Archive of Our Own

“Papa!” Ava ran across the hospital lobby upon seeing Ilya. He looked up from his phone, eyes immediately going soft seeing her. Today was a big day and she certainly was dressed for the occasion. The occasion being that her and her brother were going to meet their newborn sister.

He stretched his arms out and bent down, her tiny body slamming into his. He kissed the top of her head before standing up with her at his hip. “You look very pretty, moya malen'kaya printsessa.” She did look incredibly cute. Yuna had put her in a light denim overall dress and a light purple and white shirt that had a heart over her chest. She had on mismatched socks (probably not Yuna's doing) and those light up sneakers both twins had gotten for their birthday three months ago. Her hair was put up into two pigtails that somewhat had her curls tamed. Ilya gave his daughter more kisses on the cheek, which made her giggle and squirm in his arms.

Ilya lifted her up and balanced her on his hip. He spotted the rest of the family a moment later. Yuna entered the lobby, holding bags of what Ilya could imagine were gifts and essentials for Shane. David was by her side, holding Dimitris' hand.

Yuna got to him first. “Congratulations.” She said, wrapping her arms around him. Ilya returned the hug with his free arm. They stood like that for a minute, Ilya letting himself relax for a minute. It had been an incredibly stressful night for everyone and he actually hadn't gotten a chance for any of that to sink in. He needed this hug more than he had realized. Yuna pulled away, a look of concern on her face. “How are you holding up?”

“I'm fine.” He said as he fixed Ava's bangs. She fussed for a second before letting him continue. “Shane is feeling better. In some pain but better. And baby is doing great. Is all I want” He shrugged.

Yuna squeezed his shoulder, giving him a warm smile. Ilya tried to return it the best he could but he felt like it didn't quite reach.

“Papa,” Dimitri said, leaving David's side to cling onto Ilya's leg. Ilya put Ava down and picked up Dimitri.

“Look at you,” Ilya mused. “You look very cute.” He gave him kisses all across his freckled face. Dimitri let out some giggles, trying to swat away his father but inevitably failing. Yuna had put him into his favorite dinosaur shirt, a little light green and brown shirt that had a little cartoon t-rex on it. Dimitri had been obsessed with dinosaurs recently after having seen The Land Before Time. Everything had to have some kind of dinosaur on it or Dimitri would start crying. His little shorts were a darker brown and had a little dinosaur patch that Yuna had ironed on for him. He also wore the same light up sneakers as his sister.

“Wheres baby?” Dimitri asked, once he was in Ilya's arms.

Ilya chuckled. “The baby is upstairs with daddy.”

“Those two have been asking about the baby and Shane all night,” David said, huffing out a laugh. He pulled Ilya in for a quick hug. “They're excited to see their new sibling.”

Excited was an understatement. For the past few weeks they were asking when the baby was coming constantly. If Shane was sitting, they both would sit next to him and would tap Shane's belly, asking the baby to please come out. Or if he was laying down one of the twins would join him and rest their head against his belly. Feeling tiny kicks against their face. They took it as a sign the baby was coming and would get excited. Overall it was very cute to both of them and they were glad that their twins were so excited to welcome another member into the family.

Ilya smiled at David's words. He looked to Dimitri who was resting his head on his papa's shoulder. “Were you two keeping grandpa and grandma up?”

“No!” Ava said giggling.

At the same time, Dimitri nodded his head. “Yeah.”

Everyone laughed at that. Ilya gave his son one more big kiss before putting him down. “Well lets go see daddy and baby, yes?”

Ava nodded eagerly. She was practically jumping up and down as they made their way towards the elevators. Dimitri clung to his side, holding onto the hem of his shirt. Ilya took his hand instead, and gave it a gentle squeeze. He knew Dimitri was excited to be a big brother. Over these past nine months they had seen his enthusiasm only grow the closer the due date got. But Ilya could also understand feeling nervous about meeting someone who will be a part of your life forever. He could guess that was the feeling Dimitri was having right now, excited, but nervous at that sudden realization. Dimitri squeezed his hand back.

—

Shane could hear Ava down the hall. He could also hear Ilya gently shushing her, telling her other people were here. He heard, still very loudly, sorry as a response. The corners of his mouth tugged up, his daughter was excited that was for sure.

“You’re going to meet your big sister now.” He said quietly to the baby girl in his arms. She had opened her eyes while Ilya was downstairs, and now was looking up at Shane with blue, unfocused eyes. The fact she had Ilya's eyes made his heart melt. “She's very loud but she's very sweet. Like your papa.” The baby let out a tiny grunt. “Yeah, like papa. And your big brother, Dimitri, is more like me I guess. He's going to be a good big brother to you. And Ava's going to be a good big sister.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, which made her grunt again.

A minute later, there was a knock at the door. Ilya opened it, Dimitri by his side. Ava came rushing in after, immediately going to Shane's bed.

“Daddy!” She said loudly. She was bouncing at the side of the bed.

“Hi princess.” He said adjusted the baby in his arms. “You need to be more quiet for the baby, okay?”

Ava paused her bouncing and gave him enthusiastic nods. “I'll be quiet.” She said in a normal tone. This was basically whispering for her, so Shane took that as a victory.

Yuna was next to him a moment later. “Hi honey,” she said, kissing his forehead. She looked down at the baby girl in his arms. “Oh look at this little one. You did so amazing.” She kissed the top of his head and rubbed his shoulder.

Shane suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to cry. Silently he cursed his hormones for being all out of whack. He quickly blinked away the tears that stung his eyes, keeping all his focus on his newborn daughter. He didn't trust himself to speak right now.

“Do you want final guess to what we had?” Ilya asked, as he helped take the bags Yuna had brought.

Yuna looked at the baby. Her eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed as she studied the features. Finally, after a minute, she said with certainty in her voice. “Girl.”

“If she says girl, I'll say that too.” David chimed in as he helped Ilya sort through the bags.

Shane finally regained some composure. “What about you two?” He asked the twins.

Ava, who was still by the bed, was eagerly trying to catch a glimpse of the baby. “That's my sister.” She said in a matter of fact tone.

Shane bit the inside of his cheek to try and contain his smile. He turned his attention to Dimitri, who was standing next to Ilya, keeping a distance between himself and the newborn. “What about you, bud?”

Dimitri looked up at Ilya, who slightly ruffled his hair. “Sister.” He said timidly.

Shane didn't try to hide his smile anymore. “Well you're all right. We had a girl.”

Ava let out an excited squeal, bouncing even more now. “I have a lil’ sister!” She looked over to Ilya who was watching with pride. “Papa, I have lil’ sister!” She ran over to him and was jumping up and down by his legs. Her little shoes lit up every time she bounced.

“Da, you do.” He picked her up. He couldn't fight the smile on his face. “Do you want to see her?”

“Yes!” Ava said loudly. The sudden outburst made the newborn squirm and let out little grunts. Ava covered her mouth, before saying. “I'm quiet now.” In a normal tone.

“Good job princess.” Ilya gently praised, in Russian. “You need to be quiet for her. She is very new and loud things scare her. Understand?”

Ava nodded, a sudden look of focus on her face. Ilya glanced down at Dimitri who was still clinging to his pants. “Do you want to see your new sister?” Ilya asked, this time in English. Dimitri looked up at him, his tiny brows furrowed with worry. Whenever his son made expressions like that it really did feel like he had traveled back in time and was looking at a tiny Shane. Dimitri only nodded. Ilya picked him up with his free arm. “Okay, let's wash hands before we see your sister.”

He carried them to the en-suite bathroom. Shane watched as Ava wiggled in Ilya's arms, her excitement barely being contained. Dimitri on the other hand was quiet, avoiding looking over in Shane's direction. That sent a wave of concern over him. What if Dimitri didn't like his new sister? What if he started crying when he saw her? The whole third trimester Shane had been getting videos of parents introducing their older kids to their newborn. Sometimes the older kids would be happy, and it was a cute moment. But other times, the older kids would fuss and start crying. He knew the twins were excited, but now seeing Dimitris reaction, he began to wonder if his son suddenly was having a change of heart about wanting a new sibling.

“Ilya had texted me earlier about the birth,” Yuna said, breaking his train of thought.

“Oh,” Shane said, fixing his own blanket. “Yeah it was scary. But I'm doing better now.” Yuna looked at him with a raised brow, not at all believing her son. “I'm okay, mom.” Shane insisted.

Truthfully, the whole thing had shaken him up badly. The whole labor had taken longer than either Shane and Ilya had expected. Two hours of pushing had eventually led to them meeting their little girl. However, when she came out she was facing downwards which had caused Shane to tear pretty bad. Shane had already been exhausted, his body having nearly given up by the time he pushed her out completely. Due to the tear he lost a concerning amount of blood and had to get an emergency transfusion. He had no memory of that part, but Ilya had filled him in after the fact. His doctor worked fast, helping deliver the placenta and getting him stitched up. It all felt like a blur to him, one swift motion that had happened while he was in a daze. He became more aware when he finally heard his baby girl's cries for the first time. The sound was loud and piercing. Overall it had been a very exciting, rewarding but also incredibly stressful and exhausting past twenty-four hours.

“If you say so,” Yuna said, not wanting to push it.

Ava came out of the bathroom first, immediately making her way to Shane's bed. Yuna lifted her up onto the bed, and set her by Shane's side. She bounced lightly in the bed, the movement making the baby grow restless.

“Ava,” Shane said firmly. She stopped, looking up at him, her brown eyes filled with excitement. “If you want to hold her you need to calm down.”

“I'm calm, daddy.” She huffed.

Ilya brought out Dimitri and carried him over to the other side of the bed, setting him down on Shane's other side. Shane felt his little body tense next to him. He looked to see Dimitri fidgeting with Shane's blanket, his eyes looking curiously at the blanket that was in his dad's arms.

“Do you want to hold her first?” Shane asked Dimitri.

Dimitri looked up at him, freckled cheeks slightly pink from the question. “I dunno.” Dimitri responded, his voice sounding very uncertain.

“Why not?” Shane asked gently.

“What if she doesn’ like me?” Dimitri muttered.

Shane chuckled at his response. “I think she will,bud. You're her big brother after all.”

Dimitri let those words sit for a minute before saying. “Can I hold her?”

“But daddy I wanna hold her!” Ava whined. The baby stirred in Shane's arms, fussing more and letting out more irritated grunts.

“Ava, you need to be quieter.” Ilya said sternly. He rarely used that voice on the twins. The strict captain tone that he used mainly on the ice during more intense parts of a game. “If you can't be quiet you won't hold her.”

The idea of not being able to hold her baby sister made her eyes go wide. She rested against Shane's side, leaning closer to get a look at the baby. Shane took the opportunity to very carefully transfer the baby into Dimitri's arms.

“Okay hold her like this,” Shane adjusted them, making sure that both were comfortable. “And support her head.” Dimitri did as he was told. “Just like that. Good job, bud. See? She likes you.”

Everyone watched as Dimitri looked at his new sister. A smile formed in his face as he gently pressed a kiss against her cheek. Shane heard phone cameras go off, capturing the moment forever. Shane glanced up and saw Ilya holding his phone with the biggest smile on his face. His eyes were glossy at the sight of his family being complete.

“Hi,” Dimitri said softly. The baby let out a tiny coo in response, which made Dimitri beam. He looked up at Shane with pride. “Daddy she said hi.”

Shane's heart swelled. Yes, this had been one of the most stressful experiences he had ever gone through. But now he was having a moment like this, where his toddlers were meeting their newborn sister. Suddenly all that panic and pain felt worth it.

“She already loves her big brother.” Shane mused.

“Daddy, what's her name?” Ava asked.

They were still deciding that. If they had a girl, there were two names they were very fond of. Hana and Anastasia. Despite the fact that it had been over twelve hours since her birth, they still couldn't pick. “We haven't decided yet, princess.” Shane said. “Why did you have any ideas?”

Ava pondered this, her face scrunched with focus. She stayed quiet with focus, while her brother held their little sister. Finally she spoke up. “I dunno. It's hard.”

Shane let out a laugh, which sent a shock of pain through his lower half. He winced slightly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw both Ilya and his mom start to jump into action. “I'm fine. It just hurts to laugh.” He reassured them. The look of worry remained on their faces but Shane chose to ignore it.

After some time Yuna took out her phone again. “Lets get some pictures with you guys looking at the camera.”

Shane really didn't feel photogenic. Before everyone had gotten to the hospital he had gone to the bathroom for the first time since the birth. Both to do his business and shower, but also to change the diaper the hospital had provided to help stop the bleeding. Ilya had been with him, helping him change and making sure everything had been put on correctly. All while he did that Shane looked in the mirror and saw himself. Disheveled hair, dark circles under his eyes, face looking flush and slightly swollen. His stomach hung low, lined with newer stretch marks that had appeared over the course of the last trimester. His eyes wandered down to his c-section scar, a reminder of the last time he had given birth. Seeing his stomach looking somewhat deflated, with no baby inside felt weird to him. He looked and felt a mess. He imagined in the few hours since that bathroom trip, not much had changed.

“Mom-” Shane started to protest before being cut off.

“Shane, this is an important day.” Yuna cut him off. “You're going to want these memories, trust me.”

With her tone, there was no arguing. He tried to fix his hair a little but he knew that it wouldn't do much. Ava scooted closer to him. Dimitri carefully did the same with the help of Ilya. When everyone was ready Yuna smiled, aiming her phone at them. “Big smiles everyone. Say cheese.”

“Cheese.”

The camera went off several times. When Yuna was satisfied with the amount of pictures she took she showed Ilya and David. Ilya looked at the four of them in the photo. A huge smile plastered across Ava and Dimitris' faces. Shane sat in the middle, giving a soft smile. His family. The family that he had built with the man he adored so much. For what felt like the hundredth time, his eyes blurred with tears. Instead of fighting it, he let them fall. He felt too overwhelmed with the love he felt at this moment to try and hide it.

“Papa's sad?” Dimitri asked.

“No. No, I'm very happy right now.” Ilya said, letting out a wet laugh. David rubbed his back, comforting him.

The baby started to fuss and Dimitri looked up at Shane with panic. Shane carefully took her back into his arms. Rocking her gently. Minutes passed and then she was calm again.

“It's my turn,” Ava said, making an effort to keep her voice down. “Gimme.” She stretched out her arms in Shane's direction. He glanced down at her with a raised brow, giving her a look. Ava saw and then quickly added. “Please daddy.”

“Okay,” Shane said, already putting the baby into Ava's arms. He fixed how she was holding her, making sure she was supporting the head. When the baby was all settled, Shane sat back, watching his two daughters meet. Dimitri curled up next to him, also watching his two sisters.

Ava's eyes were wide with wonder as she looked down at her newborn sister. Her eyes took in every feature that her sister had. A look of concentration neither Ilya or Shane had ever seen before fell onto her face. Seeing her be so serious all of a sudden made Shane choke up. The reality that this really was happening, sinking in.

“Hi, I'm Ava.” Ava said softly to the bundle in her arms. “That's Dimitri.” The baby's eyes squinted open again, blinking slowly before looking up at her big sister. The look of focus left instantly, replaced by a huge smile. “You’re like papa.” Ava said, giddy.

“What?” Ilya asked, confused. He crossed the room to see what Ava had been talking about. When he was by her side, he saw a pair of blue eyes looking up at him, unfocused and confused. And a pair of warm brown eyes that beamed up at him. Oh. She had the same eyes as him, and the same eyes as his mother. He hadn't seen someone with her same eyes in a very long time. Honestly, he never thought he would again. But now, the same eyes his mother had given to him, were now passed down to his own daughter. Ilya swallowed hard.

“She opened her eyes as soon as you left to get everyone.” Shane said. He reached out a hand to Ilya, who took it without a second thought. “She has your pretty eyes.” Shane squeezed his hand.

“She does,” Ilya said. “They will probably change a little when she gets bigger. But, she has my eyes.” What he wanted to say was She has my mother's eyes. But the words couldn't leave his mouth.

“Papa she's tiny,” Ava said, looking back down at her sister.

“You were that small too, printsessa. You and Dimitri.” Ilya fixed her hair, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

“Nuh-uh.” Ava shook her head. “Me and Dimi are big.”

“Now. But when you were born you were this small. Right?” Ilya looked to Shane for confirmation. Shane nodded. Ava looked to her grandparents who gave the same nod. Her brows furrowed at the thought.

Shane thought about when they were born and somehow that was less traumatizing. Ava had been seven pounds, just shy of eight, and Dimitri had been six pounds. The newborn in his daughter's arms was nine pounds exactly. He was glad that this was their last child because he couldn't put himself through another round of giving birth to a baby that big.

More photos were taken, some of just Ava and her little sister, some of them as a group. Shane watched with love as Ava gently spoke to her sister as if she'd known her forever.

“We have a dog. Her name is Anya.” Ava said. “Shes really fun.” She looked up at Shane. “Do you think Anya will like her?”

“Of course she will.” Shane didn't doubt that. They were so lucky to have such a friendly dog who loved kids.

The baby started to fuss and Shane carefully took her back into his arms. Her fussing quickly turned into cries. Dimitri covered his ears, his own face scrunched with discomfort.

“She’s loud too.” Dimitri said, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Babies are all like that Dimi. But I think she is extra loud because she is my daughter after all.” Ilya grinned. Dimitri let out a frustrated sigh, the same kind Shane often did when he missed a shot on the ice.

“Have you fed her yet?” Yuna asked.

Shane shook his head. He guessed that that was the issue but felt awkward feeding her in front of so many people. Even though he breastfed the twins until they were a year and a half, that awkwardness never fully left. Despite everyone saying it would.

Yuna seemed to pick up on that, quickly jumping in. “Why don't we go take the kids down to the cafeteria. Get some food for us and we'll bring back up for you both.” She looked at Shane who nodded gratefully. “I'm sure you both must be starving.”

The realization hit them both that they were very hungry. Neither had eaten breakfast, mainly because they had slept through it. Now it was almost two and they still hadn't eaten.

Yuna and David picked up the kids from the bed. Dimitri didn't protest in his grandma's arms, letting himself be carried away from his baby sister's loud cries. Ava on the other hand, protested slightly as David carried her out the room. He reassured her they were coming back, but Ava didn't seem convinced.

When they were gone, the room was now just filled with the sounds of their baby's cries. Shane got her situated to eat, trying to coax her to latch on. Thankfully she did and she latched with no issue. The gentle, somewhat uncomfortable tugging at his chest was something he would have to get used to again. He watched her eat, her blue eyes fluttering open to give him an unfocused gaze as she nursed. He let out a sigh of relief.

“I'm so tired.” He said to Ilya, who was now sitting next to him. He leaned his head against Ilya's shoulder. “I want to leave already.”

Ilya kissed the top of Shane's head. “I know, sweetheart. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe the day after.” The doctor had wanted to keep Shane for a few days, to check on his healing, given that he had lost so much blood and had to get stitches. Shane wanted to protest, to tell the doctor he was feeling fine and that wasn't necessary, but he knew he wasn't being realistic.

Shane looked down at his baby girl, blue eyes looking back up at him. She was so perfect. Her features leaned more towards Ilyas, her eyes, her eye shape. She had Shane's nose and lips and maybe his chin, but Shane couldn't quite tell yet. Light brown hair that had a slight curl peaked out from underneath the beanie the hospital had given her. She had features from both of them, but overall he felt like he was holding a tiny Ilya.

“She is perfect,” Ilya said. Shane hummed in agreement.

“I'm happy she has your eyes.” Shane said, adjusting her slightly. “I mean, I would've been happy with whatever eyes she got. But I'm happy they're yours.”

The corners of Ilya's mouth tugged up. “I never thought I'd see my mother's eyes look at me again.” He confessed. “Maybe my mother knew that and sent us her. Who knows.”

“Maybe.”

Minutes passed and their daughter's eyes grew heavy as she unlatched herself. “Good job.” Shane praised. He burped her successfully and gently rocked her back and forth. She fell asleep after fussing for a few minutes, her tiny cheek pressed against his chest. He handed her over to Ilya, who got up to place her back into her bassinet. Shane brought down his shirt, feeling better to not feel so exposed anymore. Ilya's eyes were on their daughter, watching as her tiny chest rose and fell. A tiny fist had escaped her swaddle. His finger gently nudged it, causing her to grip it. Her grip was light, not nearly as tight as her siblings had been when they were born. But still her little hand gripping around his finger made his heart tug. She was his.

—

The twins were throwing a tantrum when it had been time to leave. Visiting hours were over and they had to say bye for the night, much to their three year olds annoyance.

“Papa, I wanna stay.” Ava hiccuped between tears. Her whole body shook, her sobs being muffled into his shirt. He kissed the top of her head. “Wanna stay with baby.” She said pulling away from him. Her eyes red from crying, her cheeks flushed, snot dripping down her nose, and drool escaping from the corner of her mouth. He hated seeing her so upset.

“If daddy is better tomorrow we go home.” Ilya said, wiping her tears. “But we will see you tomorrow. I promise.”

Ava swallowed hard before letting out another sob. Her face went back to his chest, her little body shaking with tears. He rubbed her back, trying to reassure her. He glanced over at Shane, who was currently trying to comfort Dimitri.

“Bud, you have to go with grandpa and grandma.” Shane said. Dimitri was curled by his side, hot tears falling down his face. He wasn't loud or as theatrical as Ava was, his tantrums were more of a silent rage that built up inside until they couldn't be contained anymore. His mom had once told him he had done the same when he was this age. His pleas fell on deaf ears, Dimitri burying his head into Shane's side. His tiny body was shaking as he cried more. Shane looked to his parents for help. His dad stepped in.

“Dimitri,” David said, leaning closer to the bed “when we get back home maybe you can show us more of those dinosaur movies you like.”

That got Dimitris' attention immediately. He lifted his head up from Shane's side. Sniffling as he asked. “Can I daddy?”

“Yeah you can, baby. I think grandpa would really like them.” That made Dimitris' shoulders drop slightly. He wiped the tears from his face, sniffling more. Yuna brought over some tissues to give him and Shane accepted them. He held the tissue while Dimitri blew his nose. Once he was more calm, he hugged Shane as tight as his little body could.

“I'm gonna miss you.” Dimitris' little voice strained.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. We both will.” Shane said, looking at Ilya. He now had Ava in his arms, her tiny body pressed against his. But she wasn't crying anymore. Calmed down the potential promise of more dinosaur movies and whatever else Ilya had told her. “And you'll see your baby sister again too.”

Dimitri looked over to the bassinet where his little sister stirred. “Okay.” He sounded tired. Dimitri lifted his arms up and his grandpa picked him up. “Bye lil’ sister.” Dimitri said, waving goodbye to the bundle in the bassinet as David headed toward the door where Yuna now had Ava in her arms.

Everyone said quick goodbyes, taking advantage of the twins' current calm. Ilya said he would text updates if they got any. With that they were out the door, leaving Ilya and Shane alone with their baby.

Shane laid back, feeling the exhaustion hitting him all at once. He looked over at the bassinet, watching his baby girl gently kick at her swaddle. Sleep crept up on him faster than he thought it would. His eyes closed and he was out.

—

Shane could hear Ilya speaking quietly in Russian. His voice, low and calm. Shane blinked the sleep away, rubbing at his eyes as he did so. The room was dark, save for a lamp that was on, and the ever constant hallway light that seeped through the door. It took a minute or two for Shane to get his bearings.

He watched as a shirtless Ilya held their fussing daughter against his chest. He was walking around, swaying gently, trying to calm her down. Her little grunts and cries of protest escaped her mouth. Ilya noticed Shane was awake, giving him a half smile.

“I didn't want to wake you.” Ilya confessed.

“What time is it?” Shane yawned. He was sitting up more now.

“When I woke up it was one. Is probably later now.” Ilya went over to Shane, handing their daughter over to him.

Shane didn't say anything as he lifted up his shirt again, wordlessly guiding his daughter to latch again. She succeeded and he yawned again as he adjusted her. Ilya brought over the water Shane had drunk out of earlier, knowing that feedings usually made Shane thirsty afterwards.

They both sat in a comfortable silence, watching her eat. Her little hand flexing against Shane's skin as she nursed. Shane smiled tiredly at the touch.

“She really does need a name,” Shane said, not taking his eyes off her.

“I know.”

“Anastasia?” Shane tried. Their daughter looked up at them, unimpressed. “I don't think that's the one.”

Ilya chuckled. “No. But she looked like you just then.”

Shane gave him the same equally unimpressed look. Ilya's grin grew wider. “She is her daddy's daughter for sure.” He laughed quietly.

Shane rolled his eyes, a smirk appearing on his face. “Ilya we need to focus. We can't just keep calling her ‘the baby’.”

Ilya leaned against Shane, his head resting on his husband's shoulder. He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “I know. I'm sorry. I've been up with her for a while.” He brushed his knuckle softly against her cheek. The warm touch made her eyes close while she ate.

They sat in silence again before Shane said. “Hana?” The baby gave a light kick to Shane's chest. “Do you like the name Hana?” Shane asked again. Another light kick.

“I think she does.” Ilya said, very amused. “Our little Hana. Is very pretty name.”

“It is. You picked it right?”

Ilya nodded. “I've had it picked since we were having the twins. I always liked it.”

“Hi, Hana.” Shane cooed. Hana looked up at them, unlatching from Shane's chest. Shane handed her off to Ilya to get burped. He burped her successfully and wiped the leftover milk from her chin.

“Our little Hana.” Ilya said, kissing her cheek. She let out a tiny coo. “Our sweet Hana. She is perfect.”

“She is,” Shane yawned again. He tugged his shirt down again and leaned back into the bed. “She was worth every second of the pain while having her.” His eyes felt heavy again. “Try and get some sleep okay?” He sat up again, wincing only slightly, and motioned for a kiss on the lips. Ilya kissed him, without urgency. They broke apart after a minute. Shane laid back again, letting sleep take over. “Goodnight. I love you two.”

“Goodnight,” Ilya said, getting up from the bed, his daughter, Hana, in his arms.

—

It turned out that they both couldn't sleep. Hana was currently keeping him company at three am. Ilya sat on the small couch that was in the hospital suite. His eyes fixated on Hana.

“You look like my mom,” Ilya said to her in Russian. “Not exactly like her, but very similar.” Her blue eyes blinked up at him, he took that as a sign to continue. “I wish you could meet her, but she has been gone a very long time. Ava, your big sister, sometimes asks when she can meet her other grandma. I never know what to say. I'm sure you will ask some day too.” A little grunt came from Hana, which made Ilya slightly grin. “See you already are.” She let out a tiny kick from under her blankets, making Ilya's smile grow. “Do you want to hear about her? Your grandma?”

Hana didn't respond, of course she couldn't, she was barely a day old. Still, Ilya looked at her, waiting as if she could. Or maybe he was waiting to build up the strength to continue talking about his mother. Could've been both.

“Your grandma was so kind. She had this warmth to her that made you feel safe around her. She was funny, very smart.” He continued in Russian. “She had a very loud laugh. She gave the best hugs. She always made sure we knew how much she loved me and my brother.” Hana let out more little grunts. Ilya paused, considering his next words. “I miss her so much. But maybe she did send you to us so that the pain of missing her could be less. Looking at your face I see hers. And I feel better.”

Hana cooed again, kicking slightly against Ilya's bare chest. “You are very good listener. You remind me of your big brother, Dimitri, in that way.”

They sat together, Ilya thinking about what he had just said, the words sitting heavy on his chest. He gently rocked her back and forth, soothing her to sleep. Her eyes grew tired, but she fought her sleep. Letting out a tiny cry of protest after almost falling asleep. “You got both of our stubbornness.” Ilya chuckled as she blinked awake. “But you need sleep so you can grow big and strong. So you can play with Ava and Dimitri ok, moy malen'kiy angel.”

Hana finally gave in, falling asleep against Ilya's chest. Her tiny chubby cheeks felt so warm against him. Ilya stayed like that until her breaths evened out and she was fully asleep. He got up and very carefully put her back into the bassinet. Looking between Hana and Shane he felt so much overwhelming love for both of them.

Ilya went back to the cot that the hospital had provided for him, laying down with a grunt. He lied in the cot, feeling his body overcome with exhaustion. Shane made a noise in his sleep, as he shifted slightly. Ilya turned to look at him, waiting a minute to see if anything would come of it. Nothing did, and he felt the tension he held onto all day, leave. Sleep overtook him, drifting him off for a few hours of rest and peace.