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Simon didn’t notice. Sitting just inches away from each other, as they both sat on the edge of the bed, he didn’t notice that Grace hadn’t moved for almost thirty minutes. Shifting in his position and constantly fidgeting with the sheets. Normally, Grace would be doing something. Watching a movie, playing a game, ditching the cabin entirely to work on something in the lab. And, usually, Simon would’ve noted the absence of this behavior. It was one of the biggest differences between them. Where Grace moved as if being stationary would kill him, Simon was good at sitting still. He was used to it, and he had gotten even more used to it during prison. He could just stare at a wall and find some kind of peace. On this particular day, he was finding that peace with a book. He’d found that reading on a touch-screen tablet was the most ideal for his one-handed struggles, but it still took some getting used to. Every other five pages he’d find the instinct to swipe with his left hand, until he realized he didn’t have one and had to think harder about using his thumb. He got really attached to reading the past week, especially non-fiction material. Learning about Earth and it’s history was really starting to help him break down what was the truth and what was fabrications that the many groups from his time put together as a way to keep themselves going. Plus, it was a good way to pass the time whenever they were forced to watch Rocky sleep.
But usually, not long after Rocky succumbed to sleep, Grace would be off doing who-knows-what and Simon would still be sitting across the paralyzed alien. And yet there they were. Both sitting together. Both unmoving. And Simon should’ve observed that by now, but he was so focused on his reading and so welcomed by Grace’s company that he didn’t. He didn’t see it, didn’t acknowledge it at all. He hadn't even properly acknowledged that their relationship had gotten significantly closer the past few days. In fact, neither of them had.
The hug. The face touching. The fact that Simon would call Grace “Ryland” now. All big developments. And not a word had been spoken about it. Simon didn’t notice. But Grace definitely did.
“Hey, Simon?”
“Yeah?” Simon didn’t even look up from the tablet.
“Where… um…. Where do you see this going?”
Ok, that one made him put the tablet down. Simon turned to his fellow human companion and arched an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Like -” Grace moved his hand back and forth between himself and Simon, “- this.”
“What like… us?”
“Is -” He hummed, and then leaned in a bit more. “Is there an ‘us?’”
“I…” Simon was a little stunned. He didn’t know how to answer that. “You’re losing me a little.”
“It’s just, I’ve never done this before. With… a guy - a-and there’s nothing wrong with that! O-or rather the last time I did this it uh… it had a lot of problems, kind of involving me. Ok, no, mostly involving me. And she didn’t understand why I was so hesitant on taking further steps or why I never seemed excited to sleep with her, but I just did it because it was something you did, so -”
Simon felt like his head was spinning, only catching every other word from Grace’s nervous rambling. “Whoa whoa, slow down Ryland. What are you talking about?”
“Sex. Do you want sex?”
An uncomfortable silence hung in the air. Grace scrunched up his face in regret as Simon gaped at him in complete shock. And maybe a little bit of horror.
“WHAT?!”
“That came out wrong.”
“How else did you want that to come out?!”
“No I -” He inhaled slowly through his nose. “I’m asking if you want sex. Like, is that… is that something you want from me.”
“I don’t know! Do you want to have sex?”
Grace blinked, hesitant to answer. “Um… no…?”
“Then why are you asking?!” The ex-convict’s voice kept raising an octave the more baffled he became.
“I don’t know, it’s what people do! In relationships! When they get, you know, close! So I wanted to know if that’s where this was going!”
“I don’t even know what ‘this’ -” Simon repeated the hand waving gesture between the two of them that Grace was doing earlier, “- is!”
“Me either!”
Both men let out an exasperated sigh. It remained quiet between them for a beat, until Grace couldn’t hold it in anymore. He let out a snort and then started chuckling to himself.
“God, I really haven’t done this in so long.”
He flopped his back onto the mattress of the bed, staring up at the high ceiling of the ship. Simon shifted uncomfortably, still processing the whole conversation. Eventually, he decided to follow suit, slowly laying down next to Grace, facing that same, dark high ceiling.
“Did you ever date anyone, Simon?”
Simon shrugged. “Eden didn’t really have ‘dating’. You did what you had to for survival.”
“I only ever really had one girlfriend, back in college. Er, after college I guess. It didn’t last very long. And I just… I always felt like I was doing it wrong somehow. I don’t know, it’s stupid.”
Simon turned his head to the side, getting a better look at Grace’s face. Even with only a profile view, he was seeing the scientist’s uncertainty and timidness. It made him ponder all of it. Not just their current weird-ass talk, but everything between them that had led up to that point. Whatever he had with Grace, it wasn’t like anything he experienced before. But was it love? The romantic or sexual love that Grace was suggesting? It didn’t feel like it was. He felt safe, secure, understood. He felt cared about and appreciated. Perhaps that was love on some definition, but he wasn’t wanting anything more from it. This was the most he had ever had. To ask for more, to desire for more, it almost felt ungrateful. But even if he didn’t feel that way, that he was being ungrateful, he still wasn’t feeling anything else. This was good. Pleasant, even. Did there need to be more?
“Ryland…” Simon said. “Do you want this to be… I don’t know, something else?”
“Honestly? Not really, no. I don’t know what ‘this’ -” He did the hand gesture again, this time it causing Simon to let out a small chuff with a smile, “- is. But I’m happy with how it is right now. I never cared about all that other stuff. The… you know.”
“Yeah, I know. I never needed it either. Wanted it. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”
Grace turned his head towards Simon. “What do you want?”
Simon thought to himself for a moment. “Someone to give a shit about me would be nice. But I guess I already have that.”
He peered over at Grace, and saw his companion staring at him in awe, lips curving upwards. A look that spoke of endearment and joy. Simon couldn’t help it, for that expression made him smile a little too. He never had someone look at him like that before. It was nice.
“And you?” Simon asked, breaking their brief silence.
Grace’s eyes shifted, peering up at the ceiling again. “I guess I like knowing I’m not the only human to survive a doomed space expedition to save humanity, so I’m not the only one sitting here with lots of feelings of guilt and shame. And a hug every once in a while would be nice. I can’t really hug Rocky, his ball is in the way.”
Simon laughed again. It was a sound he only recently began to make more and more. He didn’t notice that Grace’s face seemed to brighten at it. “I think I can work with that.”
The scientist’s grin grew a tad wider. He then took in a long, deep breath, before arching himself upwards and sliding himself off the bed. “Well, I think I'm gonna go hang in the lab for a bit.”
Simon sat up himself. As he watched Grace walk away, he felt something stir within him. Something that was new, but familiar at the same time. Mixed in with the similar feelings he had gotten everytime he looked at Grace. Everytime he realized how lucky he was. Everytime that he realized that he was finally fulfilled. Finally happy. Finally alive.
“Hey Ryland?”
Grace turned around. “Yeah?”
The ex-convict’s eyes became misty, the mixture of the low light and tears brightening the red iris color of his left eye. “I’m really glad I’m not alone anymore.”
Grace smiled. “Me too.”