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“So, how long have you been together?” Grace asked me.
“One hundred eighty nine point three years,” I convert into human years for my friend.
“Woah! That’s a lot of years.” I learned that, when humans are happy or want to show friendliness, they ‘smile’: show mouth bones and elevate the corners of their lips. Now, Grace is smiling. I interpret it as him being happy for me.
“Is not enough,” I hum, an octave lower, but he still understands what I say.
He doesn’t make any sounds, besides his beating heart and liquids in his leaky space blob body. Then, he ‘nods’: moving his head up and down.
—
“How long humans live, question?”
“Well, the average human lifespan is about eighty human years,” Grace starts explaining, “But some people can live up to a hundred, for example…”
I hear him, but can’t bring myself to listen. Only eighty years? How many years old is Grace already? How many years does he have left? What will i do when—
“Hey, Rock?” He is now closer, gently tapping on the xenonite separating us. “Everything alright?”
“Eighty years too little. How old Grace, question?” The notes come out too fast and chaotic, but he seems to get most of it.
“Ah,” my human looks away and closes his ‘eyes’, the fragile organs humans use to see light waves, “Don’t worry about it, I’m already older than I could have ever got without your help, and I’m not the one to resist the way of life.”
He is avoiding the question. “Tell how old Grace. Please.”
He immediately looks back at me, and his heartbeat quickens. Nervous. He starts doing weird movements with his fingers, which he usually calls ‘fidgeting’ or ‘stimming’, similar to how Eridians would tap their legs absent-mindedly, or to hear the surroundings better.
“I- I don’t think you should—” His limbs tense, but then he takes a deep breath. “While all the relativity stuff most certainly altered the age i would have on Earth, by Hail Mary’s Universal Time, I’m about—”
—
The rest of the memory is interrupted by Grace ‘petting’ my carapace through the xenonite suit.
“Rock?” he calls me, and I scoot closer to sit just above his chest. He is laying on his bed, his lower part of the body under the quilt humans made specifically for the members of the Hail Mary. He’s smiling, and his skin is easier for me to observe now that it’s covered in wrinkles. Despite not being able to talk as much as he used to even in human language, he still always makes an effort to call me, Adrian, and our offspring by our names out loud. He then reaches for a button on the bed, and now transmits his thoughts into Eridian language through the device invented by the best engineers 7 years ago. “I think it’s time.”
He has already bid farewell to his students, and Adrian and ‘pebbles’, as he called them, visited just half an earth hour ago. He was waiting for me.
He said he made peace with the short period of human life 44 times that year. Because I asked him if there is any way to extend it 26 times, and Adrian asked the same another 18 times, and Grace always smiled and comforted both of us.
I knew Adrian tried their best to find something, anything, to prevent us saying goodbye so early. But, in the end, Grace helped them accept his fate, and stop worrying as much. “Don’t think about how sad it will be after I die, think about how good the present moment is, while I'm right in front of you!”
But I was always a stubborn one. “Grace… are you…”
“Yes,” The pre-recorded voice said, “I am ready.”
I get even closer to his face, one of my claws gently stroking his hair. I now remember the first time I watched him sleep. Ever since then, I've wanted to do this: touch this weird space blob’s hair, examine every little feature of his face and body, hum lullabies while he sleeps, his heart beating slowly and peacefully. Of course, as soon as I made a flexible xenonite suit, I started doing exactly this at least every two days, with Adrian humming along beside me.
“I understand.” My voice is a mess. I still can’t accept it. Why is it never enough years, never enough moments together, never enough things discussed, never enough words whispered when no one was around, never enough time?
I know I act selfish. Grace is waiting for me and me only, and I can't bring myself to do a favor he asked me of a decade ago. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose the sound of your heart, your facial expressions, your weird and annoying habits, the way you never swear and tell me not to do it either, your laugh, your hands, your hair… the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, your hugs… I will miss it all.”
“I know. I will miss you too. I will miss you, Adrian, and pebbles, and my biodome.” I felt his hand on the side of my carapace. “But I lived the best life I could ever ask for. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Don’t think about the tragedy of me not being here. I lived well and fully. I leave happily, with you by my side.”
“Grace.” I start, trying to hold the low, devastated thrums to myself, “Promise… Promise to wait on the other side.”
He freezes, and exhales, a tear running down his cheek, “I promise to wait for you and Adrian, and when we meet again, we will all hug together. But, before that… Promise to live your life for as long as you can. Live for Erid, for Earth, for Adrian, for me.”
“Promise. I will live long and well.”
He gives me a thumbs down.
I repeat the gesture.
It’s time.
And anythin’ you need, i will provide,
A ride home or an alibi,
I slowly get off Grace’s chest, and Armando takes the needle out of his arm and gives him the breathing mask connected to a small oxygen tank. He smiles at me, fully relaxing and breathing deeply. He puts the oxygen supply tank on his stomach and nods.
I know the traffic light you can speed right by
‘Cause the camera’s down,
I gently pick him up. His body is so light and fragile, it reminds me of newborn Eridians. Soft, and so, so precious.
I hold him above my carapace with three of my limbs, and his back rests on my xenonite suit. I walk to the airlock.
And I follow New York plates to the county line,
I ignore ’em when they wave on 89
We walk out of Grace’s house, and he looks in the distance, listening to the waves.
I wish everything stayed the same. I wish I could sit by the beach with Grace and Adrian until the end of times. I wish I could talk to them for hours, with Grace laughing at his own jokes, Adrian asking him a ton of questions about human biology, and all three of us breaking into a pleasant hum and purr of sheer love and comfort.
I almost forget about the present moment, but Grace pats his hand on my body, signaling to continue. We enter the airlock, and it starts depressurising. Grace relaxes and presses his cheek to my claws.
The minute that September hits,
I'm going off my medicine, oh
The door on the other side opens, and my suit disappears. Only after I walk out into the Eridian atmosphere do I hear Grace.
Late August angst, and a pointless night—
He is suffering. His skin is burning and sizzling, his heart beats extremely fast, his insides are basically screaming. This is a bad idea. This is the worst idea. We need to go back immediately. I need to call Armando and Adrian and put Grace back in his bed and—
Ooh, and the feeling of being alive,
He squeezes my leg and hugs my carapace. His tears turn to steam when they fall on my scars, but he’s holding onto me stronger than ever before. He screams and coughs, but through all these sounds I hear him say,
“Ro… cky… h… ug…”
The next second, we sit on the ground, pressing our bodies together and feeling each other’s skin without any walls between us. I try my best not to scream and cry his name too loud, but all I can think about is the fact that this is our first and last hug. Grace’s tears stain my body, but I can't care less. The only thing I want right now is to stay in his embrace, his tender cold arms hissing against my carapace and the air around.
For the first time, in a long time.
I feel him lose energy, and everything falls silent. I am scared. I can’t take it. I can’t bear his death. But deep down, I know he wanted me to do exactly that.
It was his plan that he shared with me 10 years, 2 months and 24 days ago: to be as close to each other for one last time.
“Rock… trust… tha… nk… love… you…”
I can no longer hear his heartbeat.