Chapter Text
“Hello officer, are you here to teach the children?”
Why was the brown-eyed teacher gazing at him so intently? Chuuya balled his hands in the pocket of his uniform and tried to avoid making eye contact in the deserted corridor. Standing outside the classroom, he took a slow breath. He really hated school visits. And he hated them for one very particular reason…
“Dazai-sensei, could we please not have a repeat of last time?”
Dazai’s eyes widened innocently and Chuuya was almost fooled. Well he would have been, if not for…
“The question and answer session is meant to be for the students.”
“But I had real problems!”
“Asking whether we could spend the night in a cell is not a legitimate policing question.”
Dazai pouted.
“I wanted to simulate an arrest, but with real handcuffs.”
“Generally I don’t arrest people by invitation.” Chuuya felt the edge of his self-control slip.
“You have real ones, right?”
“Obviously.”
Dazai smiled suggestively and leaned over Chuuya.
“If I did something really bad, could we spend the night together?”
Chuuya had joined the force to have sting operations. Not to deal with crazy.
“Please stop touching my truncheon.”
“Oh, was that just the stick?” Dazai muttered. “Disappointing…”
Chuuya ‘s stupid heart beat faster. Luckily Dazai backed off as the school bell rang.
Kids trailed one after the other into the classroom till the desks filled up. Teacher stood at the front, Chuuya next to him, trying to avoid acknowledging that Dazai’s hand held his with a vice like grip. He managed to finally shake it off as the last few children sat down.
“As you can see, we have a guest. Mr. Nakahara is here to talk about the work police do, and to answer any questions you might have after.”
The presentation (if Chuuya ignored the bedroom eyes Dazai sent his way from the back of the class) went fine.
He ignored Dazai’s hand hitting the air as soon as he offered to answer questions, looking around for any other person.
A tiny shaking hand poked up, belonging to a boy with absurdly huge eyes, topped with a silver fringe. Chuuya nodded and Dazai helped him with names.
“Go on, Atsushi.”
“Can you go to prison if you only stole sweets?” His voice was shaking.
“Did you steal sweets?” Chuuya asked.
The kid started to sob.
“Stealing is bad.” Chuuya wasn’t sure how far to go with this. “You can get into a lot of trouble with the police and your parents.”
The kid Dazai called Atsushi broke down and started bawling. Dazai smiled awkwardly and ushered the weeping child out of the room. His crying could be heard even after Dazai closed the door.
With the teacher gone, Chuuya had no idea who to pick for questions. More hands went up.
“You, in the red dress.”
The little girl stood up. It barely made her any taller.
“…”
Chuuya didn’t hear a word.
“Sorry?”
The black haired girl looked him dead in the eye.
“…”
The lips moved. Nothing. Was she busy mocking him?
A boy with glasses interrupted.
“Kyouka asked if you had a gun.”
Why was this kid so weirdly formal?
“Yes, I do.”
Another boy who looked practically anaemic thrust his hand in the air. Chuuya pointed.
“Go ahead.”
The kid coughed onto his desk.
“Can we see it?”
“No.”
The kid coughed again and brought a tissue to his mouth. Chuuya looked with concern.
“Are you ok?”
The boy collapsed in splutters on his desk.
“I want to see the gun.” A blond child with an arrogant smile spoke up from the back. Was he… was he wearing a suit?
Some students nodded in agreement with the kid who’d interrupted. Chuuya pointed at the boy racked with coughs.
“Doesn’t he need a doctor?”
“Dazai-sensei usually just holds him up upside down.” The kid with glasses spoke again, riffling through the pages of his colouring book. “It seems to work.”
“Show us the gun!” the child in evening wear spoke up again.
A boy wearing a cap in the front row put his hand in the air and started talking before he’d been picked.
“Even if you wanted to lift Akutagawa into the air, you couldn’t. You’re too short.”
Who the hell was this three foot brat calling short??
The boy smiled happily: “It’s just maths.”
The one with glasses nodded. A girl with a black bob looked at Akutagawa and grinned.
“He’s not that bad. Yet.”
Chuuya was horrified how casual that was. She sounded like she wanted this boy to get worse.
“I could lift him.”
A blond midget from the second row spoke. He looked like he would struggle to lift a bowl of rice, let alone a human child. The kid in evening wear yawned over the dry coughs of the dying boy and put his feet on the desk.
“I still want to see the gun.”
A red-haired boy in the back shook his head.
“This isn’t going to end well…”
Chuuya slammed his fist on the table.
“I don’t carry a gun with me. Everybody sit back down!”
Everybody stood up and started shouting at the same time.
The silent girl hit the capped boy with a soft toy rabbit. Coughing fit passed, the white faced one kicked over Atsushi’s abandoned desk, which hit and knocked the glasses off the other child’s face. He threw his colouring book and missed. It flew across the room and hit formal wear boy on the side of the head. Indignant at the lack of gun and this new attack, he spun round and hit a girl with red pigtails on the cheek. She went insane.
Before he could even register what happen, everything escalated to a fistfight. Attracted by the noise, Dazai pulled open the door, followed by a still sniffling boy. At the sight of the fight Atsushi ran out again, eyes swimming in tears. Dazai sighed and turned back to his students before fixing his gaze on Chuuya.
“He’ll be fine.”
“Oh… ok.”
“So, what happened exactly?”
Chuuya looked over the sea of angry waving fists, like the sole survivor amidst a raging sea.
“I don’t know. That one started coughing and then that one said I should pull out a gun, and… How do you cope?”
Dazai’s smile turned very warm. He clearly pitied Chuuya for being in that classroom.
“Do you see now why I took up all of question time?”
“I misunderstood you, Dazai.” Chuuya looked at his shoes. “You were trying to help.”
“You really didn’t. I still want you to handcuff me in a cell. Maybe later though.”
Chuuya flushed bright red.
Dazai winked and turned back to his class.
“That’s enough! Kunikida, let go of Akutagawa’s shirt. Kyouka, if Mr. Rabbit hits one more person I’ll pull his head off. Oda, if you’re going to fight, do it properly. Lucy, don’t hold Fitzgerald’s neck like that, he’ll choke too quickly. Atsushi, come back into the classroom right now.”
Chuuya ignored the weird comments. Dazai seemed to understand his class in a way that didn’t exactly make sense. He couldn’t explain how such a skinny man, with his unfaltering smile, could radiate so much threat. The kids sat down. Chuuya gulped. This new side of Dazai in command, the tone of authority in his voice, the way he stood, was hard to reconcile with his flirty behaviour before. Chuuya really couldn’t believe he was thinking this, but it was pretty attractive.
Perhaps it was dealing with all those mad children. Or maybe it was how Dazai restored order. Or maybe just because Dazai wore down his resistance after class. Either way, Chuuya gave him his number. After all, he might need Dazai’s help again someday.
Just in case, he thought, something mad happens.