Chapter Text
Mu Qing awoke with a start. The air was oddly cold on his face, so he reached up and found fresh tears. Why was he—?
Ah. The dream came back to him.
It was not the first time he had dreamt of that day, and these dreams had no indication of going away any time soon. The lava's heat in his lungs, the acrid smell of his singed hair. How close he was to death. He almost died. He almost died. No. He almost fucking killed himself because he was sure, so sure, that no one would save him. They had no reason to. Making it quick would at least be better than suffering through burning to death. He had to wonder; would his meager spiritual power have kept him alive long enough to drown in it rather than immediately char?
A shiver coursed through his shoulders.
He furrowed his brows and rolled onto his side, holding the blankets closer to himself.
But they had saved him. His Highness. And Feng Xin.
And he had completely spilled his guts to them.
Part of him wanted to claim that that was the worst part of the whole ordeal. It wasn’t, of course. Mu Qing pulled the blankets up more, partly obscuring his face. His grip tightened as he thought about being carried on Feng Xin’s back. The man had carried him without question. And again without being told. He breathed deep, recalling how it felt resting against the crook of Feng Xin’s neck.
Safe.
Yes, that was the first word to come to mind. With a grumble, he threw the blankets off and finally sat up, rubbing his eyes from sleep. The amount of sleeping he was doing lately was frankly embarrassing. Almost embarrassing as thinking about Feng Xin like…that. He stamped the thought from his mind and began putting himself together. A quicker task than usual, considering he didn't have much anymore. None of them did. The Heavenly Capital was still barely in the early stages of being rebuilt. Most officials didn’t even have their own palaces yet, including himself, only residing in temporary residences. The whole thing was a point of contention, as some wanted things rebuilt exactly the same as before, while some wanted to take the opportunity to change things around. Mu Qing personally welcomed the change and didn't know why he was waiting so long.
As he glanced back at his bed, a thought suddenly occurred to him. That blanket on top. That one wasn’t his. It wasn’t there when he went to sleep. Yet, there was a familiarity to it. He picked it up and hesitated at the thought of looking weird, even privately, but then brought it close to his face regardless. His grip tightened. Feng Xin.
Now that he had the mind to look, there were more signs of another's presence, like the chair not pushed in and his bedroom door left slightly ajar. Really? The idiot couldn't have been bothered to hide the traces of having been there? It absolutely couldn't have been because Feng Xin wanted him to know he was there. It isn't as though Mu Qing would recognize the blanket. Or its scent. Not like it has been a comfort ever since they were mortal.
Just what was Feng Xin thinking? They were both completely fine by now. Mu Qing didn't need to be looked after like some sickly child.
He slammed the front door before stomping down the newly paved street, heading for Feng Xin's residence (why was it so far?). His cheeks burned even in the crisp air. Surely from anger. Ever since the fight against Jun Wu, Feng Xin acted as though he were fragile, like his spiritual power would be suppressed again or he would break. Like he thinks less—
"I don't think less of you," Feng Xin had told him.
How was it so difficult to accept? It made little sense to Mu Qing. He was always looked down on, thought lesser of. Why would anything be different with Feng Xin? If anything, he had even more reason than most other people after knowing him for so many centuries. Seeing him at his worst moments. Yet...and yet. That man was still always there. He didn't understand him at all. Or maybe Feng Xin really was just stupid.
That was unfair, he knew.
Just like Feng Xin had done, Mu Qing let himself in, ignoring any junior officials. They knew better than to intervene anyway. The door being so aggressively opened was plenty to announce his arrival, as he saw the god in question burst into the hall in alarm. Brief but unmistakable surprise turned to anger.
"What the fuck are you doing, barging in here?" he shouted.
Mu Qing froze in place, heat rising to his cheeks. Feng Xin was dressed casually, hair down. Not like he never saw that before, of course he has on multiple occasions throughout 800 years, but he just wasn't expecting it. A scowl hid any clue that he could be flustered.
"Says the one who let himself in and what, watched me sleep?"
Feng Xin faltered in his step.
"You knew it was me?" his voice softened just as abruptly as his step.
Mu Qing's voice momentarily caught in his throat. He sure as hell couldn't say that it was because the blanket smelled like him. With a little hmph, he crossed his arms.
"Who else would it have been?"
An awkward silence passed. A common occurrence since that day. He had to admit that they both really might be trying to put in an effort, but it was an intimidating prospect for them both. When they started to insult each other, they caught themselves, but didn't know what to fill the now empty space with.
Feng Xin stepped a little closer to him, but kept his gaze elsewhere.
"I didn't know if you'd be sleeping, okay? I just...wanted to check in," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Even though that cursed shackle is gone, it just seems like it took a big toll on you. You've been resting a lot. And you seemed cold. But it's good to see you can walk just fine now."
His heart might as well have been pierced by one of Feng Xin's arrows. He really looked that weak, then. Stupid. Maybe that isn't what he means. Stop twisting it, stop twisting it.
"You had heavy injuries too."
"Your legs were broken, you were about to fall into a fucking volcano, and you had a cursed shackle on your wrist!" Feng Xin's voice raised just a little. He had oh so briefly paused in the middle of his list like he took back what he was going to say. Mu Qing could guess it could do with his alternate choice of demise.
"You had multiple arrows in your chest!"
"I didn't need to be carried!"
Mu Qing thought once again of clinging to him. Feng Xin holding him with one arm, his other grasping his bow, shooting the makeshift arrows one-handed. As though that wasn't the most attractive thing he'd ever seen in his life.
"..."
He wanted to punch his own brain. Concern. This was concern, right? Not Feng Xin calling him pathetic and weak. Almost as though sensing he was starting to overthink, Feng Xin motioned for him to follow, scowl on his face.
"Come over here."
The room he was led to had a desk with scrolls piled on it. Feng Xin must have been sorting through prayers then. With everything that happened, both of them were a little backed up when it comes to answering them. Really, he could only hope their worshippers understood. Nevertheless, they couldn't keep them waiting too long.
"Maybe we can help each other out," Feng Xin continued. "We might be able to get through both of our missions faster. You know we work well together on things like this."
Was that...a peace offering? And it was true. Even when arguing, their coordination was strong. They've long since proved that. In a silent means of agreement, Mu Qing picked up random scrolls and skimmed them, only going through a few of them before stopping on one. He opened it more fully and placed it in the middle of the desk so Feng Xin could read it.
"I've gotten prayers for this as well. It is on our border, after all."
"Let's start with this one, then," Feng Xin nodded. "Gotta admit it's kinda creepy, though."
Mu Qing rolled his eyes, but didn't comment.
They arrived at the nearby village using their Fu Yao and Nan Feng disguises. While close to the border of their regions, it was technically on Feng Xin's side, though people from the next closest village on Mu Qing's side have also been affected. According to locals of both villages, the area near the border marker along the road was cursed or haunted. The stone of the border marker itself supposedly bled, even coming back after a rain, blood seeping through the cracks. Some people even thought this was indicating rising hostilities between the two generals, causing paranoia between the Temples of Nan Yang and Xuan Zhen. Of course, Mu Qing and Feng Xin weren't going to stand for this, especially after their own efforts to be friends.
Indeed, the red-stained stone was alarming at first glance. It truly looked like it was bleeding fresh, bright blood. Mu Qing briefly thought of Crimson Rain, but that was currently impossible.
"It looks wet, like it just happened," said Feng Xin.
It was still early morning and the grass was dewy, but the ground was dry enough to indicate it hadn't rained in at least a few days. If the stone was bleeding regularly, surely there would be dried blood alongside the fresh. No one could tell them, however, how often this occurred. There was no clear sign of dried blood in any case. Mu Qing stepped forward and wiped it with his fingertip. His face tightened and he hesitantly took a whiff. He was silent for a moment.
"Well??"
"It isn't blood. It's red paint," Mu Qing said, turning to him.
"Paint," Feng Xin stared at the other's hand. "Are you kidding me, this is fake? Why would someone pull this kind of bullshit? We could have sent a junior official or two and focused on something serious."
"As if I would know. I guess we're figuring it out and seeing who's wasting our time. We shouldn't mention yet that it's just paint. It might scare off whoever's doing it."
"Well obviously. Let's go back to the village then and ask around."
"Tch," before starting back down the road, Mu Qing wiped the paint off his finger onto Feng Xin's cheek.
"Hey! What the fuck was that for?" Feng Xin shouted, wiping himself off. Mu Qing smiled just a little when he was sure the other couldn't see.
"For swearing so much." That wasn't true, but how could he say anything else?
"Oh come on, be for real," Feng Xin nudged his arm, but judging by the goofy little grin on his face, he didn't take it too seriously.
He adored that goofy little grin. Truly. Ever since they were teenagers. Not that he could ever dare say something like that out loud and risk the friendship they were so carefully building from the burning wreckage that was their shared history.
Once they made it back to the village, they began at the inn. They did need to rent a room for the night after all, so might as well start their questions there. To their relief, they didn't come up completely empty-handed.
"Oh yeah, the road is used by merchants pretty often," the proprietor told them as they sipped some tea. "Mostly from here in the south, but every once in a while you get someone from other regions. The merchants from here and from just across the border have been avoiding it nowadays though, with the curse and all. Not very good for business."
"Has anyone strange come by recently?" asked Feng Xin.
"Aside from you two, nope. What is your business here anyway?"
Them? Strange? Mu Qing set his face tight to try and hide his profound displeasure.
"We're from the Temples of Xuan Zhen and Nan Yang, and we're looking into this matter," he answered flatly.
Despite Mu Qing's tone, the proprietor gave a look of surprised relief.
"Well, I suppose that disproves the rumor that it's about the generals' conflict," the man's face softened a little. "Plus, it's good to know they're actually listening."
"Of course!" Feng Xin insisted. "General Nan Yang would never go against his duties."
He was stupidly charming and it made Mu Qing angry.
After hours of asking around, absolutely nothing else turned up useful. Defeated, the two went to their inn room to reconvene. Mu Qing sank into a chair while Feng Xin plopped down on the bed. There was only one, but they didn't plan on sleeping anyway.
"What now then? Just watch the road all night and see if anything happens?" Feng Xin offered.
"That may be the only thing we can do at this point."
And so, they found themselves huddled together on the ground that night watching the road from a distance, hidden among the trees. They stayed close, which at least kept Mu Qing warm.
"Uh, hey," Feng Xin finally said after some time. When Mu Qing didn't respond, he continued, "Sorry for before. You know, hanging around your place while you slept. I can see how it sounds weird when I put it that way. And yet I was so quick to judge Crimson Rain Sought Flower. Ah, not that it's the same thing at all!"
Mu Qing's face burned. He couldn't bear to look at him and thanked the darkness for obscuring him. Of course it wasn't the same thing. That mural back in Hua Cheng's creepy cave shocked them both and was a lot to take in. The fact that Hua Cheng of all people was obsessed with His Highness. Alright, maybe 'obsessed' wasn't quite correct now that he saw how they actually are. From their perspective at the moment though, it was undeniably creepy! Not to mention the debauched nature of the mural. It would have been a surprise regardless. But he couldn't help but feel like Feng Xin, up until that point, hadn't even considered that possibility between two men. It must have been a real extra shock to him.
That particular detail was not, however, a shock to Mu Qing. He figured out while still mortal why 'resisting the wiles of women' came so easy to him to the point of him wondering how other men apparently struggled with it so much. He still didn't quite understand it, really, even when it came to men. Even if it wasn't for his cultivation path, it wasn't like he had to resist attraction to any handsome man.
"It's alright," he said, just over a whisper. Strained, like it was physically painful to say. That was the problem, wasn't it? The truth of what he was thinking was so difficult to say. Like he was giving someone a dagger and telling them to stab him. "You're right that I was cold, and I appreciate the blanket."
A moment of silence as he waited for the stab that wouldn't come.
"I'm sure you'll get your usual energy back soon," Feng Xin offered a smile. "But until then, let me know if you need to rest. I miss sparring with you but I want it to be fair."
He wanted a friendly sparring match? Mu Qing smiled wryly, ignoring the fluttering in his chest.
"Fair? Please, I could beat you right here and now, Nan Yang."
"Ha! I'll hold you to it then. After this mission," Feng Xin nudged his arm.
"Hmm maybe this time we try not to damage property and end up in detention again."
A few hours later, they both perked up at the sound of wheels against the road. They remained monitoring, hands gripping the grass underneath.
They caught sight of the carriage as it came further into view. Closer, closer.
And...it went passed by on its merry way.
Feng Xin audibly sighed, face planted in the ground in defeat. Mu Qing shared the sentiment, but at the same time, he wasn't surprised. It would have been a lucky break to catch the perpetrator so soon after a fresh paint job. He glanced over to his rival-now-friend and thought of the friendly little arm nudge. Before he could think himself out of it, he pat Feng Xin on the shoulder a couple times.
"I know."
Feng Xin peeked at him and Mu Qing looked away before he tried to convert his feelings into anger.
Morning soon came and the two gods turned up empty-handed. Of course they did. They made their way back into the village, temporarily defeated. Surely, there were plenty of people they missed yesterday and should ask around again.
The market stalls were just opening for the day, and they noticed an auntie setting up her goods. She wasn't there yesterday, so they made their way over.
"I'm not quite ready yet, dears, if you'll come back in another incense time," she smiled at them warmly. Upon further inspection, her goods appeared to be candied fruits, the stall getting more and more colorful as she set it up. He said nothing about it, but Mu Qing eyed a few longingly. Still, it didn't stop him from listening.
"We're here from the temple, actually," insisted Feng Xin, "if auntie is willing to answer some questions."
Mu Qing didn't bother correcting him that they were from two different temples. He certainly thought about it, but decided it wasn't worth the effort.
Her eyes brightened.
"Oh, are you here about the curse, then?"
"That's right," Mu Qing answered. "Do you happen to know anything about the first time the border marker began bleeding?"
She took a moment to think, working as she did so.
"Wu Daniang, are you open yet?" a small child interrupted, looking at the sweets with wide eyes. Mu Qing wanted to be irritated, but frankly, he felt the same. He rather be buying sweets at a market stall than looking into mysterious paint.
"Impatient as always, A-Ling. Come back later and I'll give you an extra for your mother as thanks for the additional sticks."
She waved the child off and returned her attention to Mu Qing and Feng Xin.
"You know, I do know something actually. I don't know how relevant it is, but the merchant Jiang Fusheng returned from one of the neighboring towns late the night before. He didn't mention anything strange. The next morning, more importantly, Chen Xiao'e was leaving to visit some family, but came running back, her face like a ghost."
Xiao'e? Had to be a nickname. But to see paint dripping off some stone and assume it's blood? Truly a silly goose. Even sillier though...
"Did no one go to verify this?" Mu Qing asked, keeping his voice steady. He dare not sound too accusatory in this situation. "And how come no one we spoke to yesterday knew so much?"
"Oh, someone did. A couple times. Jiang Fusheng went to see for himself, and when he came back, he said it was all true. After the first rain several days later, a merchant passing through stopped to inform us of the bleeding stone. As for your other question, I couldn't say. They were those who found out third or fourth hand perhaps, or just forgot the details. Everyone is concerned with their own lives and have accepted it as something to avoid, aside from those afraid enough to pray to General Nan Yang about it."
"And what about you, then?"
"I had been up and about already getting my stand ready, so I was one of the first few people who heard right from the source. I don't travel these days, so I haven't seen it for myself, but if I'm being honest with you, I'm a bit skeptical about it. After all, there hasn't been any other strange occurrences in the area that we know of."
Mu Qing nearly smiled, quite liking this auntie. His attention then moved to Feng Xin.
"And what about the rumor about it implying increased tensions between Nan Yang and Xuan Zhen?"
"That?" Wu Daniang chuckled. "I don't really think that's true. Those at the nearby temple claimed Nan Yang came to them in a dream to tell them to cease antagonizing the Temple of Xuan Zhen."
Feng Xin glanced away with his arms crossed...embarrassed?
"Now that is more unbelievable," Mu Qing deadpanned.
Truthfully, he had done exactly the same. He hadn't gotten to all of his temples yet, but the ones nearest to the border were already informed. Not that he was going to say so. But did Feng Xin really do that? A cozy fire nestled in his chest.
Feng Xin let out an offended little sound of disbelief and nudged Mu Qing's shoulder before addressing the merchant with a little polite bow.
"Thank you very much for the information, Wu Daniang."
"I don't think we should have to watch the road all night," Feng Xin suggested once they were back in their room.
"Yes, I agree. Being there in the early morning should be sufficient. I thought as much based on how it was still damp, but I didn't want to assume too much," Mu Qing sighed. "What I want to know is the reason for it. A stupid prank? A distraction from illegal activities? Trying to keep our worshippers against each other?"
"My vote is on them hiding something. Trying to keep people away on purpose. The last thing would be stupid."
So straightforward. Mu Qing sat on the bed, clasping his hands together to keep himself from fidgeting. A question had been eating at him since subject had been brought up, and the thought of asking it made his stomach squirm. So stupid.
"Did you really tell your temples to lay off?" he muttered.
"What? Yeah! Soon after we were able to go up to the Heavenly Capital again," Feng Xin looked angry at the insinuation that it was somehow a lie, but relaxed a little at seeing the other's almost timid body language. "There's no way in hell I'd fake that, you know."
It had to be true. As much as his mind was trying to find some reason for Feng Xin to be lying, it took enough effort to where he was able to force the thoughts down before he could actually come up with something. The fact that it was taking so much effort should have said enough on its own.
"Mu Qing, you're overthinking."
"I am. S-" he faltered and took a deep breath like it was painful. It was in a way, if not physical pain. "Sorry. Thank you."
He wanted to disappear. It was hard enough to say thank you, but it came out in the weakest, most pathetic voice he possibly could have said it in. He deserved to be mocked for it, and he braced for an insult.
Instead, Feng Xin just stood there. Mu Qing caught a brief glimpse of him before once again staring at the floor. Surprise, like he had been stabbed in the back. Then, he felt the bed dip as the man sat beside him. He nearly forgot to breathe. Say that you did the same. Say that you did the same. He tried to speak, but nothing came out.
Finally, Feng Xin spoke.
"Do you want to go spar?"
What? He turned his head only to find the question had been asked with a genuine smile.
"You want to fight?"
"Just for fun, nothing serious."
Despite his breath hitching at the eye contact, he found a little smile tugging at his lips.
"What happened to after the mission? Decided I'm good enough to take you after all?" Damnit, maybe that wasn't the best wording. But he wasn't going to allow himself a reaction. "Or do you think this is the only way you'll win?"
Feng Xin's grin only widened.
"Prove me wrong, then."
They found an open space outside where they wouldn't be in anyone's way, once again in their disguises as they have been whenever they were around other people. Mu Qing did appreciate they were themselves when alone. He preferred looking at Feng Xin, not Nan Feng (even if Nan Feng wasn't bad).
Mu Qing hardly gave him a chance to prepare as he went at him. Both of them agreed that they wouldn't use their weapons, which worked better in tandem anyway rather than against each other.
He was fast and light on his feet, easily avoiding the punches that clearly lacked malice. If he really thought about it, this wasn't too unusual. Less than half their fights were in true anger, and very few had real malice behind them. And as usual, they were dead even. Feng Xin knew exactly how Mu Qing was going to attack after avoiding a punch, Mu Qing knew exactly the trajectory of Feng Xin's movements, grabbing his arm and using the momentum and weight to his advantage, nearly throwing him to the ground. Feng Xin recovered though, and Mu Qing let out a small laugh of delight before he could stop himself.
This was fun. Maybe it always had been.
Feng Xin was clearly shocked by the laugh, if just for a moment, but that was enough. Mu Qing pinned him on the ground.
"I told you I could beat you, Nan Yang."
Feng Xin's face was red from exertion, Mu Qing's hair brushing his face. He looked like he was thinking, and Mu Qing nearly asked about it, but suddenly Feng Xin swept out his leg, making him lose his balance. Thankfully, his reflexes were enough to fall next to him on the grass.
His laughter always coming so easily, Feng Xin was beside himself, cackling. Soon enough, he leapt back to his feet and Mu Qing was lifted up with him. The warmth of the grip practically burned through his sleeve.
"Serves me right to underestimate you." Just before Mu Qing had the chance to argue this point, Feng Xin added, "Come on, let's spend some time in the village. We have some time to kill."
The first thing they decided on was to visit the local Temple of Nan Yang. Well, it was Feng Xin's request, but Mu Qing was perfectly content to go along with it. It was a prime opportunity to make fun of the surely inaccurate divine statue.
Typical of villages like this, the temple was simple and small. Still, it was kept up well. The incense smelled nice and offerings were humble but heartfelt. As for the divine statue, Mu Qing stifled a laugh.
"Don't even say it, Mu Qing!"
"What's with the absurdly bloated muscles? Has the sculptor ever actually seen a human man before? You're strong, but you don't look this ridiculous. And why is the statue so small? It obviously isn't a Temple of Ju Yang. Those ones actually tend to look like you," he blurted before he could stop himself.
"Stop talking. Stop talking," Feng Xin begged, covering his now burning red face in his hands. Embarrassed by how awful his statue looks, no doubt.
"If you're not going to pester them about it, I can," Mu Qing continued, deciding that the best course of action was to just double down. "One of my sculptors can make you a much better looking divine statue."
"Damn it, how is it that your words and tone never match up? Never!" Feng Xin berated. "This is what really gets me. Would it kill you to give out a compliment without hiding it in insults?"
He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing in a less angry voice.
"Listen. I know you're trying and that I can't expect a big change overnight, but this is what I'm talking about when I tell you to say what you mean."
The new gentleness in his voice soothed Mu Qing's heart. Just safe enough. Even if it made his cheeks burn.
"The statue is ugly. You're not. I can get you a better one."
He leaned against the altar, hands on the edge. I could make sure they're properly handsome. Not like they could ever compare to the real thing, though.
That was as good as it was going to get. There was no way in hell he was going to say out loud that Feng Xin was the most handsome man in all of existence. But he might as well have said so judging by Feng Xin's bright smile.
Mu Qing waited for Feng Xin to be satisfied checking out his temple, his mind often going back to that smile. He truly never tired of it. He may always roll his eyes at it, but he actually thought it was really charming how easily Feng Xin laughed, even if the joke was of the worst caliber.
Once finished, they headed back to village.
As they browsed through the market stalls, Mu Qing nearly forgot to overthink. For a brief moment, everything felt at peace walking with Feng Xin like this, commentating on the various things they saw. And trying not to buy all the sweets.
They then stopped at a stall that sold various jewelry. None of it came close to what one might have found at the Palace of Xianle, but everything was quite well made. A hairpin might have been carved from wood, but it was made with skill and care. Mu Qing admired it. Coming as a surprise to him, however, something caught Feng Xin's eye. The guan in his hands was probably one of the finest of the items available. A simple design of bronze and tortoiseshell with excellent craftsmanship. Through their whole lives, Mu Qing didn't think he ever saw Feng Xin buy something nice for himself despite having the ability to.
"It's nice," Mu Qing told him. And suits you.
"It is. But I don't need it," with a sigh, Feng Xin put it back.
Mu Qing said nothing, but looked at the guan and then at the merchant, an understanding between them.
After a little more walking, covered his hand to stifle a little yawn, his face twisting into a frown once he realized Feng Xin noticed. Thankfully, he wasn't blatantly mocked. Just indirectly.
"Let's sit down for a bit."
"I don't need to sit, I'm not that tired," Mu Qing insisted, arms crossed.
"Well I want to, so find us somewhere to sit. I'll be right back."
True to his word, he unceremoniously ran off. Internally grumbling, Mu Qing found a nearby place to sit and waited. Was that unfair of him again? Maybe it was. He sighed. It wasn't an insult. He considered looking around and trying to catch where Feng Xin went, but his eyes insisted on inspecting the ground. Would it be stupid of him to want to do things like this more often? Aside from the missions, they did those together all the time anyway. They...they really did, didn't they? But no, that's not what he meant. Just spending time with each other like this. But would it be worth the heartache?
"No need to look so gloomy," came Feng Xin's voice, almost making him jump. "Maybe this will help?"
Mu Qing finally looked up, finding Feng Xin with two skewers of the candied fruit from Wu Daniang's stand. He just stared in surprise, forgetting to say or do anything even as he was being offered one. Did Feng Xin think he couldn't afford a treat like this and needed someone else to grace him with it? No. He forcefully shoved down the thought, it was only his mind betraying him. It was just a kind gesture. Feng Xin did not think so hard about things like that. Right?
"What, are you going to take it or do I have to eat both of them?" Feng Xin insisted as he sat beside him.
Finally shaking himself out of it, Mu Qing accepted the candies, a gentle smile gracing his lips in spite of himself. He would die if his face showed how giddy he was to receive such a thing, as small and silly as it was.
"I thought you might have ditched me. This is...very much preferred."
Thank you. Just say thank you, it isn't that hard. But it was.
"Sorry, by the way, for yelling at you earlier," Feng Xin said, looking anywhere but Mu Qing's face. Mu Qing stared before he remembered to answer.
"We yell at each other all the time?"
"Aren't we trying not to do that as much now? I just," Feng Xin sighed, "I just really do want to understand you. When it comes to everything else, we work well together. We coordinate in fights hardly even needing to talk, we're evenly matched. We know each other better than anyone and yet we don't."
Mu Qing understood exactly what he meant. They knew each other's tastes and preferences, plan seamlessly together when it came down to it, and they had the familiarity of each other's skills almost as much as their own. His lips nearly twitched upward as he thought of how they had faked an argument to pull a fast one on His Highness. When it came to anything deeper, however, they didn't let each other in. Granted, he never let anyone in, but if anyone deserved it, it was Feng Xin. And he wasn't making it easy for him.
"You were hardly yelling. Raised your voice slightly, maybe." A pause. "Sorry for calling your statue ugly. And thank you for this."
He could hardly hear himself, he said it so quietly. But Feng Xin laughed that beautiful laugh.
"It's pretty ugly. And it's not like I made it. Call it ugly all you want."
"Hideous."
Mu Qing tried to cover his smile by finally picking the fruits one by one and munching on them. Only now he realized it wasn't random and was in fact full of his favorites. At least of what was available. Yeah. Knew each other better than anyone.
After a while of peaceful snacking and casual conversation, it was getting late, so they headed back to the inn room.
"I think I'll meditate a bit," said Feng Xin. "It's actually been a long time and I'm a little tired. Is it okay if I sit on the bed?"
Ever since they returned to answering what prayers they could, Feng Xin did seem very busy. Mu Qing did believe him that it had been a while. He hoped he has rested at least once since then, though. As for himself, he was improving. He was sleeping every night at first, but now this will be the second night he managed to keep up his energy. Somewhat. He was tired. Still, it was a sign he was going back to normal.
"That's fine by me," he replied, sinking into a chair. "I might get some tea."
"Alright. Just tell me if you want to lay down."
This man. It was hard fighting with a lifetime of self-loathing, knowing people hated him, expected the worst from him. But Feng Xin really was genuine, wasn't he? He was trying to repair things, trying to be considerate. It just felt strange having this directed at himself. He knew Feng Xin was one of the most earnest of heavenly officials. Loyal and giving to a fault, staying with His Highness to his own detriment. He was even willing to hear out Mu Qing back then. Things were going to be okay. But he ruined it for himself because of what he did to His Highness. A regret fated to haunt him. It was his fault and Feng Xin had every right to be angry.
He recalled when they first met. He watched Feng Xin practicing archery and he was entranced.
Once Feng Xin looked deep in meditation, Mu Qing silently slipped out and made his way back to the jewelry merchant.
By the time Feng Xin opened his eyes again, Mu Qing was sitting in the chair, sipping tea. There was another cup on the table in case Feng Xin wanted it. He had really rushed to leave and come back, not knowing how long he had, but it ended up being that he had nothing to worry about. At one point, he even started drifting off while sitting up. When was the last time Feng Xin rested?
"Took a long time," he stated, unsure of whether or not he wanted his concern to be clear in his voice.
Feng Xin shrugged.
"Not like we have anything else to do right now."
Once it got close enough to dawn, they headed out to watch the road again like they did the previous night.
Over time, the sky lightened to a pale pink and purple near the horizon, some stars still visible nearer the sky's zenith. It was frankly beautiful and Mu Qing was content to sit there next to Feng Xin as they watched the sun rise. If only he could—
His attention was taken by a man heading up the road and towards the marker.
Mu Qing and Feng Xin glanced at each other then got ready to move when necessary. When the man got out a brush and paint, they bolted. He tried to run once he saw them, but had no chance with their speed. Feng Xin caught him by the arm.
"Care to explain?" Mu Qing asked icily.
It turned out that the man in question was none other than Jiang Fusheng, the merchant. He had been smuggling goods and spread this "curse" rumor to keep people away while he exchanged the items with his partners in crime. Apparently it was stupid enough to work. Mu Qing was nearly stunned into a catatonic state because of how ridiculous it was that it actually worked. They turned him over to the village to decide what to do with him, as it really wasn't worth any more of their time and energy. When asked about repayment, Feng Xin merely requested donation to the Temples of Nan Yang and Xuan Zhen if they really wanted. Mu Qing couldn't argue against it.
"It really was just that simple?" Feng Xin said once they were once again in their rented room. "Well, at least the village is satisfied. I normally wouldn't have requested donations like that, but I think all of heaven needs the help right now."
He really was too good.
"I would have done the same," Mu Qing admitted. "Granted, I wouldn't have been thinking about all the other officials, just our temples. They can take care of themselves."
"I do like the honesty," Feng Xin chuckled.
Honesty. Mu Qing chewed on that word for a moment, looking at his lifelong rival. He sat on the bed and sighed.
"Feng Xin." It was so tender, he could see the other's apprehension.
"What's up?"
"I think about that day a lot, you know," his heart raced at the prospect of talking about such a thing. His face might be calm, but his stomach might as well have been filled with wraith butterflies, fluttering in a whirlwind. "I have dreams about it all the time."
By the way Feng Xin silently sat next to him, he knew he was talking about Mount Tonglu and took it seriously.
"I never thanked you properly for saving me. So thank you. I truly thought no one was going to. Everyone hated me and it was going to be better this way. Not that I wanted to die. I was terrified," Mu Qing continued, voice constricted. How was it he placed no value on himself and yet was so afraid of death?
Feng Xin might as well have taken an entire incense time to respond. Mu Qing traced patterns on the wood as he stared at the floor, a faint murmur below of the lively inn.
"It was mostly His Highness."
"And I thanked him already," his frown deepened. For a man so focused on responsibility, he certainly side-stepped it when it came to accepting praise. "I said a lot of things when I thought I might die, but I don't think I said as much as I should have."
"He'll come back when he's ready and you can say whatever you want. And...Mu Qing, neither of us ever hated you. Not really. Even when I was at my angriest."
Mu Qing sighed heavily. He wanted to fight it. After all, they would say the most heinous things to each other. From the outside, anyone would think they loathed each other more than anything. But the truth really was that they still remained near each other. How could that be loathing?
"I'm not talking about Xie Lian. I never got to say anything to you," he waited a moment to see if Feng Xin was going to say anything to that, but when he didn't, he went on. "I know I don't make it easy to like me. Not that I really try with most people, but I used to, and I long since gave up on it. When we first met, I wanted...I-I wanted to be friends with you, too."
He inwardly cringed at himself, really having tried to not stutter through it this time. Graciously, Feng Xin didn't make fun of him for it again.
"Not like I made it easy for you either," Feng Xin said, unusually gentle. "I should have trusted you, or at least His Highness, instead of assuming the worst like everyone else did. His Highness chose us after all. That should have counted for something."
"To be fair, he also chose Crimson Rain Sought Flower."
Feng Xin snorted, failing to stifle his laughter.
"Point taken."
Mu Qing's heart nearly leapt out of his throat, breath catching as Feng Xin's hand found his. Gingerly, he curled his own fingers. It took him a while to be able to speak, but Feng Xin didn't rush him.
"I know I acted angry before, but I appreciate that you came to see me. I don't know why I did that. I guess maybe I was embarrassed. I've been...having nightmares and didn't want you to see."
"I appreciate you telling me," Feng Xin gave his hand a little squeeze.
Relief washed over him. He was always so afraid to express himself truly, and yet it never did him any good to hide. It was the easier choice regardless. Mu Qing thought again to that time they nearly repaired things between them. Earnestness is what warmed Feng Xin to him, understanding what he was trying to do. It was what he was hiding that ruined it all.
"Feng Xin," he said tenderly. "It's my fault. We could have had this centuries ago, we almost did, but I'm the one who fucked it up. When I sided against His Highness during his first banishment, that's one of my biggest regrets. I can explain it a thousand different ways, but it was still a mistake. When I left and then came back and talked to you, I really had been trying to help in the ways that I could. I could find ways to be more useful in the Middle Court rather than hiding and starving. And His Highness needed you there with him more than he needed me."
Feng Xin's fingers twitched.
"I really thought you were going to leave sooner than you did. That didn't change the fact that it hurt when you did leave. I felt abandoned too. But it wasn't a surprise. I was sure you hated both of us and I didn't understand why you were still sticking around. Now I know that's not true, of course. And I believe you that you were trying to help. You didn't need to bring all that food for us, but you did it anyway. I still think I was right to be angry at you for what you did to His Highness, but there's no need for me to hold onto it now. Neither of us were perfect, clearly."
He...felt abandoned too? Mu Qing was so far into his own self-loathing that he couldn't fathom that Feng Xin would feel abandoned by him. He assumed he was angry about the perceived disloyalty to His Highness. Not "abandoning" someone who hated him anyway.
"You didn't do anything wrong. You did more than anyone reasonably could do. None of what happened was your fault."
Feng Xin tensed and Mu Qing dared look at him. His face was tight like he was in pain, lower lip twitching. Fighting down a wave of emotion. Has he been blaming himself all this time?
"Do you mean that?" he strained.
"What? Are you stupid? You did everything I couldn't."
Mu Qing barely started to move when Feng Xin moved to meet him. Mu Qing held him tight, Feng Xin's breath labored against his neck.
"It was strange not having you around," Mu Qing continued. "I was relieved when you ascended. In other circumstances, I expected you to ascend before I did. I know you didn't really care to do so, but I was still proud of you."
"I thought you were being sarcastic when you congratulated me."
"...I probably was."
A quick burst of hot breath hit Mu Qing's neck before Feng Xin pulled away. Mu Qing could have died seeing the softness on Feng Xin's face.
"Mu Qing!"
Feng Xin's voice teleported him from Mount Tonglu back to the present. His shoulders shook, his vision blurry from tears. Without thinking, he clung to Feng Xin's arm, pulling him down a little, resting his head against it.
"I saw you die."
A sharp breath was the only response he got at first.
"It is nice to know you're not celebrating."
It took a moment for the statement to really sink into Mu Qing's barely awake brain. Finally, he tried to suppress the laugh threatening to escape, but couldn't hide how his eyes crinkled in amusement. The resistance only worked for so long and doubled over in laughter.
"You're an idiot." There was no venom behind it.
"Probably. Do you want to sleep more or are you good?"
Mu Qing realized he was still holding Feng Xin's arm and reluctantly released him. He sighed in frustration.
"I don't want to sleep more, but I still feel tired. I'm sick of this." With the way that whole situation messed up his spiritual power, part of him, a mere whisper in the back of his mind, considered that it might be a good chance to change his cultivation method. But he shook it away. Why would he need to?
"You're improving a lot, I can tell. But yeah, get a bit more sleep then."
To his utter surprise, Feng Xin climbed onto the bed next to him. He kept a respectful distance, but not comically far.
"Going to watch me sleep again?" Mu Qing teased, ignoring how warm it made him feel.
"Ha ha. Figured I would get some rest too before we got back home."
He couldn't help but wonder why they both weren't just waiting to sleep in their own beds, but he really couldn't care as he watched Feng Xin's peaceful, resting face.
They both got a few hours of sleep before they got up and started getting ready to return and report back to the Heavenly Capital. By all means, this was not how Mu Qing expected this mission to go. He wanted to be angry since it ended up being so stupid, but being truly honest with himself, he was glad he came along. Maybe the mission itself would have been more satisfying if there was actually a ghost to kill, but spending this time with Feng Xin...that was worth it. He wanted his dreams to be replaced by the memory of the candies' sweetness.
"Feng Xin. Before we go..." he trailed off, grabbing the package he hid in his outer robe and offering it.
"What's this?"
As Feng Xin just stared at it, confused, Mu Qing turned more and more red.
"Just take it!"
Once he was free of his burden, he crossed his arms and went back and forth between looking at Feng Xin and the floor.
"This is..." bewildered surprise washed over Feng Xin's face as he unwrapped the guan, but it soon transformed into utter joy. "You actually went back and got this for me?"
"You obviously liked it and wanted it, but were being too stubborn. So here it is, you can't complain."
Feng Xin, to his credit, did not complain, neither about the gift nor Mu Qing's attitude. Instead, he immediately replaced the guan he had been wearing with the new one. This was a great relief. He was scared that he was going to hounded about the price and he really didn't want to lie about it. Truth be told, he could have bartered for a better price, but he decided otherwise. This was worth it.
"Hey Mu Qing?" he asked as he admired himself in the mirror before turning to his fellow general.
"What?" he scowled, unprepared for the question he was about to hear. One that would further change the course of their relationship.
"Do you want to be neighbors?"