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Eli’s hands throbbed and stung as he followed Thrawn back to their quarters. He could still see the crimson liquid shining on Thrawn’s glove from when he smeared it from his face. He kept two paces behind him, too ashamed to say anything.
How could he even think those things? How could he even consider standing by while Thrawn got assaulted? For what, just so he could get his way? So he could spend the last few months training in an academy where everyone didn’t hate him? Sure, that would be nice, but it wasn’t worth getting Thrawn beat up for.
He just felt awful that he didn’t help sooner.
And so he followed as the door slid open, grabbing the medkit from the ‘fresher as Thrawn took a seat on his bunk.
“Are you alright?” Thrawn asked, eyeing the pack in Eli’s hands. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just grazed my hands a bit, that’s all. I got it for you, actually.” “My injuries are only minor, but thank you.” “Still injuries. And a lot worse than mine,” he hesitated. “Thanks… again, for gettin’ me out of the way.” “You are welcome. If you like, I could help you with your sparring, to prepare for future attacks, should the need arise.” “Okay, yeah. That would be nice.” Thrawn nodded. “But, first, we gotta get you patched up.” “I am fine,” Thrawn insisted. “You are literally dripping blood,” Eli pointed out. “Lemme help you. It’s the least I can do.”
Thrawn hummed, conceding. Eli popped open the pack, eyes darting over the different implements inside. It had been a long time since he’d had to do first-aid.
“I guess I’ll… start with ya face,” he said, pulling out a sterilized wipe, dabbing the blood off of Thrawn’s lips. He flinched, and Eli reeled back. “Sorry, I shoulda asked,” he apologized, face warming a touch. “It is alright, you are just trying to help.” “Yeah… I’m glad your noise ain’t broken. Would’ve been a real mess.” Thrawn just gave another hum as a response, focusing on staying still.
Eli continued, and he could feel Thrawn’s cool exhales on his face as he did.
Quite distracting.
“Did they… getcha anywhere else?” Eli asked. Thrawn hesitated, pressing a tentative finger to his nose. “My back.” “Oh…” Eli paused. “Would ya like me to..?” An expression Eli couldn’t quite place crossed Thrawn’s face. Embarrassment? Humiliation? Or something else?
Thrawn slowly undid his belt, then his collar, carefully removing his tunic. Though he did well to hide his wincing, Eli could still see the tightness around his eyes every time the fabric touched his broken skin. He folded the tunic neatly and placed it on the bed beside him, then took one last look at Eli, giving him his back.
Eli’s eyes darted over it, taking in blue skin, purple bruises, and red blood. “What happened to ‘minor injuries’?” he asked, reaching out to touch but then thinking the better of it. “I have dealt with worse,” Thrawn said bluntly.
He sounded pretty stoic to Eli. He wasn’t quite sure whether that was a good or bad thing.
So, he continued to do the best that he could, cleaning and dressing wounds with some small bacta patches, trying to ignore the burning in his own hands.
Thrawn looked over his own shoulder, gently taking Eli’s wrist. He splayed Eli’s fingers with his thumb, surveying the palm of his hand. “Why have you put my wellbeing above your own?”
Eli’s brain froze at the unexpected question.
“Wha- uh, what do you mean?” Eli stuttered. “I meant to say ‘why care for me before yourself?’ I assume it is painful to do all this work with your hands while your skin has been grazed off.”
“Oh…” Eli’s cheeks warmed a tad. Because I feel horrible about wanting to leave you for dead, he thought. “Because you got me out of the way and got hurt for it. I just wanna make it up to ya.” And because you’re my friend and I care about you.
Thrawn nodded, “I see.” He cocked a brow, “And if I refused to let you help until you tended your own grazes?” “Then I would refuse your refusal,” Eli answered, turning Thrawn’s head away with a light shove to his cheek.
He was about to grab another patch when Thrawn grabbed his wrist again, firmer than before, but not so much that it hurt.
“And what if I refuse your refusal of mine?” Eli’s eyes darted from their hands to Thrawn’s face, that same foreign expression on his face that he couldn’t quite read. “I suppose… I would have no choice but to concede,” Eli said carefully, retracting his arm as Thrawn released his wrist.
Thrawn met his gaze, “You should clean your hands before I begin.” Eli swallowed, ”I already did.” “Have you removed all the debris?” Eli looked at his palms, then stood up and returned to the ‘fresher.
He stared at himself in the mirror as he mindlessly ran his hands under the lukewarm water, ignoring the pain shooting up his flesh. His cheeks were slightly redder than normal, he noted.
And his hair was a mess.
He just didn’t get why Thrawn would insist on taking care of him first, when his injuries were worse. He’d taken the brunt of the force; all Eli had done was sit around and graze his hands. He didn’t even see why he needed medical attention, anyways. It really wasn’t that bad.
And even if he did need it, he probably didn’t deserve it, considering what he was about to let happen to Thrawn. He groaned, the awful weight settling on his chest again. He just wanted to make it up to Thrawn. Why did it have to be so hard?
He dried his hands gingerly with a sigh, then returned to his waiting friend.
“With all due respect,” he started, sitting down. “I think you need attention more than I do. All I’ve done is graze my hands. You’ve been beaten head to toe.”
Thrawn just looked at him for a moment. “I will survive. As your commanding officer, and as your friend, I cannot allow you to do things for me at your own detriment.” Eli huffed, “But you did just that for me. You’re my friend, too.”
Thrawn paused. “You do not normally protest this much,” he stated. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it. Thrawn was right, of course. Though that was usually true because he didn’t have to or didn’t want to. Thrawn would accept outside ideas when they were better, or explain why his own should be followed. Eli thought a lot of officers could learn a thing or two from him.
Looking at Thrawn’s split lip, Eli words lodged in his throat. Thrawn took his hand, wiping off the last of the dried blood, softly rubbing antiseptic onto the abrased skin. Eli just sat there, impatient. He was supposed to be the one caring for Thrawn, not the other way around.
He just felt so guilty and so ashamed. He wanted to get the weight off of his chest, to just tell Thrawn what he’d thought. But would he hate him if he knew? Eli didn’t want to lose his friend, despite what that absurd line of thought had to say.
Again, he hesitated, lips parting, mind still not made up. Thrawn met his gaze, “You are acting quite peculiarly. Is everything alright?” “I- uh…” He turned his eyes away from Thrawn’s piercing stare, drifting to their linked hands. “I just feel guilty. About before. I didn’t do enough.” Thrawn studied his face for a short moment. “Well, I did push you over a hedge.” “That’s… not what I meant.”
He forced himself to look at Thrawn. “When I was- uh- down, on the gravel, I didn’t-” he forced down the lump in his throat- “I didn’t get up as fast as I could’ve.” Thrawn cocked a brow. “When I was down, watchin’ y’all fight… I thought about what would happen if I just did nothing. If… If you were too injured to complete your trainin’, then I would be free to go back to Myromar, back to where everybody don’t hate me. I realised that was bullshit, and I chucked the gravel at ‘em.” Thrawn neither did nor said anything as Eli talked, just studied his face as he did.
“I hesitated, and you got hurt because of it. Just so I could get my way. I’m so sorry, Thrawn.” Thrawn kept his silence unbroken. Eli spoke again, automatically filling the void, “I’m sorry. I get that you probably hate me now, but I just wanted ya to know.”
Eli just stared at Thrawn as his chest tightened, unable to tear his eyes from the blue and red. He probably shouldn’t have said that. He’d just ruined his only friendship in this awful place. How was he going to survive another two months? He should have kept his mouth shut. He didn’t have to say it. If he hadn’t Thrawn would have never known. It’s not like it would matter if he knew; they would be parting after the Academy, anyways. Thrawn was joining the Navy, and Eli was going to become a supply officer.
Why did he care so much about what Thrawn thought of him?
“Hmm.”
Thrawn broke the torturous silence. “I understand why you would think that.” Eli let out a relieved sigh. “Those thoughts are warranted, considering I did diverge your career. Though you did not act on them, which I appreciate.” “But I still hesitated.” “Yes. You did not do nothing, either.” “So, you don’t hate me?” “No, of course not.” Eli brightened, “Well, that’s good to know.”
“Whaddya get?”
Eli leaned over Thrawn’s shoulder, trying to peer at the console. “Interesting,” Thrawn said. “I am to be the second weapons officer aboard the Gozanti-Class cruiser Blood Crow.” “Nice,” Eli gave a solemn smile.
Thrawn stepped aside, gesturing to the console with his arm, “And you?”
Eli smiled.
“Supply officer based on the Imperial Star Destroyer Peremptory,” he recited proudly. “Star Destroyer, huh? Pretty flashy.” Thrawn nodded, a slight smile on his face, though there was a sadness under the gleam in his eyes.
The two made their way to their quarters, bags already packed and waiting. “I think I’ll miss this room,” Eli said, picking his up. “Why is that? I thought you detest this place.” “Yeah, it is pretty shit,” Eli straightened. “But I got to meet you. I think that makes it worth it.” Thrawn smiled, inclining his head. “I am glad to have made your experience tolerable.” Eli scoffed, “Ya made it more than tolerable, Thrawn. You’re a great friend. I’m glad we picked you off that rock.” “As am I.”
They marched their way down the brightly lit corridors of Royal Imperial Academy one more time.
“Well, this is goodbye.”
“I believe so.”
“I guess I’ll… see ya around?”
“I hope so.”
“Goodbye, Thrawn.”
“Goodbye, Eli.
“Ch’im ch’etecerci ch’aah cses’as cart bah vah.”
***
Eli stood in the inventory, datapad in hand, doing the same old same old. On days like these, he could help but wonder what could’ve been, couldn’t help but feel like he was supposed to be somewhere else.
He’d finally gotten what he’d wanted, but now that he had it, he was starting to have doubts. Was this really what he wanted? He’d joined the Navy to get away from home, to see the galaxy, to do some good and make a difference.
Sure, he was still serving, but he felt like he could be doing more.
Out there, in the stars.
Along with a certain Chiss he never did see around.