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It had been several months since you had originally left the circus. In that time, you had somewhat settled back into your normal life. There were some adjustments that had to be made and people you had gotten back into contact with, but overall, things had gone smoothly for you. It helped that you were one of the last to enter the circus. Only two years had passed since that date; long enough to grant you the ability to visit your own memorial, but not so long that you had missed many reality-altering events.
Caine’s transition hadn’t been as smooth, but things were looking up. He functioned and interacted a lot better than when he first left the circus. He wasn’t close to living on his own, but he was understanding, and that was the main thing.
Tonight, Grant had finally agreed to let Caine spend multiple days with you. Perhaps from your own bias, you were one of the only past members who volunteered to help integrate Caine into human living. He spent a lot of time with you, more than he had when you were in the circus. The two of you were getting inevitably close.
Now, here the once-artificial being stood in front of you. He had finished brushing his teeth, a task he had been instantly good at, and changed into comfortable clothes for sleeping. You both had a long day, going to a restaurant together and then to a park. Walking, talking, holding hands. It was nice but overwhelming. You both had felt it.
“You know, I had fun today.” Caine’s voice hadn’t changed a bit since the circus. That was one of the consistencies you were happy about.
You hummed, tidying your room as you spoke to him.
“I did too.” You tossed a worn shirt into your hamper. “It’s always nice spending time with you.” You knew your response wasn’t exactly focused, but you didn’t know what else to say. Sometimes it felt like verbal reassurance was mandatory when it came to him.
Caine seemed pleased with this response; it pulled an automatic smile to his face. You could see from the loving glow in his eyes how much the praise meant to him. It spread to you as well, pulling the corners of your lips.
“It’s nice spending time with you, too, my beautiful bumbling busy bee!” He reciprocated, a song of happiness to his voice. Caine plopped down onto your bed, watching as you moved about the room. He was starstruck, content just by your presence.
You couldn’t help but smile a little wider. There was a faint warmth to your cheeks, the bottom lids of your eyes crinkling just the slightest. Something in your chest or stomach fluttered, but you tried to keep it down.
“You’re too sweet.” It was the only way you knew to respond without saying too much. Too many words were on the cusp of spilling out.
Caine kicked his legs, swinging them as he watched you. His eyes followed your every movement, studying you up and down and over again.
You grabbed up a blanket from your closet, moving to take a pillow from your bed. This action seemed to confuse the other, his brow quirking up and his expression dropping just the slightest bit.
“Whatttt are you grabbing those for?” Caine asked, sitting more upright than he had before. He stared up at you, questioning. You met his gaze with steadiness and produced a small shrug.
“I’m going into the living room.” You explained to him, holding the soft items in your arms. “I assumed you wanted the bed, so I thought I might as well have the couch.”
This didn’t seem to alleviate Caine’s concerns. His lips were now positioned in a frown, his unblinking eyes fixed on you.
“Why would you sleep on the couch when this is your bed?” He asked, one hand grasping the mattress as the other remained folded in his lap. “ Unless you prefer the couch. Which is fine if you do. But I don't understand otherwise.”
You shook your head, coming around back to his side so that you could stand in front of him. It put you closer to the door and closer to your destination.
“I didn’t expect us to sleep together.” You mention watching his features morph again.
“But it’s YOUR bed,” Caine repeats, insistent on that detail. His body was still, save for his eyes, which darted back and forth as he looked at your face for any readable clue to your reasoning. You gave a small huff from your nose, weight shifting as you stood. You tried to come up with an explanation to help him.
“Think about it like this. You don’t sleep with Grant, correct?” This elicited an automatic response from Caine. He quickly shook his head.
“If you don’t sleep with him, why would you do so with me, Caine?” He was just as quick to answer this question.
“That’s easy. At his house, I have my own bed.” Caine explained. “He gave me one. And I have my room. You’ve been in there. You said you liked the decorations. Except some reminded you of the circus, so you focused more on my drawings and the bee items I have.”
You nodded, following his reasoning.
"Yes. I did like those things. But you don’t have a room here. You have to borrow mine. Besides, that still doesn’t explain why you think I should stay.”
Caine took a second, brow creasing in slight frustration. He bit at the inside of his cheek, waiting to see if the pieces would align for you. When they didn’t, he spoke up again.
“You’re different from Kinger,” Caine states pointedly. “It’s your room. I don’t see a problem with us staying together. It’s just sleeping, and I like being close to you. I don’t think it’s wrong.”
This took you for a pause. He seemed genuine with this answer, his eyes filled with honesty as he tried to reason with you. In truth, you didn’t mind the thought of sharing the bed with Caine. You didn’t have any concerns; you would be comfortable. The only problem was what that might mean for the two of you. You needed to be sure, and perhaps he didn’t see it the same way as you did.
These thoughts were all swirling in your mind as Caine simply continued with his staring. His gaze was eating at you like acid, breaking down your reservations with its insistent nature. You gave a small sigh.
“Look, Caine. It’s not that easy. For humans, something like that is...it’s rather intimate, even if purely innocent. I mean, it can be platonic, but -–”
“I didn’t think we were that.” He interrupts bluntly, taking you completely off guard. You had to stare at him for a moment, trying to fully process what he said.
“You -- what?”
“-- didn’t think we were platonic.” He states again. “Is this not a human relationship we’ve been having? I could have sworn it was. I looked it up and everything.”
You stared at him for a moment, shocked into utter disbelief. Sure, you had wanted that for a while now, but you had ignored your feelings. For weeks on end, you had been shoving them down, convincing yourself that he wasn’t ready for that. As far as you were aware, it was only a few months ago that he had started feeling at all: the circus, including Caine’s original form, was artificial. You hadn’t wanted to rush things or push Caine into an uncomfortable situation, and here he was telling you that he had already believed you were seeing each other romantically.
“We spend time together. We hold hands. You know my dad. I even gave you one of my breadsticks earlier. I didn’t have to do that.” The more he spoke, the more blunt Caine’s words seemed to get. “I believe we’re coupling. I don’t understand why you don’t want to go to sleep with me.”
It felt like an eternity had passed between his comments and your ability to function once again.
“You really mean that?” Your words were barely above a whisper, little more than the sound of your breathing. Your eyes were wide in utter disbelief. It couldn’t have been that simple, yet here he was, telling you for himself.
Caine looked dumbfounded that you had to ask. It wasn’t helping him that you continued with questions that he saw as needless. Nevertheless, his expression shifted to surprise as he watched you drop the items you had been carrying.
Without another word, you circled around to the other side of the bed, slipping into it. It took Caine a moment to catch up, but he slowly copied your movements. You both lay on your sides, staring at each other without physical contact. Silence settled over you, the dim lighting allowing you both to slowly grow into comfort. Eventually, it was broken again.
“Would it be ok if I held you?” Caine’s voice was quiet now, softer than its typical flair. You gave a small nod, finally allowing yourself to scoot closer to him. You could feel the man’s arms wrap around you. It was a bit awkward and a little tight, but you could feel his joy slowly growing again, and the love that he exuded without realizing it.
You shifted again, finding yourself warm and somewhat content in the moment. Your forehead leaned to press against his collarbone, your arms wrapping around to mirror his.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner.” Your words came out tender. It didn’t spark a vocal response from Caine, but from the tightening of his arms around you, you could tell that he had accepted it.
One of Caine’s arms moved to wrap near your head. It was near suffocating, but you didn’t mind very much. You were comfortable. That same hand came up to stoke the back of your head. It fell into a pattern, soothing any lingering tension that had remained from the earlier discussion.
For once, something about this moment, shared with him, seemed right. It wasn’t forced, and it wasn’t restricted. Here you both were, simply existing with one another. It was the first time you had allowed yourself to give in to your feelings, to care for him fully and unrestricted after you departed from the circus. It was beautiful. It warmed your chest and filled you with unbridled bliss. It was the freest you had felt since leaving, in some odd twist of irony.
You shifted closer to Caine, allowing yourself to be buried in his embrace. He shifted to compensate, then settled with you once again.
Your breathing was starting to sync, your bodies melting together in the warm darkness. You could feel your eyes starting to get heavy, but you tried to force yourself to remain awake. You didn’t want the moment to end. You couldn’t let yourself slip away.
It was only then that you realized that time really wasn’t being lost. You could have all of existence together if you both so wished for that.
You shook those thoughts from your mind, sinking back into the simplicity of this moment. His warmth lingered against you, soft and caring. It was enough for you to drown in, and slowly, you found yourself lulled into a quiet and blissful sleep.