Chapter Text
"Hyuntak, we're worried about you."
It's always that specific phrase that dug into his brain and bones and made his heartbeat spike. Hyun-tak appreciated the worry on his friends' faces. What irritated him the most was the atmosphere that accompanied the phrase. Jun-tae's worried expression and quick hands applying ointment to a bruise on his cheek, Humin's rigid posture, and Sieun's narrowed eyes, calculating and trying to decipher the situation. That tense silence as they try to see what's wrong with him.
Because the bruises and the split lips and the limps didn't make sense to them. Especially after the Union had crumbled last year; they seemed to be under the impression that Hyuntak would calm down like the rest of them.
"I'm fine, Juntae, I really am," Hyun-tak hissed out and stood up. He patted the other boy on the back and stood up with a wince-his knee slightly trembling from sitting down for so long-shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at Humin, who was blocking his path. Humin gives him that look, that unimpressed look that makes Hyuntak want to blurt out he wasn't fine.
But that was the problem. It wasn't that he wasn't fine. It was that he was fine that was the problem.
"I'm fine! I'm not lying, I promise you!" Hyuntak's voice rose with frustration. Couldn't they see it? He was fucking fine!
There was a loud silence as the others stared at him. It was finally broken by Sieun, who just sighed and told him to get some rest before he walked across the basketball court and out of sight. The quiet boy had been on his way to see Suho at the hospital and had dropped by to make sure Hyuntak was ok. While he enjoyed Humin and Jun-tae's expressive worry, he appreciated Sieun's pragmatic attitude and ability to back off when Hyuntak want space. Like right now.
"OK! It's getting late," Baku finally exclaims, thumping Hyuntak on the back and putting his arm around his shoulder. Jun-tae smiled nervously but stated, "If you have anything you're worried about, just tell us ok?"
Hyuntak swallowed and ruffled Jun-tae's hair before the three of them started to walk through the streets. The air was warm and sticky in the months leading up to graduation. The navy sky of dusk was seeping into the bright orange sunset below, and the winding, narrow alleyways darkened into the background of Hyuntak's dreams. The thick silence that permeated the air was gratefully broken by Baku's excited shouts about a test he scored well on- a miracle from Sieun's tutoring-and Juntae's soft congratulations. Gotak would have usually joined them, laughing and making comments, but right now his heat-oppressed brain was too tired to form thoughts. He shook his head and sighed as the sun dipped below Juntae's house, where they dropped him off, then he dropped off Baku, and then he was by himself.
Hyuntak didn't like being by himself. It was made clear by his loud friendship with Baku or his constant need to do something with other people. The idea of being alone with his thoughts unnerved Hyuntak in a way fighting never did, because when he fought, at least his thoughts were muted under the rush of blood and broken bones. But on silent, heavy days like this, his mind liked to wander down the narrow alleyways, wandering aimlessly. His mind always liked to search back to something. Back to someone.
Back to Geum Seong-je.
Hyuntak felt his feet were walking before his brain processed where he was going. The rhythmic thump of cement under his shoes echoed in the quiet streets, and familiar buildings passed by him in a blur of motion. He already knew where he was going, but that didn't mean he liked it. The internet cafe buzzed with more life the more the minutes ticked closer to midnight. The bright glow of neon lights hurt his eyes, and he could hear the cacophony of footsteps from the server, shouts from someone playing a shooting game, and the low hum of conversations. Hyuntak peered inside, trying to act as casual as possible as he scanned the heads of the people seated at the monitors. No wavy brown hair. No glasses. He wasn't at his usual spot.
He caught the eye of a maintenance worker and immediately looked away before deciding to just head back home. He wasn't going to be a lunatic and ask the workers where Geum Seongje was. Any self-respecting dumbass knew breathing near Seong-je was a death wish. They'd probably think he was crazy for asking. He felt fucking crazy.
He stopped at his apartment door and went straight to his room-his mother was probably still at work and hadn't come back home-which gave his thoughts plenty of time to muse about the fucking dumbass who liked to invade his thoughts. When he settled into bed, he stared at the ceiling, mind racing. He traced the stinging bruise on his cheek as the oily ointment spread across his fingers; it felt like the oily feeling in the pit of his stomach. Because this bruise wasn't from Seong-je; it was from someone else. It wasn't from their irregular yet regular schedule of beating each other at random spots (More like Hyuntak was getting beat up, but that was besides the point).
Hyuntak shot up in bed so fast he felt the air scrape against his skin. Why the fuck was he feeling bad about getting beaten up by someone else other than Geum Seong-je? He flopped down onto his bed and groaned into his pillow. Fuck this. This was all because that fucking bastard hadn't shown up for the past few days. It's all that lunatic's fucking fault.
Hyuntak itched for violence in the quiet monotony of post-Union life. The peaceful air of preparing for exams and waiting for graduation didn't sit in his lungs the same way adrenaline and violence seemed to churn contentedly in his stomach. Geum Seong-je had filled that void of peace. Hyuntak never questioned their unspoken arrangement until now, while tossing and turning in his bed. Did Geum Seong-je need the violence as much as he needed it after the Union? He showed up out of nowhere, kicked Hyuntak's ass and then slinked away in a cloud of smoke to wherever he lurked. The two seemed to constantly be running into each other and running into each other's fists just as often.
Until 2 weeks ago. When he just disappeared. So to fill the void in his chest, he went looking for a fight.
It had been late yesterday and his heart hammered and clawed at his chest like a ravenous animal in his ribcage. He had been wound up all week wanting to feel the familiar sensation of bone and flesh underneath his fist. He lied to his coach that he was going to class; he lied to his teacher that he was going for practice. After looking in dark corridors and shadows for an hour, he had finally stumbled upon some delinquents smoking in the underpass. He yelled some words to get them angry but he doesn't remember them; he threw the first punch. The fight was able to calm his nerves down enough, and he even got a couple of bruises on his cheek and shoulder.
But it hadn't been the same. That rush and thrill had been non-existent and the only thing Hyuntak felt was his own heartbeat. Hyuntak didn't understand why fighting with Seongje was so addictive. But he didn't want to contemplate his feelings today.
Hyuntak stared out at the pitch-black sky, turning the memories over in his head like an interesting puzzle. His mind drifted back to that afternoon on the rooftop. The last time they had met (2 weeks ago), Seong-je had said something awfully strange.
"I need to clean up his mess again, fuck-."
Seong-je hadn't actually told that to Hyuntak, but he heard him mutter it under his breath regardless. Hyuntak didn't have time to ask him what he meant or who this 'he' was because Seong-je punched him extra hard, which had sent Hyuntak sprawled on the ground. It had slipped from Hyuntak's mind, but even now, he couldn't decipher what Seong-je had said.
Na Baekjin was dead. The Union had crumbled, with their acting leader no longer available to run things smoothly. Seong-je didn't work for anyone anymore.
So whose mess was he cleaning up?
Fuck. All this thinking was making his head hurt, and all this thinking about the bespeckled boy was getting him nowhere except making him sleep-deprived. He huffed and turned away from the open window, letting the cool breeze brush against his side.
Hyuntak decided to be rational and push this issue for later. He'd go and confront Seong-je tomorrow.