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"I... like you." The words slipped out so easily, Saparata didn't even seem to notice he had said anything until after he closed his mouth. His eyes lit up in the orange light of the sunset, wide with want, with worry and fear and so many other emotions he didn't have a name for.
Fluixon... felt nothing.
Nothing, except for the pit that was growing in his gut.
And Saparata was the cause of it all, he always knew the other boy's presence was going to grow too much.
The day spent running around and playing in the desert sands grew to a close with the silence that overtook them, stealing the warmth from his body. His skin felt hot and cold at the same time, and yet he found himself shivering when the words echoed in his mind.
I like you, both of their knees were close enough to touch on the desert dune where they sat.
I like you, he turned to face Saparata, voice still stuck in his throat.
I like you.
No, I could never love you in that way.
"Are you serious?" His voice came out stronger than how he was expecting it to be, which should be good. It is good to be able to hide the churning of emotions that was threatening to overwhelm him. "Saps, please tell me you're joking."
Except he wasn't joking, and Fluixon knew that.
"I can't.. I don't–" The raven-haired boy forced himself to spit the words out. "You know I don't like you like that."
Saparata froze, hands stopping mid-air. His eyes grew impossibly wide and glassy, the dark pupils giving everything he felt away. Fluixon watched as the other boy's lip quivered, and then shook along with the rest of him. A low noise came from Saparata's throat as his face twisted in regret so deep that he wasn't sure what to do with it.
And then tears started bubbling from his eyes, expression torn between pained and desperate as if he was trying to fight it.
Fluixon's blood froze, his muscles went stiff.
"I–I didn't mean to, to say that," His breathy sobs cut off what he was going to say, leaving Fluixon at a loss on how to console him.
"Saps, wait–"
He didn't manage to spit it out before Saparata was already running, tripping over himself as he went down.
Fluixon didn't chase after him. Never did.
He was too much of a coward to do such a thing.
Maybe it was meant to be like this. Saparata was always too much, and Fluixon knew he would be the one to break him one day. Because that's how it always was, and now, it was going to be how it ended.
The sun continued to set around them while Saparata's form grew farther and farther away. And before Fluixon could even take a breath, a sharp cry cut him off. The sound made him flinch, eyes darting towards the boy who had fallen forward, landing wrong on his leg.
He slowly got up from the dust kicked up around him, body shaking from the strain.
“Saps..?” Fluixon’s voice was thin and tinny, even to his own ears. When there was no immediate response, he nearly sprinted over to his side, more careful now that he knew that the sand was disturbed. “Saps!”
The sight made him bury any residual feelings from before.
Saparata shook in place, head bowed between his shoulders. “I…”
Tears fell from his eyes, soaking into the ground below. Fluixon carefully got closer to him, trying to will himself to say something.
The white-haired boy’s breath hitched, suddenly turning into a laugh. “...I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”
He looked up slowly, face split in a grin but with tears still rolling down his cheeks. There was half a breath shared between them, before Saparata took a stumbling step towards the raven-haired boy and collapsed onto him. The cry from earlier echoed in Fluixon’s ears when his leg gave out from under him.
“I–”
“You don’t need to be sorry about anything.” Fluixon soothed, letting the other boy lean his weight onto him. “...Are you alright?"
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, “Yeah... Yeah, I’m fine, I think.”
Stubbornly, he still tried to right himself, slipping whenever any weight was put on one of his feet. With every attempt, he watched as Saparata’s face twisted in frustration and pain—a few tears slipping out when he thought the other wouldn’t notice.
Fluixon had never seen him so… afraid.
Afraid of him.
“You can’t walk like this. It’s too far from your house.” He decided to give a voice to the words they were both thinking of, glancing at the sun that was about to slip past the horizon.
“I–I know. I just… I don’t know.” The hands holding onto him tightened for a second, “What do you want me to do about it?”
His eyes trailed to the leg that was struggling to hold itself up—skin already blooming into different shades of red and purple. Then he looked up to Saparata, who wasn’t exactly very big compared to him.
Well, he could think of a way to get there.
“Here, let me–” He gripped his wrist, planting it firmly on his shoulder. “Hold on, okay?”
“Flux…” Saparata didn’t let go, letting Fluixon turn away from him. His entire body shivered when the other boy grabbed onto his thighs, adjusting him to go onto his back. “Wait–!”
It was slightly awkward trying to reorient both of them, but eventually, Fluixon managed to get him into a proper carry. His arms burned with the strain, not that he gave it any attention. He only stopped when Saparata flinched away from his touches, breaking off his focus to make sure he wasn't hurting.
“I’m carrying you back, no buts. Just tell me where to go.” The arm curling around his neck shook but the other boy gave him an affirmative noise.
The way back was quiet, with the only sounds being Saparata when he would feel the need to apologize again. It was a strange contrast to his usual self, who would fill blank moments with laughter.
“Flux?”
He hummed in acknowledgement.
“Do you hate me?”
…
“I don't think I do.”
Fluixon didn't think he could find it in himself to hate Saparata, no matter what he did.