Work Text:
Scarred Arms And Tear Stains
From Kamishiro Rui's POV!
I lie on my floor, staring up at the ceiling. I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep?
I look down at my scarred arm. What is wrong with me?
I used to cut myself because I wanted to feel something. Anything. I wanted to cry because I hadn't been able to for months. It never worked, but after a while, I just liked seeing the blood, the way the scissors cut, even if they were blunt.
I want to do it again. I keep wanting to do it so bad. I can't help myself.
Emu can't help me. Nene cant help me. Tsukasa-kun can't help me. I'm on my own. It's better off that way. I don't want to be a burden.
Why do I want to />!3 ?
Tsukasa-kun has seen me cry twice. How weak does that make me? Don't answer that...
Before, I never cried in front of any of my friends, but one day I just broke in Tsukasa-kun's arms and Nene watched.
I used to hide my arms, but no one cares enough to notice my scars. They are faint anyways.
All of my friend have their own problems to deal with. I can't load my problems onto them or anyone else. I used to tell Mizu my problems, just my bad days, but after cutting, I told them less, sometimes making up lies.
It's funny. I can't help my friend's but I really want to. I worry about them a lot. I'm not even that good at comforting people. Why can't I be better? Good enough for everyone to like me?
Even Tsukasa-kun, the friend I am closest to, the friend I trust most, seems like he hates me sometimes. That's what friends do. They pretend to love you platonically, then when you are most vulnerable, they leave you for being weird or childish. It hurts.
I look up at the ceiling again, blinking. I reach for the blue handles of my scissors, the blunt blades to my skin. After hesitation, I finally cut, squeezing the blooming blood from my arm.