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“Well, let’s get this over with,” Wrex grumbled. He shrugged his shoulders and made his way to the door, no doubt expecting his companion to be right on his heels.
“I’m just… I need a minute,” Kaidan quietly answered. “I’ll catch up.”
The hulking krogan paused, clearly studying him for a moment before giving a slight nod of his head. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Wrex.”
A grunt of acknowledgment was all he received in answer as he turned and walked out the door.
Kaidan was left alone as the door slid closed and, at long last, he had a moment to collect his thoughts. He was feeling a little overwhelmed.
Moving off in the direction of the nearest mirror, he made final adjustments to his collar and smoothed over the dark fabric of his dress blues. They looked nice, but they were more than a little uncomfortable. He was clean and pressed and entirely apprehensive.
He took a moment to remember that he had things for which to be thankful. He knew very well that he shouldn’t have been standing there at that moment. Sacrifices that others had made along the way had eventually saved his life as well as millions of others, and secured a victory against the reapers. In all honesty, he was shocked to have lived through it all. Caught up in the epicenter of the chaos as he was, he could think of dozens of times where he shouldn’t have walked away. He was pulled out just in the nick of time. He was saved.
We know the score. We know this is goodbye.
His mouth went dry at the thought of those words. He’d said them to her himself. He fully accepted the likely outcome as they made their last stand. Or, he thought he’d accepted it, anyway. The reality was that he felt his heart shatter the moment Shepard had forced him back to the Normandy and turned to run to her destiny. He knew what it meant, as did she. It really was goodbye.
He took a deep breath, watching the restrictive, heavy fabric shift slightly, but not nearly enough. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be strong enough to get through this without showing the emotion that was waiting to burst forth, but he was certainly going to try. He summoned whatever inner strength he could muster to hold it together.
As he pressed forward, feeling bewildered and uncomfortable, he walked past several prominent photos, naming them off as he passed them by and thinking of them and their sacrifices in the war.
He hadn’t known Thane that well, or at least, he hadn’t known the drell for what he truly was until it was too late. An assassin saving Shepard was a strange idea, but Thane had done it and Kaidan counted himself as immensely fortunate to have been able to thank him for his sacrifice before he passed away. He thanked him, too, for the friendly conversation and company in his long weeks of recovery at Huerta Memorial. Even if he had been a dirty liar, the gesture had been appreciated. Kaidan smiled ruefully.
It was, perhaps, a little strange to have a geth pictured so prominently in a very public ceremony such as this one, but few had taken the time to get to know Legion. Admittedly, Kaidan had been skeptical, too. Shepard had spoken highly of it...him… and he’d been left with no choice but to trust her judgment. It had proven to be the right choice, as it often was, as Legion was the reason that the geth managed to recalculate and aid them in the war. Their continued help had proven invaluable.
The pleased grin of a salarian greeted him next, and Kaidan was sad that he never really got to know Mordin. He knew that Shepard had been devastated by his loss, however, and that was good enough to know that he’d been a valued friend. Even now, he could remember Shepard giggling and sniffling at the recordings he’d left behind. Aside from saving an entire race from certain extinction, Kaidan could appreciate him for making her laugh. She didn’t do it nearly often enough as the war escalated.
There was some degree of relief that came with recognizing EDI’s mobile platform as a friend and no longer as the foe that had nearly killed him on Mars. Kaidan wasn’t sure how it was possible for a synthetic to look so pleased, but she did. It seemed strange, but he missed her. One glance in Joker’s direction, however, reminded him that he was not the only one. He could sympathize with a broken heart when he saw it.
Ashley stared back at him with that knowing smirk that she’d often sported in life. The corners of his mouth lifted ever-so-slightly in response, even while a pang of regret hit him square in the chest. He missed her. She deserved to live a long life and to kick enemy butt and to celebrate the bittersweet victory they’d shared. Instead, her photo loomed over the final ceremony, no doubt playfully judging from beyond.
Kaidan took a deep breath and stood a little straighter as he settled into position near the photo of David Anderson. He’d been an undeniable hero in the midst of absolute chaos, and his actions alongside Shepard were the only reasons that any of them had survived this mess. Without a doubt he’d been one of the strongest, most honorable people Kaidan had ever known. Even over the hushed, still crowd gathered here, he could hear Kahlee’s muffled sobs. They resonated in his mind and soul.
He stood and waited, unsure if he could truly handle what was happening with any sort of dignity whatsoever. Kaidan had never thought about this outcome as true possibility because of the pain it caused. He had to be ready. He had to think like a soldier. Sacrifices had to be made. If victory were to come, then it would be at a high cost. He and all of the Alliance had been trained to accept it as fact. As he looked around the room at the many friends, family, and brothers-in-arms, he was reminded of just how much had been at risk and to be thankful that more hadn’t been lost.
When the doors swung open in dramatic, but ceremonial fashion, Kaidan could feel tears burning his eyes already. He fought hard to keep it together as the great war hero Commander Shepard was ushered forward. His breath hitched in his throat and he couldn’t bear it any longer. Tears marred his vision as he waited for her.
His bride.