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“What a surprise to see you on this set, Milly! How does it feel to be on the other side of the table for once?”
“You can say that again, Jimmy! I should be asking you: what's it like having such a lovely guest in your studio?”
“Haha, I know, your good humor is always essential to us. But come on, introduce yourself to those who are listening!”
“Hello everyone! I'm Milly Ashford, a reporter and journalist for Britannia Sun, live from our Pendragon studio! I would be delighted to be interviewed with you today—for once, this is happening to me!”
“Mrs. Ashford will be with us for the next fifteen minutes. Jimmy, I'll let you ask the first question.”
“How gallant, my dear Mike. Milly, here we go! Many of our readers are wondering, but we all know the Ashford family has suffered many setbacks in the last seven years. Can you tell us more?”
“Well, if I'm to be totally transparent, I didn't play a big part in the family history—at least, not at the beginning! Now that the Ashford crest is gold again, I would say that I contributed to it, yes, in part.”
“Indeed, it is said that your family was at its lowest point in… what year was it again?—yes, around 2017 or 2018.”
“Well… I wouldn’t say at its lowest point but still… It’s true that it was quite hard. My grandfather was devastated and I think one of my aunts ended up marrying another nobleman so as not to remain a commoner.”
“And you? What were your thoughts on that?”
“Mike, wait—”
“No, Jimmy, everything’s fine, I can answer that! Actually, for me, it was fine. I tell you, my high school years were probably the best of my life, and since I was eight, I’d been used to not living at court. It didn’t bother me much. It was when I was betrothed to Earl Lloyd that I became truly involved in family affairs. That was during my final year at the Academy; I still remember it.”
“Were you the one who broke the agreement?”
“Yep! This marriage wasn't all Lloyd's fault. I gave him the prototype models of Knightmares from my grandfather; he was happy, and so was I. Still, I was a little worried about our union—I have nothing against Lloyd, mind you, but I really didn't want to get married at eighteen!—so I convinced Suzaku to talk to him discreetly. To get him, uh, to be nice, something like that, you know?”
“Suzaku… Milly, are you talking about Kururugi Suzaku?”
“Yes, boss.”
“We were just about to get to that. Jimmy, my turn. Mrs. Ashford, without meaning to be indiscreet of course, what kind of relationship did you have with the Knight of Zero?”
“Oh, we were both at the Academy!—but you must know that, right? Actually, to tell the truth, Suzaku and I were quite close.”
“Were you friends?”
“Indeed. After a while, since he was always with Lelouch, he joined the Student Council and we forged very strong bonds.”
“Lelouch… Lelouch Vi Britannia? The Demon Emperor?”
“I know who he is, Jimmy. People often forget that he never turned eighteen, you know? He went to high school, like me, we ate together in the cafeteria, laughed together in the Academy gardens, all that.”
“I apologize, Milly. I didn't know you'd been so close to… well, can you tell us more? About him, about the Knight of Zero?”
“Well… I imagine others who were at the Academy have already talked about this before me? It's crazy: five years later and those two idiots are still making headlines. But yes, I'd be happy to tell you more. First of all, as I said, I knew Suzaku because he was always with Lelouch. They were childhood friends, practically inseparable.”
“One of the former servants of late His Majesty Lelouch mentioned it in her memoirs, yes.”
“Sayoko? Yes, I've heard about it! Well, I have to admit that, from what I understand, their relationship became complicated after Lelouch discovered that Suzaku had enlisted in the Britannian army. He hated the system they had in place, can you believe it? He was the first one to benefit from it! Lelouch has always been arrogant anyway. Well, then again, he was right about quite a few things too.”
“Mrs. Ashford, what do you think of the theories circulating at the moment, such as—was he involved in terrorist activities before becoming Emperor?
“That's entirely likely in my opinion! It's just like him, too. Did you know he was playing illegally against Britannian nobles to make money? I kept telling him to stop, but well, stubborn as a mule, Lelouch.”
“So his coup d'état didn't surprise you?”
“Of course it did, like anyone who knew him, I think. We knew what he was like, but no one thought he would go to such extremes. It was improbable for us at the time! But after all, he had experienced many horrible things—things no one can imagine. From what I know, when he was little, he and Suzaku were often caught in Britannian bombings or raids during the war, in 2010.”
“You knew him since childhood, Milly?”
“Yes and no, let's say. We used to see each other at court, in the capital, when Her Empress Marianne was still alive. Then there was the 2009 scandal—you probably don't remember it—and he and his little sister were sent to Japan before being taken in by the Kururugi family. But I don't know any more than that. Besides, I'm telling you, Nunnally and Lelouch never went on a study trip in 2010, that was bullshit! They were political hostages, and when war was declared…”
“Hey Milly! Your quarter-hour is up! Haha, thanks for answering our questions! We'll see you again another day on set, but on the right side this time?
“Thank you very much, Mrs. Ashford.”
“Ah, uh, yes…”
.oOo.
“You lot are real fucking assholes.”
“Milly, wait!”
“You could have let me finish my fucking sentence, couldn't you? Don't you think, Jimmy? You can't even say Lelouch's name without stuttering.”
Crushing it in her hand, the young woman tosses her empty coffee cup into the bin. Jimmy catches up with her in long strides, his cheeks flushed and his expression wild. The cameras are off and the lobby is plunged into semi-darkness. Only the illuminated buttons of the beverage machine still glow, casting greenish reflections on the journalist's jewelry.
“You... Seriously, Milly, show some professionalism!”
Judging by the look on his face, Jimmy himself doesn't believe it. Casting nervous glances around him, as if someone were still there, he tries to get closer to his colleague, who immediately moves away, grabbing her coat and handbag.
“Some professionalism?” Is this the pot calling the kettle black? Mike and you were asking me questions about my family, about Lloyd… about Lelouch and Suzaku, goddamnit. At least he had a bit more decency. Unlike you.”
With her back straight and her trembling hands hidden in the folds of her trench coat, Milly heads towards the studio exit. For a brief moment, Jimmy seems to hesitate before rushing towards her again.
“Listen, you know very well that I’m not the one who decides the questions.”
“I don't care about that. You could have defended me with the bosses, couldn't you? Except you're never defending me. Never. It's always the same with you.”
“You know that's not true.”
The double doors creak when Milly passes through the porch of the television studio, and hit the concrete wall when Jimmy rushes out.
Outside, it is already pitch black, and as she feels a cool breeze ruffling her hair, the young woman looks up at the sky; the moon is hidden behind heavy gray clouds, and she shivered beneath her coat. Taking a deep breath, she tries to ignore the feverish presence of her colleague, who’s gradually encroaching on her personal space, but the vibrations of the air around him only heighten her irritation.
Tapping the floor with her high heel, Milly turns to Jimmy, her lips pursed. He looks bewildered, as if she's slapped him. It's not like she doesn't want to, though.
“It's me who should be making that face, not you,” she grits through her teeth.
“Listen, Milly… I know it wasn’t… Well, you see. We shouldn’t have organized this meeting. I’m really sorry.”
“Mmh. At least you admit it. That's something.”
“Do you want me to take you home?”
And Milly doesn't know if this is the straw that broke the camel's back—she doesn't realize right away that the camel exists—but something twists inside her, seems to explode, a mini supernova of tumbling emotions… Then her hand moves and hits Jimmy's cheek.
The impact echoes through the still night, and the man lets out a cry that Milly finds pathetic. For a second, she feels a perverse pleasure, the kind that twists her guts viciously. The next moment, only an overwhelming weariness prevailed. She sighs heavily, her gaze meeting Jimmy's wide, shocked eyes. He hasn’t moved a muscle—unfortunately.
“What was that?!”
“Wait. It was fine when you kept your mouth shut.”
No one on this holy earth has ever seen Jimmy Hughes make such a face. And even though Milly doesn’t have the strength to feel even a little bit of pride, she somehow finds the courage to smile at him, to give him the finger, before leaving for good.
Then it starts to rain. Not a driving or heavy rain, just a fine drizzle that covers Milly Ashford's clothes with tiny droplets, invisible in the dark.
As she walks, she keeps thinking about the slap and Jimmy's open eyes. No pity, no regret. Only a strange feeling of emptiness, a question left unanswered, which, surprisingly, almost makes her doubt. Almost.
Well. It's not that important, all things considered.
What Milly really remembers is the interview. For once, Mike and that jerk Jimmy were real scumbags—because they don't realize the weight of memories.
Lelouch's murder had been hard. Suzaku's disappearance, too. At the time, they had already lost Shirley, and it seemed as if Nunnally's presence had been suddenly ripped from their grasp—even Rolo was never found. Given his age, Milly refuses to believe he died because of the war, but after all this time, the truth is undeniable.
Five years later, times have changed. The specter of pain is, without a doubt, still there, although it seems to be fading little by little.
Along the road, shops still open cast their flickering reflections on the asphalt. When Milly looks up, she sees bottles. Her stomach churns, her throat tightens, and she averts her eyes from the shop windows; then, she continues on her way.
The ghost of Jimmy's words still hovers around her.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
Fuck, no. Son of a bitch.
Besides, it's not the first time he's tried, but Milly stubbornly refuses to budge. Jimmy likes her—she doesn't. Not so much anymore, actually. And, in fact, even if he took her home, Milly wouldn't let him in. There's Nina, her papers, all her Euro-Britannia documentaries, and their books in disarray. It's not a place for Jimmy; it's her sanctuary. Theirs—Milly’s and Nina’s.
They reconciled after Lelouch's death. It hadn't been too difficult; their differences were quickly forgotten. That fateful day, the two women met again, somewhat by chance, on that avenue in Pendragon. It was chaos. Princess Cornelia was ordering the prisoners' release, journalists were shouting and snapping photos, and Nunnally's sobs were drowned out by the din. Milly felt like she saw blood everywhere. Under the summer sun, Zero's golden blade shimmered with reddish reflections, glistening, and it seemed that even the terrorist's silhouette trembled behind a veil of heat. In the crowd, Milly bumped into Nina and took her in her arms.
The following night, they met up with Rivalz. Milly remembered his off-white truck and the brown color of the alcohol. The three friends hit the road, hesitant, lost, not that drunk—but probably too drunk nonetheless. Rivalz ended up shirtless, and Milly awkwardly apologized when holding Nina's hair over the toilet bowl. She herself vomited later, before falling asleep crying on the stinking carpet of a cheap motel.
The next day, she continued drinking, until she forgot what it felt like to be happy. Afterward, they made plans—what to do, what to buy, where to go. None of them worked out. Two days later, Milly went back to work, Nina moved in with her, and Rivalz miraculously graduated.
The three remaining idiots since their happy springs at Ashford Academy. At the time, Milly had felt a painful nostalgia for them.
.oOo.
“I'm back!”
“Good evening, Milly. It's late, is everything alright?”
“Yes, absolutely! Jimmy just annoyed me on my way home from work, but hey, you know that idiot.”
“I see. Do you want me to heat up your meal? You must be hungry.”
“No, don't worry. Actually, I have a bit of a stomachache… Tell me, Nina.”
“Yes?
“Did you watch TV tonight or…?”
“No. Why? Should I have?”
“Not at all. The programs were absolutely terrible.”
Nina chuckles softly before whispering, “If you say so”. Milly smiles back, then puts her things down on the living room table. As she approaches the sofa, Nina, snuggled in a blanket, offers her a Tupperware container: some leftover pasta with cream sauce and a few honey cakes. Milly takes it half-heartedly and curls up among the cushions, her head resting on her friend's shoulder. It is then that she notices the book Nina is holding.
“What are you reading?” asks Milly, grabbing a cake between her thumb and forefinger.
“The memoirs of… Shinozaki Sayoko. Gino gave it to me this morning, I was a little surprised. Do you know her?”
“She used to serve my parents when I was a child.”
Purely out of distraction, Milly takes a bite of the cake and immediately finds it too sweet. Thank goodness, Nina doesn't seem angry: she could have resented her for keeping the fact that Lelouch was a fallen prince and that she knew it all this time. However, she too seems tired and doesn't dwell on it. Milly sighs, relieved; she has no desire to see Nina drunk again, or to have to apologize pathetically again for things she can't even control.
“Still,” Nina continues in a strange tone, “she reveals some… surprising things in this book.”
“Like what?”
“Read it yourself.”
“Seriously, Nina? This book is as big as an encyclopedia.”
“It would get you reading something other than war reports and newspaper articles!”
Milly grumbles and shrugs. She knows that Nina still disapproves of her interest in the Euro-Britiannia war, but that doesn't stop her from spending entire nights hunched over her computer, digging through old classified files.
“You're wicked, Nina. You know I have more leads! We're almost certain Suzaku was sent there with an ambassador…”
“… who seemed shady and who never came back, I know. Nobody cares, Milly. I know it intrigues you, but Lelouch probably wasn't with him there.”
“Yeah,” Milly's gaze drifts into the distance as Nina's hand tenderly runs through her hair, “Nobody cares.”
Her friend plants a kiss on her forehead before wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. She gets up from the sofa and, when she returns to the living room, she has already put on her boots and coat.
Milly looks up, surprised. “Where are you going?”
“At the lab. I have to meet Cécile there. And maybe Lloyd, if he's there.”
“At this time?”
“I swear, Milly, those two never sleep. I'm starting to wonder.”
The two women laugh. “Yeah, Lloyd is definitely a vampire,” smiles Milly, “Say hello to him if you see him. And to Cecile too, of course!”
“Okay. See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow, my dear.”
The front door slams shut and silence reigns once more in the small apartment.
Milly Ashford takes a deep breath. She takes a moment to listen to the steady beat of her heart in her ribcage, as if it might help her come up for air. Every night, her thoughts race through her mind—it feels as if she's waiting for something, perhaps a release, but it doesn't come. In fact, Milly doesn't really know what form it might take, so her search is probably futile.
Instead of racking her brains, the young woman eyes the food still in her hands. She places the Tupperware container on the coffee table in front of her and looks away. No, really, these cakes are too sweet for her.
Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. In her surprise, Milly freezes and, when she hears the familiar creaking of the wood, she jumps off the sofa and runs into the entrance.
“Nina?” she asks. “Did you forget something...?”
Her feet stop running, gently. “Oh.” The door closes, Milly's mouth opens, and she jumps.
Rivalz.
Unsurprisingly, she quickly recovers. And her smile blossoms, radiant.
“You're going to give me back that spare key right away, young man! Is it okay to cause such a scare?”
«”Meanwhile, you're the one who looks like a zombie.”
Milly raises her eyebrows dramatically. The plaid hangs loosely at her sides and her hair is tousled by Nina's caress. Opposite her, to be perfectly honest, Rivalz isn't any better: his clothes are wet and he has the look of a happy fool—which he always is, Rivalz.
In reality, the young man doesn't even live with them. The three friends see each other regularly when they're not working, but he has always insisted on having his own place nearby.
“Don't stay here, idiot.”
Milly smiles at him again, twirling down the hall as she leads him into the living room. Rivalz takes off his coat, shakes out his hair, and collapses onto the sofa. The young woman pushes aside the Tupperware container and perches on the coffee table, elbows on her knees, leaning forward.
“A courtesy visit?” she sneers.
“Maybe… Unless you’re going to pass one of those cakes I see over there?”
“You're such a glutton!” Rivalz giggles but doesn't hesitate to immediately stuff one into his mouth.
“Actually,” he continues, swallowing, “it was Nina who called me earlier. She told me she was going out tonight and she doesn’t want to leave you all alone.”
“... I see. What a valiant knight. You want a laurel wreath for coming to my rescue?”
Her tone is light but her eyes are clouded. Rivalz, hesitant, holds out his fingers.
“She's just worried, Milly. And besides, you know I'm always happy to see you.”
“Yes, yes, I know... Excuse me. I'm happy to see you too.”
With a certain wildness, Milly runs her hand through her hair.
“Sorry,” she repeats.
“Don't worry. I'm here now.”
She raises her head. Right in front of her, Rivalz's smile is the sweetest, most forgiving smile imaginable, and she feels lucky to have him with her. His fingers are still outstretched, so she extends hers too, intertwining them. Gently, slowly.
Rivalz's warmth seeps through her skin. The sensation tingles her epidermis, an invisible shiver. When their eyes meet, Milly feels a sudden urge to burst into tears.
Tonight hasn’t been easy. And her heart pounds in her lungs while the weight in her throat grows heavier in silence.
But she says nothing. Because it won't change anything—Lelouch will still be dead without being able to answer her, and it will still be just as difficult.
As Rivalz leans towards her, Milly's vision falters slightly. In the dim light of the living room, she sees the outlines of Jimmy's ghost, his words hurled into the night, his heavy affection with its rough edges. The image lingers for another second before vanishing completely, almost simultaneously with the weight and the memories.
Milly wraps both arms around Rivalz's neck and kisses him. As warm, gentle hands slide down her back, she can taste his lips and the honey still clinging to her tongue. She smiles into the kiss; this time, she doesn't complain that it's too sweet.