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He lurched over the toilet, throwing up what felt like everything he’s ever eaten. Angel had tried eating real food; human food. This is where he ended up. Usually the idea of eating like a human was too repulsive for him to even pick up the piece of chicken; but when Denji joked asking if Angel eating birds made him a cannibal something in him felt like he had something to prove.
He violently coughed on the bathroom floor praying it would be unheard from his peers outside. A knock on the door over Power and Denji’s usually bickering. “You okay in there?” Aki’s voice from the other side. “Just a stomachache, Im fine,” he lies.
He had stopped by the apartment with Aki ten minutes before their patrolling was scheduled over, because of Power’s “urgent” call making it seem as there was an emergency at the house. They rushed home to discover her and Denji were just hungry. He was going to have Aki drop him off to public safety quickly until he was invited to have dinner with them; reluctantly, he agreed.
Although Angel didn’t necessarily hate humans, to call him misanthropic wouldn’t be a stretch; but he figured, if it were Aki it wouldn’t be terrible. He hears footsteps away from the door, he hopes Aki walked away too soon to hear him gag and vomit again.
He stood and flushed the toilet, holding himself in his arms in an attempt of comfort. Staring in the mirror he saw his gaunt face and body. The reflection in the mirror looked so miserable he could laugh. He felt it too, every passing moment worse than the last. He wished it would all be over already, so he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.
He turned on the water and washed his hands thoroughly— any harder and he might’ve scrubbed off his skin. Then he off the light switch before exiting the bathroom.
Aki stood over the counter watching whatever played on television in no useless attempt of stopping Power and Denji’s fight as it usually ended with Denji surrendering to Power’s ignorance. As Angel walked into the kitchen he could feel Aki’s gaze; the one he tries his best to avoid. “Ready to go?” Aki questions. Angel replied with a nod and they made their way toward the door. Aki confirming with Denji and Power that he wanted his house in one piece when he returned.
—
Angel was on a beach surrounded by his people. Their skin tan compared to his glimmering under the sun. He ran around in the sand, the dirt flying up each step he took. His torso was revealed with only a pair of swimming trunks on. He was chasing after someone giggling and smiling; he was happy. The girl he chased had on a blue two piece swimsuit. When she turned around he could see the chain tattoo stretching across her forehead. The wind blowing her short dark hair with a gleeful smile on her face.
He caught up to her and they sat in the sand. The woman was his girlfriend, the people on the beach was his family, he was home. The familiar sensations felt nice, he felt much more free knowing the country than the city. “I love you.” he directs toward the woman. She turned to look at him, her cheeks turning a rosy pink; her eyes slimming in contrast of her widening smile. He smiled too. “I love you, Angel.” she says. They stare into each other’s eyes for a moment longer.
Suddenly his vision started to blur— then it went completely black. All he could hear was screams, whimpers— pleas for their life’s. As his vision returned he saw all the familiar faces on the ground, bodies limp. He felt a weight in his hand. He looked down and saw her hand in his. He froze. She was seconds away from death— he could feel it. She mutters something to him. He yanked his hand back as if there was something trying to bite at it. For a few seconds he couldn’t breathe. He broke down, hyperventilating holding his throat gasping for air. Everything happened too fast. Much too fast for him to process.
No. No. No. No. No. He stammered around, looking for a single survivor— No one. He gasped, which turned into a gut wrenching wail as the realization hit him. He killed his entire family, his lover included. He would never do this, not intentionally.
He started to hear whispers creeping into his head, most inaudible but he could make out some: Murderer, Monster, Disgusting. He clutched his head trying to restrain the voices.
He looked forward, tears in his eyes to see his unnamed girlfriend standing —breathing in front of him. He could see the disappointment on her face. She’s alive. He thought.
His ran towards her but stopped as a hand tugged on his ankle. He couldn’t see who the hand belonged to. Hands started to pull him down into the seemingly endless stream of sand. He squirmed trying to stop himself from sinking as if he were in quick sand. He yelled an inaudible name, assumingely hers. The hands started to choke him, he thrashed in desperation. “Wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t do it. I promise just listen to me!” He yelled that inaudible name again.
The entire time she looked him in the eyes with disgust. “You’re a monster, I can’t believe I loved you.” She whispered. He stopped fighting; those words alone, especially from her, made him sick.
The hands strangled him as he and the woman locked eyes. The hurt in his eyes was clear, he felt a pit in his chest like none else. He didn’t close his eyes as the darkness’s started to seep into the corners of his vision, he wanted to get a last look at the woman he loved.
Angel jolted upright gasping for air, his skin dripping from cold sweat. He looked around his surroundings seeing the same room he usually woke up in, the fluorescent lights a tad bit too bright. He gripped his chest catching his breath. It was a dream. It was just a dream. A nightmare if you will. He told himself. He often had haunting nightmares, each stuck with him worse; especially the ones about her.
He felt sick. He started to dread sleeping more and more, he wondered if he’d started to develop somiphobia. As images of her flashed through his mind he felt even sicker. He covered his mouth in attempt to stop anything from coming up. A shudder left his ajar mouth. He thought about the dream more, his subconscious yelling at him to leave it alone. Thinking about the feeling of having the lifespan of his family inside of himself made him shiver. What was even worse was that he didn’t hate the feeling. In fact, the lives of his companions made him feel more, ironically alive and energized.
He felt tears swell up in eyes. He felt his breathing become uneven. He felt the sharp pain in his head. He felt the turn in his stomach. He felt his hunger— the never ending hunger. He felt the tiredness. He felt everything. He was exhausted, more exhausted than he could put into words. His body was uncontrollably shaking, and when he realized it only got worse. He dug the palm of his hands into his eyes. The only escape he had from the real world was now an entirely new hell for him.
He scoffed then chuckled. That chuckle turned into a giggle, turning into hysterical laughter. Not because anything was funny but because he thinks he truly lost it. As the laughter died down he choked with tears. A ragged, broken sound escaped his throat as he sobbed convulsively. He continued to bawl until he fell back asleep, not dreaming this time.
—
He woke up to a banging on his cell door. He flinched at the sudden sound. The door creaked open as three public safety workers walked into the room with full body suits on; no exposed skin.
They certainly knew how to remind Angel how he wasn’t regular. Too human appearing to be full devil, too devil hearted to be human— too devil to be treated like a being with thoughts and emotions. “Get up.” One of the men’s harsh voice spoke. Angel rose from the fetal position with his wings wrapped around him as a makeshift blanket he was in before.
He’s tried resisting them before, that only ending up with him getting dragged down the halls ways screaming and kicking. Literally dragged.
He complies and slips on his quotidian uniform before being lead to the elevator with the three men. Once he made it to level zero he saw his partner standing there, waiting on him. Aki noticed the tear burns near his eyes, but said nothing.
—
They made their way to the patrolling location. Angel keeping up his usual lazy
routine, stopping at every stop and bench he could— complaining the entire way through.
“Hey, human. Im hungry.” he pointed toward an ice cream parlor. He was halfway telling the truth. He was hungry sure, but it wasn’t for ice cream— or any human food for that matter. “Don’t call me that.” Aki says staring in the shorter man’s eyes. Angel was busy staring into his neck, he swear he could see the crimson red blood flowing through his veins as his mouth watered.
Though, Aki doesn’t seem to notice, “Stay here, we don’t need to draw too much attention.” He demands. He walked toward the parlor. He didn’t like having to stop and getting Angel snacks every time they were out patrolling; he didn’t exactly hate it either though. He’d grown used to it. He was just happy there was something that he could use to bribe the devil into doing his work.
Angel sat at a nearby bench observing the sky and passerby’s as he did often. Suddenly he heard a horrifying scream coming from an alleyway not too far away. The sound got his attention and made him lean towards the noise. He figured he would wait for Aki to return before investigating but after a while(a few seconds) he got impatient.
He hopped up from his seat and walked toward the noise. He saw a creature, no eyes, no nose but just a mouth full of sharp teeth. They almost looked like— syringes. The creature had six arms each of them had a hand full of needles for fingers, Ah the needle devil, he thought to himself.
The concept of a needle devil made him uneasy, he wasn’t sure why, as far as he knew needles were just another thing to him.
People were running away from the monstrosity as Angel approached. “I- Uh could you make this quick for me? I really hate being here.” He unrealistically asks of the monster. A needle flies towards him aiming straight for his neck. He swiftly moves out of the way before it could puncture him. He lets out a sigh in pre-exhaustion. “10 years.” He manifests as a small staff appears in his hand.
He launches it at the monster and it hit it dead in the chest. It shrieks in what Angel could only assume pain. It didn’t seem to affect the devil much except for fueling its anger. Angel continued, swiftly dodging every needle thrown at him and weakening the monster.
Tens of hundreds of needles rise into the air all facing towards Angel now. “Shit.” He curses, quickly regretting not waiting for Aki. He shields his face and body with his wings. He feels like the needles stick into him and he swears some had some substance laced inside. He winced as he fell. He tries to remove all the needles out of his body but is grabbed by a civilian. The civilian grabs his arm, “Let go! One touch from me could kill you!” Angel exclaims. But the man didn’t listen— as if he was in a trance. Angel figured it was apart of the devil’s power as he fought the mans grip. He started to get the man’s hand off his arm when a hoard of others came and held him down.
He grunted and thrashed, reminding of the nightmare he had the previous night, his heart sunk. He fought back, harder this time.
The men dragged him by his hair as he yelling. “Ugh. Snap out of it!” He was trying his best not to make direct contact with the men’s skin but to fight back without any skin contact was tough. He was bought closer to the monster and to avoid getting stuck with anymore needles he spat at it. This clearly made the monster even angrier.
Fuck I shouldn’t have done that. He thought, and he was right. The man on his hair dragged him to the wall and began smashing his head against it.
Angel groaning and whimpering at each contact against the brick wall. In a failed attempt to delay his impact into wall he threw his palms flat against the brick, locking his elbows until his joints screamed. Angel felt as the man yanked his head away from the wall only to push it back to the brick, over and over and over. Until Angel’s head was dripping with liters of blood and his body started to become limp. His vision blurred gray in his peripheral, no longer fighting the man gripping at his hair. Angel breathed heavily but quietly, trying to figure out if he was even still alive. He was sure this would be it. The devil would eat him or leave him here to bleed out and rot, he didn’t feel like fighting anymore anyways.
Then he heard a familiar voice from behind him. The man released Angel causing him to fall onto the hard, filthy ground. “Shit Angel, I left you for 10 minutes.” Aki says, the panic showing from his voice. Angel would laugh if he didn’t just get his fucking head bashed in. He heard Aki struggling to fight the devil, not too bad to need his immediate assistance though. The men being controlled by the devil’s dropped to the ground. Angel reached his hand up to his bleeding head. Crimson leaking down both his face and the wall which his head made contact with.
His world feels like it’s spinning. He looks down to see the previously thrown needles at him scattered on the ground. His head flickering with… memories? He saw himself tied to a surgical table trying his best to move and escape but failing each time. There were people wearing full body suits like the men who came to wake him up every morning. They were picking up surgical tools and speaking in low volumes, Angel couldn’t make out the words. He remembered feeling scared. He holds his head trying to make out more of the memory. The people grabbed scalpels and started to slice his wings off of his body from the top end of the base to the bottom. He screamed, gasped, cried begging for them to stop. They stuck all different types of needles into him. He convulsed and died from the overdosage more times than he can count on four hands, each time brought back with a blood curdling wail.
“I’m sorry, this is my job.” He heard one of the people say before he passed out from the pain. He remembered awakening in the same cell he lives in now at public safety.
He didn’t have his wings. He clawed at his back trying to find the sensation of the light weighted feathers that hung from his back. The days felt stretched the entire time he was captive. The feeling was tethering. His wings eventually grew back over time, but his sense of self never did. Then, he remembered something else; deeper in his head.
A woman, red hair and- “Hey! Snap out of it and come help me!” His partner yelled. He’d returned back to reality and resumed to help his companion fight.
—
Angel didn’t even remember much of what happened after that, he tried his hardest to finish the memory Aki interrupted.
On the drive back to public safety covered in blood, sweat, and viscera Angel started up a conversation, “Don’t take me back there please, not today at least.” He requested. Aki turned to look at him.
“Why?” He asked
“Their shower systems are weak and I’m all bloody, could I shower at your’s instead?”
“Your showers are shit so you wanna use mine?” They locked eyes before Aki turned his eyes back onto the road.
“You’re all devils anyway.” Aki said that but, truthfully, he didn’t see Angel as just a devil; though he would never admit that.
“So we don’t deserve a decent shower?”
“It wouldn’t make a difference.”
“Please, just for tonight.” Angel pleaded.
“How’s your head?” Aki asks, changing the subject.
“Feels like I got it smashed into a brick wall.” He says sarcastically.
Aki scoffed, “Why did you sit there for so long staring into nothingness?”
Angel wasn’t sure if he trusted Aki enough to tell him this, though he was the most trusted person in his life at the moment.
“I remembered something.” Aki waits for him to continue.
“There were people— doctors I guess. They cut off my wings and trapped me in a room for months. It seemed as if they were experimenting on me.”
Aki looked at him pitifully. Angel hadn’t even let the memories of what happened to him sit in yet. He didn’t want to think about it right then. Not in the car with Aki who would have to see him break down. “I’m sorry that happened.” He condolences. Angel scoffs and turns toward the window , “You weren’t the one who did it right? Why would you be sorry?” The rest of the car ride was awkwardly silent.
—
By the time they parked outside of the apartments it was 11:26pm. Aki had already called Makima to ensure bringing Angel home would be alright, it took a bit of convincing, but it worked. Angel reached his hand onto his forehead, the gash was somewhat healed— dried blood still all over his face and clothes. They entered the surprisingly quiet house. “Wheres Chainsaw and The Blood Fiend?” Angel asks. “Probably either out doing something I’d advise them not to or sleep somewhere strange.” He replied.
They slipped off their shoes and walked deeper in the house. Seeing as it was definitely option two as Denji is asleep upside down one foot hanging off the top of the couch and the other the side of the couch. He assume Power was in their room sleeping even weirder. “You shower first, I’ll make us some food.” Aki offered.
Angel nodded as he walked into the familiar backroom.
He was unbelievably tired. He lifted his auburn bangs from sticking to his head from the blood to see the gash on his head. Shit that’s really bad. He hoped it wouldn’t scar, but either way he didn’t really care. He quickly showered, washing off all the blood; some being his, some being the devil’s he earlier fought.
After getting out of the shower he realized he had no clothes to wear. He dried off his body and wrapped a towel around his body. “I need clothes.” He walked into the kitchen. Aki observed him for a moment then walked into his closet to grab a white shirt too big for the smaller man and a pair of shorts he meant to throw out the month before. He grabs a pair of scissors to cut holes big enough for Angel’s wings to fit into and handed him the clothes.
Once dressed, Angel returned into the kitchen to sit on the couch beside Denji’s wiod sleeping position. He could smell of clean aroma of the rice Aki had been boiling. He sat up to his knees to see what Aki had been cooking up: onigiri. He rises off the sofa he was so comfortably sitting on to sit beside the taller man.
Aki acknowledges his presence without looking to him. Angel takes time to observe the man’s features. His piercing indigo eyes were focused on shaping the rice into a triangular form. His sapphire hair still up in the regular topknot he wore slightly shaking with every move he made.
How pretty. Angel thought.
He still had on his work suit, his sleeves rolled up right above his elbows— revealing his toned forearms. For his occupation, his arms didn’t have as many scars as Angel expected humans such as him to have. Angel could tell by his movements he was tired. Aki was just slightly more sluggish than his usually uptight, stoic movements.
“It’s rude to stare.” Aki remarks.
Angel didn’t even notice, he watched Aki like it was normal.
“I find it interesting to watch you cook.” Angel leans on the counter, head rested on his arm.
Aki paused for a moment to look at Angel, then continued, “Weird.”
Angel continued to stare until his legs ached from his earlier actions. He pulls a chair and sits at the pass-through. Aki finishes preparing their food and hands angel his share. He eats as Aki prepares to shower.
—
Angel makes himself comfortable in Aki’s bed, lying under the two layers of comforters that previously made it up. It was easy adjusting to such a comfortable bed— big upgrade from the mat they mercifully gave him in public safety.
He scanned the room taking in the plain decorum. He didn’t even notice Aki walk in, “You’re sleeping on the couch, I just moved Denji.” He said, not quite a request. “Im comfortable.” Angel muffles from under the blanket, not even turning over to look at the man in the doorway. Aki lets out a sigh, to fight with stubborn Angel, would be pointless. So— he just walks out and into the living area.
Angel turns onto his back. He allows his mind to wander off. The vision about the needles, how weird. He tries his hardest to go back to the part with the woman. He knew public safety couldn’t care less about a devil like him, but how could he forget if something like that had happened to him? Then his mind drifted to Aki. Had Aki known that happened to him? Is that why he apologized?
He didn’t want that to be the case. He doesn’t care for humans, but Aki isn’t that type— he knows it; or at least he hoped. Aki acted tough, like nothing could hurt him— but Angel knew that was all a facade. Sometimes he’d see tear burns at the corners of his eyes; and some late nights when he was over his apartment he could hear him sobbing quietly. For some reason it always made Angel feel sad as well. Why would he care about how a human feels? Better yet— why would it affect his mood?
He had pitied Aki when he first found out about his life span. Some moments he found his self wishing he could sacrifice the rest of his for the man. The pity soon turned into something else he wouldn’t dare admit. Maybe it was the times he stood closer to Angel than any other human who valued their life would. He was meant to be the biggest devil hater in division 4 but still, if he was angry at Angel it wasn’t for being a devil; just some simple matter like laziness.
He resented Aki for this, why did he feel like he could tell him anything? But it wasn’t just resentment that these actions made Angel feel. He twisted and turned, trying to shake his mind onto another topic. Eventually— he fell asleep.
—
Hands rasp at his skin. Scratching with fury. He flails, straining in frenzy trying to escape the hands grasp. They sink deeper into his skin, chafing the skin of his arms and torso. He cries out as the hands find their way to his head and pull him underwater. He fights back in an attempt to claw them off of him. Water starts to fill his lungs when he tries to breathe. He can’t see the owner of the hands but he can tell who they are. This stretches on for much longer than he can handle. His skin begins to peel off as he screeches in pain. Tears welt into his eyes and his fighting becomes weaker.
An image of her shows itself in his mind.
As he sinks deeper into the water his skin begins to burn.
It was excruciating— still he felt like he deserved it. Like the hands were cleansing him of all his sins; all the lives he took.
Tears stream down his face as he wishes to be reborn into a human body where he can peacefully grow old with the love of his life; without the worry of murdering her with the slight touch of his skin. He allows the hands to take him under, no longer fighting at all and suffocates.
—
Gasp. He’s awakened with a shake on the sleeve of him shirt. He bolts upward, his hair damp against his forehead. His chest heaves as his body tremors. He looks at Aki with his blown-out blood shot pupils. The look on Aki’s face was fixed and intense, “I—uh you were making a lot of noise and sweating like crazy.” He explains. Angel calms his breathing and avoids the human’s concerned gaze.
“I’m okay, I just had a bad dream,” He lies, wiping sweat from his face. He feels the tears coming and cups his face into his hands. The room falls silence for a moment, “Do you want to talk about it?” Aki asks hesitantly. Angel doesn’t lift his head, “Im just so tired Hayakawa. I don’t want to do this anymore.” His voice breaks.
He drags his knees to his chest and hides his face, “How much penalty would you have for killing your partner?” He probes.
This made Aki’s heart ache. Angel was just a devil— supposedly. Aki hated how lazy he was. How he was willing to throw away his life and didn’t even try to cherish the time he had. He was jealous that Angel would probably live longer than him, a long miserable life. He resented Angel for this; but in this resentment he felt pity— or something else.
Aki swallows, “Don’t say that. I’m not going to kill you, so thinking about that is pointless.”
“You’re human, you chose this occupation. You can quit anytime you want, you have people who care for you; who’ll mourn your death. I have nothing. I wish I could give you the rest of my life span.” He admits. “I know I shouldn’t, but I want you to live Aki. I want you to live the life you dream of because you’re a good person, unlike me. You shouldn’t work in public safety anymore, live your life, because for some reason I want for you to be happy.” Tears stream down his face.
It’s embarrassing to admit this to him, the devil hater but he can’t help it. It’s like whenever Aki looks at him with those caring eyes, he’s compelled to tell the truth.
He cant see the human’s face, he doesn’t even want to imagine the disgust showing over it. Suddenly, he feels arms wrap around him. He jerks away and hits his back on the wall. His moist eyes watch Aki’s face, “Sorry, I didn’t know what to do,” Aki looks away flushed. “I tell you I want you to live and the first thing you do is hug me?” Angel chuckles.
”I want you to live too Angel.” He says. Angel looks him in his eyes for the slightest bit of sarcasm— none.
Angel could feel heat move to his face at these words. He didn’t know if it was from embarrassment or the sweetness in his voice. He strains his eyes away from Aki’s face onto the bed he’d been resting on. “Ok, I’ll try, as long as you live your life as you want.” He deals.
“Deal.”
Aki sits on the bed next to Angel, uncomfortably — but comfortably close. “Do you mind if I sleep in here for the rest of the night?” Aki requests. Angel just lies back, “Its your house.” They lie in the bed, backs facing each other and thoughts race through both their heads, no words being said. They doze off and rest, regained all the energy they lost earlier that day.
—
“Powie! Aki’s dead, the Angel killed him!” Denji Yells distraught. Angel blinks his eyes open at his loud voice. “Hah! ‘Twas inevitable, I the great Power, foresaw this pathetic display— foolish human!” She yells back, just as loud as Denji. “No, Powie! Who’s gonna get us food now!?” Power’s face twists in realization. “Halo topped man, because of thy wretched actions, you will now hood the responsibility of procuring the premium meats— I demand a feast befitting my station!”
Angel groans, covering this ears with a pillow as Denji and Power continue to bicker. Aki rolls over and see the scene in front of him. Denji notices his shuffling, “Powie! He’s alive! We’re saved!” Denji smiles.
“I brought him back! My manifesting is top tier! Bow before me, for I am the smartest and strongest there is!” The fiend exclaims. “I can’t believe you fucked the Angel, we thought you were dead!” Denji says, his voice laced with a bit of jealousy.
Aki’s face flushes, “I— we didn’t— Get the fuck out!” He yells, throwing a pillow in the direction of the kids. They scurry out of the room in laughter, taunting him from outside the door. He looks toward Angel to find the same shocked, flushed face he has.
“Sorry about them, pancakes?” He offers.
“Yeah.” Angel laughs.