Chapter Text
Maki wakes to it again.
Not sudden. Not sharp. Just there, like it had been waiting for her to notice.
The same as yesterday, and the day before that, and long before she’d even bothered counting.
It isn’t unfamiliar. That’s what makes it worse.
It's impossible to place.
Not her shoulder. Not her ribs. Not the old places that ache when she pushes too far.
It lingers somewhere deeper than that.
Vague, dull, impossible to locate. Like trying to press down on something that shifts away the second she focuses on it.
Maki exhales slowly and sits up.
Her body feels fine. Strong. Normal.
It’s the same result every morning.
She swings her legs over the side of the bed, already dismissing it. There’s nothing to fix if there’s nothing there.
It was persistent.
Everyone had come up with their own theories. Sukuna's black flashes, unknown internal damage from Naoya's domain despite her lack of CE, some delayed adverse reaction to her fully awakened heavenly restriction.
Regardless, all tests had shown nothing of note.
It wasn't a terrible pain, just… there.
Dull. Constant. Hard to ignore, harder to define.
Not enough to slow her down. Not enough to justify the attention it kept getting. Just enough to be annoying.
Maki made her way to the kitchen to fix some breakfast.
The Tokyo School was much different than before. Many sorcerers had died in the past few months. And once Gojo was sealed (and later died) cursed spirits and curse users had grown bolder and more powerful.
Then shit truly hit the fan once Tengen had been absorbed.
For years, everything had leaned on Tengen’s barriers. And once Kenjaku had put Tengen out of commission, the Jujutsu system broke apart.
Safe zones failed. Barriers weakened. Entire regions that used to be monitored were left exposed overnight.
They were still patching the gaps.
Still losing ground in places no one had the manpower to reach.
The Kyoto school had been completely abandoned due to lack of resources.
Everything else was stretched thin. Missions stacked faster than they could be cleared.Assignments overlapped.
Schedules didn’t exist so much as they were rewritten daily.
Maki had gone from 1-2 missions per week before Shibuya, to having to go out almost daily.
Despite being 8am the kitchen was empty. Most of her schoolmates were either off-campus on a mission, preparing to leave, or simply too exhausted to bother with human interaction this early in the morning.
She made herself some eggs and sat down on a couch. Truthfully she had no reason to still be enrolled in Jujutsu tech. Since the Sukuna Raid, she had finally gotten the praise she had long wanted and was seen to be one of the most capable sorcerers available. School was just a formality.
Yet she, and multiple others, stayed. Perhaps it was a cry for normalcy. That things would settle and they could go back to their lives as high schoolers. Yet day after day it felt more and more like they were headed further and further away from that fantasy.
Less classes, less fun events, more exorcising. She had known the 3rd year of high school was usually when sorcerers began to be more independent and go on more solo missions, yet she still held to her vision of what it would be like.
Panda, Inumaki.
Yuta…
Maki pauses mid-bite, jaw tightening slightly before she forces herself to finish it anyway.
He’d always been held to a higher standard.
Special grade.
Even before everything, that title had meant something different. More expectations. More responsibility. Less room to be anything else.
Now, he was everywhere. Missions no one else could handle. Situations that needed to be resolved quickly, cleanly, without risk.
If something went wrong, they sent him.
If something might go wrong, they sent him anyway.
He barely used his dorm anymore. Most nights it stayed empty. Untouched, like it belonged to someone who didn’t actually live there.
The strongest. That’s what they called him now. Maki rinses her plate and sets it on the rack, water dripping steadily off the edge. She dries her hands, glances up and checks the clock.
Right. Shoko.
Every visit had been the same. Tests. Questions. That look Shoko always gave her, like she was humoring something that didn’t exist. Maki kept booking them regardless. At first she genuinely believed Shoko could fix whatever was wrong with her, but recently it was more of a pointless routine.
In truth, Maki knew that progress wouldn't be made, but it was nice to just talk to someone every now and then who wasn't a student.
Maki came to a halt in front of the clinic door. Her hand pauses briefly before she pushes it open.
“Late again,” she said calmly, almost bored. “Or are you just early for once and I’ve lost track of time?”
“Just get on with it.”
She sat down on the examination bed without being asked.
The same routine. Same questions. Same scan.
Shoko put her hands on Maki's back just as she had done a hundred times before. Positive energy flowing through her body. Yet once again, Maki felt nothing.
“…Still nothing obvious,” Shoko muttered after a while.
Maki didn’t respond.
Shoko leaned back slightly, hands in her pockets now.
“No damage. No lingering residue. No internal disruption I can trace.” She paused, then added, more bluntly. “Like I said before, it's not physical.”
Maki stared at the wall ahead of her.
Shoko continued, reciting something she’d already said too many times. "If anything, your body’s in better condition than it should be. If there’s a problem, it’s not something I can treat directly.”
Maki sighed before standing up, "That's alright, didn't expect much anyways. I'll live."
She lingered near the door, jacket in hand. She didn't move right away. Shoko noticed, of course.
“You’re unusually slow today,” she said, already turning back to her desk. “Did I miss something exciting in your life?”
“If I had anything exciting, I wouldn’t be here.”
“That’s fair,” Shoko replied. “Most people only come when things are going wrong.”
Shoko glanced over her shoulder.
“…Which is also most people’s definition of exciting, I guess.”
Maki huffed faintly through her nose.
Shoko gestured back to the "Have a seat, I've been bored out of my mind lately, and I wouldn't mind the company."
She stayed a moment longer. It wasn’t really about the check-up anymore. Shoko didn’t talk much unless prompted, but she also didn’t stop Maki from just… being there. She just quietly listened.
Having someone just listen to her talk was something Maki had taken for granted. There used to be someone else, but now it was just Shoko.
Maki went on. Not about anything important. Just whatever was on her mind. A mission that ended faster than expected. A report she had to fill out twice because someone lost the first copy. A training session that left her more annoyed than tired. It wasn’t like talking to a superior. More like an older sister who didn’t ask questions she already knew the answers to.
Shoko listened the way she always did. She didn’t interrupt. Didn’t correct her. Didn’t push anything forward. She just let Maki talk.
“…they’re overworking the new first-years especially,” Maki added after a moment. “Send them on missions they shouldn’t even be touching yet, then act surprised when things go wrong.”
Shoko gave a quiet hum. “That hasn’t changed.”
“It should.”
That earned a small, almost amused glance from Shoko. “You sound like you’re about to start running the school yourself.”
“Would be better than whatever they’re doing now.”
Shoko leaned back slightly in her chair, studying her for a second. “…You’ve been seeing more of it lately, haven’t you?”
Maki didn’t answer immediately. “Seeing what?”
“The workload,” Shoko said simply. “The gaps people are leaving… Especially him.”
Maki’s eyes flicked up slightly.“…Who?”
Shoko didn’t even bother to pretend she didn’t know what she was doing. “Okkotsu.”
The name landed quietly in the room.
Maki clicked her tongue. “Everyone’s busy, not just him”
“Mm,” Shoko agreed. “But he’s ‘busy’ in the way that means he’s never around. Even at the worst of times you still see the others at least a couple times a week. Eat lunch together, hit the mall if it's especially quiet. Not him though, you'd be lucky to catch him more than once a month.”
Shoko seemed to watch her with especially observant eyes. Her statement made Maki freeze up for half a second longer than she meant to.
Maki gave a faint shrug. “Special grade life, I guess.”
Silence settled again. Shoko let it sit for a moment, then added more lightly. “You haven’t spoken to him lately?”
Maki’s response came a beat too slow. “…No.”
“Shame,” Shoko said. “You two used to overlap more.” It stayed in the air longer than it should’ve.
“Word is he’s being considered for the Gojo clan seat.”
Maki's breath hitched, "Like… as in head of the clan?
Shoko nodded, "Satoru liked him. A lot. Left him whatever he could in his will, from what I’ve heard. Didn’t say it outright, but… he treated him like something close to a successor.”
"But he's barely even related to them." Maki brought up. Whatever connection Yuta had to the Gojo clan probably predated anyone alive today.
A faint shrug. “He's the closest thing Satoru had to a heir. Add in the fact that he’s the probably strongest alive and suddenly the ‘distant relative’ part stops mattering as much.”
Maki shook her head softly. "I guess he's really making it big in the world."
“People like him don’t stay unclaimed for long in this system." Shoko responded.
“He’s not a thing to be claimed.” Maki interjected, Her voice came out rougher than she intended.
“Mm. Sure.” She tapped her pen against the edge of the clipboard. Shoko stood up from her desk, “Just saying. Guys like him don’t exactly stay available forever.”
"Available?"Maki frowned slightly. “What does that even mean?”
She glanced up at her and smiled waving a hand lightly, disregarding her question. “Never mind.”
Maki shot her a look of confusion. “What?”
Shoko stood up, stretching slightly before turning towards Maki. “You’re fine. Same answer as always.” She took her phone out of her coat and begin fiddling with the screen.
“You'll have to excuse me, I’ve got a call to make,” Shoko added casually, then gestured towards the door.
“…Yeah,” Maki muttered, taking the hint. She stood up and made her way to leave.
Shoko reached for the doorknob, pausing just long enough to glance back over her shoulder. "Maki." Her tone was much more serious now. "We've gone through this for a while now,"
She took a deep, contemplative breath. "It's affecting you more than you think."
"I can't help you much more than this, you'll have to figure out the rest on your own." She opened the door for Maki, "Or live with the regret."
Maki stepped into the hallway. It seemed colder than it should’ve been, or maybe just quieter now that the door had shut behind her. Maki walked forward, one foot in front of the other, her footsteps steady.
'You’ll have to figure out the rest on your own.'
'…Or live with the regret.'
Maki’s jaw tightened slightly. Regret of what, exactly?
Shoko's advice was way to vague. She spoke as if Maki had control over something she couldn’t even properly define in the first place. Over what? Her workload? The system? People being assigned where they were needed?
“I don’t have time for that kind of talk,” she muttered under her breath.
It was strange. Despite accomplishing her dream of becoming a powerful sorcerer and proving the Zenin's wrong, she still hadn't really brought about change. She had this image of fixing the toxic system that had taken advantage of people like her, like Mai, like… Yuta.
Yet regardless of her newly acquired strength, nothing really felt different when it mattered. The titles had changed. The expectations had shifted. But the structure underneath it all was still the same. She was still as powerless as before.
Gojo had killed the higher ups, but they had just been replaced. Different faces, slightly different language, same underlying logic. More “progressive” on paper.
Maki couldn't deny that they were better than the previous regime, but they were still the same kind of people making the same kinds of decisions. She just went along with it and hoped that Gakuganji or whoever was at work would eventually reestablish a better system like promised.
Maki held hope, eventually the future would come. One where he could sit around with the others again. Waste time. Talk about nothing.
Like it used to be. But how long would that be? How long before “eventually” just… stopped existing? How long before they become strangers to one another?
Maki thought back to what Shoko had said.
She arrived in her room and shut the door behind her firmly. She sat down on the edge of her bed. Her phone felt heavy in her pocket.
The heir to the Gojo clan huh…
She pulled her phone out, fingers moving stiffly as if they were caked in rock. She held it in her hand for a moment, staring at the home screen.
"…This is stupid"
Maki fell backwards and sprawled out on top of her bed, eyes glued to the ceiling.
There were other people who she could call.
Maybe Nobara would be free in a couple hours, or Panda would get home from his mission. Inumaki should probably be awake by now as well.
She didn't need to bother him, just because she was feeling bad for herself. He had better, more important things to do than worry about her.
It wasn't him ignoring her that scared Maki. It was the opposite.
Morning came without much difference.
Maki was already in the training yard by the time her phone buzzed. She didn’t stop immediately. Kept her focus away from her phone sitting on the bench. Another strike. Clean. Precise.
"Hold on a sec." She apologized to the 1st year she had been sparring with. but the kid looked like he could use a break. She made a mental note to tone it down a bit later.
She exhaled and stepped back, reaching for her phone.
Ieiri Shoko: Clinic. Now.
Maki stared at the message for a second. She had just been there yesterday.
She typed out her own message, thumbs moving without a second thought.
Maki: I was just there. We met yesterday.
She set her phone down, but it buzzed again just as she was walking away.
She scoffed.
Fast replies today, huh?
Shoko seemed to be glued to her phone, waiting for Maki to text back.
Maki picked it back up, already annoyed.
Ieiri Shoko: I know
Ieiri Shoko: Come
No explanation, no reasoning. Maki couldn't be bothered for a walk-in right now, especially after a hard training session.
She considered flaking out on the doctor but Shoko never replied this fast unless she wanted something.
She shook her head before sending out one last text.
Maki: I'll be there.
She apologized once more to the 1st year before packing her things and heading inside.
For a second, she considered stopping by her room first. Showering. Changing. Actually looking like she wasn’t coming straight out of training.
Her shirt clung slightly from sweat. Hair still a little messy. Breathing just a bit heavier than normal.
“…It’s just Shoko.”
Shoko Ieiri had seen worse. Way worse. She was a doctor, not the mayor.
No point wasting time.
Maki adjusted her bag strap and kept walking.
The clinic door came into view sooner than expected.
Upon exception it was surprisingly empty. Maki made herself at home, setting down her bag and taking a seat on the examination table, shifting slightly to get comfortable.
Where was she? Shoko called her in here yet couldn't give her the courtesy of being on time?
Shoko didn’t usually do “wait in the room” nonsense. If anything, she was the type to realize she would be late and tell you to not show up until she was ready.
Waiting was annoying.
Especially when she hadn’t even been told what she was waiting for.
She leaned back fully, stretching out across the examination bed without much care for how she landed. One arm draped over her eyes, blocking out the fluorescent light.
If this was going to take a while, she might as well get comfortable.
The silence settled again.
“…Seriously,” she muttered under her breath. “How long does it take to show up to your own appointment?"
And then… Footsteps. Faint at first.
Maki didn’t move. She heard the door clatter and swing open.
“About time,” she called out, voice dry. “I’ve been sitting here forever.”
Shoko entered the room, unusually quiet.
“Did you forget you called me in or something?"
No answer.
Maki frowned, still not moving from where she'd sprawled across the exam table, one arm covering both eyes.
"Shoko?"
"It's been a while, hasn't it Maki?"
That voice.
She pulled her arm away from her face.
It wasn't Shoko.
Yuta stood in the doorway. He had one hand still resting on the door frame, the other at his side.
He looked different. Not in any way she could immediately name, and that annoyed her.
Taller, maybe? Or just carrying himself differently. His expression was caught somewhere between surprised and trying very hard not to laugh.
Maki sat up, she swinging her legs off the side of the table.
He was just… smiling. That quiet, genuine thing he did that he'd probably never learned to dial back.
"Hey," he said.
One word. Completely unbothered. Like he hadn't just walked into a room she was lying in, looking exactly like she'd rolled straight out of a training session (which she had).
Shirt sticking to her back. Hair a disaster. Face all red and bothered.
She wasn't quite sure if that last one was from the training…
She chalked it up to that anyway.
Maki couldn't bring herself to fully face him, instead settling for staring at the floor while he stood by the door.
He's seen you like this a hundred times. Why are you so embarrassed?
She knew that. She knew that.
But it didn't help.
"What are you doing here?" she said. It came out flat.
"Shoko called me yesterday." He tilted his head slightly. "She said someone needed healing." His eyes moved over her briefly, the way he always did. Cataloguing. "Are you hurt?"
"No."
"She seemed pretty sure—"
"I said no."
Yuta looked at her for a moment. Then the corner of his mouth moved.
"Okay," he said simply.
That was it. No push back. No wounded look. Just okay, easy as breathing, and Maki felt something tighten in her chest that she had absolutely no interest in examining.
Her bag was on the chair by the wall. She focused on that. On the fact that her hands were still slightly chalked from training and she hadn't noticed until now. She rubbed them against her shorts.
Why are you embarrassed? Stop being embarrassed. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
"When did you get back," she said, still not looking at him.
"Last night." A pause. "Late."
So he'd been on campus. Since last night. How could she not have known.
She didn't say anything to that.
"It's good to see you, Maki."
The way he said it, straight to the point. Just that. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world to say out loud.
Her jaw tightened.
Don't
"You look terrible," she said.
Yuta blinked. Then he actually laughed, quiet and short. "I've been on a three week assignment."
"I know." She finally looked at him. That was a mistake, probably, but she didn't regret it. "You look it."
He didn't look it, actually. He looked— fine. Better than fine, if she was being honest with herself, which she wasn't going to be. He looked like someone who'd been through something and come out the other side of it settled rather than scraped.
Stop.
Yuta was watching her with that expression he had sometimes. As if he was paying attention to something she hadn't said yet. She'd always found it annoying. Right now it was worse than annoying.
"Shoko said you've been coming in a lot," he said, carefully.
"Shoko talks too much."
"Maki."
"It's nothing." She reached for her bag. "Some vague pain she can't diagnose. Probably stress. You didn't need to come."
She said it like she meant it. She mostly meant it.
She began to stand up until he took a step towards her.
He was quiet for a second. "Can I take a look anyway?"
No.
Yes.
Stop it.
"You just got back," she said.
"I know."
"Shouldn't you be resting then or something?"
"Probably."
She looked at him again. He was still just standing there, hands easy at his sides, not pushing, not retreating. Present, in that uncomplicated way he had, that she'd taken entirely for granted once and had no business thinking about now.
Maki couldn't handle the pressure. She broke.
"…Fine," she said, planting herself back onto the table. "Make it quick."
Yuta hummed quietly at that. He'd pulled a chair up beside the exam table without asking.
"Can you point to it anywhere?"
Maki gestured vaguely at her sternum. Somewhere in there. He nodded like that meant something and she watched him roll up his sleeves in her peripheral vision.
"This might feel weird," he said. "Since there's nothing obviously wrong."
"Story of my life."
He huffed. Almost a laugh.
His hands settled on her upper back and she fought back the urge to shudder at his touch.
Maki fixed her gaze on the wall directly ahead and kept it there as his hands descended upon her back.
It's just cursed energy. It's just Yuta doing what Yuta does. You've had worse injuries treated by him, no need to react so weird.
The warmth spread slow and even, the way his RCT always did. Maki felt some sort of pressure releasing from something she hadn't known was clenched.
She hadn't expected that.
"Feeling anything?" he asked.
"Y-yeah." She felt her jaw tighten. "I think it's working," she added.
"How long has it been going on?"
"Weeks. Months even." She paused. "I stopped counting."
"And Shoko couldn't find anything?"
"She found plenty. Just nothing physical." Maki said, "She kept looking at me like I was wasting her time."
"She looks at everyone like that."
The room settled into something easier after that. Not quite silence, he kept working, asking small questions, she kept answering in as few words as possible, which was normal.
This was normal. It felt almost like before, like the before-before, first year stuff, training yard at odd hours, bad cafeteria food and Yuta following her around like a puppy, asking questions while she pretended to find him irritating.
"Any new first years worth noting," he asked. Casual. Like he was asking about the weather.
Maki snorted. "Define worth noting."
"Like. Actually promising."
She considered. "One. Maybe." A pause. "She's annoying about it though."
"Aren't they all."
"This one especially." Maki clicked her tongue. "Reminds me of someone."
"Who?"
She didn't answer that.
Yuta's hands shifted slightly and she became briefly, acutely aware of the pressure of his palm against her.
His hands stilled briefly.
“You mind if I lift up the back?”
Maki’s brain did something she was going to ignore completely.
“Go ahead.”
They spoke in the way you'd say pass the water or move, you’re in my way. Easy. Unbothered. The voice of someone for whom this was not a big deal.
She felt the fabric shift and then his hands were back and there was no shirt between them anymore.
The RCT moved through her again, deeper this time, and she let her eyes close.
“How’s the east building renovation,” he asked.
Maki frowned slightly. “The what?”
“The east building.” A pause. “They were redoing the second floor last time I was here. Panda kept complaining about the noise.”
She blinked. “That finished months ago.”
Silence.
Just a small one. But she felt it.
“…Oh,” Yuta said.
“They moved us third years to the west side while it was happening,” Maki said, keeping her voice even. “Nobara complained louder than Panda. Something about privilege. It was a whole thing.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“No,” she said. “You weren’t here.”
His hands kept moving. Steady. Unhurried. The RCT flowed through her warm and even and she sat with it and said nothing else and neither did he for a moment.
“…What else did I miss,” he asked quietly.
The question landed simply. He wasn’t performing guilt.
Yuta asked things, straight and genuine, because he actually wanted to know.
Maki considered that for a second.
What didn't you miss?
She hadn’t called him. Hadn't bothered to keep him up to date, or talk to him about what was going on in his own world.
She’d thought about it, but she never did.
His hands moved slowly, methodically, and Maki had gotten good enough at ignoring the warmth of them that she’d almost convinced herself she wasn’t thinking about it. Almost.
She could feel tension in his hands as he worked now.
“Maki.” He began.
“Mm.”
"January, I- I should've been around."
"What's so important about January?"
Yuta cleared his throat, "You're um- birthday. I uh- heard what happened."
Of course he had. Her first birthday as an only child. She hadn't taken it well. She wasn't too surprised that word got out.
Maki really didn't want to get into that right now. She tried avoiding the topic. Hoping her silence would be enough to turn him away from the subject.
Of course, this was Yuta Okkotsu she was speaking with.
“I should’ve been here,” he said.
“It was fine,”
“Maki—”
“It was one day, Yuta. The world was ending. You had more important things.”
“That’s not—” He exhaled quietly. “That’s not really the point.”
“Then what is the point?”
He didn’t answer immediately. His thumb moved along her spine, slow and careful, and she stared at the wall and waited.
"Maki I-"
"Can we just…” She stopped. Exhaled quietly through her nose. Slowly. “Can we not right now.”
Her voice was quiet. Almost small.
“I just.” She stopped again. Her throat felt tighter than it should.
“We never see each other anymore and I don’t want to—” She cut herself off. “Just. Not right now. Please.”
The please came out softer than she meant it to.
She felt Yuta go very still behind her.
He didn’t push. Didn’t try to finish the sentence she’d left open. Didn’t do the thing kind people sometimes did where they decided you needed to hear it anyway.
“Okay,” he said softly.
She heard him shift. The warmth of his hands lifted from her back and she reached down and pulled her shirt back into place without looking at him and for a moment she thought he was going to stand up and leave and she was already preparing her face for that.
Then he pushed his chair to the side, and sat down beside her.
Not close enough to crowd her. Just next to her. Settling in like he had nowhere else to be.
She didn’t say anything.
He didn’t either.
For a while they just sat there. Side by side. The fluorescent light humming quietly above them.
She was not going to cry.
Obviously
She hadn’t cried in front of anyone in longer than she could remember and she wasn’t going to start now, in Shoko’s clinic, in front of Yuta, after barely an hour. That wasn’t happening.
But her throat was doing something she wished it would stop doing.
Time passed. How much, she couldn't say exactly.
“You look tired,” he said eventually.
“You too,” she said.
“Yeah.”
Another silence. Easier than the last one. She could feel the warmth of him next to her without them touching. She’d taken it completely for granted once. She hadn’t known she’d taken it for granted until it wasn’t there anymore.
She hated knowing that now.
“I missed this,” she said.
Yuta turned his head slightly toward her. She didn’t look at him.
“Me too,” No hesitation.
She nodded once. Stiffly. Like she was filing something away.
Her hands were still in her lap. His were resting on his knees. Close enough that it wouldn’t have taken much.
She wasn’t sure how it started. One of them said something (she couldn’t even remember what) and somehow they’d ended up here. Not talking about anything important. Not talking about Mai or Sukuna or empty dorms or how long it had been. Just talking the way they used to. Easy and directionless, one thing leading to another without either of them steering it.
“You were so bad,” Maki said.
“I wasn’t that bad.”
“Yuta. You cried.”
“I did not cry—”
“Your eyes were wet.”
“That was sweat.”
“From your eyes.”
He made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and an objection and she felt the corner of her mouth pull without her permission.
They’d somehow landed on his first week. She couldn’t remember who’d brought it up.
“You were terrifying,” he said. “Objectively. Any reasonable person would’ve had wet eyes.”
“Nobara wasn’t scared of me.”
“Nobara isn’t a reasonable person.”
They shared another laugh.
She didn’t know how long they’d been sitting here. She hadn’t looked at the clock. She hadn’t wanted to.
“The obstacle course,” she said.
Yuta groaned. Immediately. Fully.
“We don’t have to—”
“You fell in the same spot three times.”
“The ground was uneven—”
“I watched you study that course for twenty minutes before we started.” She turned to look at him for the first time in a while and he already had that expression on, trying very hard to be dignified and failing completely. “You made notes.”
“I’m a thorough person—”
“You made notes, Yuta.”
“And then the ground was uneven so the notes were useless—”
“You fell in the same spot.” She held up three fingers. “Three times.”
He pressed his mouth together. Looked at the ceiling. The searching for literally any defense and finding none.
“…The third time was on purpose,” he said finally.
Maki stared at him.
“I was testing something.”
“You were testing the ground.”
“I was testing myself—”
She laughed.
Actually laughed. Not the small almost-laugh she’d been allowing herself all morning. A real one, short and sudden, and she felt it move through her whole chest and she turned away and pressed her mouth together trying to get it back under control.
Yuta was quiet for exactly one second.“There it is.”
“Shut up.”
“No I just— I forgot what that sounded like.”
She groaned. “Don’t be weird about it.”
“I’m not being weird—”
“You’re being weird.”
“Maki I’m literally just sitting here—”
“Weirdo,” she said firmly, and looked back at the wall, and pretending she wasn't smiling.
She was smiling.
Yuta settled closer beside her, and she could feel him not making a thing of it, which she appreciated more than she was going to say out loud.
“The third time I fell,” he said conversationally, “I genuinely thought about just staying down there.”
“I know. You said so.”
“Did I?"
“I think I’m going to die here.” She said it in a flat, solemn, mocking voice. “Verbatim.”
He laughed like he’d forgotten he’d said that. “I meant it.”
“I know you meant it. That’s why it was funny.”
“You didn’t help me up.”
“You didn’t need help up. You needed to figure it out yourself.” A pause. “Also it was funny.”
“So you left me on the ground because it was funny?”
“I left you on the ground for your personal development.” She paused. “And because it was funny.”
He laughed again and this time it was fuller, warmer, the kind that took up space in a room, and something in Maki’s chest shifted. Some feeling she was going to blame on the RCT and his healing even though he’d stopped almost an hour ago.
She hadn’t forgotten what his laugh sounded like.
She’d thought about it sometimes, in the specific way she didn’t let herself think about things directly, sideways, late at night when she was too tired to maintain the effort of not thinking about it. Too tired to not think about him.
She hadn’t forgotten.
She’d just missed it. Quietly. For a long time.
“Hey, Yuta I-” she started, not sure where she was going with it—
His phone went off.
The sound cut through the room clean and sharp and Maki felt it on a physical level. Yuta’s expression shifted. Something moving behind his eyes that was there and then gone before she could read it properly.
He looked down at the screen. She looked back at the wall.
She already knew.
“Maki—”
“Go.” Easy. The voice of someone who had been expecting this since he walked in.
“I’m sorry—”
“Yuta.” She said it the way she said everything. Unbothered and Fine. “Go.”
He didn’t move immediately. She could feel him still sitting there, phone in hand, looking at her. She could picture his expression, and she absolutely couldn't bring herself to look back at him.
“You’ve done a lot… really, Yuta. Thank you.”
Maki forced herself to look at him. Tried for a smile that didn’t quite land.
“You’re busy,” she added, tone lighter now. Like they were back to something normal. “I shouldn’t keep you here over nothing.”
"You're not nothing."
Maki bit her lip at that statement. She looked back down towards the floor, up at the roof, at the wall. Anything to hide her face from him.
“I’m fine.”
"It's no big deal Maki I can just-"
"Yuta." Maki's tone was final, she stared up at him forcing herself to look like she didn’t care.
That seemed to get to him.
Yuta nodded his head solemnly, apologizing once more before standing up.
The door clicked shut.
She put her face in her hands. Her palms were warm against her face.
Get it together Maki.
She sat like that for a few seconds longer than she meant to. His footsteps moved away from the door. The footsteps continued down the hall. Getting quieter. Not gone yet.
She lowered her hand slowly.
There it was.
Not sudden. Not sharp. Just,,, there. The way it always was. Creeping back in at the edges like it had simply been waiting for him to leave. Like it had known, the way it always seemed to know, exactly when she had nothing left to hold it back with.
She’d almost forgotten about it. Somewhere between these 4 walls she had stopped noticing it.
But she noticed it now.
His footsteps were fainter. Almost gone.
Maki stared at the empty doorway.
Vague. Dull. Impossible to locate.
She pressed her lips together.
Not her shoulder. Not her ribs.
The hallway went quiet.
Somewhere deeper than that.
She sat in the silence for a long moment. The fluorescent light hummed above her. The clinic was exactly the same as it had been before he walked in.
Shoko’s voice came back to her, quiet and unbothered.
It had never really been pain— just a hollow feeling, like something was missing...
It’s not physical. She knew that, and had known that yet refused to admit it.
Maki exhaled slowly through her nose.
Yeah.
She couldn't deny what she felt any longer.
"Damn you Yuta."