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It was a regular tuesday. That was if tuesdays still were a thing. The circus has been a wreck, Caine has been deleted, everyone is just living. It’s hard to tell how much time has passed when there isn’t a clock, nor calendar, not even a day and night cycle anymore. The sun just now has a face of a baby like the tellutubbies, except it’s sleeping and doesn’t glow anymore. The moon has been reduced to rubble in the sky. The ground is just floating ash it feels like. Somehow with all the blank parts of space, all the dull lack of colors, floating things, it feels more real than it had ever been before. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid…
Because it is always dark now Kinger is always lucid, though for some reason he is keeping the bucket. Kinger, he is usually by himself, though I do see him talking with Ragatha or Pomni sometimes. Gangle, I haven’t really talked to her but she seems to be doing okay. Of course she would be better after I stopped talking to her. Zooble is still having a rough time, but is adjusting pretty well. Pomni is still being stupid and prying into every matter she can get her hands on. She has adjusted well, but it still seems she misses real life sometimes.
I am still angry with things.
I am a girl now though. Or maybe I always was? I’m still going by Jax because changing your name feels kinda stupid, like a weak move. Same with conjuring things to look more like a girl I want to be like Zooble said. They showed me how to do it. Apparently Kinger showed everyone how… It's so stupid though!! Who said eyeliner was in fashion?! Another suggestion I got was from Pomni. She suggested the name Daisy as a joke… Probably referencing that time we sang that one song in front of Zooble’s door, like an idiot. What’s more idiotic is that I kinda like it. Though I’m going to do anything about that, this being real, kinda being a girl is enough of a change. The circus being like this is enough of a change.
“Jax..?”
“Yeah?” Kinger walked around the big rock I was hiding behind. He was sitting himself down beside me, yay. I sigh with annoyance, maybe he would get the hint I was trying to be alone for once?
“I was going to tell everyone this theory I had. I was going to tell everyone this at once, but I figured since it’s a sour topic I'd talk to you about it first.”
“Why do you think I want to hear about a sour topic? Did my face scream ‘oh I wanna hear about awful stuff today!! Yay!’ or something?”
“Course not, that’s why I’m giving you the heads up Jax.” I had enough sense to shut up then for some reason.
He cleared his voice and continued. “The theory I have is that the people who have abstracted may be able to be brought back.”
Kinger loved throwing bombshells on people didn’t he!?! My teeth were already grinding again, I refused to look at him, looking at him would acknowledge this is real. Luckily he spared me having to reply.
“Since Caine is gone-”
“No thanks to you-” Kinger put his head down, probably in shame. Why was he so guilty about it anyways? Caine sucked. And it’s been awhile already.
“-as I was saying… Since Caine is gone, the files for everyone abstracted may be on their own now. We were all connected to Caine, he was the thing that looped our code, and he is gone, yet we are still here. So it’s possible we can safely tamper the files for them all without affecting the rest of the already corrupted circus and then add them back in. We can conjure another computer, so it is something I could hypothetically do with time. And we got plenty of that haha!”
This was crazy, after all this time I- “Why do you think I fucking care…”
“You had friends Jax… you still do.” With those ominous words he fucking left. He left me worse than how he met me. Now my lovely rock time was ruined. Thanks Kinger…
Instead I try kicking the rock into the abyss that I was hanging my feet off of a moment ago.
“FUUUUUUUU-!!!” I cover my mouth, and avoid standing on that foot… That rock was way too big to kick. Glad nobody saw that.
Like usual I wander the circus. It’s dull, it's checkered, it’s stupid, it’s cold. Eventually I always make it to the conjugating couches while wandering, and this time wasn’t any different. Why do I still keep calling it the circus? It isn’t even a circus anymore.
Great, Kinger was there, talking to the others… Everyone else was on the couches.
“HEY JAX! You’re going to wanna hear this!” Zooble, being sarcastic as ever. Ragatha was the only one who didn’t react in shock to seeing me, she looked sad. She is always so sad about other people’s shit. I rolled my eyes.
I sat down on the other couch. Just as I always had before what happened.
Kinger was finishing explaining the file thing again, except this time in less detail. Why did he give me more details than everyone else? Why do I even care why?
Gangle spoke up first after the long, long, stretch of silence. “Is it a good idea to bring them back? I mean I do miss them… But what if we bring them back in pain? Would it really be okay forcing them to join us with the state of the circus..?” I wouldn’t admit it outloud but she was right…
Zooble agreed too. Fuck. “Yeah, I really don’t know Kinger. Sounds like a risky idea. No offense to your skills or anything.”
Ragatha raised her hand like a school child just to give her opinion. Stupid. “I- um… personally would kinda like to see everyone again… If Kinger confidently thinks he can do it safely I think we should trust him…”
“I think it’s worth thinking about.” Pomni didn’t have anything else to say, and the anger in me was boiling again. Ragatha’s words really got to me. So I opened my mouth.
I stood on the couch, like a child having a tantrum, but I was right. “RAGATHA!! You say we should trust Kinger!? HE KILLED CAINE!! Who’s to say he won’t mess up with everyone else too!?!?!? They are all gone! WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT! IT WON’T BE THE SAME IF THEY COME BACK! Stop thinking it will be okay with everyone back! They may end up having their memories wiped! They may change avatars but still be abstracted mentally! They will probably just come back as a loop of their worst moments before abstracting-”
“I did it!! :DD” Kinger smiled with his lack of mouth.
“What…”
A roar echoed with the same weight of a fucking twelve ton truck!! The screech matched!! It made your whole head pound… I covered my ears as soon as I could.
I looked behind me to be met with the abstraction. Everyone was yelling and screaming but I couldn’t hear a word they said as they ran. Pomni tried to grab my arm but it was so hard to move.
The creature- Ribbit..? They roared again, I got snapped out of my stupid delusions and started sprinting away. I couldn’t afford holding any hands.
Oh god, oh god, oh my god, oh my god, omg… My legs burned. My head throbbed. My ears were ringing. Everyone’s screaming was quieter.
I was running. The tiles below me started falling apart. I couldn’t fall- I couldn’t. Ribbit still ran without the tiles.
My legs started to fail on me and glitch out as it gained on me-
Ribbit- the abstraction wailed one more time, I looked back, I saw her face in the mass of black spikes- It was sitting, watching, it had stopped-
“Jax!-” I didn’t care that it fucking stopped, I kept running regarless of having no breath, I gasped for it though-
There was no weight on me for an instant- then I was falling- the floor gone- the pit formed in my stomach, dropping as fast as I was-
“JAX!!”
I sprung up. I was just dreaming… I looked at my hands, then to who was besides me. Pomni.
“Kinger brought us over here and we saw you sleeping on the couch. We didn’t wanna wake you, but then you were having a nightmare…”
“...No shit I was having a nightmare Pomni.”
After people fussed over me, they eventually settled and started talking again. I didn’t listen. I just thought about Ribbit. I thought about the hot chocolate. I thought about how awful Kaufmo’s jokes were. I thought about stars… I decided that was stupider than thinking about conjuring stuff so I decided to think about that instead of dead people. That and occasionally how much I hate Kinger… I didn’t know what his deal was, it bothered me more than I’d ever admit.
They all came to a conclusion on what to do. I left before I could hear what, they can do whatever they fucking want, I don’t care as long as I’m not involved! They can get themselves killed for all I care!
I walk to my room, it has an X on my faceplate as all of ours do now. The world died and so did we I suppose. The door creaks quietly as I slip inside my room. I close and lock the door behind me. It was mostly intact. The floor just had a big hole in the middle of the floor where most of my circle rug had been. The hole is why I didn’t bother hiding out in my room much. My room had always been pink, I used to hate it, but now it didn’t matter. Everything was black and white, so was this room…
I tiptoe around the hole, moving the chair at my desk in order to make it to my bed. Everyone was occupied. Nobody would bother me… I looked over at the flipped photographs. I felt the urge to look at them but I didn’t want to. I felt sick.
They were probably blackened up like the circus.
I couldn't keep from my leg bouncing.
I thought about what Zooble had told me. How I could be whoever I wanted. It didn’t matter what Zooble thought. Nothing mattered now. So a little conjuring wouldn’t hurt.
I closed my eyes, I rubbed the pants of my overalls. I tried to imagine eyeliner. I thought I knew what it looked like. I concentrated- I didn’t know how to apply it though… Of course when I opened my eyes I didn’t have eyeliner. I couldn’t focus… I could only think about how I would look with it… Would I look stupid? Probably.
My head hurt, I rubbed my eyes… I HAD LASHES!!?!?!?!??!?!!
Nobody could see this! Nobody could know I did this! I had to unconjure it!! I liked the idea of eyeliner cause I could wash it off! I can’t wash off lashes- did I look pretty?
“Jax?” Fuck! Fuck!! FUCK!!!
“Daisy?” I was taking too long Pomni was starting to use that name-
“Be right there!” I tried ripping them out while walking to get the door but I almost fell into the abyss… So I had to stop.
I opened the door. Pomni stared for a second. She then greeted me with a smile. One of teasing. Probably even one of malice and judgment too.
“Come on, we have something to show you!” I groaned and Pomni led me to the couches that I felt I had just gotten away from. She told me to wait in that spot.
I heard voices I almost couldn’t recognize. First I saw Pomni, the others, then I saw a chess piece like Kinger, Kaufmo, and my-
“That’s crazy… Wow! I’m glad abstracting ended up being reversible after all!” Ribbit smiled so wide… Their green was so bright compared to the circus.
and she was turning her head and I couldn’t run. “Now where is my…”
She locked eyes with mine!!! AHHHHHH!!!!HH!H!JGHYGUGUYG!!
“SISTER?!”
Her eyes were way too bright! They saw the eyelashes… it was so over.
They ran up to me at twenty miles an hour or something and tackled me!
“Oh my goodness Jax!- or whatever you go by now… I always wanted a sister!!” They paused their assault of my ribs and lungs. “Not that you were uncool as a brother or anything… Sisters are just cooler, no offense!” She then proceeded to kill my lungs again. I literally had to rip Ribbit off of me to be safe again.
This was so crazy Ribbit was here again- Last time we talked we fought-
“Wait! Ribbit… How-? Why-? Do you still remember how we last saw each other??-”
“Yeah I do. I also got debreffed about everything by Pomni. Which by the way, congrats on making a friend without me! You have never done that before-!”
“Shut up!” Ribbit knew better than to shut up, because if they did I would have probably combusted. I couldn’t breathe well right now.
Now that I was thinking… Kinger did this without telling me- I wasn't paying attention, it isn't his fault, stop getting so mad at him, my god Jax. You have your sister back… It was so weird seeing her again, and hearing her.
“You know I always wondered if you were a girl but that would have been mean to assume- Oh if you are interested I should toad-ally (haha!) show you-”
Ribbit was talking about all the stuff I had always avoided, all the girly stuff she could show me if I wanted since Ribbit had always been forced to be girly, they knew almost everything there was about ‘girlhood’. They didn’t even care about the people watching us or the state of the circus… Somehow I didn’t care much either. I only cared about Ribbit. I only cared about what they thought.
“Ribbit..?” They got snapped out of their rambling… I held on to their shoulders to brace myself so I wouldn’t fall over or something.
“Yeah?”
“Do you hate me..? Do you… Hate that I said all those things, but still wanted you to come back..? Do you hate that I still think this is a dream?!”
They looked down silently for a bit before she quietly spoke up again. Her voice was too soft, I felt my eyes getting wet.
“Don’t worry. I can never hate you for long, I love you too much-” She ruffled my nonexistent fur on my head. “Even if you are a fucking jerk and stupid most times!” Then they laughed. Something bubbled in my chest, and soon I found myself uncontrollably laughing with them, like a fucking sad idiot the way I had tears in my eyes. I hugged them as tight as I could manage, just to prove this was all real, and to hide my tearful face.
I had missed my sister so much.