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Maybe Qin should’ve taken it as a warning sign when the apartment got quieter months ago. The once-boisterous laughter they shared over the most inane things slowly faded. From loud, unashamed giggles, they muted to barely even a huff. From daily conversations about things they both noticed throughout the day, to a simple tired ‘hi’—barely even an acknowledgement.
If a stranger saw them now, they would've never believed that Duang and Qin were boyfriends, partners, lovers, whatever you want to call it, for over 5 years. They looked like acquaintances, friends if you were really pushing it on the good days
It was a random Tuesday that everything came crashing down. Tension had been building in their apartment for weeks, but it wasn't the kind that made them angry; it was the kind that made them anxious. Not because they didn't know what was going to happen, but because they already accepted it and were just waiting for the other shoe to finally drop.
Sitting on the sofa, it was Duang who broached the topic first, their usual quiet time after dinner being interrupted. Typical, if you ask Qin, always willing to be the bad guy so that Qin wouldn't be hated, always open and honest, the complete opposite of himself.
“Hey Qin,” he breathed out, resolute with an undercurrent of anxiety, “can we talk?”
Putting his phone to the side, Qin nodded, already expecting the heartbreak that would come from the conversation, “Yeah, sure.”
Turning his body to face Duang, Qin stared at his love—because Duang would always be his love no matter what—and scanned his face, waiting patiently for him to speak. It seemed like centuries before Duang finally seemed to put his thoughts into words.
“I think…” he started, “I think we need to rethink us, I need to rethink us.”
He angled his head anxiously, eyeing Qin from his peripheral.
“Okay…can I ask why?” Qin replied, voice monotone and face blank, as if trying to mask the pain he could feel in his heart and the pressure behind his already stinging eyes.
Duang turned his face forward, desperate not to look at Qin breaking down beside him.
“You know I love you. I’ve loved you since I bumped into you at that crosswalk in our freshman year.” He breathed, “But, I think as time passed, that love changed.” Duang paused, giving Qin time to process what he just revealed.
“Okay,” he breathed, “Changed how?”, his voice wavering just the slightest before he got it under control.
“I know I still love you, but I don't think I love you the same way you still love me.”
“Oh…”
“I’m not saying I fell out of love. I’m just not sure if it's the same type of love I know you still feel for me.”
“Oh…So what are you gonna do?”
Duang flashed a sad smile, “I don't know. I’m not sure what I feel exactly, but I do know staying here isn't gonna help.” He turned to Qin, this time staring right at his face, “For both of us, I think it’d be best if I leave, at least for a little bit while I figure out what it is exactly that I feel for you.”
“You don't have to, I can leave and stay at my parents'. You can stay here.” Qin replied, shaking his head.
“No, it's okay. I know you're too used to sleeping here.”
No, I’m used to you being with me.
“I can stay at Pae’s in the meantime.”
“Oh…okay.”
“Okay then, I’ll just…go pack my things.”
“Sure, yeah,” Qin replied, thoughts whirring in his head and tears quickly forming in his eyes as Duang stood up and walked into their shared bedroom.
Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something? Did I treat him horribly? He told me he loved me. He pursued me for almost a year, and now? Maybe it's just something about me? Maybe I was too cold? Or unresponsive? Is there something wrong with me? Am I that unlovable? Do I—
Just as he was spiralling out of control, he noticed something to the side, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision, but not enough that he couldn't identify what it was that caught his attention. There, on the side table, sat a small brown box covered in Christmas motifs—completely out of place in the current month of April. Pausing his thoughts, Qin picked it up as he wiped his tears, index finger tracing the already fading hand-drawn designs and reminiscing about the moment when he first saw it.
It’s funny, now that he thinks about it. Ever since the day they moved in together, the box always stayed full, no matter how much chocolate he ate. Even when things started going South for them, there would always be a mix of dark and white chocolate in the box, ready for Qin to snack on. He knew it could have only been Duang. Who else would take the time, money, and effort to refill his favourite after-dinner treat?
Opening it up, a sudden thought passed through his mind.
It would be insane to do that, right?
Qin lifted his head, eyes directed to Duang in their bedroom, where he left the door open. He moved with a familiarity that stung Qin’s heart—looking as if he was leaving the place where Qin knew he belonged. His eyes drifted back down towards the box, hands fidgeting with a singular foil-wrapped piece of chocolate.
Too distracted by his own thoughts, he didn't notice Duang until he was right in front of him—a duffel bag on his shoulder and his phone in his hand.
“Qin…”
Eyes darting up and trying his best to wipe off any remaining evidence of his previous mental spiral, Qin replied, “Yeah?”
“I’m gonna head out now. I packed enough for a few days, so I’ll be back around Saturday to grab some more stuff…just in case you don't wanna be here when I come back.”
“Oh…okay.”
“Well…see you later, Qin.” He said, turning around and heading for the door.
Qin could only watch, his heart clenching as his person, the one he thought he'd spend the rest of his life with, walked to the door, ready to leave and rethink over 5 years' worth of feelings they shared.
Staring back at the box of chocolates in his hand, Qin decided. It might be a gamble, but so what? He refused to let Duang go just like this.
“Duang,” Qin paused before pushing on, “could you do me a favour before you go?”
Turning to face Qin, Duang paused for only a second before nodding his head and walking back towards Qin.
“What favour?”
Holding up the little box of chocolates, Qin spoke, “Play a game with me? If you get dark chocolate, I'll grant you a wish, but if you get white chocolate, you’ll have to grant mine?”
Sighing, Duang responded, “Qin…”
“Please? For old time’s sake?”
The silence that followed was suffocating. With every second that passed, Qin felt his already broken heart crack just a little bit more. Slowly losing his confidence, Qin lowered his head, avoiding Duang’s eyes. Just as he was about to take back everything he said, a hand landed on his wrist, pulling the box of chocolate he was holding forward.
Looking up, all Qin saw was Duang with a soft yet sad smile on his face. Gently, his hand reached for the box, picking up a singular piece of chocolate. Silence enveloped the room, the only sound being the soft crinkle of foil as Duang unwrapped it. Qin could feel the unease in his chest, already prepping himself for disappointment. It felt like an eternity before Duang unwrapped the chocolate and tilted it towards Qin.
Oh, it’s white.
Qin’s eyes widened, mouth agape in disbelief.
“So what’s your wish?” Duang asked, eyeing the piece of chocolate he held in his hands.
Slowly, Qin placed the box of chocolate back on the side table before reaching towards Duang, his thumb so affectionately caressing Duang’s hand.
Breathing out the last bit of his doubt and fear, Qin spoke, “I want you to give us one more chance. Please. I can’t lose you, not like this, not after everything.” his voice was barely a whisper.
It was quiet for a moment before Duang replied, “Alright, you granted my wish all those years ago. Let me grant yours this time, for old time’s sake, yeah?”
Qin smiled, eyes teary, “Yeah.”
~ fin.