Chapter Text
"Oh my GOSH Zooble, how do you do this??" Ragatha took her hair in her hands, stretching the yarn anxiously. Ragatha's room was dim, with only a few lamps lit. It was getting close to night, or at least the circus's equivalent of such. The two sat on the doll's bed, Zooble patiently listening, and Ragatha nearly exploding with emotion.
"She shows up, what, two months ago? And now I'm a mess, and she's clueless to it all, and-and I'm a wreck!!" Ragatha puts emphasis on the last word, allowing her voice to raise; a rare occurrence. She collapses on her bed, her legs curled into her skirt, still gripping her hair tightly. Letting go, she wraps her arms around her torso, curling herself into a ball. Zooble moves in closer, gently laying down on the bed until they reach Ragatha's level. From this angle, they can see the tear stains near the doll's face, slowly seeping into the sheets.
"Hey," they murmured, "I know crushes can be daunting, especially if the other person is completely unaware, but this feels...deeper." Zooble paused, considering their next words carefully. "Is there...something you're not telling me?"
It was a shot in the dark, a guess at best, but Ragatha's reaction said all they needed to know. They were right.
Ragatha had stopped tugging at her yarn, stopped crying, stopped moving all together. Complete silence engulfed the room, and for a moment, Zooble thought they had made a major mistake.
"Ah...Ragatha I'm sorry...I shouldn't have mentioned it, that's not my place-" Zooble rambled.
"Nono, it's alright...you're right." Ragatha looked distant now. Her gaze was far off, and she was hugging her arms for comfort. "I...I just wonder...oh I don't know..." Ragatha curled up again, closing off.
Zooble reached out their arm, laying a hand on Ragatha's shoulder. "Look, I'm not going to force you to open up, but whatever's on your mind, I think it would help you to share it with someone." Ragatha burried her head further into the sheets. Zooble continued. "Carrying this weight on your shoulders is only tearing you apart. I know you, Rags. You've always been so careful to never bother anyone. I've seen you drag yourself through the mud over and over again to ensure that someone else is happier, if only a little. You treat yourself like someone who's only purpose is to serve others..." Zooble takes Ragatha's hand and helps her to sit back up. "I know it's hard to let someone else carry your burden alongside you, but it hurts to see you in so much pain." They wrap an arm around the doll, leaning down to see her face. "What's on your mind?"
Ragatha takes a deep breath, and her shoulders fall. "I...I wonder what my mom would think..." Ragatha dug her fingers into her arms. "I-I just- I was supposed to be GOOD! I was supposed to be what my mom expected me to be, what my town expected me to be, what God expected me to be! I only had one job, and I messed that up too!!" Ragatha's eyes were nearly overflowing with tears now. There was a desperate look on her face. "I-I was supposed to be perfect! That's all my mom asked of me... What would she say? What would God say?? Is he even...oh I can't have thoughts like that now..."
Ragatha continued to mutter under her breath and Zooble simply sat there, eyes wide. That was NOT what they expected. Ragatha, wiping her eye, glanced at Zooble. "T-too much?"
"Oh no! Nono, not at all! That was...a lot to finally hear. Did it feel good?"
Ragatha paused, looking away. "I wanted to let someone hear about my mom, but I got carried away with the religious talk...I've never even admitted my religious doubts to myself..."
There was a suffocating silence that hung in the atmosphere. The air was damp with uncertainty. Uncertainty regarding how to carry on.
Zooble finally severed the tension. "Well... would you like to confront it now?" There was no pressure in their tone.
Ragatha looked at Zooble, her face contorted into a mess of worry and fear. "If...if there's a god...why has he kept me here so long? Why...why didn't he rescue me? Why would he let me fall into this hell? I was trying so hard! I was doing what he asked! I would never-" Zooble hugged her. It was quick, and Ragatha was a bit startled. But then the doll relaxed and began to softly cry into Zooble's shoulder.
It was a few minutes before Ragatha asked a final muffled question: "Have you ever felt guilty about loving the same gender?"
Zooble pulled out of the hug and responded softly, "I've never been religious, so that guilt simply wasn't ever part of my life. Gangle and I just...clicked." They paused, searching for a good followup. "Whether you end up believing in God or not is something you'll need time to figure out. You aren't going to come to a conclusion soon, even if you dedicate all your time to thinking about it. Religion, especially when you've only known one belief your whole life, takes time to question. Give yourself time, and allow yourself patience to consider your emotions."
Ragatha sniffled, wiping a few tears from her eye. Her head was bent low, but Zooble could tell she was still listening.
"As for your mom...she's not here. You don't deserve to be dwelling on her when she's not a part of your life anymore. I don't know to what extent she abused you, but I do know that you don't have to focus on it now. It can be difficult, especially when you're so used to thinking about her, and you'll need a while before you see improvement, but you need to keep reminding yourself that you're not with her anymore. Each time you feel guilty, just...remind yourself. A gentle reminder can do more than you think."
Ragatha sat up a bit more, letting her head lift. Her vision was still blurry, but everything else seemed a bit clearer. She reached in for a hug from Zooble, and the two embraced.
"Thank you, Zooble. I...I'll keep your advice in mind."
"I'll always be there to help, Rags. Don't be afraid to reach out."
"I won't."