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"This isn't my first time, you know."
"I mean, I guess. Not this far though."
"You look more nervous than me, Feng Xin."
"I do not." Feng Xin poured a little bit of the wine and slid it over to Mu Qing. "It's plum wine, so it's a little sweet."
A little sweeter than Feng Xin liked his wine to be, but that was alright. During a recent conversation regarding Mu Qing's wish to change his cultivation path, the man in question had decided to start small when it came to giving up his ascetic path, starting off with drinking for the first time. As in, more than a single little cup. Admittedly, Feng Xin was very tempted to get the strongest thing he could find just to see Mu Qing's face when he drank it, but in the end, he decided to be nice. He didn't want him to be completely scared off.
This was the mildest thing he found and Mu Qing still had his brows furrowed in apprehension. Cute, just because it was over something as simple as wine.
"Even His Highness would have wine every once in a while before he married Crimson Rain Sought Flower," he teased some more. An indignant flush graced Mu Qing's face. Yes, very cute. He was just so fun to fluster. Back then, he did end up feeling a little bad about teasing him for the 'f-friends' remark, but he'd had no ill will about it. He just found it extremely endearing. "I can and will drink it all myself, you know. I'd go find Pei Ming, but he doesn't like sweet wines."
Feng Xin smiled as Mu Qing snatched the cup as though the idea of drinking with Pei Ming instead was offensive. It would be an empty threat anyway, as the general was on a mission in the mortal realm.
Mu Qing took a sip and Feng Xin eagerly watched his face. Incomprehensible. He was quiet for a moment, face doing a bunch of little things. With how much of an overthinker Mu Qing was, perhaps Feng Xin shouldn't be surprised.
"It tastes like candy," Mu Qing finally said. "It's better than the wine at the Mid-Autumn Festival Banquet."
"A glowing review, coming from you," Feng Xin chuckled, relieved. "How's your spiritual power?"
"Any change is imperceptible. I think I would have noticed before."
"Okay fine." Feng Xin poured some for himself. "Obviously you'll have to drink more if you want your cultivation to actually be affected, but go at a comfortable pace. I rather you not get sick on my floor."
The look on his face told Feng Xin that he somehow took that as a challenge. Mu Qing took a drink that was a little too big, and the strained face of regret made Feng Xin stifle a laugh. He knew the feeling exactly.
"Rookie mistake, Mu Qing. Small sips."
"I see people in taverns drink like it's water all the time," Mu Qing whined.
"That's because they're alcoholics." A curious thought just occurred to Feng Xin and and he let out a little hum. "I do wonder how fast you get drunk. Yeah, you've never really drank in 800 years, but you're not a mortal. Cultivation aside, I wonder if gods can be lightweights."
He laughed to himself at the idea, awfully curious about what Mu Qing might be like while drunk. Hopefully not angrier than usual. His smile lingered as he watched Mu Qing's indignant expression.
"You'd made sure I didn't do anything embarrassing, right?"
Feng Xin opened his mouth to speak, but realized that his response of 'of course' might not be the complete truth. What degree of embarrassing is he talking about? If it's just him, surely there's no harm, and he'd have so much teasing material to work with.
"...Right?"
He at least wouldn't let Mu Qing do something embarrassing in public. Then he'd really pay for it.
"Feng Xin!"
"I wouldn't let anyone else see." Feng Xin grinned.
Mu Qing's cheeks were red and it was impossible to tell if it was due to the wine or indignance. Gods, he loved him.
"What are you looking at?" Mu Qing demanded before finishing off the cup.
"You, of course. You're cute." He started to pour a little more for the both of them, but he nearly spilled some as Mu Qing responded to his compliment.
"You're cute."
Feng Xin's face heated and he knew it was not the wine. Yes, Mu Qing gave him the occasional compliment now that they were together, but he didn't think he had ever heard the man use the word 'cute' to describe him, or anything else for that matter. Perhaps a god can be a lightweight after all.
"Oh? How so?" Feng Xin watched Mu Qing sip some more, eyes full of amusement but heart fuzzy.
Mu Qing slid over to his side of the table so that they were now next to each other. His face was so exceedingly soft, none of the usual intensity he usually held himself with, even when pleased.
"Fishing for compliments now, Nan Yang?" Mu Qing teased, leaning against him. "You're cute when you get excited about things. Like a puppy. And your smile is so bright it rivals the sun itself. And you're handsome even when you're angry."
Feng Xin nearly dropped his cup, finding himself tongue-tied.
"A-are you really this drunk so fast?" Maybe 800 years of sobriety really did have that effect.
But Mu Qing didn't answer, instead curling up closer to him.
"I don't know when I fell in love with you. Maybe it was slow and I just realized it one day. You were so amazing when I first saw you in the palace training grounds. I watched for a while and I knew I wanted to keep up with you." He hung on Feng Xin and kissed his cheek. "We're so good together. We're both strong and the best looking of any other gods."
Feng Xin was taking in the compliments with amazement, but the last statement made him snort as he tried not to laugh.
"Oh? Are we? You know that you're very pretty then?"
"Even prettier than His Highness, not that anyone would dare say so because of my shitty personality. Somehow you love me anyway. I must be so beautiful."
Once again, Feng Xin found himself momentarily speechless, staring at Mu Qing's eyes, which he swore contained the entire night sky. He could stare at them forever.
"Sometimes your personality can be shitty, but so can mine. But you're not nearly as bad as you pretend to be. I've told you before, you're not unlovable. And it isn't because of your looks. Even if you do look good at all times."
Mu Qing nuzzled against his shoulder.
"My hair looks really good today. I did a good job."
"You did," Feng Xin kept smiling. "What else is good about you? I have answers, but I wonder if you do."
"I'm really, really good with a saber."
"You're amazing with a saber. The best."
Mu Qing looked up at him, his eyes a little wider.
"I am! You get it."
Feng Xin couldn't help but laugh in delight now.
"I love you so much."
"For how long?"
He paused, hesitant to answer. In any other situation, this would feel like some sort of petty trap, but Mu Qing seemed to sense his hesitance.
"Whatever you answer is okay," Mu Qing said, playing with Feng Xin's hair. "I know I've loved you for longer. We were still mortal."
Since they were still mortal? Was he serious? There was no way Feng Xin ever would have been able to tell. Granted that back then, he had no idea what Mu Qing was ever truly thinking or what he was saying was honest. A fault of them both.
"It was some time after I ascended, but you probably already figured that. We share the south, even if we split it. We have to work together all the time and I finally started to see how you actually are. Your priorities. What you care about. You fiercely defend your domain and, even though you have an attitude and pretend otherwise, you actually care about the people in it. You're really good with children, unlike me. You shine when doing things on your own terms. Being a god...wielding a saber and saving villages suits you much better than a broom and dressing a prince." He brushed his lips against Mu Qing's. "Though I've always thought you were beautiful. It was weird."
He let out a quiet laugh before he continued, "Maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation while you're drunk. It'd be a shame if you forget it."
"If you say so. Kiss me more, then." Mu Qing kissed his cheek first, then left slow little kisses along his jaw until he got to his mouth. "And how else am I pretty?"
The kisses left Feng Xin nearly breathless, his head feeling light and floaty. Ever since their first kiss in the temple, Mu Qing had been reserved about it, clearly holding back each time. Probably still getting used to the idea, and allowing himself to enjoy it. That was something he could actually understand, to a point. He felt like it took weeks for it to really sink in that he and Mu Qing were now lovers. Something he thought he could only dream about for centuries. Now that the alcohol dropped the restraint, however, he was relieved that he was wanted this way after all.
As for the compliments, he was happy to oblige.
"Your lips have a pretty shape." Feng Xin gave them a kiss as if to prove the point, able to feel the cupid's bow. "And you smell very good all the time."
So close, he could make out all the subtle scents he had come to associate with Mu Qing. A trace of osmanthus, ink and paper, and right now, plum wine replacing the usual scent of tea.
"You're both mesmerizing and terrifying with your saber, but it's really, really hot."
Feng Xin sucked in a breath as Mu Qing caressed his cheek, smiling.
"Good boy," Mu Qing murmured against his skin, making Feng Xin let out a pathetic little whimper. He didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't this. He also could have died as Mu Qing climbed onto his lap.
Feng Xin melted into another kiss, finding it completely unfair how good at it Mu Qing got after such a short amount of time. He always did learn fast. It was only once he started feeling a little too hot that he pulled away from the kisses.
"We should get you to bed. As in to sleep." Considering how this was going, he felt the need to clarify.
"But it's early!" Mu Qing pulled back, but held Feng Xin's shoulders, brows furrowed, mouth open in offense.
"It's nearly zi time," Feng Xin chuckled. "But if you think it's so early then, let's go to bed to cuddle."
Mu Qing took an awfully long time to answer.
"Okay."
They both went to get up, but Mu Qing immediately swayed. Feng Xin swiftly caught him, holding him steady.
"Okay, yeah, you're too drunk to walk. Let me carry you?"
"I can--"
Feng Xin caught him again, his face daring the other to finish that sentence.
"Here." He lifted Mu Qing and princess carried him to the bedroom. It was a little awkward considering they were the same height, but Feng Xin still grinned, appreciating the opportunity which may never come again.
As soon as they were in bed, Mu Qing snuggled close. Feng Xin thought maybe they would talk a little more, but Mu Qing passed out almost immediately. He had to laugh, then placed a kiss on his forehead.
Feng Xin didn't really need to sleep that night, but got a few hours anyway due to being so comfortable. Still, it meant he was already awake when Mu Qing stirred with a grumble. Oh, that was not a good grumble.
"G'morning," Feng Xin said softly in case Mu Qing's head was hurting. He received merely a grunt in return. "I'll get you some water, love."
He detached himself and slipped out of bed, returning with a cup of water and seeing that Mu Qing had managed to sit up, propping his back against his pillow. Gods, he looked so good with his hair messed up, inner robe slipping just a little. Feng Xin wouldn't mind if Mu Qing stayed like that all day.
Feng Xin got back in bed and watched Mu Qing take little sips, deciding not to talk until the other had a little longer to wake up.
"Thanks," Mu Qing finally mumbled.
"How's your head?"
"Not too bad. More fatigued than anything." Mu Qing shifted to sit closer, leaning against Feng Xin. "It worked though. My cultivation did take a hit, though not as much as I anticipated. It shouldn't take me long to get it back up."
"That's good." That was the ideal plan they ended up discussing. Mu Qing would take smaller hits, replacing it a bit at a time with his new method. In tandem with his usual martial skill, of course. One thing came to Feng Xin's attention though. Mu Qing was so calm after everything he...said last night. "How much do you remember from while you were drunk?"
Mu Qing stiffened, pink blooming on his cheeks.
"I..." He had that very particular look on his face that he had when he really, really didn't want to tell the truth and was trying to force himself to. That told Feng Xin everything, but he waited regardless. "A-all of it."
It took everything he had to not laugh. Did Mu Qing think he wouldn't ask, and that he could just not say anything and pretend he didn't remember?
Feng Xin grinned and Mu Qing buried his face in his hands.
"It was a fun and, well, forward side of you."
Mu Qing groaned.
"This is why people shouldn't drink so much!"
Despite his grumbling, he shyly looked back and forth between Feng Xin and literally anywhere else, blush only deepening.
"Did you really mean all those things you said?" Mu Qing asked.
"Of course I did! What, do you think I'd lie and say something about how friendly and cheerful you are? A real people pleaser."
Mu Qing stared at him for a moment before doubling over in laughter.
"Damn it, it hurts my head to laugh."
He slowly calmed himself, but still looked at Feng Xin with his eyes sparkling with amusement, his smile pushing down laughter that kept threatening to escape. Feng Xin's heart fluttered at the sight. He wished he could have made Mu Qing this happy so long ago. Admittedly, he was worried it took Mu Qing being drunk to be that affectionate.
"Feng Xin," Mu Qing said quietly, making himself comfortable against him. The tone shifted. Not darkly serious, but still more grounded than a moment ago.
"Mn?"
"There was something you said last night that I wanted to ask about. Since I do remember." He didn't wait for Feng Xin to ask further, just going on. "You said you always thought I was beautiful, but that it was weird. Why was it weird?"
Damn, he did say that, didn't he? And he wasn't even the one who was drunk!
"Please don't take it the wrong way. Anyone can see that you're good-looking, so that in itself wasn't what I thought was weird." Gods, he was already floundering. "It's just that I had never thought about a boy being beautiful in...in that way, you know? I didn't even really know what I was feeling at first or what it meant. Like, why did I think you were pretty like a girl is? Ah, not that you looked like a girl, that's not what I mean. I just, it just felt the same way and I was confused about it. To young teenage me."
"Oh," Mu Qing said softly. Tenderly. Painfully tender before the hint of amusement crept in. "You didn't know yet that you were..."
He paused, trying to find the word that might not have existed.
"Half a cut-sleeve?"
Feng Xin chuckled at the thought of being 'half a cut-sleeve.'
"I don't think it works that way, and you damn well know what words are supposed to mean!"
"Ahh, I see now. Nan Feng. You were trying to let me know all along."
Feng Xin sputtered, turning red. Mu Qing wasn't even drunk right right now, and he's still-- Also, why did he seem to have such bad luck with choosing names? They always seemed to end up with some different meaning he never thought of or intended.
"Shut the hell up!" Feng Xin croaked before pulling Mu Qing into a clumsy kiss.
When he pulled away, Mu Qing looked a little dazed, as though they hadn't shared hundreds of kisses already. Really adorable. His thoughts lingered on those kisses a moment longer, as well as Mu Qing's forwardness last night.
"Mu Qing, why did you end up choosing that cultivation path in the first place? Just because His Highness did?"
Feng Xin reined in any impatience and let him think. It was something he was really working on, and while it was hard sometimes, he was getting better.
"That was part of it. His Highness never insisted upon it, saying I could choose something else, but it was the simplest choice. How was I supposed to find someone to teach me a different cultivation method, especially being young and overall disliked? Besides, I figured it would be easy enough. I knew I never had any interest in women in the first place. Even realizing that I preferred to look at men, I was so rarely moved that I treated it like it hardly existed either. As for alcohol, I didn't feel like I'd be missing out on much either by not overindulging. A simple choice."
Huh. He supposed that made sense in some way. Feng Xin could understand conceptually at least, though it was far from his own experience and he couldn't quite put himself in Mu Qing's shoes. And the choice clearly worked out fine for centuries. That's not a sign of a poor choice. Had he not ascended, Mu Qing would have been plenty content with his cultivation path had he lived a normal mortal life.
"I would say sorry that you ended up changing your mind eventually, but I'm really not." Feng Xin smiled sheepishly. "I want you, and I'll wait as long as you need."
To his surprise, Mu Qing lifted Feng Xin's hand, bringing his knuckles up to his lips. His heart fluttered at the tender touch.
"I don't want to make you wait too long." Mu Qing shook his head before correcting himself. "I don't want to wait too long. I just want to be careful. Maybe it would have been easier to just take a big leap and not do this in smaller steps, but I don't want to risk something happening on a mission and I don't have enough power."
"So responsible," Feng Xin chuckled. "It's okay. I understand."
After training outside for a while, Feng Xin took a soak in his bath, washing off the sweat and soothing his muscles. What was Mu Qing doing? he wondered. Perhaps sifting through prayers, cultivating, or also training. Maybe next time, they could spar together. At Feng Xin's request, Mu Qing agreed to teach him how to use his zhanmadao and in return, he'd let the other use Fengshen. Not only was he excited for it, but he was sure other officials would be too. Some of them had taken a liking to watching their spars. They really went all out while managing not to destroy property these days. Apparently it was exciting to watch.
He'd go visit this afternoon.
Once dry, Feng Xin dressed in robes that he knew Mu Qing liked ("You...look good in warm colors," he had forced awkwardly, red gracing his cheeks as usual) and combed out his hair, going to put it up as he usually did, but paused. He put it half up instead, knowing again that Mu Qing liked it that way. (He never said anything, but he stared.) For good measure, he put on the guan that he had been gifted. He wore it often.
Mu Qing's deputies let him in without resistance nowadays, and he was quickly able to find him. He was quiet enough and Mu Qing was focused enough that Feng Xin had a moment for admiration. Mu Qing's face was soft and relaxed as he sat with the Four Treasures of the Scholar's Desk, brush gliding effortlessly on the paper. Yes, this suited Mu Qing just as much as martial skill did.
As Feng Xin got closer, he was able to sense the steady circulation of qi as Mu Qing practiced. A calm river.
Only once finished did Mu Qing look up at him, but once he did, Feng Xin nearly forgot all words. He didn't even know what he was going to say in the first place. He could only think of how Mu Qing's eyes were like a warm summer night and with that content expression, Feng Xin didn't know if he could get any more beautiful. And it was just for him.
"Sorry if I'm interrupting," Feng Xin finally managed to spit out. But Mu Qing just shook his head.
"Not at all. I was going to come see you after this." Mu Qing motioned for Feng Xin to join his side, so he did. "You look nice. Any occasion?"
"Just coming to see you."
Smiling a little at Mu Qing getting flustered by the sentiment, Feng Xin craned his neck to see what Mu Qing had been writing.
The reeds and rushes are lush and green; the white dew turns to frost.
The one I long for is somewhere across the water.
I seek to reach him by going upstream, but the way is rugged and long.
I seek to reach him by going downstream, and he seems to be right in the midst of the waters.
Feng Xin stared at it, an immense rush of affection coursing through him. He loved him so much.
"W-what? Are you judging my choice of poetry?" The defensiveness in Mu Qing's voice was more than familiar. Even if he was now happier in private, he was still very much Mu Qing.
"No."
Feng Xin pulled him into a kiss, firm but controlled, and he could feel Mu Qing relax under him, if just for a moment. Mu Qing gripped his shoulders and shifted his own weight, and before he knew it, Feng Xin was flat on the ground as Mu Qing kissed him, fingers tangled in his hair.
Everything else disappeared, any other plan for coming there included. It didn't matter as long as Mu Qing's lips were on his, hands firm on his body.
The biggest relief was that Mu Qing was very much sober. And Feng Xin was still wanted.