Chapter Text
Yuuichiro’s arms are around you. You’ve let everyone down (always the weakling), your body aches from the limits the demon pushed it past, and the weight of Guren’s still-wary gaze is nothing compared to how heavy your own guilt is. But Yuuichiro caresses the back of your head as you sob your apologies into his shoulder, and something deep in your stomach tells you that this feels right.
*
You sneak glances at him, more often than not (though not while you’re all changing, because you’d like to believe that you aren’t as weird and pathetic as that would imply). But during the drive to Shinjuku, and when you all crowd around the campfire at night, you sneak glances, memorizing and admiring the lines of his face and the green of his eyes. When you stare a little too intensely, though, while you’re holding Yuu down for his ‘training’, Shinoa questions you with a meaningful look. You brush her off, knowing full well that the conversation is far from over, and thank whatever higher powers there are that Mitsuba and Kimizuki have no apparent people skills, and that Yuu himself is as emotionally observant as a concrete block.
Yuu is beautiful, you think. Even with the demonic marks marring his skin and an expression so intense it looks painful, you can’t seem to find any fault, any reason to love him any less. It occurs to you, not for the first time, that you are probably doomed to pine after him forever, no matter how hard you may wish something would happen between you. You swallow and tighten your grip just a little, ignoring Shinoa’s stare.
That night, as you drift off to sleep, Gekkoin comments He’s not that bad looking, for a mortal You’re too tired, both emotionally and physically, to bother denying anything to the demon who probably knew before you did, so you simply sigh internally and agree. When will you stop being so weak and afraid, Yoichi? Gekkoin asks, and to that you give no answer.
*
This shouldn’t be able to happen, because it’s the apocalypse and the world has already ended, but it’s almost as if it started spinning again just so it could stop and wrench your life out from underneath you. It’s so unbelievable, You should have stopped him from taking those pills you decide it isn’t real. Shinoa is lying You should have done something; this is another one of her jokes. You should have saved him Yuuichiro can’t be dead.
Yuuichiro can’t be dead
you’ve already lost Guren
you’re kneeling beside Yuu
you can’t see his face because your vision is blurry. Gekkoin’s voice is loud and insistent in your head until Yuu opens his eyes, and somehow the tears start falling harder. It’s second nature, when he rushes out of the from, that you follow. There’s nothing else for you to focus on, nothing else that matters other than him. Not Mitsuba running after him or Shinoa calling out his name or Shiho’s grip on your arm as you call scream it too.
Later, the relief you feel seeing him curled up safe in a coffin of all things is so ironic that you have to grip Gekkoin’s bow as hard as you can to stop the hysterical giggles from pouring out. You couldn’t have chosen someone smarter, could you? Gekkoin chides, and all you do in response is smile and let more tears fall. Gekkoin sighs.
*
You’re starting to really hate Mikaela.
Of course (as Gekkoin is quick to point out), you don’t really have it in you to truly hate anyone, but you definitely feel strong resentment welling up whenever you look at the vampire. Which is often, since you went off and vouched for his addition to the group. A decent portion of you is happy just knowing Yuu is happy, and the contented smile he wears often now despite how terrible your current situation is never fails to make you brighten up a little. The rest of you, however, feels positively ill every time you’re forced to watch them constantly be all over each other. Which is also often.
It only takes you three weeks to realize (admit) that they are dating.
That they’re meant for each other.
That you and he would – are – never going to happen. Probably, you think as you watch Mikaela lay his head on Yuu’s shoulder and your heart twists, you’ve never been worthy of him.
It burns.
My, My, Gekkoin purrs, Who would of thought you could be so jealous?