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Days had passed, and Eddie could tell Buck was starting to feel better after being nursed all week following his fall into addiction. The whole team had been taking shifts so he wouldn’t be left alone with his temptations, but this time Eddie paid extra attention. He wasn’t going to let Buck deal with this alone. He gave him space, but he also wanted Buck to let him in—to tell him what was going on in his mind. And this time, he was going to ask.
Chris was out with his friends, so Eddie drove to Buck’s house. He’d bought pineapple pizza even though he hated it—just because he loved seeing Buck happy.
He had a key now, but he still knocked to let Buck know he was there before opening the door.
“Hey, buddy. How are you feeling?”
“Better,” Buck said. “Is that pizza?” He pointed as he walked toward Eddie, taking the box with a curious look.
“Hey, don’t judge. It’s pineapple pizza—your favorite.”
A big smile spread across Buck’s face. He put the box on the table while Eddie grabbed plates. He was used to the house—it felt like his.
“How’s the replacement?”
“I hate him. I need you back. You need to get better soon.”
“It’s not up to me. It’s up to the chain of command,” Buck said with a smirk, taking a bite. Eddie just rolled his eyes softly.
“Why aren’t you eating?”
“I still believe fruit doesn’t belong on pizza. I’m just happy to see you eat.”
“You know tomatoes are fruits, right?” Buck said with sass. “I made cookies—they’re in the oven.”
Buck didn’t even finish his sentence before Eddie was already on his feet, grabbing two for himself.
“Dude, you make the best cookies. I must say, I love your baking.”
They ate, talked, and laughed about their day, then went out to the backyard. The sun was setting, and the view was amazing.
“How’s therapy?” Eddie asked bluntly. He had decided he wouldn’t hold himself back anymore—if something was on his mind, he’d ask. If Buck didn’t answer, that was okay. He could try again another time.
“It’s fine. I’m trying,” Buck sighed. “I don’t like talking to a stranger.”
“I’m here, Buck. Do you feel okay telling me about what happened in New Mexico?” Eddie looked him in the eyes. “If you’re not ready, it’s okay. We can do it another day. I don’t want to push you.”
A moment of silence passed before Buck spoke. “Only if you talk about it too. I saw the look you gave Bonnie holding that gun… and I see how overprotective you’ve been since we got back.”
“I… kind of lost it a bit when I saw the gun in her hand. Bad thoughts started taking over. I thought they… I thought you were dead, and…” He paused. “I don’t know what I would do without you. I couldn’t bear the thought that they’d hurt you. I was ready to do anything to make her tell me where you were.”
“All I know is what I heard at the police station—that she wanted you to be her dead son. I know grief is different for everyone, but what she did… it’s not okay.”
Buck placed his hand over Eddie’s, grounding him.
Eddie recognized that look—the one that pulled you back into the worst moments. He knew it too well. He had dealt with PTSD alone, and he refused to let Buck do the same.
“I don’t know where to start,” Buck admitted, his voice soft and scared.
“Just tell me what happened.”
“I woke up in kid’s pajamas. Honestly, I don’t know how she got my size right,” Buck chuckled weakly. “At first, I didn’t register anything. I was dizzy… and you weren’t there. That scared me. I remembered the car accident, then I realized I was in a room—not a hospital. Bonnie was calling me Derek. I was confused, dazed… I couldn’t process anything. I kept thinking about you—where you were. I needed to get out, to find you, to save myself… but I couldn’t.”
He paused, then told Eddie about being tased, trying to escape, getting caught, tied up in that awful place. He admitted how tired he had been—how part of him had been ready to give up. Even in therapy, he hadn’t said that out loud. He missed Bobby. Everything was changing, and he didn’t know how to handle his grief.
He avoided Eddie’s eyes, afraid of being judged—but Eddie didn’t judge. He just held his hand, listening, trying not to break.
“Then I heard your voice,” Buck continued. “And it brought me back. I needed to save you. I was so scared… I tried to convince them to let you go. Chris needed you. He needed his father. I even said I’d be Derek if they didn’t hurt you. When I heard that gunshot… I lost it. I still have nightmares about what could’ve happened if she had actually shot you.”
“Damn it, Buck…” Eddie said softly, pulling him into a tight hug.
“Evan, you always act like you’re expendable—but you’re not. We need you… I need you.”
He pulled back slightly. “When I woke up in that hospital and didn’t find you… I think I lost my mind. The cops were accusing me of murdering you. I thought those guys from the restaurant had taken you. I didn’t know if you were alive… and it drove me insane. I had the team track your phone. I even jumped out of a window.”
“You were hurt,” Buck said, worried.
“I didn’t care. I had to find you. I even rode a horse to that diner,” Eddie added with a small laugh, easing the tension.
“When I saw the car at Bonnie’s house… and she was holding that gun… something in me snapped. The soldier in me took over. I was terrified. The thought of you being dead started to feel real… and when she wouldn’t answer me…” He swallowed. “Buck… I was ready to kill for you.”
Silence settled between them, both with teary eyes.
“Buck… I need you. You’re the one who grounds me. I have the 118, but you—you’re my family. Me and Chris need you. I can’t bear the thought of losing you… which is why you need to get better and come back.”
Buck smiled softly, overwhelmed, searching for words. Eddie was his light in the darkness—and he was that for Eddie too.
Eddie noticed Buck drifting into his thoughts again, and in that moment, something inside him clicked. He realized just how much Buck meant to him.
“Buck…”
Buck turned to look at him.
“I love you.”
They both froze.
Eddie’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, I’m sorry—I overstepped, I didn’t mean to—”
But Buck took his hand and pulled him into a hug.
“I love you too,” he said softly. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”