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“Katsuki?”
“Hm?”
“Do you love me?”
“Hah?!”
Katsuki looked up from the homework he’d been working on to stare in puzzled confusion at Shouto, who only gave him a most unreadable expression, but there was an honest sincerity there. Shouto was always annoyingly honest. It was something Katsuki felt kind of drawn towards, but it could also cause some damned awkward moments between them.
“I asked if you love me,” Shouto reiterated, as if Katsuki hadn’t heard him the first time, even though they were sitting right next to each other at Katsuki’s desk. Perhaps Katsuki should consider himself lucky that Shouto hadn’t raised the question when they were among any of the others. He never knew what Shouto might let slip. Like that time he’d gone and exposed their damned relationship to all the others, all willy-nilly. That was one reason why Katsuki preferred it when they were alone in one of their dorm rooms, like now.
“Why are you asking that all of a sudden,” he muttered, shifting awkwardly.
“You’ve never told me, that’s why,” Shouto explained all calmly, putting down his pencil. “We made a deal to tell each other how we’re feeling, right?”
Katsuki nodded slowly, not being able to deny it.
“I love you,” Shouto told him, eyes growing warmer. “I like telling you that, but you have never said it back.”
“Have you gone talking with some of the others?” Katsuki asked, avoiding giving him an answer.
“I did speak with Yaoyorozu, Uraraka, Hagakure and Asui,” Shouto said, counting out all the names as if he was performing a damned census or something. “I walked past them and they chose to include me in their conversation. They said that they thought it was cute when you and I hold hands.”
Katsuki stiffened, cursing those gossiping wenches, and cursing Shouto for not burying such a conversation deep within his own thick skull.
“They also asked how I feel being an alpha with an omega who doesn’t look to me for help,” Shouto unfortunately continued.
“Why should they give a rat’s ass about us?!” Katsuki snapped and Shouto raised both eyebrows.
“I did not discuss a rat’s behind with them.”
“It’s just a saying,” Katsuki sighed, pinching his nose. He’d just wanted a chill evening doing their homework together and then maybe… maybe have a bit of a cuddle. “I meant, why should they care what we do?!”
“Because they’re our friends. Aren’t friends supposed to care about each other?” Shouto asked, staring down at Katsuki with utter seriousness.
It was impossible arguing with him sometimes.
“Yeah, well, you don’t have to listen to everything they say,” Katsuki muttered lamely, turning back to his book.
“It was after I spoke with them that I began to reflect on my relationship with you,” Shouto kept going though. “You did not answer my question. Do you love me?”
Katsuki had hoped that Shouto would just let it go, but he wasn’t that lucky it seemed.
“Why does it matter if I say it or not?” he asked, looking back at Shouto and raising an eyebrow of his own. He was starting to grow more and more annoyed.
“Because I want to know,” Shouto said. “I want to know whether you love me or not.”
“How can you not know that?!”
“What do you mean?”
“You think I’d- You think-” Katsuki bit his tongue, not able to get the words out. He could feel his cheeks starting to burn. Damn it! Why couldn’t Shouto just let it go?! “You gonna study or not?! I need to prepare for the next exam!”
Shouto stayed silent, just staring at him with a… a disappointed expression.
“I think that I will return to my own room to keep studying,” he finally said, calmy gathering up his things before standing up.
Katsuki wanted to grab his sleeve and pull him back down but found himself unable to do so.
“Do what you want,” was all he muttered, not looking up as he heard the door close. He squeezed his pencil hard though until it was on the point of breaking. Damn it! Why?! Why couldn’t Shouto just have let it go?! Why did he have to-?! Why the fuck did Katsuki have to be like this?!
As much as he tried to, he didn’t get much studying done that evening and proceeded to have a terrible night of tossing and turning in his nest, which felt unusually uncomfortable. With no one looking, he pulled out a shirt Shouto had scented and given him, hugging it tightly while grumbling to himself. It didn’t help him sleep though. It just made him feel more shitty.
“Hey, you looking a bit rough this morning,” Kirishima commented when Katsuki joined him down at the breakfast table after having suffered through the whole night.
“Mind your own business!” Katsuki hissed at him, more roughly than he had intended to.
Kirishima just shrugged though and turned to talk to Kaminari instead. Katsuki wasn’t known for being the most sociable in the mornings anyway. This morning was different, however.
Surreptitiously glancing to the side, observing the table next to them, Katsuki watched Shouto quietly eating his breakfast together with De- Izuku and his little gang. There was nothing unusual about that, but Shouto didn’t look up. He was normally a devil for somehow sensing whenever Katsuki was watching him and immediately meeting his gaze. This morning he didn’t.
That only served to put Katsuki into an even fouler mood, coupled with the fact that as he walked across the campus after breakfast, he walked alone. The others seemed to be steering clear of him and his hand felt cold in his pocket. He’d gotten used to having it clasped in Shouto’s large, warm hand ever since Shouto had gone and blabbed about their secret. Katsuki had never felt… lonely before.
Scowling to himself, he trudged up to the classroom, ignoring the chatter around him. He didn’t care. It didn’t mean anything. It wouldn’t have meant anything to him before.
Intent on truly not caring, he focused on the lessons and their training, giving it his all, trying to get rid of that lump of lead in the pit of his stomach. It was nothing. It would go away.
That night when there wasn’t a knock on his door though, that lump only grew heavier, and he kept fiddling with his phone, waiting for a text or something, but nothing came.
That fucking bastard! If he wanted to be like that, then fine! Katsuki still didn’t care!
The rest of the week crawled by, feeling longer than it had any right to do. It wasn’t as if Katsuki was miserable or anything. He just… He just…
“Hey man,” Kirishima said in a suspiciously low tone of voice, coming to stand next to him after they’d done some rescue training outside to finish off the week. “You okay?”
“I’m fine! What of it?!” Katsuki snapped, as he’d snapped all week. He just couldn’t find it in him to relax, and that pissed him off further.
“Did you and Todoroki like break up or something?”
Katsuki blinked and stared up at his friend, who was wearing an irritatingly concerned expression.
“No! that’s-! That’s got nothing to do with you!” Katsuki frowned, folding his arms in front of him, hating how defensive he sounded.
“We’re like friends though,” Kirishima scratched his head. “I’m just looking out for you because I care, man. You’ve been acting all sour all week, and you and Todoroki haven’t like been close to each other at all.”
“If he wants to stay away then that’s on him!” Katsuki sniffed.
“He keeps watching you though,” Kirishima said. “Like whenever you’re not looking.”
Katsuki blinked at that.
“He does?”
“Yeah, he looks, I don’t know, like lonely… I haven’t seen him like that since we started school. I feel bad for him or something. You sure you didn’t break up?”
“I…” Katsuki was a bit lost for words. They hadn’t broken up, had they?
“Look, whatever it is, don’t just go off on your own,” Kirishima mumbled. “Like no offense or anything, but it can be hard when someone doesn’t let you in. Like, you’d listen if I were down about something right? I’m not trying to interfere or anything. If he’s like done something bad, I’ll back you up, no problem!” Kirishima gave him a quick grin before becoming serious again. “I just wanna see my friends happy, is all.”
Katsuki just stood there for a moment before allowing himself a slight nod.
“Yeah,” he muttered, swallowing hard. “I know. I don’t… I… Thanks,” he finished lamely. “You’re too mushy.”
“Hey, I’m anything but!” Kirishima laughed, flexing a hardened arm.
Giving him a small smile, Katsuki glanced to the side, just in time to see Shouto turn his head away. There was something about his ever-so-slightly slumped shoulders which made Katsuki finally admit the truth to himself.
That night, he decided to stop being a damned chicken. He knew who he was angry at, and it wasn’t Shouto.
‘Manning up’ as Kirishima would call it, he knocked firmly on Shouto’s door and waited for it to open.
“Katsuki?” Shouto said, looking somewhat surprised as he stood in the door opening, gazing down at him with those cold yet warm eyes of his.
Taking a deep breath, Katsuki forced himself to say what he needed to tell the person he had grown annoyingly fond of.
“I’m sorry, alright!”
“Sorry?” Shouto blinked down at him stupidly.
“Yeah, I didn’t mean to be an ass,” Katsuki muttered, rubbing his arm. “I just… I can’t say it, okay? It’s just… It makes me feel so damned silly, but of course I do! I wouldn’t want anything to do with you if I didn’t, would I?!”
“I’m afraid that I am not following…” Shouto said slowly and Katsuki glared up at him before grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him down so that he could press their lips together. It wasn’t the softest or the most enjoyable of kisses, but he put all of himself into it.
“This is my answer to your stupid question,” he murmured, cheeks burning as he let go of Shouto and looked off to the side.
There was a moment of silence between them before things seemed to click for Shouto.
“Ah, I see…”
Katsuki was feeling more than embarrassed as he stood there all vulnerable or something.
“You might want to take it inside if you don’t wish for me to see.”
Katsuki’s head swivelled around and he stared in horror at Sero, peeking out the door of his room.
“Sorry, I was just gonna go down to the common room…” he smiled awkwardly and Katsuki just wanted to blow a whole through a wall and escape into the evening sky.
“Excuse us,” Shouto said though and gave Sero a nod before stepping to the side, inviting Katsuki into his room. It was some form of escape route at least and Katsuki quickly shoved his way inside after giving that noisy bugger next door a deep scowl.
His hands were trembling as Shouto shut the door behind him, giving them some damned privacy.
“Are you okay?” he asked Katsuki.
“No! Why does being with you have to be so embarrassing!” Katsuki barked, clenching his hands.
“I don’t know,” Shouto answered seriously. “I don’t think I can do anything about that as I don’t really understand it.”
“No, you don’t…” Katsuki muttered glancing up at Shouto again and seeing a slight smile on his stupidly handsome face. “What?” he frowned back.
“I’m relieved,” Shouto admitted, stepping closer and cupping Katsuki’s cheek in his hand. “I thought you didn’t want me. I was afraid that I was being too forward with you, putting you in a situation you didn’t want.”
In that moment, Katsuki understood, and it made him feel even sillier.
“You weren’t upset with me?”
“Upset with you? No, well perhaps a little bit, but I was trying to give you space as I thought that you did not wish to continue our relationship.”
“We really need to work on stuff, huh?” Katsuki sighed deeply. “It was on me. I was being childish or something. I admit that, but you got my answer, right?” He bit the inside of his cheek slightly, feeling apprehensive, but when Shouto smiled again, he felt that heavy lump inside of him slowly start to dissolve.
“Yes, I understand. You do love me as I love you. I simply did not understand your way of saying it,” Shouto told him. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Hmph!” Katsuki rolled his eyes, feeling so much lighter than he had for a week. “So, we good, yeah?”
“Yes, we are good,” Shouto said, leaning down and giving Katsuki a kiss of his own, a deeper kiss, and Katsuki allowed himself to get lost in it.
“Don’t let me do that in front of any of the others again though!” he wrinkled his nose when they pulled apart.
“You are free to show me your love whenever you feel comfortable,” Shouto smiled and Katsuki shook his head, but not in anger.
“Stop being soppy!” he muttered with half a relieved chuckle and pulled Shouto over to the bed. He was craving that damned cuddle which hadn’t happened before.
“I did not think that it would such a journey, getting to understand you more fully,” Shouto said as they lay down together and he put his arms around Katsuki, making him feel all safe and snug and shit.
“Same, I guess…”
“I enjoy it though,” Shouto murmured. “Because I love you.”
“Shut up,” Katsuki mumbled before giving Shouto another kiss, telling him how he felt, in his own way.