brother was right. He had been through every emotion imaginable that morning, and he was tired of thinking of them. His self-hatred could be dealt with on a different day. 

“Do I get to know who the boy is?” Sirius asked, trying to be casual as took a sip from his goblet. 

Regulus’s conversation with James the previous day came to the forefront of his brain. He wondered if James had come to the hospital wing looking for him again, or if someone had told him what was happening. 

Regulus looked down, picking at his thumbnail. 

“I think you already know who it is.”

Sirius groaned. 

“Of course it is him.”

The door to the office opened, revealing Professor Slughorn carrying a large gift basket. 

“Regulus my boy! I heard the news that you are right as rain again! My apologies for interrupting, but this was just dropped off for you, containing some delicious looking sweets.”

Professor Slughorn dropped it on the desk in front of Regulus, and proceeded to stand there over the brothers as he waited for Regulus to open the card.

“To Regulus,” he read aloud, “We were sorry to hear that you had to go to hospital and hope that everything went well. If there is anything we can do, our door is always open. -Euphemia and Fleamont Potter” 

Sirius let out a noise of delight. 

“I told you they would send something!
 

Regulus watched the boy reading in the armchair.  Sirius had let him into the common room, giving his younger brother words of encouragement, before disappearing upstairs for a nap. Regulus urged his feet to move forward until he was in front of him. 

“Uhm-hello-”

James looked up and bolted upright, his book clattering to the ground.  

“Regulus! Are you alright? Did it work, are your memories back?”

His brother’s words echoing in his mind. Nothing had to be done today. He was just there to tell James that everything was okay. 

“I did. It’s all there.”

James’s whole face lit up, as if he had heard the best news of his life. “That’s brilliant! I am so happy to hear that! 

Regulus wrung his hands.

“Yeah. I just wanted to stop by and say thank you. For coming to visit me in the hospital.” 

James’s cheeks tinged a bit pink.

“Of course. It was nothing.”

“No-it wasn’t nothing.” Regulus needed him to understand that. James’s visit changed everything. “I was feeling so lost and alone and you helped me feel better. Really.” 

James flashed one of his brilliant smiles. “I’ll always be here, if you need help.” 

Regulus didn’t doubt it. 

“Would you like to grab some tea?” James asked, “I’m starved.”

Regulus took a deep breath. Things were going to be different from this point forward.

Then he nodded and followed James out the door.