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2016-10-27
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You don't deserve it

Summary:

Sam knew those tattoed sentences worked as little conversations, one half had a question or a statement and the other an answer, maybe he had been just so unlucky to receive the answer. 
Of course he must have been the first one to talk, had mocked him his little brother at the time, with his big mouth it couldn't have been otherwise.

Notes:

Aaaaand I'm back with another Rafe/Sam! I swear these two are ruining my life. Anyway! In this au you don't have a tattoo of your soulmate's first words to you but something more like a random little conversation.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The tattoo on his wrist read "You don't deserve it".

Rafe remembered how excited he had been as a kid to discover what his soulmate's words would have been. His friends, or at least the older kids he met at parties with his parents, had all sort of cool words in the most different places.

Some had a simple "I love you" in neat black on their shoulders or collarbones, others more specific things like someone had recorded part of their future conversations and had written them down on their skin. One even had a little "Will you marry me, stupid dickhead" and it had made him laugh a lot back in time.

And as his tenth birthday had gotten closer his curiousity had become unbearable. It was what secretly made him smile every night, after a rough day alone in a mansion too big, thinking about different possibilities always seemed to soothe his sadness.

Those words were fundamental, had told him once his nanny, to recognize his soulmate. They weren't exclusive, sometimes people would end up with very generic phrases but only if pronounced by a soulmate would it make the tattoo tingle.

Soulmates weren't necessarily good, had told him another maid, they simply were people who would pay a big role in one's life, for better or for worse. One could even live their whole life and find their destined one in their time of death, or perhaps know them their whole life and realize it after years and years. 

His mother's tattoo was on her calf, a neat These pearls gracefully compliment your eyes. Something his father had told her three years after their marriage. 

His father's instead was a little I would say thank you but I think my leg is on fire. Rafe hoped his soulmate's words would equally be as funny.

Instead he had woken up with a small You don't deserve it on his wrist. Some would have thought of it as a blessing for it wasn't a generic statement but for someone like Rafe it was. How many times had his father or other envying classmates said it, he had lost count of it growing up. 

Everytime those words left somebody's lips Rafe felt a pang of pain. Not because of the poison they would deliver those unfair words with but because it never was his soulmate. Never.

It wasn't something you would expect your soulmate to tell you. What would that it even be? Would it be in the middle of a playful banter maybe? Or a deliberatly mean show of disgust?

The happiness he had felt thinking about his words had vanished pretty quickly. His parents had been surprised about them, but from the look in his father's eyes, he knew he thought it was what he deserved. How ironic.

He had soon learnt to hide his words behind long sleeves or bracelets, sometimes even with make-up. He would sleep around but never talk about them, knowing it would kill the mood immediately. 

It wasn't rare to have some awful words on one's skin. It happened very often, actually. Some had worse phrases, insults, threatens. It was scary to think soulmates could even be someone's robbers, abusers, killers. There were lots of horror movies about that but it was simply something very common. Soulmates didn't equal lovers.

It didn't quell Rafe's ache though, desperate to know how he could have managed to fuck even that up.

Only when those words came out of Sam-stupid, betrayer, asshole Drake's mouth and he answered with a sarcastic "You do?" did he understood.

He had jerked unconsciously with a burning fire in his wrist and Sam had gasped loudly. In that moment, when the sad realization dawned on him, he understood he could have never been prepared for the pain it brought him.

 

Sam recoiled in utter disbelief.

You do? had been very random when he had first found it on his chest, a few inches above his heart. It could've meant anything, people always said it with nonchalance, it was horrific. He thought it must have been the most terrible choice of words ever.

He knew those tattoed sentences worked as little conversations, one half had a question or a statement and the other an answer, maybe he had been just so unlucky to receive the answer. 

Of course he must have been the first one to talk, had mocked him his little brother at the time, with his big mouth it couldn't have been otherwise. 

He had grown up nearly always on edge, ready for the time someone would have pronounced those two meaningless words to make his skin tingle. 

Killing a guard, though, and ending up in a Panamanian prison for the rest of his life hadn't been in his plans and now thinking that the reason he had been stuck in there to begin with, and the reason he had evaded such a horrible life was his soulmate was a shock. 

Rafe Adler, psychotic rich brat and enemy who was making his life a living hell trying to kill both his brother and him was his fucking soulmate. 

When the sarcastic "you do?" rolled off his tongue, his frantic heartbeat  sped up and the burning feeling made him shiver. At least Rafe looked as shaken as him letting his gun fall down from his trembling hand.

Sam may have tried to take advantage of the situation in another context, but instead he stood still, frozen while his heart madly ached.

He faintly heard Nathan call his name and he knew just from his surprised voice that he must have understood the situation. It made him even more uneasy wondering if his little brother was now disappointed in him or disgusted. In a minute Rafe had revealed his bluff, the lie that almost made him lose his family and his soulmate's identity. 

Nadine rushed at Rafe's side but he didn't acknowledge her until she had her gun pointed on Sam. 

"Don't" he reached for the gun and she glared at him but still lowered it. 
She couldn't possibly know what was going on but Rafe couldn't care nevertheless, the crushing weight of knowing that Sam, the person that probably hated him most, was his soulmate making him falter.

There was silence for a few minutes, embarrassing silence. None of the people there knew what was happening except for the three of them but Rafe felt his skin crawling. It hurt more than he could have imagined. 

His soulmate was Sam, the only person he had trusted with his friendship but who had betrayed him for his brother. Sam, who thought Rafe didn't deserve Avery's treasure even though he had been the one to work the most, searching for years when Nathan had given up.

Rafe never gave up. Never gave up on Sam, he had looked for him and bribed his way out of prison after finding out he was alive. And what had Nathan done for him? Nothing.

With an unknown source of rage, Rafe knocked Sam to the ground, his fist connecting to his jaw. He knew Nathan was restraining himself because he knew, but he didn't care, suddenly all he wanted to do was punch Sam and hurt him just like he did to him.

Sam took it. He quietly let Rafe punch him once on the nose, on the cheekbone and he was sure after the beating he would have a black eye but it didn't matter. 

"It's all your fault" Rafe was screaming in his face "Do you have any idea how I felt growing up knowing that I didn't deserve it? I do! I deserve the treasure and respect and a better soulmate!"

Rafe hissed as Nathan tried to take him away from his brother but stood up hearing the clear click of guns. 

"Go away" Rafe growled at the rather confused looking mercenaries "Now!" 

While the sound of heavy footsteps told him they were following his order he knew without turning around that Nadine hadn't moved. He glared at Sam kicking him one more time for good measure.

"Rafe" Nadine called him "I don't care if you're soulmates, my men worked hard for this treasure, end this now or I will"

That was when Rafe snapped and slapped her. Nathan held his breath as the young mercenary touched her cheek in surprise. He reacted only when Nadine knocked the rich asshole down withdrawing her gun. 

"Woah wait there" he raised his arms putting himself between her and Rafe "Calm down ok? Everyone here needs to calm down"

Sam behind him slowly stood up spitting out blood "Yeah, we're too worked up now to think straight"

Rafe sneered getting up "Don't be stupid Nadine, you can't kill me"

"And what makes you think that? Because now you have your soulmate at your side? Be realistic Raphael, he hates you and quite honestly I'm tired of you too"

"We can talk about it" Nathan tried but Sam grabbed him and shoved him behind his back. 

"Nadine, you want the treasure, fine-"

"I don't want the damn treasure, I'm sick of it"

"Then you can go away with your men and we won't stop you"

"You won't stop me?" Nadine laughed bitterly "I'm not scared of you three miserable thieves. But do you have any idea of how many of my men died for this expedition? Because you" she pointed her gun at Sam's chest "pathetic, insignificant Samuel Drake decided to use us, use him, and run away to your brother"

Sam swallowed hard, the lump in his throat making it difficult.

"I'll tear this place down and whether you'll live or die, I honestly don't care" she drew back slowly "I'm sorry Rafe but it's over"

"Nadine" he hissed "Don't you dare-"

"Take another step and I'll shoot you" she took the receiver in her pocket walking away "Johnson I'm getting out, ready to blow this place to the ground in a minute"

Sam started towards her "Nadine don't-"

"I'm sorry" she shot him in the shoulder, then fired her gun again making the moldy wood crumble blocking the only way out. 

"Sam!" Nathan shot forward taking his brother in his arms while Rafe tried to clear the path "Are you ok?" 

Sam gave him a tight smile while clutching his teeth "Sure, little brother, it's all ok. I'm fine, it just grazed me"

"Are you kidding me?" Nathan teared a piece of fabric from his shirt using it as a makeshift bandage to knot around the wound "It's bleeding a lot, it must hurt like a bitch"

Sam shook his head straightening himself "No, don't worry" he looked at Rafe "Rafe, Nadine won't come back, we need to find another way out before this place blows up"

Nathan frantically looked around and ran to the edge of the platform "Ok so we should be able to climb down the rock wall into the river but it doesn't look safe at all"

A loud explosion made the ground under their feet tremble and soon black smoke and flames flared up enclosing the wood collapsed building.

Sam ran to him "Well, this will make do"

"Crap" Nathan gripped the edge and started to descend grasping any ledge he could find "Sam come on! They won't stop till the damn cliff is destroyed"

"I'm coming" Sam put a hand on Rafe's shoulder "Rafe, we need to go now"

"No, the treasure" he muttered "It was so near, how could Nadine do this to me" he looked up, his eyes finally focusing on him "It's all your fault"

Sam clutched him tighter "Fine but now come with me" another explosion made him sway "Trust me"

Rafe snorted "How ironic" he shrugged his hand off "I should have let you rot in that cell, Samuel. How stupid I've been to think you could have been grateful for once, so naïve giving you all I had just for you to turn your back on me for Nate!"

The ground shook threatening and Sam grew irritated "Grateful? Killing Vargas hadn't been part of the plan, it was your fault to begin with"

"You think I would have killed him if I knew someone would have died because of it? I did what I thought was best for the three of us. Remember it was you who got me into Avery's history"

"Then maybe I shouldn't have, but now let's go or we'll die"

"Sam" Nathan shouted "What are you doing?"

"Why do you want me to come with you if you hate me this much? Just leave me here, it's what I deserve"

"I won't leave you here, don't be a fucking moron" 

"Why?" Rafe yelled shoving him.

"Because I fucking care about you!"

Rafe's eyes widened as the ground under Sam's feet caved in and he suddenly fell down. He desperately looked down the edge and saw him dangle from a single arm at least thirteen feet from the ground.

He heard Nathan scream his brother's name and Sam looked up. Rafe quickly extended his hand to him.

"Samuel, take my hand" 

He felt shivers roll down his spine, the situation too much alike to the one he had seen fifteen years before. Only this time there wouldn't be nothing to soften his fall or any miraculous doctor to save Sam's life. 

Sam tentatively raised his other arm and gritted his teeth when his fingers latched onto his. Rafe grasped his arm tight between both his two hands and pulled, stopping fearful when Sam cried out in pain.

"My arm" Sam hissed through clenched teeth "Nadine shot me in the shoulder"

Rafe swallowed "I have to pull, it will hurt". When Sam nodded with eyes shut he began to pull again with all his strength. 

Nathan looked hopelessly up and resumed climbing down only when he was sure Sam had gripped the edge and was safe. 

Rafe panted, his heart racing frantically in his chest. He stared at Sam who let out a sigh of relief and opened his eyes with a little laugh. The look of pure disbelief made him chuckle too, though knowing that Sam had been sure to die should have disturbed him more.

"If you two have stopped laughing like idiots" they heard Nathan shout from the bottom of the rocky wall "You should climb down before the cliff crumbles and you both die"

Sam snorted and turned to Rafe. He nodded. They were ready to escape.

 

 

Nathan wasn't the only one waiting for them with his knees deep into the river. Sam grinned as Elena glared at him with raised eyebrows. 

"You made it" she greeted them sarcastically "Thought I had to call Sully to drag your asses down that wall"

Rafe frowned "I suppose this is Elena Fisher, the infamous wife"

Elena shook his hand before punching him in the face. Rafe stumbled back.

"This is for trying to kill my husband, asshole" she then hugged him "And this is for saving my newly-found brother-in-law"

Rafe stood still, pretty much confused. She patted his back twice and moved away to her husband's side. Nathan glared at him.

"Of course he wouldn't have been in this mess if it wasn't for you-"

"But you saved me, thank you" Sam interferred putting a hand on his shoulder. Rafe looked up at him, saw his smile and shrugged his hand off. He took a step back.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I don't deserve it. I- I was so out of control, completely blinded by Avery's treasure" his eyes unfocused again "I would have killed you"

Sam took a step forward "You didn't"

Rafe shook his head "Just because I was distracted by our words, our soulmate words"

"It doesn't matter" Elena replied "You didn't, that's important! You found your soulmate, how can you not be thrilled by that?"

He looked at her like she was crazy "It doesn't change anything. Listen, we should have never met. Samuel, you shouldn't have contacted me, it was all a mistake"

"It wasn't Rafe" Sam sighed "Look, soulmates are connected for a reason right? We met because we were meant to, we started with the wrong foot but now-"

"Now what? We're going to pretend nothing ever happened, this mess never happened and we're going to buy a nice home and live happily ever after?"

"You know, I don't want to hear any of this" Nathan cried out taking a step back. Elena caught him by the hem of the shirt. 

"It won't be easy but I'm not saying we have to forget everything and find somewhere to fuck just because we have a fucking tattoo on our skin"

Nathan grumbled but they ignored him. 

"But what we can do is go far away from Avery, from the treasure and start again. We get to know each other, maybe even become friends and then we simply make it up as we go"

"How can I trust you, Samuel?" Rafe's eyes bored into him, ice against fire "I made that mistake once, look where it took me. You would have left me to die if it weren't for these stupid black words on my wrist"

"That's not the right spirit to face it" Sam joked but regretted it when Rafe's glare intensified "You want to know why I left? Fine. It wasn't because I wanted to hurt you. Thirteen years in that cell and suddenly you show up and I'm a free man again. Then I discover you did it because you needed me, needed my knowledge about Avery's history. I was pissed off with you, maybe even with Nate"

"Hey!" Elena elbowed his husband in the side.

"I didn't think about how the guards may had buried any trace of my survival to make it look like I was dead. I thought you didn't care, that my brother had left me alone and that you had come looking for me only in time of need. I was hurt and at the same time happy you were treating me like you were genuinely relieved to see me. I was confused and disappointed and though I enjoyed working and living with you, running away to Nate was always part of my plan. I only had to wait for the perfect moment and when we found the second cross- I knew it was time to go"

Sam then turned to his brother "I'm sorry Nate and I'm sorry Elena. I lied to you, I made you think I was in danger and tricked you into coming with me nearly ruining your marriage. But I'm glad Elena is half as mad as us and actually came back for you. I just hope one day you'll be able to forgive me"

At the end of his little speech Sam lowered his head. Rafe didn't know what to say, thinking about what Sam had said. Nathan was surprised too by his brother's honest admission.
It was Elena who broke the uneasy silence with a slow "aw".

She hugged him tight very mother-like "I've already forgiven you, idiot. Besides, like you said, I came back and I don't see divorce as part of our life for the foreseeable future. And I bet Nate's already forgiven you too"

Nathan grinned joining the hug "Sure. It took you nearly falling to your death, but sure"

Sam laughed soon joined by the other two. Now there was just one unresolved matter.

After Elena and Nathan had decided there had been way too much family affection for an year they deemed it better to catch up with Sully before running again into Nadine. 

Elena showed them the way, constantly communicating with Sully who hadn't been thrilled to know Rafe was coming with them but had gladly greeted Sam. 

Rafe walked a few steps behind, Sam by his side. They hadn't talked yet since Sam's confession, lost in his own thoughts. Only when the plane came into view did he dare turn to Sam. 

"I looked for you for days" he mumbled. He sighed when Sam looked at him with confusion "At first I thought you had gone out to get breakfast or cigarettes, I don't know. Then I grew impatient and asked Nadine's men to look for you. I was worried something was preventing you from coming back. It was Nadine who after five days told me you had probably ditched me to go to your brother. I think I had known it all along but didn't want to take it into consideration, not really"

Sam stared at him biting his lip. He hadn't meant to hurt him, he really hadn't. Rafe was looking ahead, his eyes gazing into oblivion.

"I liked it" Sam cleared his throat awkwardly "I mean, staying with you. Wether we were in Scotland or America, I simply enjoyed your company"

"Then why?"

"I already told you"

Rafe stopped walking and looked into his eyes "I wouldn't have left you, I would have never betrayed you. I liked you"

Sam stopped dead in his tracks. Elena and Nathan kept walking not realizing they were not behind them anymore.

"I knew Nathan despised me but you- you treated me like an actual human being and not some rich asshole who just happened to have some interests in common. When you died" he stopped "Well, nearly died anyway. I looked for you, I wanted to at least give you a decent burial. I was fucking heartbroken. Then Nate went away but I didn't stop searching for the treasure. I owed you that"

"Then I find some Sam Drake was rotting in prison, alive. I did whatever I could to get you out and when we started working together- I finally felt it again. I fucking fell in love with you and you just left me!" Rafe blurted out without thinking.

Sam started. Rafe had been in love with him and he had just walked away without a word. There weren't words to explain how awful he felt or how he wanted to fix his incredible fuck-up and make it all right for Rafe. So he did the only thing he could think of. 

Sam gently cupped Rafe's jaw with a hand and, bowing his head a little, touched their lips together. Rafe froze under his touch but he kept his lips over his patiently waiting. Finally, he felt his muscles relax and the tension go away and Rafe was suddenly kissing him with a burning passion.

He supposed that was just Rafe's style. The young man always did everything with unbelievable intensity and never for the sake of doing something. 

When his lips parted, their kiss became a lot messier and more heated and Sam felt Rafe's hands pulling on his hair, making him dip his head even lower. 

It was Nathan's fake gagging that made them part to look over to the plane where Elena cheered loudly and Sully patted hilariously Nate's head. 

Sam laughed scratching his neck and saw Rafe's own lips quirk up in a little smile. 

Ironic how the one who didn't deserve the other's love had instead been him all along.

Notes:

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