Chapter Text
Jacob Cummings had never put much stock into how he might die. That just isn’t the kind of thing most 22-year-olds spent time thinking about, let alone anyone younger, unless they got fucked up by a death in the family or were actively suicidal.
Jacob had never been suicidal okay? Like…maybe passively at best, but he never actually made any plans or decided on a method or anything so that doesn’t count—you know what, whatever the point is—
—the absolute last fucking way he expected to go was getting rammed by a Walmart 18-wheeler because he was too distracted sobbing to “a thousand years” and cursing Stephenie Meyer.
“Stupid—fucking—” Jacob sniffles, hugging himself when another gust of wind blows past, trying to contain a sob from ripping itself out of his chest. He bites his lip as he tries to put one foot in front of the other on the curb, like walking on a tightrope, but everything is all blurry now, and dammit if Dani were here she would just give him a whole mini packet of tissues out of her giant Mary Poppins bag, but she’s not and that’s the whole fucking problem.
The wind gets colder. Jacob reaches up to pull the drawstring of his hoodie closer, sighing shakily when he stuffs his hand back in the front pouch. Should’ve brought his backpack, see, now he’s also pissed because his hands are doubly cold, wrapped around his Karamel Sutra, and he wishes he could just hit skip on this damned song except his fingers are nearly frozen solid and his phone’s in his back pocket beneath his wallet, and there’s probably a way to do it with your Air Pods but he never bothered to look it up.
So now he’s stuck with Christina Perri until he reaches his apartment complex a few blocks away.
How to be brave? How can I love when I’m afraid…to…fall—
In an instant, Jacob sees the Porters’ shitty old living room, him and Dani up way past their bedtime with a bowl of popcorn covered in all kinds of ridiculous toppings. He sees her lounge, with the TV that only worked half the time and all the weird Disney dad flags hanging up, her dorm decorated with the vines they bought at Michael’s and hot-glued over the walls, only to have to pay an outrageous fee to HRL at the end of the year for the paint damage. Even his own crappy apartment, with the crate he found in an alley they’d use for powerpoint nights—
Goddammit fucking Twilight making him feel things—he never even liked the shitty franchise, just—it was just so Dani, it was always their go to when they couldn’t decide what to watch, she always quoted it until he accidentally picked it all up too, and then every Halloween—
Jacob can’t do this. He promised himself he’d at least wait until he made it back to his place, at which point he could sob over his Ben and Jerry’s while doomscrolling on Youtube in a feeble attempt to take his mind elsewhere, but no, Christina Perri just had to go and write that song which just happened to come on now, Stephenie Meyer just had to go and create that terrible series.
“Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel,” Jacob mutters as the chorus comes on, no real heat behind his words, just…he’s just so tired. He just wants…he just wants…to crawl under his tattered blanket, and fall into a deep sleep where everything is magically fixed when he wakes up, anddd—
Jacob’s heart just about leaps out of his chest, his veins igniting with adrenaline, when he completely misses the curb, his foot catching in a sewer drain, and as he tries to quickly pull it out he ends up just falling instead, falling—
HONKKKK
…
…
…
Jacob stops breathing. Everything is dead silent. Everything is pitch dark. He tries to get up, to turn around, to rub his eyes but there’s just nothing, he’s nothing, he can’t, he doesn’t—
[Activation code: “Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel.” System automatically triggered.]
Jacob would jump in fright at whatever the fuck just spoke, but he doesn’t seem to have a body, so, he’s stuck sort of just vibing in very deep fear and confusion.
Uhh…hello…?? Who’s there…??? Jacob tries to say, but nothing comes out. He thinks it anyway, still seeing nothing but an infinitely dark void. He wonders if…this is all a dream, all some kind of hallucination—fuck, what if he finally cracked and took sketchy Paul up on his shrooms???
The voice comes again, painfully jarring and robotic, like Light Hope or Cynessa.
[Welcome to the System. The System operates in line with the design concept “Put your money where your mouth is or shut the fuck up*.” We hope to provide you with the best possible experience. It is our sincere wish that during your time, you can fulfill your desires and, in accordance with your wish, transform a “dumbfuck novel” into a magnificent, high-quality, first-rate classic. We hope you enjoy.]
“—we won’t stay too long, you and Bella gotta get to school and Charlie has work, but I’m sure you two can figure something out and meet up another time.”
Oh what the hell. Why the fuck is he standing next to Gil Birmingham and—…standing, in—front of—the white fucking Twilight house what the fuck what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK—
“Heard you guys coming all the way down the road, good to see you.” Jacob stands frozen as Billy Burke walks up, his expression probably one of pure horror because Jesus how many shrooms did he eat or smoke or take or whatever it is that you actually do with them that he’s stuck in goddamned Twilight???
Billy—Charlie, reaches forward and gives…Billy Black? a little handshake. Jacob swallows thickly, leaning against that godforsaken shitty red truck, when Charlie moves to him and gives him an awkward little fist bump.
“Bella will be down in just a moment—”
Ignoring all *that* for the time being, Jacob takes a half-step back, glancing around. The road is empty, there’s a light smattering of other houses to the left and right, and a lot of woods in all the other places. It looks real though, it even has that stupid fucking Twilight filter that made everything look blue all the time. Could drugs really make you have whack-ass dreams like this?? Jacob doesn’t know, he’s never so much as touched a drop of alcohol, let alone drugs.
[The System was successfully activated! Bound Role: Bella’s love interest and future son-in-law, “Jacob Black.” Starting points: 100.]
Jacob does jump at that, prompting Charlie and Billy to send him an odd look before going back to their conversation. He flexes his hands at his sides and takes a deep breath, looking out for the source of the voice but finds none.
What the fuck kind of bullshit is this…Jacob thinks to himself, realizing in horror as he turns that he has a whole head full of long dark hair that’s getting all up in his eyes now—Taylor’s shitty-ass wig, FUCK!
[You have triggered the System’s execution command and have been bound to the Jacob Black account. As the plot progresses, various point types will gradually become available. Please ensure that no score falls below zero, or the System will automatically dole out punishment.]
Jacob’s hands fall flat at his side. His eyes go wide. Just before this, he’d been on his way home from 7-11…he’d been listening to that Christina Perri song, and then he tripped, and—everything was so bright all of the sudden…that noise, a horn, blaring…
…is he…
…am I fucking dead?
Did—…did I get fucking isekai’d into motherfucking Twilight?
Jacob reaches up to run a hand through his hair, taking another deep breath and scowling deeply when his hand gets caught in it because—stupid pain-in-the-ass long hair.
Okay, well…either he’s high as hell and will just have to ride this out, or he did actually die and wind up in Twilight. Either way…he doesn’t feel like sticking around for this little meeting. Fuck this shit, he needs to go sit down somewhere alone and sort through everything.
Jacob barely gets his foot off the ground when that damned robotic voice rings out again, the actual robot nowhere in sight, like it’s speaking directly into his mind.
[Warning, this proposed plan is incredibly dangerous and qualifies as a violation. Please do not attempt, or the System will automatically dole out punishment.]
Jacob sees the door opening up on the porch. He grits his teeth and stuffs his hands in his pockets, deciding to engage, just in case…just in case this is, somehow, real…
Alright, how would leaving here be a violation…? He thinks to himself, hoping this…system thing can hear him. Which, it probably can’t because it’s probably not real…
Probably being the operative word…
[Currently, you are at beginner level, and the OOC feature is frozen. You must complete several quests to unfreeze it. Before unfreezing, any act in violation of the original Jacob Black character settings will result in a deduction of a fixed number of IC-points.]
Shit it fucking answered him, the thing fucking answered him. What if—what if this is somehow real, he really did transmigrate into the character Jacob Black and now he’s fucking stuck here and, he has to play out the role according the way the system wants—
So—you’re telling me that right now, if I do anything that canon Jacob Black doesn’t do…I’m…in some kind of violation and will…lose, points…?
[Correct.]
Bella approaches, Charlie looks her way, preparing to make introductions. Jacob tries to breathe.
Like—right now, this scene, if I say something that Jacob Black doesn’t say in the original…would that…that would be in violation???
[Correct.]
And—if I do fall in violation or whatever, if I do lose enough points, then—what happens??
[You will automatically be deported back to your original world.]
I—but…I think I’m…I’m like, dead, right? So…?
The system doesn’t respond. Jacob feels like he’s gonna throw up. Dammit he really wishes he’d just made it back to his apartment so he could’ve hidden under his blankets and sobbed while he ate his Karamel Sutra, maybe blasted some Linkin Park, except he fucking didn’t—
“Bella, you remember Billy Black.” Everyone’s smiling, Charlie’s smiling, Bella’s smiling, he assumes Billy is smiling in front of him. Jacob Black most certainly was not having an existential crisis during this scene. Jacob swallows the lump in his throat and forces what he hopes looks like Taylor Lautner’s smile onto his face and Bella and Billy have their little exchange. He tries to laugh in the little way he does when Billy makes his remark about Charlie not shutting up about Bella’s arrival. And then, the two men go have their weird dance fight in the background, which leaves him and Bella. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk—
Fuck fuck fuck it’s been a minute since he watched the movie, ever since Dani—he just couldn’t—but he’s seen this movie so many times in theory that, it shouldn’t be a fucking issue right, he’s fine it’s fine everything is fiNE—
Jacob keeps up the Taylor Lautner smile, moving closer to Bella. He says…he says…
“Hi, I’m Jacob.”
Yeah…that sounds right…he waits for that weird system to give him another error warning violation notice, but it doesn’t. For now.
Bella greets him back and does a weird sort of nod. Goddamn Kristin Stewart’s acting was a choice in this movie—which, he feels like hearing or reading somewhere that it was largely on the director or something…the source material isn’t great either of course, whatever—but damn if she isn’t the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. Girl? Oh fuck, how old was she when they filmed this?? Bella is…seventeen, right? He supposes actor ages are irrelevant, and that would make him…fifteen, or sixteen? But he is technically twenty-two. Then again Edward is fucking hundred and something, so…
Bella stares at him and bites her lip, because—of course she does. Oh wait shit, mud pies, he’s supposed to say something about mud pies, isn’t he? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
“We uh, we used to make mud pies, when we were little.” Jacob smiles some more. Bella starts to smile too. Still no system warnings.
“Right, no, I remember,” Bella says, lying through her teeth he can only imagine. Jacob laughs awkwardly, running through the rest of this scene in his head.
“Are they always like this?” Bella asks, giving him an extra few moments. He’s pretty sure Billy and Charlie come back soon…they give her the truck…Jacob climbs in the other side and he and Bella chat briefly…yeah he can do this everything is fine, not like the fate of his immortal soul rests on him perfectly reciting Jacob Black’s lines from this one random scene from the Twilight franchise hahahahaha not at all—okay fuck are they always like this are they always like this—
Out of the corner of his eyes he can see the two men coming back. Just as they approach it comes to him. “It’s getting worse with old age.” No warnings. Bella mumbles something incoherently back at him.
“So, what do you think?” Charlie comes back and starts to ask her about the truck. What was Jacob…Jacob was just grinning at Bella a lot, if he remembers correctly. Jacob continues to do this, hiding a cringe at Kristin’s attempt to sound excited about the beat up old truck. Was Bella actually excited or faking it? He isn’t sure. He supposes that’s something you’d have to read the book to know.
[Warning, you have deviated from the plot and failed to deliver Jacob Black’s line! Points will be deducted should you choose to not fix your error.]
Woah woah woah what the fuck did I miss?? They’re not talking inside yet that’s when they start having their conversation again when they’re looking at the interior but right now she just gets the car for her homecoming or whatever, Charlie tells her he got it from Billy, Billy says…wait, Billy doesn’t say—
“I totally rebuilt the engine for you!” Jacob exclaims breathlessly, crossing his fingers at his sides. He was, rather unfortunately, so distracted by trying to figure out what was going on, that he completely failed to duck before Bella could whack him with the car door, damn, that actually kinda hurt.
[Error fixed, points will no longer be deducted.] The system (System?) tells him. Jacob has some choice words for it, them?, but first he supposes he’s gotta make it through the rest of the car scene. He gulps and pinches his cheeks to try to get some color in them before climbing into the truck, and abruptly stops because—he’s not the color of milk anymore and his cheeks are probably fine.
Jacob gets in and closes the door, grinning at Bella again. The side of Bella’s lip curls vaguely upwards as she stares back at him. Neither of them say anything…
Well that’s not a good sign—
[Warning, you are deviating from the plot—]
Yeah yeah yeah I get that I forgot the line just shut up and give me a moment! Jacob shouts at the System in his head, sifting through the scene…oh shit he tells her something about the car doesn’t he?? Fuckkkkk Jacob doesn’t know the first thing about cars he’s never owned a car, what the fuck does Jacob say to Bella about…
Something about a pump…and a clutch…maybe the wheel…? Or the stereo…?? Or…the windows????
“Okay,” Jacob breathes out, seems as good a place to start his lines as any. He looks away from Bella and towards the dashboard, which may as well be a calculus textbook written in Arabic. Fuckkk he’s so dead—literally.
“Umm…so—what you need to do is, uh…pump the clutch—I mean, double pump the clutch, when you…shift…I think that's it, though…?” Jacob offers a tight-lipped grin that doesn’t reach his eyes, waiting for the System to tear into him. He doesn’t touch or gesture towards anything, hoping Bella Swan is more knowledgeable than Jacob Cummings when it comes to cars.
[Warning, you have deviated from Jacob Black’s lines, however no damage has been done to greatly alter the plot or any characters. Points will not be deducted at this time.]
“That’s this one?” Jacob blinks several times, finally looking back at Bella. His eyes flick over to the stick thing she’s tapping. Fuck if he knows, but he feels like Jacob didn’t explain much in this scene, so…
“Yep. Yep, that is the one…”
[Warning, you have deviated from Jacob Black’s lines, however no damage has been done to greatly alter the plot or any characters. Points will not be deducted at this time.]
Jacob’s brow twitches. He bites down on his tongue.
“Alright,” Bella murmurs, getting further situated and testing stuff out. Jacob smiles awkwardly and wonders what he did in any potential past lives to deserve this kind of afterlife.
“Do you want a ride to school or something?” Oh, yes, they don’t go to the same school and they both have school soon the end is near the end is near the end is near—
“I…go to school…on the reservation…?” Jacob mumbles, mostly asking the System whether or not that had been correct. He wonders if you lose points for sucky delivery of lines, or only the incorrect ones.
“Right…right, yeah,” Bella looks kinda bummed, nodding at him, her hands still gripping the wheel. “That’s too bad, it would’ve been nice to know one person.” She does a few more weird head tilts, and then—
Charlie wraps his knuckles against Bella’s window. “Hey, gotta get to school you two. Come on, get a move on!” Bella looks over and sends him a look. Jacob smiles awkwardly again—externally. Internally, he’s having a full-blown disco dance party.
That’s it that’s the scene right, I don’t have any more lines to worry about for a hot minute, right? Like I’m not in danger of losing any points or ??? Jacob asks the System in his head as Billy and Charlie say goodbye, and Bella goes back inside to grab her backpack.
[Correct, the current scene with Jacob Black and the MC, Bella Swan, has concluded.]
Sweet, okay so like…now…do you send me back, or… Jacob realizes that, again, working on the assumption he’s dead and not high, he isn’t quite sure where he has to go back to. He’d kind of reached an atheist point in his life, not really believing in anything, afterlife included. If anything he most certainly would’ve thought that he could safely rule out transmigrating into Twilight, but, here he was.
[Incorrect. As per the design concept, your function is to transform this novel into a literary classic. Congratulations on successfully completing your first scene! PP-Points +50. Current points: 150. We wish you the best in your future endeavors.]
Jacob blows out a slow breath of air, thinking back to what the System had told him back when…back when he’d been in that empty dark vacuum, something about…transforming the novel, during his time…?
Hold up. So—you fucking expect me to, as Jacob Black, fix…
fix…
…
Twilight…?????
???????????? ?????? ????? ¿¿¿¿¿??
[Correct.]
Jacob balks at that. But—but I don’t fucking know how to fix it! That…the series spans the course of years, I-I don’t…you—???
He doesn’t receive a response to his half-baked question (which, he supposes, is already a generous description).
Okay, so—like, there’s no way for me to go back to…to my old life…?
[Incorrect. Should your points fall sufficiently low, you will automatically be deported back to your original world.]
A violent shiver wracks its way through Jacob’s body. His head starts to buzz, his ears ring. He’s scarcely aware of helping Billy into the Blacks’ car, or when they drive off, back on the way to the reservation.
He has to be high. Please, please please please fucking please, let him be high as a motherfucking kite right now, everything must’ve finally gotten to him and he had to crack somehow and he tried drugs which was obviously a huge mistake if this is what happens—god he’s never doing drugs again when he snaps out of this—
[You will not ‘snap out of this.’ You are bound to the role of Jacob Black and will continue to play his part as such, whilst transforming Twilight into a brilliant, must-read, literary masterpiece.] The System informs him helpfully. Jacob stares out the window, feeling his adrenaline spike at that awful voice just, appearing in his head again.
No. No it can’t be real, it can’t, just—how insane would that be, for you to be able to actually get stuck in some fictional book or movie after death…
…that’s gotta be impossible, right…?
…
…
…
Yes, yes obviously, totally impossible. Fuck, if anything he’ll probably wake up in the hospital with a horrible bill because he doesn’t have health insurance, and that’s gonna suck, but hey, at least he won’t be stuck as Jacob Black anymore. Yes, Jacob is going to wake up any moment now.