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Ever since he was invited to the strength smp, Sword has been forced to watch Sharpness and Judelow blatantly passive-aggressively flirt with each other.
It wouldn't have been a problem if those two weren't so adamant on being enemies and insisting they weren't flirting although it was getting shoved into the other members' faces. Flowtives kept bringing up their 'ship name' to Sharpness, who was... confused, and no one was surprised.
No matter how mean it sounded, everyone knew that Sharpness had the intelligence of a turtle most of the time despite having the pvp skills of a combat master. Sharpness was strong, yes--but sometimes he was just genuinely so stupid it made killing him way too easy. Jude's probably killed him the most on the server.
No one has made Sharpness ragequit as much as Jude makes him. They had their moments, though.
Sword heard that before he joined the server, Sharpness and Judelow were teamed up for awhile, before Sharpness with his pea-sized brain decided to push Jude into his own trap, without knowing Jude expected it and had a back-up trap in case Sharpness betrayed him.
Since then, they haven't really teamed.
But still, Sword couldn't tell if they were flirting or fighting. Jude once called Sharpness 'princess', and Sharpness called Jude 'Judy' whilst chasing him. If that wasn't pet-names he didn't know what was. He was also still a bit pissed that Jude trapped him on his first day on the server.
And also Sharpness killing him the moment he spawned in and calling Sword 'free strength'. Not even two minutes in and he was already down one strength. Sword wanted to get revenge on them both at the same time for messing with him.
Which is why Sword came up with the amazing idea of forcing Sharpness and Judelow to get married to each other.
Think about it.
Wouldn't it be the wedding of the century? One of the strongest players and the best trapper getting married on the strength smp? He mentioned it off-handedly to Flowtives one time, and he volunteered to help set up the venue and invite the guests. Sword was in charge of anything else.
And now, here he was, building a literal church in the middle of nowhere in case Jude or Sharp discovered the building and decide to grief it.
Flowtives was already drafting the wedding invitations to everyone, with also some written agreement not to tell Sharp or Jude a single detail about the meeting--whilst Tai, the owner of the Strength SMP--who for some reason agreed to help once he saw Sword gathering materials--was distracting the two from finding out.
N00b was also in on it, again, for some reason. Lettuce got wind of what they were planning and wanted to be the ring bearer? He then told Saparata and HD who volunteered to be the flower girl--guy? Sword stopped thinking of what made sense and what didn't.
Twirps also called dibs on officiating the wedding.
Sword stared at the finished building, a grin spreading on his lips. He also decided to add a massive photo of Sharp and Jude in the front of the church.
The first wedding on the Strength SMP, and the ones getting married aren't aware of it. That's what makes things interesting, anyway, right?
"What is this."
Jude deadpanned, eyes scrunching distastefully as he stared at the skin that Sword sent him. It was his exact avatar except in a wedding dress. With a veil, to top it all off. "I'm not wearing this."
Now, why would Sword4000 think he would willingly put on a wedding dress and look like a bride-to-be? That was ridiculous. No way in hell he was doing this shit for free.
"Dude, it's for a bit." Sword begged. "Seo and Rejoice are doing it too. I'll give you one strength if you put it on."
One strength? Now that's what he'd like to hear.
He would have killed Sword right here and now since he stole almost all of Sharp's loot, but the strength was tempting.
Jude nodded reluctantly with a slight groan. He stared at the skin one last time. This bit better get a shit ton of views for his humiliation.
"Fine, give me a second." He logged out, but not before seeing Sword jump and down like a toddler in celebration. What the heck was that about?
He begrudgingly put on the wedding dress and joined back on strength, what was even the use of this? Sword was still there, waiting, a little too eager. Jude hit him with his fist. "Where are we going with this?"
"Right. Follow me!"
Flow asked him once if he preferred to be the bride or groom if he ever got married. Obviously he said the groom. He doesn't have anything against cross-dressing, but he wasn't used to wearing skirts.
So, why was Flowtives threatening him to put on the skin he sent him?
"I will kill you right now if you don't put the skin on." Flow said, his netherite sword in hand. Sharpness used to be the strongest on the server until Flow was invited. They dueled a lot, Flow won most of the time, and he recently got trapped by Jude and lost a shit ton of his stuff.
Sharpness sighed. If only he had all of his loot right now he would have taken on Flow on that fight. "Send it to me." Flow cheered and sent him the link.
A suit. Oh, were they attending a formal event? Maybe someone's funeral.
"I'll wait for you to put it on." Flow said, grinning.
He would have worn this willingly why did Flow have to threaten him? Maybe one of Sapa's or Lettuce's cats died again and they wanted to arrange a funeral.
Sharp nodded. "Okay."
The plan was moving smoothly.
He got Jude to wear the dress and Flowtives got Sharp to put the suit on... with barely any trouble, he said. Whatever--Sword told Jude to shut his eyes or else he wouldn't give him the strength, Sword peeked and saw Flowtives luring Sharpness in.
And he was right. The poor guy looked confused. Sword stifled his laughter. "Now just keep closing your eyes and follow me in." Jude grunted but obliged.
The guests poured in quickly, shuffling around. Loppezz was in a knee-length lavender dress, with Tai in a suit he probably stole from N00b. Speaking of N00b, he was security with Rejoice in case Sharp or Jude tried to run away before their vows were said.
Saparata was beside HD, each holding a basket of hyacinths and peonies. Saparata was in a neat tuxedo, and HD was wearing a cute silk turquoise dress. Lettuce was right behind them, ears perking up while he held the pillow with two golden bands on top. Oh, this was going to be amazing. Tai got the rings from who knows where.
They counted down the seconds before Saparata and HD walked down the aisle scattering the flowers. Jude and Sharp were unknowingly walking down the aisle, now if only none them said a word..
Twirps was already at the front, book placed down in front of him. "Why can I hear shuffling, are you going to kill me?" Sharp said, which made Jude's ears perk up when he heard his voice.
Aw, fuck.
"Wait, Sharp?" Jude called out, confused. "Don't tell me Sharp wants revenge for killing him??"
Sharp scoffed. "Trust me, I don't know what's happening either, though I'd love to get revenge--"
"Nope, not happening." Flowtives interrupted, quickening his pace until Sharp was right in front facing Jude. "Alright, open your eyes."
Jude did, then he stared in front of him. Sharpness. In a suit--and him, in a gown--hold on a second.. "Sword, what the fuck is this?!" He screeched, Tai shoved a bouquet of azure bluets and sunflowers in his hands.
"Shut up, get married." Tai smiled. Jude's mouth opened and closed, turning again to Sharpness who looked even more confused than earlier.
Sharp finally came to his senses. "I thought we were going to a funeral?"
Flowtives held back a laugh. "No--anyways, Twirps, honors?"
Twirps cleared his throat. "What is up ladies and gentlemen and nonbinaries, today we're all gathered here to witness the union between Judelow and Sharpness--"
Jude's jaw dropped, he picked up his skirt and tried to flee, but Rejoice stopped him by the entrance, blocking his way with a netherite sword.
"Rejoice." Jude panicked. "Bro, I am not getting married to this dumbass!"
"What's wrong with me??" Sharp called out, a bit offended. "Okay but, what is all of this?"
Sword grinned. "Your marriage, Sharp--to Jude!" He clapped his hands together.
"There is no fucking way!" Jude screamed, continuously getting blocked by N00b and Rejoice from escaping. "You said this was for a bit!" Sword shrugged, feigning innocence. Jude pulled out his axe.
"Hey, this is a no violence zone!" Saparata called out, smirking. "C'mon, just get married for the tax benefits!"
Sharp scratched the back of his head. "What is going on, genuinely?" Tai was dying of laughter from the side, and Leekleek started hollering and chanting.
"Bro!" Jude yelled, being pushed back to the front.
"Three strength and I'll allow you to kill Sword if you go through with this." Mugm said from the front, where Nezo was cackling beside him. Tai nodded in approval, despite still giggling. Sword looked done with life, watching his life get gambled away.
Jude's hands flew to his head when he realized he was trap. Oh fuck no. But the owner of the server promising strength and killing Sword? Fucking fine, it's not like this thing is legal and binding anyway.
"Hey, he accepted his fate!" Dol9hin clapped, followed by Sharkil and Arcn. Wow. Everyone really loved really loved seeing him get humiliated. They won't be laughing once he traps them again.
Jude went back to his position as a fucking bride, holding the bouquet with a roll of his eyes. Sharp finally understood the situation, and despite looking insanely lost, followed through with this supposed tax marriage with a sort of calm Jude has never seen before.
Honestly, Sharp was pretty. And Jude couldn't get his eyes off of him sometimes, his blonde hair and stupidly perfect emerald eyes that always scrunched up in anger when Jude pulled off his usual shenanigans on him. Ah screw it.
"--now that's out of the way, will the maid of honor for Jude please give their speech?" When the fuck did Jude get a maid of honor?
Parker took a step forward, what the heck? Fine, he should have expected this. "Yo Jude, honestly, I don't know what you see in your groom, Sharpness but if you're attracted to strong but dumb blondes I guess you do you." He shrugged. Wow. How inspirational. "Ya'll stuck too, Tai changed the rules so now you guys are stuck together quite literally."
"Wait, what?" Jude's jaw dropped again. Stupid Tai and his admin abuses! Sharp shrugged, how wasn't this a big deal?!
Twirps smiled, pleased. "Now, Sharpness' best man?" Is that Evo??? Didn't this dude leave Strength? why was he here?
"Evo?" Sharpness asked incredulously.
Evourai smiled. "I don't go here anymore but Flowtives said twenty bucks if I hopped on again. Sharp, you're stupid. And you made a dumb choice by marrying Judelow of all people." Jude flipped him off. "Enjoy getting trapped until you get divorced, and frankly speaking, he's kinda chopped."
"Jude's not chopped.." Sharp mumbled, and only Jude heard it. Woah, what?
"Now that the best man and maid of honor have finished their speeches, will the ring bearer present the rings?" On cue, Lettuce strolled down the aisle holding the rings on top of a soft purple pillow. Wow, they were really fucking committed to the bit.
Lettuce stopped in front of Sharp and Jude, sending them knowing smiles. "Sharpness, do you take Judelow as your beloved bride? To protect and stay with him until death do you part?"
Sharp paused for a moment, which made Jude grow nervous. "I mean, yeah, why not." No way.
"Now. Will you, Judelow swear to love and cherish your husband, Sharpness until death do you part."
"I'd really fucking prefer not to."
"Great, now exchange these rings as a symbol of your union and love." Twirps chirped. Jude groaned.
Sharp went first and took the smaller golden band with a sparking tiny diamond on top, he signaled for Jude's finger, which he reluctantly gave. Jude's heart pounded in his chest as Sharp slid the ring on his ring finger. Who even made the rings and how did they get his ring size?
Jude hesitated for a moment before he took the slightly bigger ring and shakily slid it across Sharp's finger. Why did this actually feel nice? For fucks sake he was getting distracted. Nope, nope. He won't think of Sharpness and his stupid pretty face.
"You may now kiss the bride!" Twirps announced, making all the blood in Jude's body turn cold. Fuck no, he was out of here!
He swapped his elytra on and flew out of the church with the rest of the server calling out for him to come back. After a few minutes he though he finally got away, until he heard a shuffle behind him when be landed in a forest.
Jude turned around, the wedding dress tight against his skin. The veil was holding his hair and he was too lazy to yank it off. The leaves parted to reveal Sharpness, still in his tuxedo. "You've gotta be kidding."
"Nah." Sharp replied. "Is the thought of kissing me really that repulsive?"
Jude stared in confusion. What the fuck wad this guy on? He can't just tell his enemy that he can't kiss him because he's attracted to him--that would make the last of his pride vanish. "You ran away." Sharp added.
"It's not that I find you repulsive--"
"Then prove it." Jude paused, looking up. Sharp was barely visible when the veil fell in front of his face, but he can tell Sharp was moving closer to him. "Prove you aren't disgusted by me."
Jude's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, why was Sharpness so insistent? "I--you see..." He stammered, Sharp was ready starting to push the veil out of his face which drove Jude insane.
If only this idiot didn't betray him, things would be different. Jude's been holding back for months, because it was embarrassing to admit he liked his rival, or former teammate.
"Screw it." Jude whispered, grabbing Sharp's cheeks and smashing their lips together.
Sharp kissed back, pulling the veil off, hands sliding to his nape and behind his head as the kiss deepened. Jude pulled away first, breathing heavily. Sharp stared down at him, breathless. "You aren't repulsed by me."
"Quite the opposite, genius." Jude mumbled. He was taken by surprise when Sharp pulled him in for another.
Oh, this wasn't so bad.
He was still jumping Sword, though.
And Tai.
But at least Sharp can't divorce him anymore because of Tai's new rule.