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strong waves of water and wet sand met george’s feet when he stepped out of his shoes. the moonlight cast a luminous glow on the surface of the sea that immediately reflects in his eyes, creating a spark so beautiful one wouldn’t guess the predicament he was in. he stared as the moon kept on shining, which replaced the sun just moments ago. for him, it was such a beautiful way to end a day, and tomorrow, as the sun rises, it’ll be a beautiful beginning again.
but why didn’t the same thing happen to us? we started off really great.
he closed his eyes and inhaled heavily as he welcomed the blended smell of sea sand when a gentle breeze greeted his senses. as george’s eyes fluttered closed, thousands of scenarios played in his mind—him and his best friend, max. each memory played out like a movie, like a perfect scene straight out of a book. he remembered the first time they met back in high school through the robotics club, and they immediately hit it off as if they had known each other for years. he remembered when the semester ended and max had nowhere to go—being an exchange student—aside from the dorms, so he invited him over to their home where he met his family and childhood friends. or those short but sweet moments they shared together; when max always prepares his food even though it tasted a little bland, when he lets him lean on him on random days, or when he lets max take care of him just because he wanted to. even when college came and past, they have always been each other’s rock, the one whom they could turn to whenever and just because they want to. until …
until that one moment when george realized he was in love with max.
but just like a movie, there was an ending. a certain scene that made george's eyes snap open. and without warning, hot and angry tears spilled from his eyes. he wanted it to stop; the tears, the pain, the feeling of being left behind, the feeling of being a second choice when he had been there all along, and he wanted to stop the feeling of being in love with his best friend. his best friend, who chose someone else over him.
it’s been three months since max started dating the new hire of the company. in that span of three months, george witnessed a different version of max, and with that, he witnessed himself adapting to the changes.
the first shift in their friendship happened three weeks into max’s dating life. an argument with his boyfriend, a presentation that didn’t go well, and an opportunity slipped between his fingers. max was frustrated, and george watched as he paced around his room, venting out. george thought it was supposed to be him, that was the original plan—to present the proposal together. their team of seven have been preparing for it for months, but max asked him if it was okay if his boyfriend could be his partner presenter instead. to let him have the experience, to allow him to know more and better about their operations. it came as a shock, but george agreed nonetheless. how could he say no when max looked at him with those pleading eyes that not everyone got to see? so, he agreed. and george should have known that that was the first sign.
he accepted it. he let max release his frustrations, and he listened. and when the night deepened, george thought max would remain by his side. especially after saying something he shouldn’t have held onto.
“i was dumb, george. i should’ve gone with our original plan. i mean, max is not max without george. i’ve come this far because of you, and you’ve always been the one to push both of us forward. i’m sorry. you know you’re always going to be my number one partner, right?”
but the next day, george’s smile was wiped off his lips when he saw max, arms slung over his boyfriend, his lips curved upward, showing off his signature smile. george halted and turned away. the words from last night played in his mind like a broken record, and he had to remind himself that max only meant that as a friend, as a best friend he trusted the most. still, it didn’t ease the pain, but it sure ceased the slim hope in his heart as he asked himself.
how could he call me his number one when someone who was once no one to him suddenly became his only one?
yet things got more complicated between max and his boyfriend, which means it became harder for george as well.
he’d always say, “you can come over. it’s okay, i’m your friend”, when max calls him in the middle of the night because he fought with his boyfriend yet again. every fight, every misunderstanding, every argument, max would always go to him and george would always welcome him. over and over, george reminded himself that he is max’s friend. a friend whom max would always run to when things are hard and complicated. a friend whom he’d run to when things with his boyfriend got too heated. and he’ll show up, no matter what.
he watched himself get lost in those moments when he was needed but never chosen.
maybe max would see him, maybe he would someday. but george’s hope turned into anger. he was angry at himself for letting it all happen. he was angry at himself for letting a sliver of hope boost his belief that max would see him beyond a friend. he was angry for tolerating it to happen. and most of all, he was angry for hoping.
hoping that every time he says, “i’m not going anywhere, i’m just here”, max would figure it meant, “you just don’t see me”.
it all came downhill after another argument. george didn’t even understand the reason, but he listened. he let max pour his frustrations out, willed himself to comprehend everything, and when silence enveloped them, his mouth worked faster than his brain could process.
“then, stay here. don’t come back to him.” when his mind registered what he just said, it was too late. max had this puzzled look on his face, not judging but also unsure of what to say. the silence stretched way longer than they expected, and george took it as a sign to continue.
“you don’t deserve it, max. to be treated like a punching bag, never really knowing what version of him you’ll deal with tomorrow, the fights you didn’t know have started. all of it.” george sighed, eyes heavy with unshed tears. his heart aching for his friend, but mostly because he knew this night will decide which path their friendship will go. and then, it all dawned on him. he wasn’t any different from max.
he was just like him. suddenly, the phrase, ‘you deserve what you tolerate’ crossed his mind like a slap. and he woke up to the cold reality: this has to stop.
“george, i love him—”
“and i don’t?” george scoffed, a dry laugh following. this time, he looked at max, and the latter gasped when he saw george’s face clearly. he was no longer the strong-willed person he knew, the one who was fierce but gentle, firm but kind. the one who always reassures him that everything will be fine, the one who is not scared to disagree with him. what max saw was a person who got drained of all he was just so he could be present for him.
“you love him, and i know that. but max, what about you? until when do you plan on living like this? because honestly, i’m tired. i’m not always going to be here. i cannot be here all the time.” max panicked at what he heard. it sounded like a good bye and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing his best friend.
“george, what are you saying? you’re not going to leave me, right? george, i need you. i need my best friend—”
and that struck something in george.
best friend.
that's all they'll ever be. that’s all he’ll ever be, and that's not even the saddest part. because as long as they're friends, max would always run to him and george cannot always accept him with open arms. he cannot do that to himself, not anymore. this has to stop. the last three months were enough.
he cannot be someone he doesn't want to be—a choice—when he deserves better.
“you don’t need your best friend. you only need me when things are rough with him. tell me, when was the last time we hung out like we used to? when was the last time we went out together? when was the last time you showed up for me?” a bitter laugh left george as he sat down on his bed, swallowing the lump in his throat as his shoulders slumped in resignation. silence enveloped his once lively room. their photos were still plastered on the wall, a reminder of what once they were until it took a huge turn and suddenly, the photos were nothing but mere memories. stuck in time, once lived, but could never happen again. that’s all george needed to finalize his decision.
“exactly. you forgot about me. you only remember me when you don’t have any options left and you know what? if you don’t deserve this, max, i don’t deserve this either. i don’t deserve to be just someone you’d run to because it was convenient for you. i was your friend! your friend, until i wasn’t. until i became someone you’ll only remember when you’re sad, when no one was around to be with you. you don’t care about me.”
“george, that’s not true. of course, i care about you.” max tried to touch george’s shoulder, but before his hand came in contact with the latter, he immediately turned away. still, he didn't miss the warmth that lingered when max's hands froze.
“then, where were you all this time?” when max didn’t answer, george continued. “max, i don’t deserve to be a choice, i deserve to be chosen. not because i’m the only one left but because it’s always been me all along.”
george stood up, opening the door and gesturing for max to go. the latter has a pleading look on his face. if it was any other day, george would’ve given in, but he had enough. he couldn’t tolerate this anymore. he could be someone’s best friend, but he couldn’t be someone’s option.
“george, please.” max cries, yet it no longer reaches george the way it used to. sure, it hurts to end their friendship this way but it’s way better than running in circles, to let the same thing happen again and again.
“max, we are hurting, and we need to heal. and i get it. i was your friend, you cared about me. god, maybe you even loved me. just … not in that way.”
when none of them spoke, max took it as a sign to leave. george’s words carved in his mind. not as a reminder but as a lesson—no one deserved to be an option. not george, not him, not anyone else.
and that hurts. because, it took one amazing person and an argument before he realized it.