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Carl Grimes had never once been himself. He didn't get that high school experience that teenagers used to get. Because the world ended when Carl was just eleven years old. So at first Carl was a child. Just like any other child who lived in the suburbs, skateboarded and had tons of friends. That's how a lot of kids start out. That's what Carl considers the trial run. Before he could make it out of the fifth grade, he and his mother were being saved by Shane and his father was dead. The first phase was over.
So what was the second phase? For him it was running from Walkers, camping, scavenging, finding a home, that home getting destroyed, getting beat by Shane. So Carl really had no time to discover any interests of his own. At least he still had comics. Those were nice. Over three years where teens would have been discovering themselves through art, writing, theater or sports, Carl had no time for that. His interest was meant to be in surviving, and he had his mother to live for. So Carl never found himself. Like those kids you wave to in the hall only to one day wonder if they were real because they never really had a crowd. Loud but heard everything, funny but behind their eyes was a fear of everything. But Carl knew no to be loud for that would draw in the problems.
When Shane found the prison, their new home as he called it, they thought they could be safe. But Shane couldn't keep it together. He was violent, and after Lori died giving birth to Judith, Shanes anger began seeping out of him. Into his hands when he hit Carl, out of his mouth when he yelled at Carl. So, when the Governor came along and Shane shot him at the table where they were meant to be bargaining, the Governor became a Martyr and his town destroyed the prison. Carl couldn't help but think that if Shane hadn't killed the Governor, if they'd chosen peace and a farmer lifestyle, that no one would have died. But as Shane told him while beating him, that was a stupid way of thinking. And for some reason, Carl couldn't help but believe him. They didn't find Judith, he and Shane. When the prison came down, they were seperated from everyone else. Carl was alone with Shabe in their grief. Shane didn't say it (unless he was drunk) but he blamed Carl for what they assumed was Judiths death. But Carl blamed him right back. But he couldn't leave Shane, he was the only one protecting him, even if he did that through beating him senseless. Carl supposed it was a god send, but tainted with the seeds off hell. But tainted wasn't the right word. It was grown from it. Shane had died. Was killed actually, by men who called themselves the Claimers. So Shane was dead, good. But his only protector was dead, not good. These men were nothing like his father. They were cruel. Not cruel like Daryl, who stole theor food. Not cruel like tje Governor, who destr9yed his home. And not cruel like Shane, who beat him, night and day. No, these men were anotjer kind of cruel. The kind of cruel that Lori used to warn Carl about and made him promise to protect Judith from.
Carl was glad Judith wasn't here to see this.