Archive of Our Own

1.

The first time it happens, Taesan clearly doesn’t know what was going on.

What he did know was that he had a particularly important exam he needed to take the next morning and pulling an all-nighter just to study probably wouldn’t do his brain any justice with the lack of sleep he was getting since the start of his program’s so-called ‘hell week’.

And he also knew that Jaehyun—his roommate—was also in the same battlefield as he was (college), and was struggling over the same thing as well. 

It was pretty obvious with how the boy always came home late due to his part-time job(s) that Taesan very much commends him for, amused at how disciplined Jaehyun was when it came down to his responsibilities which clearly involved him getting a job for his share of the rent paid and not get kicked out by an awesome roommate like Taesan was.

Taesan doesn’t encounter him that often anymore these days either way due to their schedules not lining up and Jaehyun obviously overworking himself when he doesn’t need to.

He doesn’t mind. It’s not that big of a deal to Taesan. He still feels a little awkward with having an omega as a roommate when he’s clearly an alpha himself. 

And no, he’s not one of those jerks who’s strictly stuck up on the traditional omega-alpha-beta stuff and all that other shit the people back in the days were used to because things have changed nowadays, and he’s completely fine with alphas being friends with omegas without having some sort of hidden sexual tension between the two of them—like there’s proof that alphas and omegas can be friends, you know, without all the horny and instinct stuff? 

So the thing is just that Taesan feels a little awkward towards Jaehyun because he’s not used to having an overly touchy roommate who smells like stepping inside a bakery that specializes in selling cinnamon rolls. 

Not because he’s an omega.

Taesan has many omega friends. Maybe three, if three is considered as many. None of them has been his roommate, hence to be specific—him feeling awkward is not because Jaehyun is the first omega roommate Taesan has ever had in his entire life. 

And it’s definitely not because Taesan has a stupid kind of loser crush on him because his heart races like he’s running a marathon whenever Jaehyun’s near or how his scent embarrassingly flares when he catches a whiff of Jaehyun’s either, right? 

It shouldn’t be, because now this very much cinnamon—bakery smelling omega roommate of his is standing in the hallway like he had forgotten something that would definitely creep Taesan out if he didn’t look so cute with the way his pajamas draped over his body loosely, sleeves almost even covering his hands and his top leaning over the shoulder just slightly to reveal a glimpse of his collarbone that almost feels illegal to even glance at.

“…Hyung?” He calls out softly, a little hesitant even, like he’s unaware whether his voice will startle him or not due to how sensitive Jaehyun was when it came to stuff like this.

But to his surprise, Jaehyun stays completely still. He was expecting a flinch, like usual. But nothing. Just standing there, staring at nothing, breathing normally that it’s getting a little weird. His scent starts to fill the room and Taesan only realizes when he snaps out of his thoughts.

”Jaehyun-hyung?” He tries again, a little louder this time.

He waits a few seconds for Jaehyun’s response to come, but again, nothing. 

Something’s… off.

“Hey,” he begins walking towards him without waiting for an answer, still cautious, but clearly a little antsy with how suspicious Jaehyun was acting. “What’s wrong?” He stands in front of him, tilting his head down to catch his gaze.

“You okay?” He asks once more, grabbing Jaehyun’s arms this time and feels the temperature of his skin through the fabric. “Hyung, you’re cold—what’s—“

Then he realizes it.

Jaehyun’s eyes aren’t particularly closed—in fact, they’re open, staring at something from afar—like he’s seeing through Taesan, and it causes him to furrow his eyebrows a little. This was odd. He releases his grip on one of Jaehyun’s arms and waves that hand in front of his face to catch his attention.

”Jaehyun?” He tries one more time, waits for a response, and then comes to a conclusion fully.

Jaehyun had mentioned it to him before, surprising enough that he still recalls a memory from a very long time ago when Jaehyun had just moved in and was obviously trying to get along with human-allergic Taesan back in the time.

It was their first time eating together as roommates with the Chinese food from Jaehyun’s part-time job that he had bought to eat with Taesan for trusting him to live with him. He clearly found the situation confusing that time because for some reason, Jaehyun thought he was very considerate and kind when all he did was just grab the first person who willingly wanted to apply for the offer so he could finally do something about the rent he couldn’t pay himself.

Maybe it was Jaehyun’s first time having an alpha as a roommate too, you know? In fact, it even felt like it was Jaehyun’s first time ever having a roommate at all, considering all the certain habits he had of acting like only one person lived in the unit—but Taesan’s leaving that discussion for another time.

They were laying ground rules during that day, but Taesan just eventually ended up learning that Jaehyun talked a lot. Like a lot. An oversharer, utmost. Because he also learned that Jaehyun apparently speaks four languages, that he plays soccer, that he eats with his left hand and writes with his right hand (Jaehyun didn’t tell him that, he noticed that himself), and that he sleepwalks—though rarely.

With that ‘rarely’ also apparently being today, just when Taesan’s exams are tomorrow, and Jaehyun is here in front of him unconscious—sleepwalking. 

But Jaehyun isn’t doing a lot of walking right now, though? Okay, what a stupid thought, because Jaehyun must’ve walked out of his room to appear unanimously in the hallway like this—hence the sleepwalking… but still, Taesan’s a little confused on what Jaehyun is trying to do. 

He’s still new to the idea of sleepwalking. He didn’t pay it any mind either when Jaehyun had first told him about it, just shrugging it off as long as he confirmed that Jaehyun didn’t leave the apartment and other dangerous stuff that would need him to be supervised when he does so. Still, Taesan trusted him when he said that it didn’t happen anymore—only on days where he doesn’t get enough sleep (which is also, quite literally everyday for someone like Myung Jaehyun who had multiple part-time jobs).

He stands there and gives it a minute, anticipating Jaehyun's next move and whether he should do something about it or just let it happen.

But, a small sigh leaves Jaehyun’s lips, then he leans.

—Just tips forward until Taesan feels warmth against his shoulder, looks down, then realizes that Jaehyun was leaning on him.

He blinks once, then twice. 

“…Hyung?” He murmurs despite already knowing that Jaehyun wouldn’t be able to respond anyway. His hands hover awkwardly over Jaehyun’s sides like he’s unaware if he’s allowed to touch him at all state like this when he himself didn’t even know what he was doing at all.

He swallows a mortifying lump down his throat when his scent mixes with Jaehyun’s, deciding to grab on the boy’s arms instead to pull him away but Jaehyun doesn’t budge, only pushing himself even closer towards Taesan with a disgruntled noise.

Right… what the fuck was he going to do?

When Jaehyun shifts even closer—weight settling against Taesan, a hand lightly catches the front of his shirt as well and Taesan feels his heart stutter. 

“Are you really sleeping?” He whispers, completely unsure what to do with this.

There’s no response, like what he had expected. Just steady, even breathing, warmth against his body, and Jaehyun’s scent wrapping around him that feels way too natural for his own sanity. 

“Okay,” he murmurs to himself. “Okay, uh—let’s get you back to bed.” 

Then carefully—so carefully, he lifts his hand and places it around Jaehyun’s shoulder. The boy doesn’t resist. If anything, he leans into the touch even more like he was seeking it out even in his sleep. This was odd. Though Taesan thinks that maybe Jaehyun is just touch-deprived—maybe stressed out because of work and activities. 

…But why him? 

Well, the proper logical reason would be that Taesan is Jaehyun’s roommate—and that they live in the same flat so generally, it would probably be instinct that’s driving Jaehyun to do something like this. But Taesan still can’t tell because this is his first time encountering Jaehyun sleepwalking. 

“Come on, hyung.” He whispers.

When he begins walking him back to his room, Jaehyun follows the gentle pressure without question, barefoot on the floor and steps rather slow but cooperative, like a part of him—even while sleeping—just trusts Taesan to go.

With Jaehyun complying, getting him back to bed is easier than he thought. He expected that he had to physically guide Jaehyun to lay back down on his bed as well but the boy snuggles against his neck once more before pulling away with a small mmmkay and then climbing to his bed on his own.

Taesan pulls the covers over him, hand lingering as he instinctively caresses the back of Jaehyun's head and then just stands there, unmoving.

Then, he watches.

He watches how Jaehyun drifts comfortably into sleep. He watches the slow rising and falling of his chest. He watches the small curl of his fingers like he was reaching for something that was no longer there.

And so, when Taesan’s eyes began to hurt, and when his limbs grew too heavy, he went back to his room quietly—having forgotten completely that he was supposed to be studying for his exam tomorrow and not nursing a sleepwalking omega roommate.

Taesan doesn’t get enough sleep that night, for very obvious reasons. 

But Jaehyun seemed to have slept pretty well when he encountered him munching on cereal that morning while getting ready to leave for his first class—Jaehyun inviting Taesan to eat with him and Taesan declining because he was going to be late like usual.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. 

Jaehyun is still chuckling to himself while watching a football match displayed on his phone. Jaehyun still asked him what time he’d get home later on so he’d know whether to leave food for him or not. Jaehyun even wished him good luck on his exams, tossing his tumbler towards him that he had seemed to have forgotten again when he was already slipping on his shoes at the front door.

Jaehyun didn’t remember. Of course. He didn’t know. He was sleeping.

And despite knowing that the Jaehyun he encountered last night wasn’t exactly him, Taesan feels his chest swell at the thought of Jaehyun feeling like he was his at that moment anyway.

2.

It doesn’t happen again until several weeks later.

And Taesan has also done his research by then. He found out that sleepwalking is generally caused by stress and most likely, lack of sleep. At least, according to the websites that had told him.

Though he’s sure it adds up anyway because of how tired Jaehyun looks these days. Not that he’s worried or anything. Maybe he is, but just a normal worried roommate amount. Nothing suspicious. Just worried enough for him to sleep a little later everyday just to anticipate whether Jaehyun is going to sleepwalk again.

He even flinches at the small creaks from outside his room. It's almost stupid at this point. 

He doesn’t want Jaehyun to sleepwalk again, that’s for sure. But maybe, if it just had to happen again, Taesan would be prepared this time. 

So when he hears the faint creak of Jaehyun’s door some time past midnight, his body reacts before his brain fully wakes up. He sits up immediately, and then waits—listening to the soft footsteps cautiously.

”Jaehyun-hyung?” He calls quietly.

No answer. Of course.

A small exhale leaves his lips before pushing the blanket off his legs as he stands and decides to open the door to his room. He catches a glimpse of Jaehyun almost immediately, same as before, eyes open—unfocused, hair ruffled like he had tossed in his sleep multiple times.

He stands there, waiting. Not even knowing why he was waiting—but he just felt like doing so. Something was different tonight.

“Hey,” Taesan says gently, stepping closer. “You’re—“

He doesn’t get to finish because Jaehyun closes the distance first. The sound of his footsteps dragging across the floor—not exactly just walking towards Taesan, but going to him. Like he knows exactly where he wants to be.

And then he presses onto Taesan almost immediately like he hasn’t startled him enough. The proximity is even closer than the first time with Jaehyun practically clinging onto him, hands catching onto his shirt with a firmer grip than before, fingers curling into the fabric like he’s anchoring himself.

Taesan lets out a quiet, startled breath. “Hyung—“

Jaehyun only shifts closer. Then closer. Until there’s barely any space left between the both of them. Chest to chest. Face dangerously close against Taesan’s neck he can feel the warm breath against his skin.

He feels shivers running down his spine, heart pounding against his chest when Jaehyun completely nuzzles his face against the space between his neck and his shoulder. Somewhere close to his scent gland—then he freezes.

It’s subtle, but unmistakeable. It’s the way Jaehyun’s nose brushes against his collar, the way he lingers there, and the way he breathes him in like something in him needs it. Like instinct. And Taesan’s alpha likes it. Loves it, even.

“Hyung,” he tries again, voice even quieter—yet carrying slight roughness. “Are you…” he pauses.

What was he about to say? He doesn’t know what to say. It doesn’t help that his mouth has gone dry either with his pulse spiking so much.

Jaehyun ends up making a soft, inaudible sound, pressing closer. And Taesan eventually breathes in the soft citrus scent of Jaehyun’s shampoo alongside with the pastry scent he was still not used to up to this day. He then ultimately decides to just let it happen.

Taesan’s hands hover again, uncertain, but yielding want this time. He places one on Jaehyun’s back, and the other on the back of his head, leaning his against Jaehyun’s who stays settled on the side of his neck, scenting him. 

Jaehyun feels like his.

Taesan feels like Jaehyun is his like this.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He whispers, though not really expecting a response because Jaehyun was sleeping, of course.

But the boy lets out an incoherent murmur that Taesan has to bite back a smile to, letting Jaehyun relax into him like he’s finally found what he’s been looking for.

“You have to get proper sleep, hyung. Eat properly. Sleep properly. Stop working so much. And stop going home so late.” Taesan murmurs. “This can’t keep happening, you know?” He pauses, caressing the back of Jaehyun’s head. “What if I’m not here to take care of you whenever you do this? What’ll happen then?”

Taesan lets the question hang into the air for a moment, silence engulfing the both of them again until it’s just Jaehyun’s soft whimpering he hears, also noticing how small Jaehyun felt against his arms like this. He wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

“It’s okay.” He starts again. “I’ll just have to be here every time you sleepwalk then.” He nuzzles his head against Jaehyun’s. “You’re mine to take care of even though you’re kind of a pain in the ass, hyung.”

Mine. Jaehyun. His. His Jaehyun to take care of. It sounded so fittingly nice. 

His heartbeat quickens until he feels it in his cheeks with the way it warms up quickly—until the warmth travels to his whole body. Jaehyun must’ve known. Jaehyun must’ve felt it—with the way he rubs his cheeks against Taesan’s skin.

He hears a small whine coming from the boy. Taesan, despite himself, lets out a chuckle.

What a beautifully unpredictable demanding thing.

Taesan lets himself melt into the hug, closing his eyes and then shifting his head into a position that’s comfortable for both him and Jaehyun. He runs his hand up and down against Jaehyun’s spine, shivers when he feels his lips brushing against his neck.

He tries to commit it to memory. He wants to. Because who knows if this will ever happen again? If Jaehyun will ever come to find him again during a vulnerable state like this? The thought of it being the last makes him tighten his embrace around Jaehyun, tasting bitterness in his tongue for a brief second before realizing that it had seeped into his scent as well when Jaehyun lets out a whine of complaint.

He sighs instead. Then he holds him. He holds him, he holds him, and he holds him.

Lets Jaehyun breathe him in until the boy decides that he’s had enough, pulling away from him and then heading back to his room on his own, a small thud on the bed letting Taesan know that he had found his way back home again.

He lets out a quiet breath he’s been holding the entire time without even knowing.

Silence hangs above the hallway once again as Taesan becomes a witness to the city outside growing even darker and quieter. 

He even lays awake in bed for a few more minutes that night, wishing for Jaehyun to appear in his dreams to hold him like that again while pondering if the boy would still be his tomorrow morning when he wakes up not knowing anything.

3.

So, the sleepwalking thing is starting to become a problem.

And the thing is, he still hasn't told Jaehyun about it. It wasn't like Jaehyun was doing anything dangerous, which is why he believes that there's no need for him to tell him that he's actually been sleepwalking for a few times now and actively seeking Taesan's scent like it's a casual conversation of them talking about how there's no more milk left in the fridge.

If it's not harming anyone, then it should be fine, right? 

Well, deep inside, Taesan knows that he doesn't want to tell Jaehyun because of his own selfish wants anyway. And he's not ready to face his feelings nor that kind of conversation either, just to add that he also doesn't want Jaehyun to stop coming to him whenever he sleepwalks. 

It's selfish. It’s so, so selfish for Taesan to wish that Jaehyun would find him in his sleep again, because that would mean the sleepwalking was driven from stress and exhaustion. 

But Taesan was only human. No matter how much he tried to ignore it—no matter how hard he tried to push the thoughts away, he still couldn't help but want. Hope, that Jaehyun would be his again.

Though it's undeniable that it is getting a little out of hand now.

Because this time, they weren't alone.

Sungho had been planning to visit Taesan for quite some time now, maybe share a few drinks while catching up due to the both of them being too busy to even see each other back in the campus. Taesan also knows that Sungho had been dealing with something the past few days—which he assumes is something related to his boyfriend with the way he's been more quiet on social media recently.

It was both agreed upon Taesan and Jaehyun that they were allowed to have people over as long as the other knew and Taesan had informed Jaehyun long ago that Sungho would be coming over soon which the boy only gave a thumbs up to earlier that day, already in his pajamas with a toothbrush in his mouth.

And when Sungho did come over, Jaehyun was already dead-asleep. 

Taesan only reminded him to be quiet, which wouldn't be that much of a problem as Jaehyun was a very heavy sleeper anyway and probably would stay asleep if the flat was on fire. And so, he and Sungho played FIFA for a bit, shared a few drinks, and listened to him as he opened up his worries.

In truth, Taesan had offered more company than comfort—he was better at listening than giving out possibly useless advice either way. Which is why he felt rather relieved when it seemed to have worked as Sungho was looking lighter and laughing more nearing the end of their drinking. 

And yet despite Sungho being here with him—despite chugging down two bottles of soju to get him tipsy enough but not exactly drunk just yet, his mind still drifts to Jaehyun instinctively.

"Hey, you good?" Sungho lifts a brow, noticing.

Taesan hums, a little distracted. "Yeah."

It was nothing obvious at first. Maybe Sungho just got suspicious at the way Taesan kept glancing towards the hallway like he's expecting something. Or the way his ears are sensitive enough to pick up every small sound coming specifically from Jaehyun's room.

And boy, Sungho tried hard not to say anything. He assumed that maybe Taesan was just looking after his roommate. Jaehyun was an omega, of course. And that maybe Jaehyun had a long day which would reason out why the boy had already slept without even waiting for Sungho to come and greet him. Taesan probably just didn't want to wake a tired roommate from his sleep.

"You've been glancing at the hallway multiple times." Sungho decides to point it out. Maybe he'll pry something out of Taesan like this while they're both under the influence of alcohol.

"I have?" Taesan murmurs, blinking. His moves are sluggish and it's obvious that he was rather tipsy at this point.

"Yeah," Sungho only snorts, changing his mind about getting something from Taesan. "Worried you'll wake your roommate up, or something?"

Taesan is already opening his mouth to say something until he hears it. 

Sungho doesn't hear it at first, but the way Taesan freezes catches his attention somehow. A little too suspicious for someone who was trying not to wake his roommate up because for some reason it seemed like Taesan was anticipating it. Expecting it, even.

He lets his eyes linger at Taesan. At how he already turns his head towards the hallway before the soft creaks come and how antsy he was like he couldn't wait any longer. Sungho's eyebrows furrow for a second, soft footsteps reaching his ears which he eventually turns to as well.

Then he sees him. Jaehyun. Hair clearly a mess, sleeping shirt slipping slightly off one shoulder, eyes open but—

"...Oh, Jaehyun-ah," Sungho starts casually, lifting a hand. "Did we wake—"

"Taesan..."

Sungho stops. Because he heard that. He assumes Taesan heard it too. Jaehyun didn't react when Sungho called out to him, not even a flicker of recognition in his eyes, in fact, he just stands there for a second, gaze unfocused like he's not really seeing anything in front of him.

Sungho's expression shifts. "...Dongmin," he mutters quietly.

"I know," Taesan replies just as softly, already setting his glass down. 

When Taesan stands up to approach Jaehyun who just stood there purposefully in a way that doesn't feel like he's conscious, Sungho watches them, confusion turning into something more observant almost immediately. Trying to connect the dots.

It looks natural. Feels natural when Jaehyun leans against Taesan once he was close enough, a hand lifting to the back of Jaehyun's head as he snuggles against Taesan's neck. It's not hesitant at all. Jaehyun melts into Taesan like he's done it a hundred times already, body pressing close and scenting him without a hint of awareness or restraint.

And Taesan... lets him.

"Is he okay?" Sungho decides not to question the very much obvious dynamic between them and settles on Jaehyun's well-being instead. 

Taesan exhales quietly, like he's familiar with this happening and he already knows what to do. "Yeah," he breathes out. "Sleepwalking. He does it often."

Jaehyun makes a faint sound, something barely there, and then he shifts closer, face instinctively turning towards Taesan's neck again. 

"Hey," Sungho hears Taesan whisper gently. It's rather intimate, like he's not supposed to be watching what was unfolding in front of him. "You're okay."

Sungho blinks. Taesan doesn't even look embarrassed. He looks focused, if anything. Like one wrong move would wake Jaehyun up from this sleepwalking state and Sungho watches the whole thing in silence with a dozen of key-points he could make with the way Taesan was acting towards Jaehyun.

"C'mon," Taesan murmurs softly. "Let's get you back to bed, hyung." 

Jaehyun doesn't even resist when Taesan guides him away from the living room, just stays close—practically attached to Taesan's side and Sungho is still noticing a lot of things. Not just the way Jaehyun clings like seeking his scent is something instinctive. He also notices the way Taesan adjusts his pace without even thinking, the way his voice softens noticeably—undeniably, when talking to Jaehyun. 

"Sorry," Taesan glances back at Sungho like he just remembered he was still there. "I'll just take him to his room, hyung." 

Sungho just waves a hand, still processing. "Yeah, no worries, dude."

And then without hesitation, Taesan shifts his hold, one arm sliding under Jaehyun's knees and the other supporting his back. He lifts him carefully—deliberately, like he's afraid of jostling him too much. And Jaehyun doesn't even startle. Sungho sees him relax further into his hold, head falling against Taesan's shoulder and the grip on his shirt tightening slightly like he's settling in.

Sungho just forces himself to look away when Taesan adjusts Jaehyun's weight slightly as he carries him through the hallway, one hand instinctively coming up to steady his head.

The apartment goes quiet again. A minute or two passes while Sungho waits, and then Taesan comes back soon enough with his hair slightly disheveled like he's run his hands through it without even knowing, expression calmer—though Sungho sees something lingering in his eyes that weren't exactly there before.

He studies him for a moment before starting. "...So,"

Taesan pauses before settling down on the space next to him. "...So?"

Sungho tilts his head. “You’ve got a sleepwalking omega who’s obsessed with you and you’re not going to say anything about it?”

Taesan’s ears go red immediately.

”He’s not—it’s not like that,” he mutters.

”Really?” Sungho lifts an eyebrow. “Just scent-obsessed then? I’m not that drunk, Dongmin-ah. I know what I saw back there and that’s definitely not something normal that occurs between roommates.” 

Taesan only looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. “He doesn’t know he does that.”

“Yeah, I kinda assumed that part. You haven’t told him about it? I thought you said he does it often.”

A pause. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t do anything weird or dangerous though.” Taesan ignores the question. Sungho doesn’t bring it up again. “He gets back on his own sometimes and sometimes he doesn’t.”

“You handle him like you’ve done it a hundred times, dude.” Sungho leans back against the couch. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Silence stretches between them for a moment like Taesan was pondering about something, chewing on his bottom lip before admitting quietly. “…It just happened a few times. I’m used to it.”

Sungho huffs a short laugh, shaking his head. “I can tell, you idiot.”

Another pause follows. Taesan probably already knew where this conversation was going with the way he looks even smaller against the couch, fingers fidgeting in his lap, and redness across his neck towards his ears that looks far too suspicious to be caused by just the alcohol.

”You like him.” Sungho says softly. It’s not a question. That’s what makes it worse. “You like Jaehyun, don’t you?”

Taesan doesn’t flinch—like he’s been expecting the bomb being dropped on him, though he doesn’t respond right away, doesn’t deny anything either. 

Sungho watches his gaze drift towards the hallway.

”Yeah,” he says finally.

Sungho exhales through his nose even though he already knew the answer.

”…and does he?” 

Taesan hesitates again. But Sungho notices the difference this time.

“Don’t know.” He murmurs. “He probably just thinks I’m a nice roommate who happens to take care of him whenever he sleepwalks.”

Sungho’s expression softens just slightly, a tipsy smile forming on his face. He glances towards the hallway as well, then back at Taesan with something knowing in his eyes. “Kid walks in his sleep and still finds his way to you,” he says lightly, “clings like that—scents you, even. Chances are never zero, Dongmin-ah.”

Taesan only shrugs. “Instinct’s a funny thing, hyung.” 

“It’s yours too.”

He swallows. Because yeah. He’s realized that. And it’s making everything a lot harder to ignore.

+1

Jaehyun doesn’t sleepwalk for the next few days.

Taesan misses him of course. He yearns to hold him once more when days eventually turn into weeks, and weeks bleed into months.

They were fine, of course. They were okay together—normal—nothing out of the place. Interacting like how normal roommates would. Despite Taesan missing him even though he was right there, easy and constant.

They spent countless of days together in their own simplicity. And Taesan finds Jaehyun as easy as breathing. 

With the way they share meals—like it concerns them when one refuses to eat together—like a sacred ritual the two of them have created unspoken. With the way they spend their free time lounging in the living room, drifting in each other’s space without even knowing like they’re in some kind of bubble. Everything’s so good and domestic. 

And it was supposed to stay that way, really.

Until Taesan wakes up in the middle of the night one day, throat dry.

He rises from his bed and leaves his room to get water from the kitchen, but he only startles himself when he bumps into Jaehyun across the hallway. 

He recognizes the sight almost immediately. Slow steps—shoulder slumped, and his gaze sleepy on the floor.

Taesan is then hit by how much he misses it. 

—about how much he’s been craving to feel that same tenderness this little secret has granted him.

It’s not like Taesan isn’t tender with Jaehyun when outside of sleep like this. Well, generally, while he obviously isn’t much of a tender person at all, he finds that he has some sort of soft spot for Jaehyun anyway. 

But tenderness wasn’t as easy either when it came to Jaehyun as well. You could say that this boy was simultaneously the simplest yet most complicated thing in Taesan’s life. 

He still tries anyway, you know? Through small actions—by being observant enough to know things about Jaehyun that could be useful in the future (as a roommate and maybe something more)—like how he liked his eggs sunny-side up, or how he constantly needed to be reminded of placing his dirty laundry in the basket properly, or where he had last placed his keys—Taesan would know what to do every single time.

And this simple—mundane part of their lives where Taesan attempted to express his gentleness towards Jaehyun—it included him having to be the person Jaehyun could lean on whenever he needed something or someone.

And you know what? It’s just different, when it’s like this.

It makes him feel good that Jaehyun seeks for him without even knowing. With his eyelids heavy, with his hair all over the place, with his loose shirt stretched far into his right shoulder—with Jaehyun finding him in his sleep again, meek, pliant and expectant.

When Jaehyun’s in the softest version of himself, Taesan finds it easier than it ever has been to become tender with him. To gently stop him from walking, to place a hand against his back with the worst combination of slightly possessive and a bit gentle utmost.

Taesan pushes him ever so slightly, “Let’s get you back to bed, baby.” 

Jaehyun’s breath catches sharp enough for the both of them to freeze.

Taesan, still, slowly lifts his gaze and sees Jaehyun staring up at him with wide eyes—clearly awake.

“…What?”

He drops his Jaehyun’s wrist immediately.

”You—“ he mutters. “You’re not asleep.”

Jaehyun blinks up at him, gaze flicking from his hand that Taesan was just holding to Taesan himself, confused. “No, I’m not.” He says, voice rather tight.

“I thought you were—“ Taesan swallows. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden. “I thought you were asleep.”

“What?” Jaehyun repeats.

Then silence. It stretches far too long—too heavy—but it gives Taesan the chance to gather his courage and finally admit to him what has been happening all along. “You’ve been sleepwalking.” He mutters.

Jaehyun blinks. “…What?” He repeats.

The smell of something burning immediately reaches Taesan’s nose which causes his face to scrunch up just slightly. Then he realizes that it was coming from Jaehyun. Jaehyun was embarrassed. He could smell it.

When he doesn’t give him an explanation fast enough, Taesan could see Jaehyun’s eyes grow wider as his mind went overdrive fully-live like he was just realizing something he hadn’t known before. 

“I’ve been… sleepwalking?” He murmurs and Taesan opens his mouth to respond but Jaehyun continues frantically. “Oh my god. You’ve seen me sleepwalk?”

Taesan lifts a hand to the back of his neck anxiously. “Yeah—um, a couple times, actually.” He mutters. “But don’t worry, hyung. You weren’t doing anything weird—you were just—just coming to me most of the time and scenting me. I just bring you back to your room when it happens.” He rambles.

“…Seriously?” Jaehyun murmurs back, peeling his eyes away from Taesan like he was pondering deeply, his neck and ears now showing a noticeable deep shade of red even through the dim lights of their unit. 

“It’s okay, honestly.” Taesan attempts to calm him down. “I didn’t mind taking care of you—it’s fine, hyung, really.”

“No…” Taesan hears him mutter weakly. “No—no, what the fuck Taesan-ah—“ 

He furrows his eyebrows, confused. “Hyung? What—“

”Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaehyun whines—voice breaking in a way that sounded like he was almost close to crying it causes Taesan’s stomach to twist. “You should’ve—why didn’t you say anything? That’s so embarrassing—“

Taesan notices Jaehyun’s scent shifting again. He breaks it down and figures out the now building anger and frustration from the spike in his scent. He starts to panic. He didn’t know it was going to be this bad. He didn’t know that Jaehyun was going to react this way.

He also didn’t know how to put I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to stop into words that wouldn’t give his truth away. 

“I didn’t know I was… I was going to you like that.” Jaehyun continues, voice dropping.

“I already told you it’s fine, hyung. You didn’t do anything wrong—“

”That’s not the point.” Jaehyun snaps, voice cracking. And Taesan stops talking altogether. 

He just stands there with the same distance since he approached him, watching how Jaehyun presses his lips together like he’s trying to hold something in and failing. 

“I didn’t know what I was doing—what I’ve been doing… for fucks sake, who knows what I’ve been doing—I’ve been scenting you. I’m—fuck, that’s not okay, Taesan.” Jaehyun whimpers, eyes red.

“You just leaned on me hyung, that’s it.” Taesan says quickly. “I just made sure you were okay.”

”And the rest?” Jaehyun presses, lifting his head to meet his gaze and Taesan catches a glimpse of his eyes shining with unshed tears. “The—“ he cuts himself off, swallowing. “—the way you talk to me?” 

Taesan’s chest tightens.

“Hyung, I’m sorry.” He says instead, stepping closer and grabbing Jaehyun’s arms anxiously. “You’re scaring me. Why are you—“

Jaehyun shakes his head, too quickly—like he didn’t want to stay on it, yet his eyes are still shiny. “I just—“ he starts, then stops, voice catching. He turns away again, pressing the heel of his palm against his eye. “This is so embarrassing. I’m so embarrassed.” 

Something in Taesan’s chest twists hard. “Hyung, It’s okay—don’t—“

”Don’t what?” Jaehyun snaps again despite his voice wobbling. “Don’t get embarrassed that I’ve been clinging and scenting you in my sleep without even knowing and you just let me?” 

Taesan just stands there, defeated.

”I look so stupid.” Jaehyun mutters, more to himself than anything.

“I’m sorry.” Taesan starts again, softer this time. “I should’ve told you, hyung.” He tilts his head, trying to catch Jaehyun’s eyes but to no avail when the boy just wipes his tears away frustratedly. “I thought I was helping.”

”You can’t say that when I didn’t even know I was doing that shit all along.”

Taesan’s chest tightens for the hundredth time tonight. He stays quiet. He doesn’t have a defense for that. It’s clear—final—that Jaehyun was done with this conversation. So he just lets the silence surround the both of them with too many things left unsaid.

Jaehyun wipes his tears quickly, clearly trying to pull himself together. 

“This is—I’m going back to bed. I don’t know if I can talk about this right now.”

The words feel like a stab to the heart, but Taesan nods anyway—defeated.

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

Jaehyun doesn’t look at him again. He just turns and walks back to his room, closing the door a little too hard it makes Taesan flinch actively.

They don’t talk to each other for a maximum of three days after that. 

Actually, Taesan had tried to talk to him. But it just ends up with him hurting both his pride and feelings when Jaehyun shuts him down like it physically hurts to even just look him in the eye or something.

He can tell that something’s wrong with Jaehyun. He knows there’s something wrong, obviously. But it just seemed like Jaehyun wasn’t exactly just mad at him, you know? There’s something there with the way his avoidance seems a little too forced.

Taesan’s not used to it, but he learns to adjust around it. Their usual shared breakfast turns into Jaehyun grabbing a granola bar and leaving like he was chasing after something—Taesan unable to scold him for not eating properly—dinner also becomes “I already ate.” and the lights turning off sooner than usual, empty, where they usually lounge in the couch for a few minutes more to watch a movie or a series Jaehyun had been talking to him about a lot.

He gives him space—and yet it still feels strange. The absence. He’s not used to it at all. Though the silence gives him some time to reflect about his actions. And the worst part is, he only realizes that he doesn’t even regret doing it. Taking care of Jaehyun like that. He just regrets not telling him at all.

And so, on the fourth day, Taesan is expectant. 

Just hearing the small—barely noticeable creak coming from Jaehyun’s door already has him sitting up on his bed, waiting for something that he doesn’t know whether if it will still come.

He listens to a series of slow and careful footsteps, until it stops and then he registers that Jaehyun is right in front of his room.

He stands up. This is all too familiar to him.  Within seconds, he’s already grabbing the handle of his door and then gently twisting it to open and reveal the same Myung Jaehyun he often meets in the middle of the night.

”Hyung…” He murmurs. “You’re up again?” 

It’s stupid, knowing his mistake from last time, but he still steps closer and holds Jaehyun’s hand gently to guide him. “Let’s get you back to your room, okay? You wouldn’t—“

Warmth wraps around him immediately.

Jaehyun is hugging him.

Jaehyun is sleepwalking and is hugging him. 

Taesan stills, like he hasn’t expected it at all, but then his instincts kick in, hand coming up to hold him steady when Jaehyun’s face presses into his shoulder. The hug is tight, like he’s been holding back for too long—but Taesan hugs him back just as tightly anyway.

Everything feels familiar. “…It’s okay. You‘re alright, hyung… Let’s go back, hm? I’ll take—“ Because this is what Jaehyun does when he’s—

”I’m sorry.”

Taesan’s hand falters slightly, and this causes Jaehyun to tighten his grip shaking his head against his shoulder. “‘M not sleepwalking. I just—I came here on my own.”

Taesan’s unable to come up with a response.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” Jaehyun lets out a shaky breath, words starting to come out faster now like he’s afraid he’ll lose the nerve when he stops and Taesan’s brought back to that same night Jaehyun had confronted him and sees himself. “I was just embarrassed—I panicked, even. I just—I took it out on you and it wasn’t fair.”

“I know you were just helping me, and I think I didn’t mind—I don’t mind that you were helping me… I just hated not knowing anything and I made everything worse.” Jaehyun pushes on, voice cracking a little.

Taesan exhales lowly, trying to calm himself. “Jaehyun—“

But Jaehyun’s grip only tightens again. Taesan can feel the tension breaking deliberately with how Jaehyun’s breathing is starting to become unsteady.

“Hey,” Taesan murmurs, soft and cautious. “It’s okay, hyung, I—“

”It's not," He interrupts, voice wavering completely. "It's so embarrassing." Well that lands differently.

"I didn't know I was doing that," he continues, stumbling over his words, "I kept going to you and I didn't even realise and you just—you knew and I didn't and it just felt so—" He cuts himself off with a shaky breath.

Taesan only sighs and decides to shift his hold, his hand coming up to the back of Jaehyun's head and steadies him gently. "Jaehyun-hyung, I already told you multiple times that it's fine. It's not stupid. You're not stupid." He says, firm yet carrying softness.

"I feel like I am." Jaehyun mutters, weak and small. Then his shoulders shake slightly. "I hate not knowing." He presses his face further into his shoulder, attempting to hide from Taesan. 

Taesan's grip tightens just a little. "I'm sorry, hyung." He starts. "I should've known better." I let my feelings get ahead of myself. "I should've told you." But I didn't because I wanted you to keep coming to me. "I didn't mean to make you feel like—that—" And yet I don't regret being there for you every single time.

Jaehyun doesn't say anything else, and Taesan just holds him. He lets Jaehyun rub his face against his sleep shirt, trying his best to ignore the dampness and not ask anything about it to avoid annoying the older. 

And for some reason, holding Jaehyun while he isn't sleeping—aware—feels even better compared to those times when he was asleep. 

A moment passes, and so he feels Jaehyun's grip around him loosen just slightly, still pressed up against him either way. 

"Is it bad?" Is what Taesan understands from Jaehyun due to his voice being muffled against Taesan. 

"That you keep coming to me when you sleep?" Taesan furrows his eyebrows, tilting his head to try and meet Jaehyun's gaze when he assumes the boy has finally calmed down from his emotional breakdown. 

Jaehyun finally peels his head away, but he doesn't look at Taesan just yet. Though it's embarrassing how Taesan shamelessly stares at his face then, noticing the dampness of his cheeks and how his eyelashes held unshed tears he could see from this angle—looking down at Jaehyun. "You know it's not—"

"That I keep coming to you because I think I like you."

Silence stretches almost immediately to the point that Taesan can hear the low hum of the refrigerator, or the quiet ticking of the clock he hasn't noticed before.

His ears start ringing and he has to pinch himself to prove that this is a reality he's living in.

Was he the one sleepwalking this time?

"...Hyung?" He murmurs, completely still.

Jaehyun lifts his head and looks up at him with wide eyes like he didn't expect what he said either. They both suddenly feel embarrass after realising that they were still holding each other and Jaehyun also has the sudden urge to explain himself. 

"Forget I said that." Jaehyun pulls away like he's been burnt. "I just had a few revelations you know—like when we didn't talk that much which was obviously my fault, I was kinda upset and I kinda missed you and—that just led to me realizing that I—that I—you know! The word—the one that I just said! And I know it's funny because we're roommates and—"

Taesan just stares at him. Jaehyun is still talking. Taesan can't hear anything else but the sound of Jaehyun's voice looping I like you in his head. He feels a wave of sleepiness hitting him—maybe because of relief that none of his efforts have gone to waste. 

Jaehyun continues rambling, wiping his cheeks and clearly avoiding Taesan's gaze. 

A tender smile appears on his face. The first one this whole week.

So he grabs Jaehyun's waist. "Hyung," pulls him back towards him, "Let’s go to bed, hm? I'm feeling a little tired. I haven't been sleeping well these days.” Then snuggles his face against Jaehyun’s neck because he’s finally allowed. 

Jaehyun, obviously perks up against his hold, and then weakly smacks his chest with a small yah when Taesan closes the door to his room using his foot, grinning widely.

When they both end up in each other’s arms later that night, Jaehyun doesn’t sleepwalk anymore.

How could he, when he’s exactly where he’s wanted to be all this time?