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Robby’s first day back and by the time he sets foot in the Pitt he’s not sure who’s dreading this moment the most.
He tried to push a couple more weeks, and succeded, so he bought himself another month of Sabbatical. He tried to tell himself that he hadn’t heard of the Emergency Department burning down so far, so maybe Al-Hashimi had actually managed to run the place alright. He can bet Gloria had probably coerced abbot into split his shifts and come out in broad daylight, thanks to Baran’s idea to have to attendings per shift.
He could feel Dana’s stare from the very second he entered the doors: hard stare, assessing. But also affectionate. Relieved, knowing her. The usual buzz of the ED shifted slightly, he could feel it. Everyone noticed his arrival, some were too busy to acknowledge him, some threw out a little wave, silent promise to catch up later. He threw his bag under Dana’s desk and proceeded to hug her
“I’m back” Robby said
“Don’t make it sound like it was promised” Dana answered
Jack Abbot snapped his gloves off and his eyes scanned the room. Robby noticed his assessment, followed his gaze until they locked eyes.
“Brother”
“Brother”
“Are you going to do hug or are you too alpha male coded for that?” Dana said
They did, in fact, hug. They also took five minutes to go to the rooftop.
“How was your trip?” Jack asked
“It was… quite the trip” Robby answered looking at the city
“Did you make it to Alberta?” Jack insisted
“Nah, I figured I would keep it within the states” Robby joked
“Ah… did you make it to Portland?” jack questioned
“What’s in Portland?” Robby asked, faking naivety
“I don’t know brother. If I were a romantic I would’ve said the missing piece of a puzzle.”
“Lucky for you you’re not romantic then” Robby said
“I guess not” Jack agreed.
“What’s expecting me downstairs?” Robby asked, this time turning to face Jack
“Same old, Same new. Some things are exactly the same, some have changed. Same shit in triage, new interns rotating.”
“They don’t know what they’re getting into” Robby said
“Nobody really knows until they’re neck deep in the mud”
“You don’t get to complain, I’m giving you the night shift’s finest fellow” Jack said, smirking
“Parker Ellis joining the bright side?”
Jack nodded “don’t get used to it. I’m trading a fellow for an R2.”
“Who?”
“Santos”
“Why?” Robby asked
“Cause she could use some Emery Walsh and leave some Yolanda Garcia behind”
“How messy” Robby asked
“Messy” Jack answered
“How have you been?” Robby asked
“Ah you know me. Same me with a too many day shifts under my belt” jack looked at his watch “I should really get going, and you shouldn’t miss handoff. I think you’d like it”
They went off the roof and by the time they got back to the ed Jack disappeared. Handoff was, in fact, different. Baran and Shen lead half of it, MS in tow. Crus and Ellis lead the rest with the residents, while the senior residents took over triage.
It was the part he was dreading the most. He left the hospital in a not quite bad relationship with Langdon and Mohan. It was… bittersweet if he was optimistic. Slightly better with Langdon to be honest, but still not quite there. He could see from the central station that the two senior residents had found somehow a rhythm, and by the time handoff was over Frank had already organized the department, while Mohan came out of chairs and addressed Whitaker on how to keep the flow. The fist bump between the two senior residents made his stomach turn with a pang of pride mixed with jealousy. And then they disappeared in the chaos.
By midday Robby had remembered why he loved the department so much but also why he needed so much space from it. He was back in the bunch but also didn’t feel so, needed. He knew he should normally be relieved by that. But he wasn’t. Not completely. Cause he wasn’t needed at home, and he took solace in being needed at work. Held with all his strength to that need to be needed and it took him down. Residents called him if he was available, and if he wasn’t they went to Al-Hashimi. The newest intern went straight to her, force of habit. And if she was busy straight to Mohan. Or Langdon.
“McNamara, Halley. Trauma incoming, 5 minutes. Gowns, gloves, ambulance bay.” Mohan announced and the two med students scrambled to get their gears
“Mind if I jump in?” Robby asked before he could stop himself
“Sure. Have you met them?” Samira asked, face blank. He shook his head no
“Hey, you two. Dr Robby, put a face to a name. You’re with him on this” she turned to him “I’ll make sure trauma two is ready. 3 minutes now”
She took off her gown and kept her gloves on. He went to the ambulance bay with a sort of uneasiness climbing up. He hadn’t meant to subclass her, his international was to jump in the trauma with her. But she was having none of it. 40 minutes later and a catfight with Park the Shark later he felt a rush of adrenaline. One mild shocked look at the board and he decided that he was ok to have a coffee break.
He went to the breakroom where Cassie McKay was finishing her packed lunch. It was unusual cause everyone usually mimicked his protein bar and coffee diet
“Good to have you back Robby” she said, then she stood up and went to wash his Tupperware
“Doesn’t feel like I was missing that much” he didn’t even know why he said that
“You were. Sometimes. Sometimes not. Sometimes it didn’t really make a difference.” Cassie said, she was never one to shy away from this type of conversation
“I feel like people are more relieved cause I’m back in one piece that for the fact that I’m back -period.” He said, struggling to have some honest insight
“Two things can be true at once.” Cassie sighed “I’m 60/40. Someone else might be 80/20. Dana 100/100 for sure. If you make it a big deal it becomes one”
Once again, he was kinda struck by Cassie’s wisdom. She was not an average resident, being halfway between his age and that of normal residents. And life had forged her in a way that made her almost immune to whatever shit was thrown at her. At least on the surface, and at least for what he can see, and she lets out.
He found himself reflecting on Cassie’s words, and when he saw the residents passing by, he wondered what their percentages would be. Whitaker was probably happier than average, and Robby knows how much he’d put him under his wing before leaving. Santos was close as well, but her level of unbotheredness didn’t allow a precise result. Mel King was kinda happy in general, but she was also one of those who takes what she’s given, and would perfectly survive both with and without him. Langdon probably thinks he would be better if he wasn’t there, and he couldn’t really disagree with that. Mohan, in his opinion, was just like Cassie: happier that he was back in one piece than that he was back at all.
He had the chance to prove his theory not so much later, when he took a breather in the ambulance bay to check on his motorbike.
He was hidden enough to notice his two senior residents, gowned up, probably waiting for an incoming trauma.
“Are you avoiding him?” Asked Langdon
“Not quite so. I’m just trying to stay out of his hair” Samira answered - “you?”
“Yeah, let’s put it that way” Langdon said, sighing
“I’m not trying to be hostile” Samira admitted - “I’ve just spent the last four months rebuilding my confidence without having a constant reminder of how unworthy I am to be here.”
“I know. I feel exactly the same way” Frank agreed. - “do you think the sabbatical helped him?”
“I think a change of scenery might help, but a motorcycle is not a therapist” Samira said, looking at him
“Yeah, I hope he’s gotten there” Frank agreed, quietly - “Does he know?”
Samira sighed - “I have no idea. Eventually”
The ambulances arrived and the two younger doctors got back to business, leaving a stunned Robby hiding behind the wall. There was something in the exchange he’d just heard that was deeply wounding. Langdon and Samira had always been cordial, but never friends. He could admit the slo-mo stuff didn’t help building community, but it hurt him to know that, of all reasons- those two finally managed to built a friendship trauma bonding over him.
He came back inside and decided to jump on the traumas that had just arrived, in time to see Langdon sending his patient to the OR with Garcia and immediately going to help Samira with hers. He went inside and saw that Baran was already there. She glanced at him and he could see from
Her eyes that she was smiling at him.
“Want to see them doing their thing?” She said, and gently nudged him to move to the side. Samira was leading the trauma and Langdon was at her disposal. She taught the interns, and asked questions. She was doing the teaching, and when she was guiding Whitaker through a procedure it was Langdon turn to question the med students. Soon enough, Metha arrived and took the patient to Neurosurgery.
His feet refused to walk out of the trauma room, and he stayed there long enough that the only people left were him and Samira, who was placing her orders in the chart.
“Was my absence that much healing for you?” He said before he could help himself. He didn’t know if she was startled cause she thought everyone left, or because he had -in fact- interrupted her “staying out of his hair” Aim, but he noticed how her posture straightened up.
“Don’t give yourself too much credit” she said. It was meant to be a joke, Robby knew, but it felt like she was telling him some truth.
“I feel like you’ve changed” he said
“I have” she said logging off
“I do feel like you’re avoiding me” he said, he was really trying to provoke her, he was aware of that
“I’m not.” She said, looking at him - “I’m an R4 and I’m sure there’s some intern who needs you more than me. That’s it.”
“Are we good, Samira?” He stopped her from going out
“We are. But some things have changed while you weren’t there. Some of them you might get used to, some of them you might not like. Just…. Robby, you’ve been away for four months. Don’t expect to come back as if it were the fifth of July. Cause it’s not” and with that she left.
The rest of the shift was a little dull after that, Langdon went to help Santos in triage just to make sure they could clean up as many chairs as possible. The hospital acquired a new rhythm, people charting, moving, paramedics joking around with Ahmed. At one point it became too much, and Robby reached a supply room to avoid the overwhelming feeling of the world continuing to function without him.
The room was dark and he didn’t bother to turn the lights on. He just found a place behind a shelf and closed his eyes.
He doesn’t even know how much later, the door opened and he saw Samira switching on the lights. she went straight to the shelf that was hiding him, looking for whatever supplies she needed.
“Why did we let Donnie order this fucking room” she browsed through, annoyed.
The door opened again and Abbot stepped in.
“Hey” he said and Robby noticed how she immediately relaxed
“Hey” she greeted back.
Then, much to Robby’s shock, Jack opened his arms and Samira stepped in, planting a firm kiss on his sternum.
“How was today?” He murmured, kissing her head
“Tiring, but good” she said looking up, then lifting her hand to touch his face. He saw jack closing his eyes and rest his head on her hand. It was so intimate Robby wasn’t sure if he wanted to disappear of make himself dramatically known.
“I missed you” she added, then she kissed Jack’s lips tenderly. Abbot’s hands gripped her back a little stronger, and he kissed her. Like really kissed her.
“You have no idea Samira” he said back
“Did you get some sleep at least?” She asked
“Couple of hours, yeah” he said, pecking her lips again “went to therapy, worked out. Meal prepped for my favorite person in the world” he said, each activity sealed with another kiss.
“Quinoa salad?” She asked and he nodded
“And” he proudly announced “I ironed the pile of clothes in the laundry room”
“Why did you do that!” She swatted his chest “it was my turn! And my day off is tomorrow!”
He caught her before she could escape his embrace and kissed her again
“I also traded shifts with Shen, who now only owes me 50 favors” he smirked “and tomorrow you’re going to: 1) sleep in 2) spend some quality time with your handsome with an edge partner, possibly without leaving the bed but I’m also open to other possibilities, cause - may I remind you - we still have to test the dining table AND the couch” he said counting with his fingers and Samira blushed
“You’re impossible!” She said playfully, but her smile betrayed an affection that came from her very core
“Yeah, but nothing is impossible for me” he said mischievously
“Jack…” Samira warned him
“I’m aiming for 5 tomorrow” he continued smugly
“Jack!” She exclaimed before laughing quietly. The giggles died out and it seemed to sober them up a little, cause Samira looked back at Jack and they stayed quiet for a couple of seconds
“I love you” she whispered, foreheads touching “so much”
“I love you too my love” he said
“I should probably head back, Cassie must be wondering where I disappeared” she sighed
“Well I’m sure it won’t take a lot of guessing” he said, leaning for a kiss “I’ll stay for a couple of minutes”
“I’ll see you at home?” She asked and Robby almost audibly gasped
“I’ll see you at home” Jack confirmed