Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Every time he got a text back from him, he felt slightly better. It was a taste from a paradise he won't be having the chance to live in, so he enjoyed it as much as he could.
He let himself indulge in day dreams of a loving relationship, where cuddles and the scent of chocolate morphed into a gentle smile that only he would have the pleasure to see.

This time, he was not sure how he felt.

Four words. It took four words to wreck him.

Was he happy?

Was he sad?

Disappointed?

Staring at his phone, he read the same thing over and over again, and yet he did not understand what he was reading.

His mind took him to the easy and most predictable human way of thinking; a joke. It has to be one, it should be one, but he knew the man. A cruel joke like that would have never have him as a victim, he would probably be helping him with it.
So, no. That was not a joke.

He didn't want it to get so out of hand, what they were doing was supposed to be an illusion, a mere ghost of what they shouldn't have in the real world. A simple dream, and those were just that.

The screen of his phone received the first few drops. And it did not stop.

Normally, he would cry over different things, and for numerous reasons. Everyone in the house knew he was a crybaby as much as his second older brother under closed doors. But this time he had no control over it.

He had the audacity to make it real, and that terrified him beyond words.

Gripping his phone like it could disappear any second, he sobbed to calm his heart.

Whatever his brothers were doing stopped the second they heard the youngest cry. However, they were unsure how to approach him with the sudden display of emotions, after all they didn't know what caused such reaction.

Osomatsu took the lead as always, asking him what was wrong, in exchange he received nothing more than uncontrollable tears.

I love you, Todomatsu.

Why?

He knew very well why, he felt it with every fiber of his body, it was written in his actions the desire to make him happy, to see him smile in his direction.
The problem was the sole reason why they never made it official in the first place, even after years of seeing each other, they still ached for something else. Approval, perhaps? Nevertheless, both of them shared similar goals in life, the most important was being able to fit in society, make their parents proud, give them some grandchildren for god's sake.

All that seemed to shatter so fast, breaking the perfect lies both of them constructed with utmost precaution to protect the growing love they fondly kept as a selfish secret from everyone but a close circle of friends.

What he did was taboo. No matter what or how strong they felt towards each other, those words were out of their reach, because it made everything...real.

His thoughts were forced to an abrupt stop when one of his brothers started to rub circles on his back. Looking at them reminded him of the high chances of losing his family he would have to face if he followed that path with him.

Who was he trying to convince when there was no 'if' in that line of thoughts.

He was going to lose them all, knowing that deep down he already made a choice. Once again, his eyes brimmed with fearful tears, pushing breathless cries between his lips, this time over his imminent lost.

Was he being a dry monster for wanting to chase after what could be the best thing happening to him in his whole life? To go after someone that made him feel special? Someone that was as much of an asshole as he was, that wore the same socially accepted mask every day as he did, that understood him in ways his brothers never could. Was it really that bad?

If he looked at it from their point of view, it sounded like another dick move from his part.
However, that wasn't the only thing clouding his mind.
Was it worth the risk? Going all out to face a harder path than the majority of people, and yet, having no idea if they were going to be strong enough to stay together and force their way through a society that was still judgemental. What if that was too much for them? For him? What then? He could barely hold his head high nor talk about how he really felt with his own family. He had to swallow his own words many times over the years just to avoid the shame he could bring to his parents.

But he wanted to, he wanted to go for it so bad. Because the mere thought of knowing that his lover was going to spend the rest of his life with another person, a faceless beautiful woman, was excruciatingly painful, bringing him to tears on silent nights.

His phone buzzed one more time, and then another. He didn't stop crying, but he tried to wipe the fat tears away with his free hand before he checked his phone.

I'm not sorry for breaking our pact...

Actually, I can't imagine you with anyone else if it's not me.

What a selfish asshole. He was going to make him cry an ocean in one day, and a happy one with how easy he made him giggle in his misery.

He was still hoping for the best, just like him.

Come and say that to my face.

Then I'll think about it.

But I make no promises~

Todomatsu was aware that he was sharing the room with his older brothers, that they saw him break down and heard him drown in confusion, however, exchanging some words with him made everyone turn into cosmic dust. Claiming a privacy they did not own by any means.
He heard them calling, not once or twice, but four times before he acknowledged them, dragging him back to reality.
Still, a bit out of it, he looked at his oldest brother, who firmly stared back at him with a blank look in his eyes.

"Who's Atsushi?" he demanded.

The others did nothing to help one or the other, instead, they stayed put, waiting for one of them to stray so they could interfere.

Any other time, he would have been scared of him if he found out about what it was his biggest secret until now, but he didn't feel the need to lie nor respond to him, which in this case, infuriated his older brother even more for how scolding hot he could sense him; he was about to do something he would regret. No surprise there.

"Todomatsu. Who is Atsushi!?" he tried again, making his intentions of getting an answer clear by using the same hand that tried to sooth his pain away to keep him in place with an iron grip on his shoulder, and slamming his other fist on the table.
It was a loud call for the rest to get in the way before things got out of hand. So they did, enraging a short tempered Osomatsu.

"Calm down Osomatsu!" Karamatsu interfered prying the oldest hand away from the youngest body.

Having a delicate complexion like his, made it easy to get bruises, but compared to what he did last time to his face, this was nothing, alltought a bit painfull for both his body and heart.

He was right.

He was going to lose them.

Todomatsu turned the whole discussion into white noise, he could only see it unleash like an old movie. Slow, predictable, every little movement they took showed him what his life was going to be like from now on. He was not ready for such a thing, maybe it wasn't late to take a step back and … and what? Tell all of them that was how he texted with his friends? No one would believe such a thing.
Osomatsu was yelling at him, Karamatsu kept him in place not saying a word, Choromatsu was talking to him; he seemed a bit more calm. Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu gave him a worried look in their own ways.
It was a disaster.
He wanted to hide and pretend nothing happened. Rewind these last minutes and change it all.

With his phone secured in his hand, he looked down to his feet, still lost in that cold silence that kept him safe. Maybe he should just stop. Atsushi was going to move on, he was going to move on, everything was going to be fine and like it should be. Yeah, that was it.
As fast as he could, he unlocked his phone and stared at it.
All the words were, once again blurry.

He could not do that. Even if he texted him something that he knew was going to hurt, he was underestimating him, knowing that he was going to notice with the first words how strange he was behaving, he would skin him piece by piece until he reached the peak of his actions in minutes. Atsushi was no fool, and neither was he.
His eyes moved to their old texts. Right, he invited him to the storm, hopefully he could be his blind eye.

"Todomatsu? Are you listening?" looking up at where the voice came from, he met with Choromatsu's face. When did he get so close? "Todomatsu?"

"Hm?" that was not what he had in mind when he thought of saying something.

"You can't play the oblivious card with us now" added Osomatsu, keeping his stance at the verge of losing it to his raw emotions "Is one thing to go out with girls without telling us or flat out ignoring us, but it is a whole nother story if you do it with a guy!"

There it was.

The look he was giving him was atrocious, they all were staring at him in disbelief and at some extent understanding Osomatsu's outrageous reaction. If for them learning about himself and saving a fundamental piece of him to embrace a terrifying marked freedom that would lead him to his very own happiness, was something to be frown upon, then he already lost them.

"We told you several times not to wear so many girly things! We let you do it because we saw you going out with those pretty girls! But now this!? For how long have you been doing this shit!?"

"Osomatsu, that's enough..." Karamatsu's words were forgotten like any other time.

"With how many guys have you been 'going out'!? Fuck, Todomatsu!! Are you doing it for money!? Attention!?"

"Shut up, already!!"

He knew he was no angel, he'll never be a 'good person', but he was sure he did not deserve to be treated like that by anyone. Whatever hope he had to be accepted was crushed into dust with all those horrid words nailing in his core as a label to remind him what he wasn't anymore.
For some twisted reason, his mind took him to the Sutabaa incident, and how understanding Osomatsu was at the reason behind his unforgivable lie. And yet, the same person could not even talk to him.

"H-how dare you!?" he was so full and heavy of bottling everything up, this was not supposed to happen, but here he was. "Y-you had no right to look at my private conversations! Let alone to comment on them like this!"

"Maybe I didn't, but something was fucking bothering you and I am not stupid to not notice that huge drama you made by yourself! We all did! I just never thought you were going to end like a fucking faggot!?"

He finally did it.

Todomatsu lost his breath hearing that coming from him. Everyone stared at him in complete silence, seeing how the color of his face disappeared, freeing his body from the blinding rage that clouded his mind, but that, had no validation for Todomatsu. The damage was done.

"...T-todomatsu...I"

"You didn't mean it? What part?" throwing everything out of the window, he took his default set of mind and put it in charge, having only one thing impeding him from crying his heart out. To hurt him back. "Come on enlighten me," tilting his head to the side and forcing one of those cat like smiles of his, he leaned closer to him. "Come on, you were going to force some sense in me, why did you stop? Hm? At least tell me what part you did not mean" getting no response, the youngest straightened up bringing his index finger to his bottom lip while he hummed nonsense, only to stop seconds later. "See? You meant every single word."

"Totty..." Ichimatsu stopped the second youngest wanting to interfere. It was too late for that.

"Still nothing to say? Good." walking to him, he stopped when they were face to face, nose almost touching. "You are dead to me, Osomatsu" he said, loud and clear. The perfect counter attack and the final blow.

Defeated, the older seemed to run those words in repeat not quiet understanding what they meant. The others were at the same catatonic state while Todomatsu walked out of the room and to the bathroom to freshen up.
Once he found himself in complete solitude, he clutched the sides of the sink, letting the water go down the drain along with his unstoppable tears. His throat caged every other sound wanting to come out, making him sound like an animal in pain.

Scratching the sink once, twice. He heavily breathed.

Why did it have to happen like this? Why couldn't it be like others stories? One where they would accept him, love him, just like he was. One where they would hug him to calm him down, where Osomatsu would talk to him about how worried he actually was. Not that forced coming out story of horror.
Todomatsu wanted to believe that he was not going to fall into that shade of misfortune for not straight people. After all, he had watched and read enough of those stories to be afraid of a start like that.

Oh god.

God, no.

He was not going to be strong enough to get close to their parents. What if their reactions were just like his? Or worst? He was not capable of physically stopping his own brothers, how was he going to attempt running away from his father? What about his mother? She was always talking about grandchildren. How was he going to explain it all?

He didn't deserve this.

He shouldn't have to think about all that disaster.

What happened was not his decision, he did not plan to come out at a time so critical like out of the fucking blue. Todomatsu wanted to do it as properly as he could, having all of them at the same time to save himself if everything turned sour. Not to repeat it again and be utterly terrified by the simple idea of it.

"Totty?"

A soft knock on the door broke his line of thoughts, Todomatsu tried to shove all his emotions back in as fast as he could while he splashed cold refreshing water onto his face. When he felt absolutely clean, he looked on the mirror at his pitiful sight before quickly fixing himself up.

He took deep breaths and opened the door. Jyushimatsu was still waiting for him.

"Totty..." he started, but for some reason decided to swallow whatever he was going to say, instead he choose to gave him a huge smile. "Someone's looking for you."

"Thank you...nii-san."

He walked straight to the front door, ignoring the quiet murmurs in the next room, he put his shoes on and opened the door.

As soon as he locked eyes with Atsushi, his whole facade crumbled. He must have felt it too, for how tight he was embraced, drowning in his favorite cologne; a scent that only made sense in his head when he wore it. His hands found the slender part of his back while the other merged with the strands of his hair, pulling him as closer as he could to his chest. Todomatsu's breath wavered and he wrapped his arms around his neck making him lean down enough for them to be comfortable.
He was warm, he was safe again.

"Atsu...I wanna hear you say it," he whispered. "Just for me to listen."

Glancing at him, he let his lips seek for his ear only to make him wait with feathery kisses before he sweetly gave him what he wanted.

"I love you, Todomatsu."

Hearing him was so much better than just reading it. Although, he made him wait on purpose, it seemed like nothing would be able to top the way he delivered. Just like honey. Todomatsu made him say it again and again, and every single time Atsushi would do it in a heartbeat.

If it wasn't for his arms getting tired, he would have kept him like that for as long as he pleased, unfortunately he had to let go.

"Hey, don't pout. We'll have plenty of time for that," he smiled, showing him a clear sight of how disheveled he looked with that lounge set of clothes deliciously clinging to his body. He was a walking crime.

When he did not return the smile or the comment with a flirty one, Atsushi's smile disappeared from his face only to observe him for a couple of seconds, before he offered his hand.

"There is this new place that opened a week ago, they mostly serve sweets, but I do believe they have some ice cream and warm beverages too."

Todomatsu bit his lower lip and looked up at him before he took his hand and interlaced their fingers. He finally made him walk out of that toxic house.

Atsushi lead him to his car, always opening and closing the door for him. But, when he went to his side of the car, he locked eyes with one of Todomatsu's brothers through his tinted windows. Seeing a dangerous mix of emotions, he turned around to stare back at him.

The shadows of his brothers were strong, the vivid wounds of the discussion were still bleeding, but just for now, he let Atsushi take him away from all that to pacify his soul and help him find a way out of that nightmare.

Chapter Text

The sunset was fading into a darker shade adorned with elegant gleams, the soft breeze of the afternoon turned slightly cold, making the crowd rethink their weekend plans, in case nature decided to surprise everyone. The kids that flourished the park, where already gone, elderly couples slowly retreating to their warm houses, leaving the scenery to the younger generations.

They walked hand in hand in search for a well placed spot for them to relax. Once they found an empty bench that allowed them a nice view of the sky, they sat down leaving a miserable space between their bodies.

He cried enough for a day. He didn't want to do it in front of him either; at least not for that reason, but it ended being an impossible task to fulfill when Atsushi gave him that one look. If Todomatsu was a master using the puppy dog eyes against him, this one had a similar effect. So, he did.

Keeping his sight on the ground, he told him everything. Sometimes he had to stop in the middle of a sentence to prevent his eyes from making anymore tears, he was beyond tired of them. His throat failed him every time he whispered their names. All in all, he was a huge mess, forcing himself not to cry.

When he finished, Todomatsu felt so little, so ashamed, deeply confused and hurt from everything, that he did not dare to look at him, fearing another bad reaction. However, he proved him wrong. Atsushi listened carefully to his every word about the atrocity his darling had to deal with, although he knew he shouldn't dwell too much, he could not help but feel guilty for his awful timing. And that was something that only with Todomatsu's influence over the years, he could actually recognize, making it easier to act on it.

"Todo, look at me."

He hesitated at first, playing with his fingers and trying to make himself invisible just by thought. He didn't sound mad, but he had seen Atsushi really mad plenty of times before to know that he was extremely calm and condescending, now he was waiting for him to start jabbing right where it hurts. Just like he would.

Atsushi waited for him, observed him; seeing him as devastated as he was now made him feel enough to go back and confront them, leaving little to no space for a proper conversation; after all, they did not deserve it. His face was still red, his eyes were brimming with unwanted tears, his pouty lips seemed forced not to waver, and that made him hurt as well. He could not overlook how his whole body screamed for help. In a quick move, he reached for Todomatsu's hands, making him stop fidgeting so much by enveloping them with his own.

"You know...you don't have to stay with them tonight."

Almost against his will, his head turned to his side to face him. What came out of his mouth wasn't what he was expecting, it was what he needed to hear. Get some free time without his brothers.

"But, I didn't bring anything with me," averting his gaze, he pouted. "And I don't want to go back and see them."

"Well, would you mind if I spoil you a bit more for the day?"

"What?" this time frowning, he looked at him. "Atsu, we talked about this."

"I know, I know. And I keep telling you that I'm not wasting money on you. But that aside. This is different," leaning closer, he stared back. "Also, there is no way I'll share a toothbrush with you like we are some kind of brainless savages. It is absolutely unsanitary."

Todomatsu could not believe what he just heard. What a fucking asshole.

"Fine," he giggled, instantly changing his frown to a smile. "Just don't go overboard. I'm just staying for one night."

"You could stay longer if you wanted to," Todomatsu seemed to consider his offer for a while, but he sighed, giving him an obvious answer. It wasn't the right time yet. "Come on. We have some shopping to do before everything closes," standing up first, he let go of his hands for mere seconds, only to found them again and intertwining their fingers in a firm grip when his darling followed his footsteps.

The night sky surprised everyone that was caged between blinding walls, be it by work or any other activity, they were welcomed to the start of the end with open arms.
This time, the ride was a bit more bearable. He wasn't whimpering, or sobbing his eyes out. Atsushi safely parked the car, he rushed to the other side to open the door for him. Todomatsu would never have enough of his elegant actions.

Atsushi's place used to have an empty feel to it. With all the furniture cladded in coal black or sterile grey, directly contrasting the snowy shade of the walls and pristine floors without breaking the style he was going for, which was incredible luxurious; something Todomatsu never thought he would be able to see in person. But, that gave the impression of walking right into one of those amazing and yet uninhabited advertisements of residences for sale if you got that lucky amount of income to pay for it. At least, that was how it used to be, until Todomatsu started to spend more time with him at his place than going out with their mutual friends. Just having him around, making himself comfortable on his brand new couch was enough to warm up the place.

Despite living the good life, Atsushi still made the other ran to the elevator when he noticed it starting to close its doors, which was incredibly unnecessary and rather rude by the looks they received from others residents. Whatever their problem was, it was not their fault they did not find entertaining the joy of indulging in a childish behavior once in a while.

So they looked at each other and smiled.

They were the last stop, due to Atsushi's apartment being two floors down from reaching the penthouse, offering them an amazing view of the city through the wall to wall windows adding a glamorous touch to the Livingroom and Bedroom suite.

Not losing time, they took their shoes off planning on claiming the couch before going to bed. But, not before a certain someone got an earful from his special guest.

"You do realize that I just needed a toothbrush, right?" he mentioned, going through the several bags the other decided to make a necessary item as well.

"Absolutely. However, as far as I'm concerned, you do need those too," he responded walking to the American kitchen right next to leather couch filled with bags. "Tea?"

"Yes, please," he nodded, leaving his brand new things right where they were to move to the fridge, searching for snacks. "How come you have fresh fruit, but you don't have refined sugar?" he thought with his outside voice, frowning at how different their lifestyles actually were. Infuriating. Todomatsu took the strawberries and blueberries out.

"Refined sugar is straight up poison to the body, you should leave it too. Join my cult already, Todo," giving him a smug look, he saw him puff his cheeks while he waited for his coffee to brew and Todomatsu's water to boil. Leaning against the counter, he rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to join his darling.

"If I had the money for it I would," he whined, slicing the strawberries in half.

"Ah...How could I forget that you live among the commoners of this country. Silly me," he mentioned, unable to stop the smirk on his face from growing while crouching down looking for his gold hand painted porcelain bowl for the fruit.

Todomatsu was sincerely considering murder by stabbing him with the kitchen knife, he'll just have to come up with a good story to avoid jail, or he could ask his brothers to...help.

When the distinguishing sound of the sharp blade reaching the cutting board ceased, Atsushi stood up. Glancing at him, he left the bowl on the counter to move behind him and carefully place his hand over his to help him finish.

The feeling of dread melted away with the pleasant touch against his back, the firm yet delicate hold kept him on his feet, bringing him back to the real world without trouble. No words were needed.

Relying on him this much made him doubt of his self proclaimed independence, but he had to admit that letting the right people in was something beyond this universe. A sense he could not quiet compare with any other, a peculiarity that strongly intensified itself when he was around everytime he felt vulnerable.

Both; the coffee and the water simultaneously finished, putting a stop to a blissful moment. Atsushi broke their contact first, making sure to take the stained knife with him once the strawberries were all in the bowl. Todomatsu by the other hand added the blueberries and set the table.

"Take a seat," Atsushi said, serving him his tea. The other complied and walked around the bar to take a seat on the comfortable stools.

Todomatsu waited for him, entertaining himself by observing the steam dancing from his teacup. It never mattered where or with what, he was constantly soaking in a flash of ordinary memories that seemed to get stronger with effortless actions. Pathetic, he thought.

"That is going to happen quiet a lot." When did he move? Ah. He must have been pretty lost in his own world to not notice a man like him sitting on the stool next to his.

"I don’t like it," he sighed.

"Neither do I." Atsushi added, reaching for a strawberry to fed his darling. Who gladly accepted it. "But you have to understand that not everyone is going to accept you. Unfortunately, that's something you'll learn to live with."

"Still. That was uncalled for," it was his turn to feed the other, which he found to be an unique way to relax his mind. "He didn't let me explain at all. In fact, he was only yelling at me."

"He shouldn't have done that. Although, most people do react in a negative way."

"But, they are my brothers!" huffing, he devoured the fruit from his fingers. "They were supposed to have my back. We are sextuplets, you know," explaining a connection to someone who'll never truly understand it, was a questionable use of time. However, he had no intention of keeping the only person that stayed by his side in the dark. So he kept going, regardless of the confusion he'll leave. "I am them and they are me... Was it that easy for them to put that aside?"

A wavering voice like that was an urgent call for comfort, one that Atsushi was not going to miss.

"Don't overthink the situation, Todo. Work with it."

Work with it? How was he going to work with something that he could not even grasp, and forcing himself to think deeper about it was bound to give himself a headache. Whatever happened was a problem for that present self to deal with, for now he was going to focus on sewing back together the remains to face everyone again. Meaning, he wanted to relax in that amazing bathtub his dear owned.

"I'll think about what to do tomorrow. I'm... just...I'm so tired, Atsu," pouting, he leaned his head against his arm.

"Do you want me to prepare the bath for you?" he asked, indulging him while he swallowed the last sip of his coffee.

"Mhm. You can join me this time," he reached for the last strawberry he was going to allow in his body at such late hour, deeply enjoying its rich sweetness.

The inessential items Todomatsu badmouthed didn't turn out to be such an incompetent waste, since a couple of them were the perfect choice to have a relaxing time soaking in the warm water with him. Perhaps, he'll never want to grant Atsushi the honor of hearing him say 'thank you', he was most definitely going to show it. Because, he knew that no one else in the entire world would be able to surprise him as much as he did. Bittersweet was an ideal word to crown the day.

A sumptuous bathing treat like the magnificent oil they were relishing in was working like a charm, soothing their tired muscles from an excruciating day and hydrating their skin marvelously, leaving a light floral fragrance dance with the steam to fill the bathroom, as well as scent their bodies. He could faintly distinguish a hint of lemon in it too. As if that was not enough, Todomatsu's body melted in delight when Atsushi's hand moved to his head, giving him a pleasant massage with nothing but water before he made a short stop to get the new shampoo. Eager to feel his hands back on him again, he whined. Receiving a breathy chuckle from the man who'll be guilty of killing him with kindness and love. Really, he must have done something honestly good to deserve him; contrary to popular belief, it did take him a lot of time to accept the prospect of Atsushi feelings for him, it was impossible to realize what he saw in him that made him want to try that approach with someone as insignificant as being the youngest of six neet brothers was. And yet, here he was, creating sweet memories with him.

Feeling the stingy sensation that pulled incessant tears down his cheeks, he smiled.

"Hm? Why are you crying? Did you like my 'waste of money' that much?" seeing him like that was an improvement to him, so he went back to his job and poured a reasonable amount of peach scented shampoo in the palm of his hand, warming it up before he started to wash his hair.

"Stupid..." he giggled, letting his tears fall freely. "Is that peach? Atsu, I love peach," he sugar coated his voice like he usually would.

"I know," smirking he kept scrubbing, like he was not about to ruin the moment. "I was actually going to buy you a cherry scented one, but alas, I did not want to abuse the term."

Scratch everything he thought about him. He had to go.

"Although...Popping two cherries the same night would have been heavenly, don't you think?"

That smug asshole was smirking, he didn't need to turn around to see it, he could feel it, burning against his skin.

"I'm officially revoking your rights to go below the belt," he announced, tilting his head back so he could rinse his hair.

"Is that so?"

The uninterested tone made him re evaluate his threat, and yet, he couldn't find a single mistake in his words. It should have been a lethal attack!
Turning around, he observed him, trying hard to get the truth behind his apathy. Obtaining nothing, he sighed moving his index finger in tiny circles to make him turn around.

"You haven't realized it yet?" Todomatsu expressions were always one of the finest points that ended captivating him, seeing him go from a blushing mess, to that cute mix of pouty lips and frown, to have him tilt his head to the side in confusion; it was fascinating. An accidental well designed cuteness that more often than not, ended perfectly blended with how oblivious he actually was.

"Realize what?" his soft blush intensified, still not understanding where he wanted to go with that. "Turn around, Atsu. I don't want to stay here longer than we should."

"I'll show you then."

"Show me? Atsu, turn around already before the water gets..." that sentence slowly died down with the delicate brush of his fingers around his navel, leaving a tender buzz of what he could have one of those days. As soon as it happened, it disappeared, making him want a large dose of that edge cutting sensation. Gulping, he opened his eyes that he didn't know he closed. "W-what was that for?"

"You revoked my rights to properly satisfy you. And I will follow your every word," smiling, he stopped tormenting him. "However, you completely dismissed how sensitive you are in other areas," leaning down, he pushed the wet hair out of the way to place a firm kiss on his forehead. "It's not exactly a bad threat either. Next time, you should minimize the chances of getting it used against you."

Todomatsu couldn't do anything, his mind was just finishing connecting the dots of what happened, he stayed frozen in place for a couple of seconds, before his blood humiliated him by painting the tip of his ears with a furious red to match his face. Unsure of recurring to violence or running away, he did what he considered to be in a fair ground; cover his face with both hands.

"That was so unnecessary!" he was in perfect condition to combust out of embarrassment. Damn him and the power he had over his innocent body.

"...So you are sticking to it," expressing a fake surprise cost him his common seriousness, gladly exchanging it for a blooming laugh with how easy he fell right into his trap.
Not getting another threat was considered a victory.

He offered Atsushi the same care he received; unlike him, he did not slack off to torment him in any way. Thanks to his efforts they were able to escape the grimy lukewarm water in the right time to indulge half an hour preparing to go to sleep.
Savoring the feel of his new long sleeved pink toned cotton pajamas, he languidly walked straight to the right side of the bed, which was hardly ten feet away from the bathroom; something that always prevented a scary walk around the bed in the middle of the night. Also, he did appreciate the view he got from the extravagant windows, it was the perfect background for taking good pictures of his sleeping boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Such a bizarre word to define their civic status, but that was what they were now, right?

Apparently.

Atsushi dimmed the lights and left the curtains open for Todomatsu's sake. Closing the door that led to the living room, he walked to the unoccupied part of the bed to slid between the silk sheets and rest his head over the heavenly pillows with an exquisite amount of feathers.
Despite how tired he was, Todomatsu could not fall asleep, nor manage to bark orders to his body to shut down already. Doing the opposite, he tried to find a fruitless relief in different positions.
It was like he read his mind, or sensed his distress; that, or he accommodated way to much. One moment he was about to close his eyes and the next he was facing him with a slight frown on his face. Seeking comfort, he moved closer to the middle to be successfully locked in his arms. Atsushi glanced to his side, checking the digital clock on the bedside table.

"It's past midnight. We can spare some time if you want to talk," he said, dragging his words in a drowsy state. "That, or you could extent your visit. Let it all sink in before taking action."

"That sounds lovely, but...I have to tell my parents, Atsu. It's just... I'm not sure how to do it without ruining everything," explaning in a languid whisper, he clung to the front of his shirt, desperately yearning for stability.

Scared. He was so scared of another loss. It shouldn't feel more important than the one he already suffered from, and yet, it implanted itself to his mind like a disease. The worst case scenario carved itself with endless possibilities, bleeding glass shards through his veins with broken promises of compliance.
Hopefully, they'll give him a chance to explain himself; as ridiculous as that sounded, it was better than having obliterated his after the first sentence.

"Would you feel better if I was there with you?" as tempting as it could be, he wanted to do it alone. No, he needed to do it on his own.

"Do you have a death wish you want to fulfill? If not, then I suggest you keep your distance."

"That bad you think it's going to get..." yawning, he decided to smother him, assaulting the top of his head with several kisses. "Well, I can't assure you anything; with how marvelous mine went. There were some minor repercussions, but alas, nothing precisely chaotic."

If he was taking what happened with his parents lightly, he must be more tired than Todomatsu thought. Also, with how tight he was being held, he'll have to lower his expectations and reconsider the idea of using the bathroom later, to try and achieve freedom from the cuddle monster he unleashed.

"I have to tell them before any of my brothers do. This is like a damn ticking bomb," he whined.

"How about you do it next weekend?"

"Next weekend? Why? I mean, it's not like I want to tell them right away, but..."

Rolling his eyes, Atsushi silenced him by caging his body in his arms with no chances of escape.

"Listen. If things get really bad, I want you to have your belongings packed so I can pick you up as fast as I can."

What was he implying?

Frowning, he looked up at him, expecting another silly comment that never came. He was serious about it.

"A-atsu, I don't think that would be necessary," fearing the heavy reality of his words slipping into his life, he gulped.

"Let's hope it's not," he took his sweet time to pick the correct way to explain that brash plan to his nervous boyfriend. "Look, I don't want you to get hurt, and if the odds of your parents reacting like your brothers did, exist. I want to make sure I can get you out of there intact."

"You...you truly believe things will get out of hand?"

"That's the thing, Todo. There is no way to know."

Atsushi was sincerely trying to prevent what they both feared the most. His words might scare him. However, he was the one doing the right thing, and for that, he owed him more than he could offer.

"D-don't worry. I'll follow your contingency plan, Atsu. I'll be fine."

Forcing a sleepy smile, he nuzzled him one last time before he started to feel that numbing sensation spreading all over his body, finally claiming a good night of sleep. Unsure if he could live up to his own prospects, he mentally carved his name in the last drops of consciousness he had as a strong remind to keep him from falling into the abyss.
He was going to a war with slim chances of victory, but he was not alone.

Chapter Text

He was not ready.

He was far from being ready to go back home. Every ticking second since he woke up tangled in the same deathly trap that lulled him to sleep, was as tempting as wanting to wear the new set of clothes that was calling for him. He had to resist the strong feeling in his gut, that kept telling him not to leave. He wanted to stay and live with him like nothing happened, pretend this was his life, his special piece of heaven.

But he had to go back for his pride, his love and their betrayal. In the back of his mind, he knew that something was meant to rot. He couldn't count on them; in fact, he was not going to let them get close to him anymore nor accept their filthy apologizes out of pity.

Was that too harsh? Good, that's how it should be.

They had a pleasant morning together. Atsushi had the day off so they didn't move from the bed until it was time for brunch, and they both knew the perfect place to enjoy it. Choosing his over used pants and hoodie over a brand new set of clothes probably was the weirdest decision ever, even his boyfriend looked surprised.

"Did you not like it? I mean, I can return it if you didn't," he voiced hesitantly, the second he saw him getting dressed with the same thing he wore the day before.

"It's not that!" he quickly responded with a faint blush dusting his cheeks. "Since I have to go back home, I don't want to end up interrogated by them," he didn't have to give a further explanation, he knew Atsushi understood, however he always felt an odd pang crush his heart when for whatever reason he couldn't show how much he appreciated everything he did for him. Pouting, he reached for his hand and held it. "I loved it, Atsu."

The change was immediate. For outsiders, it could look like he was still down, but for Todomatsu it was the opposite. His features softened, warming up those beautiful brown eyes he'll never stop secretly loving. His mouth bloomed into a shy smile and in that moment he wished with all his heart he was just a few inches taller to pepper his handsome face with sweet kisses without getting on his tip toes.

He was sure this man was going to age glamourously.

"I'm glad."

"Actually, I'm thinking about taking it with me, but I'll leave the rest here just in case."

With that coming to a wonderful end, they left Atsushi's apartment hand in hand with that one bag of luxury he was not going to leave behind.

It was quite obvious that he did not want to part ways and confront whatever was waiting for him at home, Atsushi was not going to force him either, so he invited him to get lunch before he dropped him off.

Atsushi did not start the car until Todomatsu was inside the house. When the other didn't come back outside, he drove back to his place. The only thing he could do for now, was patiently wait for his call.

The house was giving him an eerie feeling, he did not know what to expect. Looking at all their shoes cluttered next to each other in their usual chaotic way made him swallow his words; opting not to make an entrance at all. Were they going to ignore him? Act like he was the plague? Interrogate him until he broke down crying? What about Osomatsu? He did not want to stay in the house with him, let alone in the same room. What about the others? And the most important one...Did they tell their parents? Were they going to kick him out?

Shaking his head, he tried to get rid of those frightening doubts. With his shoes off, he moved to their shared bedroom in silence, anticipating instant back slash from them for passing the night somewhere else. Luckily for him, no one was there.

He changed his clothes, hid his new set where he thought it wouldn't stand out and disposed the elegant bag that came with it. What a waste. Searching for the charger of his dead phone next to a miserable pile of dirty clothes was how one of his brothers found him.

"Oh...You're back."

He shouldn't feel that scared of them, Osomatsu was the one who did all the talking, the rest did nothing, so he shouldn't be petrified. Then, why was his body not responding? He was doing nothing out of the ordinary, nothing bad, and yet his muscles seemed to rebel against his every order. Whether his older brother noticed or not, he kept quiet.

"You missed lunch...It was good."

Was he trying to start a small talk with him? Did he look that terrified that Ichimatsu had to actually start a conversation? He had to get a hold of himself and fast.

Todomatsu focused on his breath, slow and not pressured, before he attempted to respond.

"It's okay." Was that for his brother or himself? He had no idea. "I ate out with some friends at this new place that opened two weeks ago. We've been wanting to go there for quite sometime now. It was great actually, and the desserts were delightful," definitely not fine yet. If he kept taking this path, he was going to boycott his own plan in a matter of seconds.

He could feel Ichimatsu's eyes piercing into his soul, inspecting the small details in his irregular behavior to get all the information he needed. However, when he defied his own uneasiness to look back at him, his older brother averted his gaze and walked to the couch, pulling one of his various cat toys between the cracks of it.

"I just came for this..." he muttered showing him the toy. "You can join us downstairs if you want...but...they'll ask, just so you know," looking over his shoulder he made sure to lock eyes with him before he left him alone again.

Forcing that uncomfortable lump down his throat, he tightly kept both hands clasped together to make them stop trembling. He already knew that they were going to ask him of his whereabouts, they always did. When he stayed out with his friends, past midnight even, his older brothers would most likely go out to drag him back. This time was highly different, he left in a rush after a nasty discussion, so the outcome of this one was bound to be a disaster. Also, he couldn't avoid them for the rest of the week, at least not if he planned to act like everything was back to normal.

Was he too mean to them? If that was the reason behind all the crap he had to endure, he would urge himself to treat them better, to be the little brother that probably all of them would like the most.

Now, if he did avoid them, he'll have to go out every single day, or he could be a respectful member of society and look out for a job. It would help him unwind from home, give him the perfect excuse to use against them, but he highly doubted he'll even try to get one. He could always stick to his solitary walks.

Sighing, he slowly loosened the grip in his hands, letting the blood travel freely back to his fingers. The marks on his skin were a sign of how easy he could lose control of his body under this specific circumstance. He wished to get a hold of his emotions as soon as possible.

One week, he repeated in his head. Only, one week.

Following Ichimatsu's words, he put his phone charger in one of his pockets, picked his dirty clothes up and did the strenuous walk downstairs. His first stop was the laundry room where he dropped his clothes with the rest, next he went to the kitchen, but he wasn't hungry at all. Delaying the inneviable, he drank a glass of water before he decided to join his brothers. As always, they were lounging sprawled in their regular spots all over the room. Choromatsu was reading a book close to the table, on his left Karamatsu was ogling one of those awful magazines. Jyushimatsu was keeping Ichimatsu company in that dark corner while the other played with his fat cat. He tried not to stare at them, although his eyes scanned the whole place they stayed glued to the back of Osomatsu's head. His older brother was giving all of them their back, hunched over with his legs crossed, most likely re-reading his comics, but he was not certain. He couldn't actually see. In fact, the only one he was paying attention to, was him.

"Ah! Our brother has finally come to us!" if he wanted to abort the whole situation, he lost his golden chance with that obnoxious choice of words. Why did he have to be like that? Why couldn't he talk like a normal person?

Forcing a smile he walked to the television to plug his phone in, leaving it there he moved to his spot on the table. The moment he did that, Choromatsu placed his book down and looked at him, ready to scold him.

"Where were you? We called you and you didn't answer," he should have said something, instead of that, he stared at the table while Choromatsu kept going for how anxious he should have felt when the other didn't come back. "Where did you spent the night? Have you had anything to eat? Because you left your wallet here!" realizing the youngest was not going to answer if he didn't let him, he sighed crossing his arms and minimizing his frown. "Todomatsu, we were all worried about you."

He didn't have to apologize. And yet, he was battling his tongue to prevent those words from escaping. His smile wavered feeling a slight tremor take his fingers. Todomatsu opened his mouth to start talking only to be interrupted by him. 

"I already told you where he was, Choromatsu," his voice froze him.

"Osomatsu-niisan..."

The oldest turned around, glaring at the youngest he stood up and walked straight to him, sitting down on his left.

"I saw them together. I saw him," snarling, he wrinkled his nose.

He, of all people, saw him. What was he going to do? Lying was an idiotic idea, but saying the truth was not going to help either.

The beating of his heart sped up in seconds, he was unsure if he was breathing or if he gave up in trying to, his blood rushed to his legs pleading him to stand up and run, the only thing that kept him in place was the flowing desire growing in the pit of his stomach, that told him to fight back, to prove them wrong.

"Did he take you to his place? Did he feed you? Did you two sleep together? Did he walk you to the bathroom too?" he knew very well what he was doing. Antagonizing what they did was doing a splendid job. He wanted to fight? Fine.

"Since you want to know so bad..." Todomatsu dug his nails in the palm of his hands, encapsulating his fear to turn it into an irritable anger. "Yes, he did," staring back at him seemed to annoy him, so he gave him his best impish look. "And you know what else he did? He loved me. He took care of me unlike you."

Osomatsu sneered at him, furious, if his face could contort more he wouldn't be human. However, there was something else hiding behind that blinding rage, something Todomatsu didn't want to acknowledge. Sadness.

"How would you know that? You don't even notice shit happening right in front of your eyes for how fucking dense you are," mocking him, Osomatsu smirked leaning on the table. "You talking about love? What a fucking joke! Ichimatsu knows more about love than you'll ever do. Also, have you ever heard of sugar babies or did your phone rot your brain already? Because, I'm pretty sure that's all he thinks of you, and when he is done using you he will throw you..." Todomatsu's act vanished into thin air with his horrid words, surprising everyone with that thundering slap burning on Osomatsu's cheek.

"D-don't talk like you know shit," a broken voice followed by heavy tears blurred the world for him. "You are not going to make me change my mind about this, about him," gulping, he lowered his tingling hand down on the table while he kept adorning it with unstoppable tears. "What you are doing is pushing me away," he muttered like a poisonous curse.

Standing up, he frantically dried his tears of his face wishing he had never came back. Walking to get his phone, he felt an iron grip trap his wrist instantly stopping him from moving.

"Why can't you understand..." Osomatsu pulled him back, harshly turning him around and grabbing his arms with a vice hold, squeezing a cry out of him. The rest of the Matsuno's rushed to their feet to pull them apart, but the oldest was not giving in. "He is going to hurt you! He doesn't love you like we all do!? He is lying to you!? Fuck Todomatsu! You can't do this! You just can't!! Whatever you are feeling is not normal!! It's not normal! What else do you want me to do to you so you can get it in your head!?" his despair was obvious to sympathetic ears, however he choose to show it in the worst way he could, vigorously shaking him as if he could make him understand.

"Osomatsu you are hurting him! Let him go already!" Choromatsu shouted, trying to reach for him while the other three were incapable of restraining him without scarring the youngest in the process.

"No! Don't you get it!? That Atsushi guy is toying with him! Now he thinks he loves him! Hell, this is just like every single time I told him that those girls he met at the mixers were mooching of him! And he can't see it! He needs us now more than ever!"

Todomatsu bawled his eyes out, shedding tear after tear feeling the last grasp of his façade wither with the rough treatment he was receiving. He was so scared of something like this happening that when it did, his body freaked out making his mind switch it to a reset point where he was gently held, comforted by tender words and sweet kisses, not the hell hole where he wasn't able to stay up anymore with how hard his legs trembled.

If he wasn't so scared of him, he wouldn't be just crying, he would have been fighting back, biting and kicking with every fiber of his body. Instead of that, he tensed up and let him do whatever he wanted, like a kid would do if they had no choice.

Everything was hurting, his head was a mess, his voice couldn't be more broken than it already was, his eyes burned with those pesky tears, his chest felt clogged, filled to the brim with heavy emotions that desperately squirmed their way out through his flesh and bones. It was physically exhausting hearing him talk like that, after all, he still loved his stupid older brother.

"That's enough," Karamatsu always did the same, he was embarrassing to be with but, he was and always will be; Todomatsu's savior.

 He was roughly pushed away, falling into one of his brothers arms. Todomatsu kept his eyes closed, fearing it might start all over again.

"L-let me go!! Oi!! You bastard!! I'm going to kick your fucking ass so you better let me go!!"

The indiscutible sound of the front door opening and closing, the furious cries of his oldest brother as he kept struggling against his savior were slowly dying out, putting a stop to his heart wrenching wails.

"Todomatsu...W-where did he hurt you?" Choromatsu muttered.

His legs gave up, making his body collapse to the floor while his mind digested the scandalous situation he feared so much. Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu were out of ideas, they didn't know what to do to help him put his pieces together, they were not fit for the job. Choromatsu had never seen Osomatsu quite literally explode in rage at the youngest, he was aware of the conflict they had that one time when he got his first real job and moved out of the house, but. That was a whole nother level of anger, it was terrifying to witness. Putting that aside, he was glad Karamatsu was capable of extinguishing the oldest flames.

Todomatsu's tears slowly fell down his burning cheeks, asphyxating sobs cluttered his chest, lamenting how weak he truly was that he had to be saved by them over and over again. Every second he spent in that place was torturing him, bleeding him to death, however, that did not changed the fact that he had no place to go without feeling like complete shit for running away like a coward.

No.

He was not going to be a coward this time. He was going to stay even if he barely made it alive, because he needed to be sincere, to say the truth so he could move on.

They stayed with him while he cried to get rid of the pain that kept carving his heart like it was nothing. How ironic to call him heartless when he was experiencing such a visceral anguish.

He'll never forget how he was treated, he'll never let go of the true colors they were ominously flaunting at him, one by one, they will all eventually show him. He was going to judge each and every one of them to decide in who he could learn to trust. That's to say, if he ever could.

Their mother was busy preparing dinner, their father was on his way back home, and Todomatsu had no intention of joining them. Sadly, he had lost his appetite. Curled up on the couch, he stared at his now fully charged phone. Should he inform Atsushi about what happened? Well, If he did, he was most likely to come pick him up, putting an end to his sorrow.

"Totty, are you going to leave again?" asked Jyushimatsu, keeping his distance with him.

He couldn't do that, they had a plan, the least he could do was follow it. Todomatsu sighed, putting his phone down next to him.

"Totty?"

 Jyushimatsu's gentle tone caught his attention. Not wanting to be rude to the fifth brother, he turned around.

"A-are you going to leave again?" he repeated. That choice of words irked him, making it clear with the way his nails dug into his palms to maintain some control.

"What if I do?" he snapped at him, but with his voice breaking that much it didn't have the same effect. Putting away his conflicted feelings, he sighed again. "I should have stayed..."

"You mean...with him? Atsushi, right?" asked Jyushimatsu, genuelly interested.

"Yes. He said that..." before he threw their conversation under the bus, he paused. Looking around, he noticed ichimatsu staring at him with a slight frown on his face. He didn't know what to think of that anymore, after all he had committed major mistakes with Osomatsu two times in a row. He didn't need another one blowing up on his face. Giving them his back, he faced the couch, waiting for the hours to pass.

Soon enough, the two oldest of the bunch returned just in time for dinner; one which Todomatsu did not attend, preferably using that time to safely text his boyfriend without prying eyes on his back. He typed something different every time, explaining in short words what had developed over the course of the evening, and yet, he found it impossible to send.

How's everything going?

Are you okay?

He was seriously intrigued by his outrageously perfect timing. How did he actually did it?

It's fine!

Nothing really happened.

Adorning his text with cute stickers and emoticons should help him drag this lie for the rest of the week.

...Are you sure?

Or maybe not.

Of course!

I even hogged the couch all for myself!

Took a good nap as well ~

This was bad. Atsushi was going to be so mad at him for not telling him earlier. He was the last person he should lie to.

His whole body tensed hearing the footsteps of his brothers getting close to the bedroom, muffled voices signalizing that the five of them were there, including him. Todomatsu stayed still right where he was on the couch.

"Totty, we are going to the bathhouse. Do you want to-" in a swift motion, Todomatsu sat up and turned around to glare at him. He didn't mean to be so rude, he was just done of showing his weaknesses to them.

"I'm not going," he said with a raspy voice, losing all the intention through his words before he went back to lay down on the couch. Ignoring them the best he could.

"Oh...Okay my brother. Enjoy your time in the precious solitude our nurturing nest can offer," that made everyone cringe with how out of place it was.

"Shut up shittymatsu. You are traumatizing him now," grumbled Ichimatsu, doing his best not to downright murder Karamatsu on the spot.

Once they all left, Todomatsu decided to get off the couch and talk with their mother about the change he was going to be implementing for the rest of the week. At first she got worried, as she would always do, but when he explained that he wanted to outgrown of it, she desisted, knowing how stubborn her crybaby could be; just like her oldest son. She helped him to set the spare futon downstairs.

When her Neets were back home, the first person they saw was their mother, with a clear frown that was starting to be a permanent look on her for how often they made her lose her patience. With her arms crossed, she lifted an eyebrow, waiting for one of them to spill.

"Mom, Is this about Todomatsu?" Choromatsu started, trying to spare himself. Surviving in that house was a must.

"Your little brother came to me asking to set the futon for him downstairs, using a perfectly normal excuse that I did not buy. Care to explain?"

"Well, Mommy. Todomatsu is not feeling well at the moment, so..." Karamatsu tried his luck next, but it was shortly cut by Osomatsu, who pushed his way past him to face their mother.

"We fought, that's all. He's being childish again, let him do whatever."

Matsuyo knew her boys had rather complicated temperaments, that being said, they were meant to crash. Relaxing her tired shoulders, she looked at them.

"This doesn't seem like one of his tantrums to me. This is something else," she said to herself, trusting her instincts. "Whatever it is, I want you to try and be more gentle with him. He might not be a kid anymore, but he still is your younger brother."

"Don't worry. I'll do my best," Osomatsu walked past her to the stairs leading to their shared bedroom. The rest followed his steps wishing their mother a good night.

Matsuyo saw them leave one after the other, hesitantly she walked to her own, but not before she gave one last look at the faint light coming from the room her youngest was sleeping in.

Actually...

I'm not fine Atsu

Nothing is fine anymore

Chapter Text

It was almost five in the morning when Todomatsu woke up from a rather unpleasant nightmare, with labored breaths he sat up, pushing his hair away from his face he tried to fully wake up, repeating to himself that it was just that; a bad dream.  

"Niisan..." mumbling, he reached to his right, wanting to wake Karamatsu up so he could keep him company, but when his fingers touched the floor his mind reminded him of where he was, turning to the side he looked at the empty spot wishing to at least have him there to chase his nightmares away.  

Right. There was nothing to do besides laying back on the futon and wait, avoiding his older brothers was going to be really complicated, but he'll have to try for the rest of this madness. With a disgusting taste in his mouth he forced his body to get up. Dragging his feet to the bathroom, he yawned and rubbed his eyes. The awakening touch of the fresh water cleared his head for a bit.  
Now that he thought about it, nothing was going to work if he couldn't think right. There was a couple of activities that consistently helped him to achieve that.  

Wearing the jumpsuit he brought with him last night, he grabbed his phone, headphones and wallet, and left the house not before he cleaned his mess up. Like nothing happened. 

He ran.  

He ran without stopping, leaving behind everything that was tormenting him through his feet. The degrading names, the pitiful looks, those infuriating tears, the way his body paralyzed, the moronic idea of needing them to change. He was normal, he was a typical human being who just so happen to fall in love with someone that treated him like he deserved. There was nothing rare with him; with them, perhaps a little untraditional, still, times were changing, they had to at least respect him as a person. Right? 

He hated the feeling of sweat sliding down his body when he was exercising, even more with all the layers he had over it. His body was doing all the crying  for now and that irked him, so he pushed himself beyond the limits and kept running. 

Burning, his lungs were burning with every breath, his legs trembled with the idea of having to take another step, his muscles screamed at him to stop already. The heavenly satisfaction of a clear mind came with that ordeal, something he'll gladly accept. 

When he finally stopped, he did it because he just could not move anymore and the glance of his old job place made him realize for how long he had been running. He should consider this as fucking fantastic, like that one time he climbed Mount Fuji alone. Heavily breathing, he used his own shirt to get rid of the fat drops that were ruining his face.  
While his heartbeat slowed down, he observed one of his ex coworkers open the coffee shop. It felt slightly odd to get close to the area, let alone walk into it. However, his body craved sweets after a long run like that with no food in his system what so ever, so he pushed his shame at the back of his head and followed Aida back in. 

Being the only customer there made everything worst, he had all her attention; which he did not desire at the moment. If any other ironic situation wanted to suddenly pop up, it better be something he could actually manage. 

"Welcome to...!" her words died when she turned around to greet the first customer of the day. With a severe look, she stared at him. "Going to your 'classes', Totty?" the sour mood was no one's fault but his. 

"You know well that's not the case," it was a mess of broken words that came from his mouth, making her flinch and soften her frown with his hoarse voice. "Um...A-anyways. I came here for the Frappuccino." 

"Right, you'll just have to wait a minute so I can start everything," she explained giving him her back to set everything before she moved to the cashier. "I'll get your order then." A forced smile or not, that was way better than he expected. Todomatsu ordered a low fat dark mocha chip Frappuccino, paid and patiently waited for his beverage. 
Once it was done, he forced a smile of his own and turned around to take a seat right next to the window to enjoy his breakfast; or at least, that was what he intended to do if his feet didn't feel like he had never wore shoes before. 
Suddenly very aware of the pain, he hissed. 

"Oh! T-there's blood on your shoes!" she gasped, concerned. 

"O-oh...It's okay, I'll just go and sit there," with a strained smile, he tried to convince her, but those five steps sounded like pure agony and she knew it too. 
Aida rushed to his side to help him walk to the closest table. 

"Ah...um...Thank you," if he wasn't already ashamed, he should be by now. 

"I think we have some band aids in the back," she muttered while she rushed into the employees only door, disappearing from his sight. 

While she was gone, he left his delicious breakfast forgotten on the table to inspect the damage. Not wanting to be rude, he carefully slid the back of his shoe off along with a piece of his skin. Great. Just great. Now, he wasn't even going to think about his toes and how sore they felt, that was a problem for later.  
When Aida came back with a package that promised him a painless way back home, he sucked it up and moved to the bathroom to clean his wounds. Five minutes later, he was maneuvering his way out of the bathroom and back to his Frappuccino.  
Although the first two clients were already leaving, they both knew things were about to get hectic anytime soon. It didn't help that both of them found a great partner in each other to gossip; she didn't gave him her number for the sole reason of working together, let alone admire him for his supposedly hard work, she did it because behind breaks, they could always exchange info about common acquaintances to judge if it was or not a good idea to befriend them. Even though they wanted to just keep doing their own thing, Aida was itching to get something to tell Sacchi about, and if it was about Totty, she had to ask. With that in mind, she quickly looked around before walking to his table. 

"You look like you have been through a lot," Oh. Todomatsu knew that tone very well, he could either go with it or work his way around it. "We haven't seen each other for a long time, and just now you suddenly appear here looking like...well...like this," her false concern to get him to talk was poisonous and addicting.   

He gave in, placing his beverage down and sighing, he looked at her missing that cat like smile.  

"This...this haven't even started yet," he was feeding her with enough info to share a good laugh about his crumbling life, until he said the last bit. "It's about Atsushi...They found out." 

Aida's face paled while her eyes examined him. This was bad. In her eyes, Todomatsu deserved a good lecture and probably bad luck to not get another job for a while, anything but that. Seeing him in bad shape made her blood run cold with the not so vague idea of ending experiencing the same thing for the woman she loved.  

"W-what about your parents? Did you tell them?" she anxiously asked. 

"Not yet. But I'll do it this weekend."  

"Totty, I..." 

The customers started to flood the shop, putting an abrupt stop to their conversation. 

"I'll text you later," she said with a sympathetic smile, and that gesture alone, made him feel less lonely than he thought he was.  

It was past nine in the morning when he arrived home. His father shoes were missing and there was no sign of his older brothers yet. After taking his shoes off, he brought them with him to the bathroom to try and scrub the dry blood off, he had to admit that the cold floor was doing wonders to his wounded feet. 
With little to no success, he decided to just throw his pastel sneakers away.  
A brilliant idea of taking a bath that early in the morning ended being the worst of them all. He only needed to soothe his aching muscles and get rid of the nasty sweat clinging to his body, but when his feet touched the warm water he wanted to scream for the sting that overtook his mind. The water turned a light pink while he let the incessant tingle lull him to a restless nap. 

The echo of numerous voices swam along his hazy path, merging with one and another, calling for him in a mysterious tone that stripped him away from the murky waters.  
When he opened his eyes, he saw his older brothers surrounding him with a disturbed expression clipped to their faces. 

"What...?" rubbing his eyes he tried to focus on them, to actually confirm that it was not a dream. It didn't feel real with a foggy stupor he was still in. It wasn't until he felt a familiar pair of arms pull him out of the bathtub that he was fully awake. "Niisan?" 

"Don't you ever do this again."  

What did they think he was doing to get that sort of reaction? Whatever it was, he had no intention of messing his head up when he went into so much trouble to get it clear.  

"Calm down. I was taking a nap," he whined for being abruptly awaken.  

"A nap? In the bathtub?" Choromatsu frowned at his credulous explanation. "Todomatsu, you know better than...w-wha...w-what? ...i-is that b-blood?" The horrific thought of laying eyes on that murky water was the slight red undertone it had, making all of them form their own dark ideas. 

"Niisan," already done of having them buzzing around him over fucking blisters on his feet, he rolled his eyes. 

"Todomatsu, were you trying to..." Ichimatsu muttered, clearly avoiding to finish that sentence.  

"To what? Kill myself? Do I have a reason to pursue that?" he asked them, feigning innocence. "Oh, wait. Yes, I believe I do have a very good reason," Todomatsu stood up, reached for the clean towel he left before falling into that refreshing slumber and secured it around his body. "The thing is that I'm not a coward. Now if you excuse me, i want to get dressed for the day," he said with a deadpan look, literally kicking them out.  
Although it took a bit more of awkward staring between them and the door, they did eventually leave.  

After draining the water, he grabbed the first aid kit and tiptoed his way to their shared bedroom, while his older brothers enjoyed their breakfast. 
It was a pleasant feeling, knowing that he was going to be alone for a bit more in the house. Sitting on the couch he patched his feet up, but not without a lot of hissing and whining for his part; in his defense, it really hurt. Leaving the kit down, he took his phone that was securely in the back pocket of his pants and laid back. Checking it was a must, like in any other day, however he had a plethora of messages from the same person, and he was genuinely vacillating in dealing with it now or to simply postpone it. 

"I better answer him now." 

He had over 20 text messages from Atsushi. His poor boyfriend must have been at the edge all this time, he could have checked his phone earlier or last night to spare him from hell, but he didn't.  
All in all, he had an amazing time reading each text. In the first ones he was rather calm and collected, the ones in the middle were nothing but Atsushi assuming the worst, and the last ones were filled with comprehension. He cared for him, he was on his side. 

I'm sorry for scaring you with that text last night! 

But... 

Things are really bad here 

He wanted to explain what happened, but telling anyone that he was attacked by someone he loved was meant to alarm in more than one way. Choosing his words carefully he typed. 

My older brother got a little...out of his case 

I'm fine now 

What a miserable try.  

Did he hurt you? 

There it was. Todomatsu sighed and bitting his lower lip, he went at it again. 

Atsu, don't come pick me up until I talk with my parents 

Whatever happens I'll keep you updated 

Just trust me with this, okay? 

Atsushi didn't answer right away, reasonably thinking if he wanted to stick to the plan or prevent more damage. 

I trust you  

Not your brother 

If anything gets out of hand I need you to promise me that you'll contact me right away 

I gotta get back to work for now 

Please take care darling 

That went better than he expected. Since he was still tired, he set an alarm before lunch and closed his eyes, curling on the couch to make the day pass as fast as it can.  
Todomatsu could enjoy his nap for a while, but what woke him up was the feeling of warmth covering his body, for him it felt like his dear boyfriend was right by his side, taking care of him even when he wasn't really there. Indulging a little bit more in it, he stayed where he was with his eyes shut.  

"Mom is right. We have to be more careful with him. Especially you, Osomatsu niisan," that was definitely Choromatsu's voice. Eavesdropping wasn't going to harm him or them, making them think he was still sleeping could actually help him see how they were taking the news.  

"Mom doesn't know what we know."  

"That's true, but that doesn't justify how you reacted. We couldn't calm him down, Osomatsu niisan. It was..." 

"Scary." Jyushimatsu's tone sounded so sad, it made him feel guilty for not having his emotions in control. 

"...It will be better if they never know about this. Once this is over, we are all going to forget about it," Osomatsu said, pulling the blanket on Todomatsu's body over his shoulders, saving him from an undesirable cold.  

"Osomatsu. This is not the way," a serious Karamatsu stole his attention from his trembling hands; having him that close was starting to make him nervous. He didn't like that, not at all. "Don't you think it would be better if we talked with him?" was he really trying to reason with him? Todomatsu was not going to be a part of that. "Just think about it."  

"Think? Think about what? There is nothing to fucking think about." 

"You are not going to achieve anything by being at the defensive all the time. If you want him to feel safe here, with you, with all of us, you'll have to sit and listen Osomatsu. There is no other way." He'll have to take him out one of these days and let him buy one of those godawful bedazzled monstrosities without crying In pain. Or he could buy him a smoothie. 

"Safe? He is safe here," if that was true, he wouldn't feel like he was about to throw up for how anxious he felt.  

"He is not. I understand why you are doing it, but it's wrong. Do you really want him to think you hate him?"  

"I don't hate him." 

"Then show that to him otherwise he is not going to only think that, but he'll be scared of you as well," the tension in the room was so thick and uncomfortable, that Todomatsu could not stop moving his hands afraid of being caught. The rest of the Matsuno brothers were mere observers of the somber reality of it. 

"I am showing it!" 

"Keep that up and you'll be watching him leave in no time."  

"No. Todomatsu is not going to leave this house for a faceless asshole that put sick ideas in his head. I won't let him ruin his life. I'll make him come back one way or another."  

"I'll try to talk some sense into him," announced Choromatsu, going after the oldest. 

The loud bang of the door rattled his bones, but were his words the ones that sent him into a deep terror. What was he going to do? What else was he going to try to do to him? He was not safe in his own childhood home, he was not safe around him anymore. His lower lip wavered at the thought of accepting such fate, whimpering he curled up as tight as he could by bringing his knees close to his chest and hiding his whole body with the blanket. He had never been afraid of his own brothers before, not even when he got a black eye from him, in fact, he was still worried about Osomatsu after he left, he went to check on him almost everyday to assure he was getting better. Choromatsu was the only brother that casually hit him for one or other reason, but he retaliated with the same level of spite a sibling would get. With Ichimatsu it was different, they could jab at each other for fun without feeling like the other crossed the line. That was a thing between them that no one else seemed to enjoy sharing. 

"Todomatsu."  

Completely ignoring Karamatsu, he let his tears flow wrecking his body to try and suppress any other sounds. This was going to be one of many awkward lunches over the week, just three more to go. 

He barely ate his portion, moving the food around and seeing it lose its taste, sitting next to Osomatsu wasn't helping either, self conscious of his every move that could rub him the wrong way, he gave his food to Jyushimatsu and fleed the room without an explanation. Todomatsu needed to go out and run, he couldn't stand the idea of locking himself with dangerous thoughts venomously circling his head, clogging his throat in the form of sorrowful memories to the point of hurting himself with how careless he was letting himself go to gain a little bit of peace. He decided to wear two pair of socks to minimize the friction against his loafers, grabbing his shoes, he stopped. 
Where was he going? He couldn't walk without numbing both his feet. Scolding himself, he wished he would have been more careful with his job, at least he would have been there instead of trapped in the house.  
Lost in his pretty head, he didn't heard his older brothers coming after him and found him close to the window, frowning at his shoes while he grumbled, murmured and talked to himself; like he had been doing since everything started to change for him. They approached in silence, wanting to listen to whatever he was whining about. 

"Why do I have to be such a crybaby? It wasn't supposed to be like this, but... I just can't stop crying..." biting the inside of his cheek, his eyes watered, drawing a tired whine out of him. "Stop it already!" bringing both hands to his face to hide the ugly tears, he continued. "I guess I'm not as heartless as they expect me to be." 
Wiping his tears away, he placed his shoes down to open the window and close his eyes, savoring the scent of grass to calm his nerves, just like when he ran. This was the closest. 

After hearing that, his brothers walked out, leaving him alone in their shared bedroom. 

That was a charm for him, feeling lighter he indulged in another nap to shorten the damn week even more.  
He woke up with the common noise of someone searching for something but tried to keep it low, failing greatly. Rubbing his abused eyes, he sat up taking the sleep away from him.  
Choromatsu was crouched in front of the closet, rummaging through his things; or that was what he was doing if he wasn't frozen on the spot. 

"Choromatsu-niisan." 

"A-ah...T-todomatsu, um..." in and instant he put his forehead against the floor. Why was he bowing? "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to wake you up," the third brother looked ready to showcase another bad episode of anxiety, when Todomatsu dismissed his failure as nothing, giving him the green light to relax his posture and reach for his hoodie. 

"Um? It doesn't matter," observing him put that over his flannel shirt, he let himself jump into conclusions and downright ask. "Are you going out?"    

"Yeah. Mom wants me to help her with the groceries," it must be close to dinner then. Getting out of the house sounded delightful. 

"I'll go too."  

Choromatsu didn't reply like he usually would, this time waiting for his younger brother to grab his hoodie, so they'll match, but Todomatsu reached for a pink shirt and his oversized knitted cardigan that'll perfectly match his shoes. Intrigued, he choose to stay quiet about it and observe him.  
Their mother was not ready when they made it downstairs, giving them more than enough time to lazily put on their shoes. Two socks made it a bit of a tight fit, nevertheless he preferred that over more blisters on his feet. 

"How did you get those?" asked Choromatsu, referring to the wounds they all saw when the youngest slept the rest of the morning. 

"… I ran." 

"You ran," he repeated in a monotone voice for the uninformative, yet straightforward answer he got. 

"Yes. I did."  

Since he was not going to get any significant piece of information from only that question, he pushed a bit more. 

"Where to?" Mount Fuji again? He wanted to add, for old sake's time.  

"Do you remember the place I used to work in?" Todomatsu asked, side glancing him while he stood up. Choromatsu nodded, formerly getting the right answer.  

"What!? But that's too far! How did you even manage that!? You and Osomatsu-niisan are going to give me a heart attack one of this days," he rambled on, grabbing the front of his hoodie. 

Their short travel to the store left Matsuyo less tired thanks to her boys carrying the bags for her. The sunset was nothing but breathtaking, offering a sweet appeasing view to heal a sorrowful soul.  
Choromatsu got ahead with three bags in his hands, letting Todomatsu carry the last one and the least heavy while he walked by their mother's side. Gulping, he played with the bag making it swing before he got enough courage to talk. 

"Mom? Can I tell you something?" he barely asked, still afraid of someone else listening to him.  

"What makes you think you can't my neet?" right as always, Matsuyo gave her youngest all the time he needed to finally tell her what was eating that pretty head of his. 

Unsure of the words he should use to explain it without spoiling anything he had planned for that upcoming day, Todomatsu didn't say a word until they were able to see their home from afar. 

"I just..." staring to his feet, he bit his lower lip to take his nervousness away. "I just want you to know that I'm happy," feeling her eyes on him, he straightened his posture and looked back at her. "I think...No. I know I found my happiness, mom." Blushing, he smiled at her thinking about his boyfriend. 

He couldn't make anything from the look in his mother's eyes, however, he was able to get glances of understanding behind the obvious surprise and mildly shock he made her experience. 

"You are going to leave the house." Matsuyo's eyes watered finally seeing what she knew it would happen any time soon. 

"I have to, mom. If I could stay I would, but... I made my choice. And I choose to be happy." 

"I see..." reaching for his hand she let her memories of his tiny hand being enveloped with hers while he cried all the way back home with scrapped knees, brought a bittersweet smile to her face. "I'm glad, then." 

Hand in hand, they returned home. A mother that was starting to regret kicking her neets out every single time they infuriated her and a son that felt his worries wash out far too quickly. 

It was too good to be true.

Chapter Text

Waking up less jumpy was a miracle, and adding a smile to that was something he never thought it could happen since all hell broke loose for his fault. Actually, as stupid as that might sound he didn't find it hard to breathe anymore; compared to the last two days, it was what he needed. A break. 

Just like the day before, he walked to the bathroom at an ungodly hour. His father still had some time to rest and if he wanted to eat, he'll have to prepare it himself. Closing the door, he turned the lights on and almost died when he saw stubble starting to grow back on his cute shin, his skin was oily in certain parts and dry in others; that would certainly cause breakout. But his eyes were the worst, he had red puffy eyes, threatening to take his strong point away, and that should be stopped immediately.  
He looked in the cabinet for some of his products to end the nightmare that was affecting the skin he worked so hard to maintain. Settling for a soothing face mask, he started with washing his face to shave those horrids facial hairs he was doomed to grow for the rest of his life. Once he got rid of those, he moved forward in life and followed his morning skincare routine. 
By the time he was waiting for the mask to pamper his face, his father was getting ready to go to work. Wanting to avoid him, he holed up in the spare bedroom until he heard him leaving.  
With the mask still on his face he walked to the kitchen for something light to eat, only to be found by his mother and almost sent her to the grave for scaring her. 

"Gosh, Todomatsu. What are you doing awake so early?" she said, placing both her hands on her chest to calm her poor heart, cleverly ignoring the obvious mask on her youngest son that successfully freaked her out. 

"Nothing really," he easily replied without moving his mouth too much. 

"Your father ate the last bit of food, so if you are ready in the next twenty minutes, you can come with me to the store," going to the store with their mother was a blessing. It meant that anyone who was going with her could get something to snack on, or a bit of money if she was feeling generous. Todomatsu; like any other Matsuno in the house was not going to pass that opportunity onto anyone.  

Soon, they were leaving the security of their home to fetch enough food for breakfast and lunch, they didn't want to have to do an unnecessary trip the same day. Luckily, they both got a snack to cease their hunger before they reached home.  
With nothing else to do, Todomatsu decided to help her mother with breakfast and probably lunch after that.  
They chatted while cooking together, sometimes she gave him tips to make it more easy for him, on the other hand, he shared his own about new recipes he tried for Atsushi; obviously he did not mention his boyfriend at all, but for now he was sure his mother had a pretty good idea of him dating someone, so she didn't push. 
 
Choromatsu was the first one of the brothers to walk in the kitchen, he did look a bit taken back seeing Todomatsu cook alongside their mother. In fact, if he wasn't fully awake, he would have swear his younger brother was slowly turning into their mother; and who knows, maybe some day he'll be the one cooking for them once their mother was not longer with them, or when she was too tired to attempt. 
Without a word he went to work and set the table for the rest of the monsters that tormented the house. 
Very much like their mother, Todomatsu lost his appetite after cooking for six grown man, so he evenly shared his part with the rest, getting a worried frown from his older brother. 

"You are not going to eat? Again?"

"I already ate while we cooked," he giggled, avoiding any irrelevant small chat that could turn into a full out sermon with them at the same time. Surprisingly, Matsuyo didn't bat an eye at his retort, giving him the honor of winning a possible verbal fight. 

"You won't get to skip lunch this time, Totty," he threatened disappearing with three full bowls of rice in his hands. 

Sleep was strongly calling for him and like a good boy he listened to it and obeyed, dozing on the couch like he had done some major workout, although it was not surprise he was going to get tired if he added to the whole situation, skipping meals from a diet he had been following since he could use chopsticks without their parents help. He had vague dreams, hearing certain words mixed into a colorful spotted sky, only to end up floating in an endless sea of his own clear tears that had an unique scent reminded him of lavender. The painful stinging sensation he got from that dream made the hairs on his arms stand up, but as much as it burnt him, he did not move from where he was; he could take it. 

Remembering random part of those fleeting dreams, was how he gained consciousness once again, that, and Choromatsu was trying to wake him up. 

"Come on, lunch is ready."

In a sleepy haze he followed him. Hungry, he ate his whole portion slowly; enjoying the flavor of it he stayed at the table until no one else was. His brothers did have to fight each other for the bathroom, a brawl he would like to keep as far from him as he could.  
Todomatsu took the liberty of doing the dishes, while he waited for the water to boil, his everything needed sugar and what a better way to get it that his homemade cocoa. That brought to his mind that he had to wrote down a healthy/free from everything recipe so he could prepare some for his boyfriend too. His heart started to warm up by thinking about Atsushi actually enjoying the food he would prepare for him, he'd be so happy, he could already see his dreamy eyes beaming at him with that relaxing smile that could make his problems dissolve for hours on end. Todomatsu wasn't imagining with a lovestruck smile on his face; oh no, up to now, he had been playing in Atsushi's kitchen enough times to work with the oven without burning anything like the first time he used it. Actually, the very first time he managed to get a good treat for him Atsushi was shocked, with little to no faith and slightly afraid of getting to push through the week with pills for the pain, he bit into the fudgy chocolate brownies looking at Todomatsu in a way he had never seen before; that struck his heart. Needless to say, his boyfriend asked him to teach him and to bake more for him since he didn't get any kind of uncomfortable pain.  
Ah. He spilled water onto the floor. 

"You are not even here but look what you make me do," he chuckled preferring to put the blame on him than accept how clumsy he really was. 
A pair of feet stole that smile off his face, following the silhouette with his eyes like he was about to lose his shit if it was.... "U-um...Karamatsu-niisan, it's just you," he sighed in relief. 

"Just me?" he mumbled unsure if he should feel bad for him or himself. "A-anyways, I came to ask if you would like to accompany me in an adventure that will help you loosen up your perfect body in no time!" After he got his cool act back together, he posed a couple of times while his little brother moped the floor, completely ignoring his antics.  

He knew where all that was going and where it came from, if he was going to truly live by the words he told to his mother, the last thing he should do is turn his back to Karamatsu, when he had been there for him. 

"So, we are going fishing," standing up, he reached for paper towels to dry his hands and take their mother's apron off. "Let me get ready then," before he walked out he stopped in his tracks and pouted at him. "No bedazzled shoes this time niisan," with that warning firmly told, he left his older brother gulping  in the spotless kitchen. No painful fashion for today. 

 
The fishing spots seemed eternal, the same customers came and left, their usual spot was gladly taken once they got their bait. This could surely be their own special place. 

By now, Todomatsu was merely waiting for Karamatsu to start shooting him with questions; either that or expect a lengthy explanation about what was going on with Osomatsu to justify his actions like he mostly did. That did nothing but exasperate him. He wasn't stupid, he understood where Osomatsu's idea of manhandling came from, however he was never going to accept how roughly it happened. 

"Totty. I wanted to apologize for how we all acted these last days," he said with no drops of his common 'coolness' mingling between his words. Catching his youngest brother attention and curiosity. 

"Why are you apologizing? You did nothing to me...You shouldn't be the one doing this. Osomatsu-niisan should man up and come here to apologize,"  upset was putting it mildly, Todomatsu was fuming just thinking about forgiving that stupid older brother of his. "No. Even if he does it, I'm not sure I can forgive him at all." 

Karamatsu frowned looking at Todomatsu. He feared Osomatsu actions would lead to an ugly path filled with thorns that could permanently jeopardize their relationship. The mere thought of having to witness that unfold was terrifying. 

"You are right to be mad at him, but if you stay angry it will not only hurt Osomatsu, but yourself too," how he hated when Karamatsu was right. How he despised when others repeated the same thing to him. He got it. He knows it and yet he keep pushing the same shit through his head, like that would miraculously switch his feelings towards him. 

"I know that, niisan," he huffed marking the last word in that sentence. "Did you seriously take me here to make me change my mind about him? Because it won't work," sighing he closed his eyes in an attempt to calm down.  

For two hours they said nothing, trying to regain the good atmosphere they had when they arrived; sitting next to each other, failing to catch anything, and yet, what it was lost remained that way. Todomatsu was partially annoyed with him for bringing that up in the first place. He just did not want to know anything about him at all, or what his stupid head was planning to do with him.  

"That Atsushi guy..." that was what Todomatsu expected to come out of his mouth, not that other shitty apologize. "What kind of guy is he? Have we ever met him before?" he had to have more questions than those, but he was obviously nitpicking what he thought was relevant to know. 

"He is a snobbish asshole, and no," if Karamatsu wasn't worried before, he surely looked like it now. Todomatsu couldn't hold his laugh back with the horrific face the other was making. Giggling, he covered his mouth with one hand.  

"Y-you almost got me there, heh," oh lord, he was sweating bullets. 

"It's true," once again, he saw him tense up. Todomatsu had no idea he was going to have this much fun. "What are you so worried about? We are doing fine." 

"He sounds...nice, I guess," Todomatsu didn't recognize that harsh tone in his voice, it wasn't like when he was angry, no. This one had a whole new meaning behind it, one that he didn't care enough to dig up. 

"If you keep frowning like that, you'll get wrinkles." 

"It's just that your description of him is not flattering. Besides, I'm allowed to get worried, more now than ever. My youngest brother is dating someone!" why wasn't he surprised? Rolling his eyes at his useless explanation, he stared at the unmoving waters. 

"Too bad that ship sailed eons ago," he said disinterested in his silly expressions. "Now that you mention it. I was doing just fine until you all; once again, ruined everything for me. The only difference to last time, it's that I am not going to give up on us." Todomatsu frowned at the fishes that swam next to his bait like it was nothing. What an ungrateful creature. 

"H-how many months n-now?" he did and didn't want to know the answer to that, after realizing how capable Todomatsu was at having a second life right under their noses, he wasn't sure what he was going to hear. His little brother glanced at him, taking his time to think. 

"About... thirty to forty months, give or take," he answered moving his cane a little. Karamatsu was what Todomatsu considered utterly destroyed by the cold hearted truth, there was no need to look at him to feel how hard it was taking him to accept it.  

"What? Todomatsu that's a really long time..." he gaped at him. "W-why didn't you tell us?" 

"I was not ready," gritting his teeth, he answered only to turn in into a smirk when he looked at him, successfully bottling that useless spark. "Do you really think I would have passed the opportunity to brag about my boyfriend every second of the day if I was ready? Believe me, I would have loved to just sit and talk with all of you, or traumatize you, I'm not picky," his eyes softened with what could have been really nice memories. 

"I'm sorry..." this one sounded authentic. 

"Don't," he thought for a while before he opened his mouth again. "We were having fun. It was suppose to stay like that, but we fell in love and that was more of a problem for us. Just think about it niisan. How would you feel if you had to see that one person go on with its life, marrying another, having kids and keeping your relationship as a secret, because that's what you have to do to fit in. It hurts and it doesn't make any sense. But that was what we wanted to do, live with our own families...until he decided to tell his parents," he sighed with a melancholic smile. "Now it's my turn."  

Karamatsu was speechless. They left the fishing spots empty handed and he did not mutter a word, deeply lost in thought. Mere meters away from the house, Todomatsu slowed his step; holding his head high to compensate how truly scared he was. His older brother patiently awaited for him to find his voice.  

"You can't tell anyone until I do it first," he pointed at him with trembling fingers. "I will find out if you talk with the others about it too."  

"You can trust me brother. Your secret love affair is in good hands," he said giving him a thumbs up and a killer smile making the youngest scrunch up his button nose in disgust. 

"Oh my god, no. Please don't call it that."  

That was enough Karamatsu for a day, or a year. Whining over his ridiculous brother, was how he arrived at their home. But the good mood he had evaporated when he walked in; Osomatsu was there, right in front of the door...Almost like he was waiting for them.  
Todomatsu bit his lower lip. How did he not see this coming? Karamatsu wasn't just spending time with him, he must have been coerced into helping the oldest with this plan. Tricked, he turned on his feet, glaring daggers at the second oldest. 

"You knew!" he spouted. "I told you! I told you I did not want to see him!" enraged, he threw his cane at him, eyeing the wide open door. 

"Todomatsu, wait!" The oldest reached for him before he could ran away. Turning him around he kept his hold firm on his wrist. "I just want to talk. I-if you don't want to be alone with me, Karamatsu can join us, right?" 

"O-of course!" 

"I don't want to talk to any of you! Let me go!" Pleading he felt his chest constrict around his lungs, his touch was scolding hot, burning him through his flesh. This was not good. What was going on with him now? He wondered in his tumultuous chaos. "L-let me go!! Let me go!!" He started to roughly pull his hand back, trying to break free from his grip, leaving no space in his messed up head to see the bigger picture of what he was initiating.  
His cries didn't went unheard, everyone who was in the house fled to the commotion.  

"Totty, calm down!" Osomatsu did everything he could to make him stop but let him go, as he asked him to.  

"What are you doing to your brother!?" their mother was the last one to arrive, and the first one to intervene. "Osomatsu, let your brother go in this instant!" As soon those words were said, he loosened his hold, freeing the youngest to do as he pleased. Running away. 

While their mother scolded the oldest son, Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu decided to go after him; one faster than the other. 

He needed to breathe again, he wanted to fill his lungs with all the wind that was brushing his hair away from his pale face, and yet, he got nothing besides an asphyxiant crimson dancing on his tear stained cheeks. His wounded feet took him to the same bench he shared that dismal noon with his boyfriend. Resting on its humid seat, he let the last rays of sunshine warm up his face, finally capable of gasping for air.  
What happened back there? Osomatsu wasn't mad at him, he looked more scared than he did. Then, why did he react like that? This was the only time he did not attack him, he should have a better control over his own person; too bad, every single aspect of his life was collapsing like a perfectly line of dominos.  

The constant noise of lingering conversations was numbing his senses as a background tune for his disarranged life, his desperate gasps slowed to a classic waltz cradling his body for a well needed nap. He would have fallen asleep right where he was if his brothers wouldn't have found him first.  
Both sat next to him; each on different ends, similar to their personalities. They stayed silently observing the sunset with him, however, he was too tired to endure another brotherly chat. 

"Leave," he pouted, closing his eyes to avoid a direct hit from the sun. 

"We didn't know Totty," started Jyushimatsu. 

"I don't care. I just want you to leave." 

"That's not going to happen...Unless you want Karamatsu to come and pick you up," added Ichimatsu. 

How irritating his day was concluding. Running did help to settle his unleashing emotions, at the fair cost of re opening his old wounds, and because he didn't have the will to force himself to get away, he gave in.  

"What do you want?"  

"Well, we were thinking that maybe...umm..." 

"You needed someone that'll listen to you!" 

"Yeah, that." 

If they were the oldest, he would have thrown the worst temper tantrum in the whole Matsuno history, that would be pass on from one generation to another as a damn legend. Lucky for them, they were in the right tracks and he was beyond ready to rant without a problem, before he exploded. 

"I already spilt some to Karamatsu-niisan, which lead me to be fucking double crossed in seconds, when I specifically told him that I did not want to talk to Osomatsu-niisan!" Peeling the skin of his lower lip he continued on. "He promised he wouldn't tell anyone until I was ready to do it..." scrunching up his eyebrows he faced the fourth brother. "I would be a moron to believe in his shitty words. I thought I could trust him for helping me, but now I see this has never been and equal fight, It's just me against all of you." 

"But we are not against you," simply muttered Ichimatsu. 

"You are already acting different towards me! It feels like all those years we grew up together meant nothing to you! Like I'm a stranger in that house!"  

"We are just worried about you, Totty," said Jyushimatsu, successfully getting a good look of his younger brother once he glared at him.  

"Worried? I am worried too, all I have in my head is what you all think about it. You truly believe that I stopped sleeping in the futon because of Osomatsu-niisan? No. It was the way you all reacted when you found out, that made me realize that you were not accepting it, accepting me."  

"Todomatsu, you have to understand." Ichimatsu could not finish that sentence with how fast those piercing eyes bathed his soul with his overflowing anguish. 

"Understand what? How disgusted you are because you've been sleeping right next to a man that's in love with another man? Or how perverted I must be to keep it as a secret while I happily strolled to the bathhouse filled with naked guys? Oh! How could I forget not telling you that when I was utterly confused about myself, every single date I had with girls were nothing but an excuse to try and make me completely straight so I didn't have to live in this nightmare!" He wanted to rant more, and yet his tears appeared right on time to silence him before his tongue could betray him.  

Todomatsu brought his hand to his mouth hiding those short broken sobs in the same way the sun did from the world. He felt submerged in a tight embrace with a strong scent of dirt and tangerines, a gentle hand showed its expertise petting his clouded head, even if he only practiced with cats.  
As brothers, they didn't know what to do, as sextuplets they were lost, as a family he was getting torn away right in front of them. The worst was, they could not change it nor make it better with all the ignorance they shared about Todomatsu's life, however there was one thing they were all agreeing on; seeing him cry and not being able to soothe him, squeezed their hearts until they were meres observers of his torment.  

They could not reach for him anymore. 

The fifth son carried him on his back when Todomatsu tired himself bawling his eyes out. Resting in a dreamless nap, that would probably turn into hours for being emotionally unstable, the youngest phone incessantly buzzed against Jyushimatsu's back, tempting them to check it now that he was deeply asleep. He'll never know, right? It was going to be fast and completely harmless.  
Sharing one last look, they decided against it, preventing that their youngest would rip himself away from their group too. For now, they'll have to spread his wishes to the oldest. 

To stay away from him.

Chapter Text

Meaningful conversations transitioned from the main room to his ears, making it near impossible to continue his slumber. Sticking his hand out of the futon, he reached for his phone, silently unlocking it to not get any intruders in the room he claimed days ago.  

It was noon. If he wasn't feeling an inexplicable wrath crusading through his blood, he would have panicked for sleeping the day off. Instead of getting up, he hid his phone close to him and pulled the covers over his head, trying to encrust his fervent thoughts in their heads so he could hear nothing else but silence.  

They were laughing. Hearing Osomatsu laugh so loudly about something stupid was infuriating, he wanted to have some peace and fucking quiet, not this shit fest of yells and joy. 

Covering his ears with both hands, he was able to numb their voices. Now they didn't seem to be that close to him, soothing the idiotic anger that contorted his face. 

Suddenly, he focused on their footsteps; some going upstairs others back to the kitchen and so on. Todomatsu sighed, relaxing that annoying frown.  

The only thing he wanted to do, was sleep. To ensure that, he sent Atsushi a short text explaining his selfish wishes before he tossed and turned until he found the perfect position to get back to his pitch black dreams. 

Their mother prepared some snacks prior to start working on the dinner, hoping of having her youngest son join them this time. When he didn't appear after being summoned by the words 'snacks', she grew worried and went to the spare bedroom to check on him. 
She saw him comfortably sleeping, secured under the messy futon, using one pillow as one would normally use and the other to imprison it between his arms. Should she wake him up? Perhaps it would be better for them if she sent her sons. Matsuyo sighed and walked out closing the door behind her. 

Once she left, Todomatsu opened his eyes. He was just like them, utterly weak when snacks were involved. What if it was something delicious? It must be! Then why wasn’t he hearing them enjoy it? Or at least, devour them like the monsters they were.  
Rubbing his eyes he carefully debated if he should ignore the strong knots forming in his stomach, or if he should get up and laze around the rest of the day. Something to eat sounded good, but with his stomach manifesting in that way, he was not going to tempt his fate.  

He rolled over, procrastinating the mere idea of moving, when the door opened. In silence, his older brothers walked in, sitting right next to his futon and placing something on the floor; for the smell of it, it was food, making his stomach start jabbing at him again.  
Whining, he rolled one more time to face them, but besides that, he didn't do much. 

"What?" he asked pouting, never detaching himself from the same spot. 

"Mom got us snacks, Totty! Snacks!!" he yelled, moving his arms similar to an octopus. 

"I can see nii-san." He couldn't help it, seeing him like that made him giggle at his silliness. 

"Since you didn't come for the snacks, we came to you with the snacks, heh," added Karamatsu to everyone's misfortune. 

"...Leave," he mumbled, instantly killing his brief good mood. He could feel that numbing sensation in the back of his head, calling for him to go back to sleep. It was oddly satisfying, when he could ignore the cry for help his stomach was shouting, of course. 

"Todomatsu, if you don't want to eat...at least let's talk about what happened yesterday," said Osomatsu, who didn't seem too sure with the way his voice kept throwing him under the bus. "We don't have to do this alone, see? Everyone is here and if you don't want to answer that's cool too..." 

Pushing his fringe off his face, he sighed and looked at him. The oldest was visibly a perfect example of someone who was about to shit his pants for how tense he looked, making the others feel the same way. Todomatsu could not believe how they were behaving, just in time to fuck everything up; again. 

"You are not going to stop bugging me until I say yes, so yes. Happy?" He said with a stiff smile, rather violently. He was too tired to deal with this and with everything else at the same time. Above that, he had to start thinking how to tell their parents. What else? Pack his suitcase for the worst case scenario. He didn't have time to happily indulge in a conversation where he was not going to be truly heard. 

"F-first...Um...I'm sorry Totty."  

Did he think he was going to fix it by starting with that? 'Sorry' didn't fix everything, there was nothing to fix, and yet, he had to see Osomatsu bow his head in front of everyone for his own stupidity.  
Todomatsu stared at him for more seconds than he intended to, casually glancing at the rest to see how surprised they looked. Karamatsu seemed pleased even. What a joke.  

"If you wanted to apologize, you should have done it by not being an idiot," he knew he was tempting his patience with the way his words were delivered. Osomatsu understood that he was not going to get anything else from the youngest; sitting straight up, he looked back at him. 

"Well...that's it kind of hard for me, right?" he forcibly chuckled, trying to get rid of the hostile atmosphere surrounding them. Jyushimatsu got his back by following his unnecessary joke with one of his gags. 

"There is no use in talking to someone like you," he sighed finally sitting up. "Not that I wanted to do it. I just want you to finish already and leave me alone," crossing his arms he glared at him, dissolving that smile off his face and shutting Jyushimatsu up. 

"Totty, can't you see Osomatsu is trying to help you too? And in the same way we all want to," Karamatsu soothing voice did the opposite of what he probably intended to do; to calm him down.  

"So you are helping him now!? Weren't you there when he attacked me!? Twice!?" He was considering giving him another chance to trust in him, but with that, no. He was not going to implant false hope where it never was. Whining, he stared at the ceiling, keeping his eyes open to force his tears to stay. "You two are the worst..." he grumbled, already losing his battle. 

"Totty, I didn't mean it like that," the second oldest chose the incorrect path with his words, and to make it better, he moved closer to Todomatsu wanting to hug his pain away, but as soon as the other noticed him, his tears overflowed his heart succumbing to fear.  

"G-get away from me! T-this conversation is over! I want you to leave now!!"  

The brothers were not sure if Todomatsu was aware of how loud and damaged he sounded, nevertheless, they all backed away to give him enough space to breathe, but they all ached to help him, to dry his tears and feed him. He shouldn't be feeling like that. 

Giving them his back, he kept his arms crossed over his stomach and laid back down. 

"Todomatsu, you haven't eaten anything," Choromatsu sighed taking the plate of snacks to him, however, his stubborn little brother let his stomach roar instead of giving what his body needed. "If you eat, we'll leave you alone, okay?" with a smile he offered the snacks. Todomatsu looked at him with his cheeks puffed out; wanting to stay strong he ignored him, but those colorful macaroons watered his mouth, forcing him to give up. 

Reaching for the pink one, he laid back down to slowly nibble it.  

"Todomatsu. I didn't mean just one. Take the rest too."  

Frowning, his mind tried to find the trick behind his words. Turning around with the snack in his mouth, he stared at his older brother with glossy eyes.  

"W-what do you want?" It was too suspicious to give in just because he was being nice. Todomatsu needed nice at the moment, but that was mental, so it wasn't really his fault to think so negatively of it. 

"I want you to eat. We don't mind skipping some snacks once in a while. It's not like we are going to die for giving them to you," his explanation was plainly ridiculous and he couldn't help but snort and start laughing, holding his strawberry snack with his free hand. "Uh? W-why are laughing?" Choromatsu turned around to see their brothers being consumed by a childish tantrum. They wanted their snacks so bad, and yet they preferred to see Todomatsu in a better mood, although they were doing an awful job at controlling themselves. "What are you doing!?" 

Todomatsu's laugh made Choromatsu stop scolding their moronic behavior; at least they made him smile. 
In the end, the third brother didn't let the others get their snacks, although Choromatsu secretly wanted to join them, maybe in some other occasion he'll indulge. 

After putting something in his stomach, he felt slightly better, less sleepy and moody too. It worked like a charm. Now, that he was more like himself, he didn't try to chase his brothers away. 
Looking for his phone under the messy futon, he turned it on and unlocked it.  

"Oi, Todomatsu. Can we talk now?" Asked Osomatsu, receiving an uninterested nod from his little brother who didn't take his eyes away from his phone. 

Biting his lower lip, he re read the last text he sent to Atsushi. He was such a rude piece of shit; he owed the man so much, he was going to be in debt with him for the rest of his life. 

I'm sorry about before Atsu. 

He started, afraid that he wouldn't get an answer until later. 

Don't be. 

Are you feeling better now? 

Gladly, he didn't have to wait at all. His boyfriend was just this perfect for him. Todomatsu wanted to gloat about him so bad. 

It seemed that the only thing I needed was something sweet~ 

Or anything really. 

Figures 

Want me to have a stock of healthy sweets for you? 

If by healthy sweets he meant strawberries dipped into chocolate and fresh fruit, then he was more than interested in his offerings. 

If it's free I'm not going to oppose~ 

When would he? 

Free? 

Darling, don't you know? 

Nothing comes for free. 

You'll have to pay me. 

And I have a few ideas of how i want you to do it. 

If Todomatsu wasn't blushing, he certainly was now. What was he thinking!? He didn't even dare to glance at his brothers. How embarrassing! 

OMG 

Atsushi 

We are officially breaking up 

With his cheeks burning, he put his phone down and covered his whole face with both hands while he smiled. The notification of a new text was the only thing that made him stop hiding. 

Well... 

If that's what you want 

I'll just have to finish all those snacks by myself 

Unless I find another cute boyfriend named Todomatsu to share them. 

Using snacks against him? What a dirty player. 

I think I might know someone~ 

Cheeky as always, he didn't disappoint him. 

Oh 

Do tell 

Frowning, Karamatsu cleared his throat calling for the youngest attention. When Todomatsu turned around to look at him, his eyes widened and he averted his gaze utterly embarrassed.  
This wasn't one of his brightest ideas, in his defense, Atsushi had a special way to make him act like that.  

"Ah... U-um... Just give me a minute," he stumbled over his words, breaking under his older brother gaze, he returned to his phone to stop shameless flirting in front of them. They were lucky enough not to find them sexting. That would have been an atrocious development. 

Unfortunately I have to leave 

Maybe later I could tell this person about you 

But no hard feelings if he doesn't fancy you 

Kay? 

He tried really hard to suppress his giggles.  

I'm sure I'll manage 

Take care dear 

Todomatsu left a dreamy sigh slip through his pouty lips, forgetting for a brief moment where he was and with whom.  
His brothers either stared at him or looked away. Karamatsu by the other hand, kept frowning at him with no intention to stop. 

"Can we talk now?" Someone was starting to get overprotective. "Or is he going to keep texting you?" 

"Now I know where my bad mood went," cleverly added Todomatsu while he put his phone down to face them again. 

Karamatsu rolled his eyes, annoyed by that guy and he didn't even know him yet. Ichimatsu intervened by throwing the empty plate at him, finally cutting his shit.  

"You are ruining it, shittymatsu," he grumbled at the painful brother laying on his side with a huge bump on his head.  
With the bedazzled brother silenced, Osomatsu should be the one asking whatever he wanted to, but alas he didn't seem to have good questions or he had too many. Either way, Choromatsu was the one who decided to take the lead, as it always happened. 

"So...W-who is this...this guy? I mean, we know his name but... nothing else," his anxiety levels should have skyrocketed to fuck it up that soon. 

"I'm not telling any of you how much money he makes," crossing his arms over his chest he squinted his eyes at them, shocking the third one and apparently reviving the second for the sudden change of events. 

"W-what?" 

"How much does he make!?" Asked in unison the first and second son, each with different intentions. Todomatsu just glared at them.  

"So now you don't care that I'm dating a man."  

"Come on Totty, you can't leave your nii-chan in the dark with that info. Besides, I could understand it better if it was for money. I can even help you!"  

Osomatsu's excitement about stealing his boyfriend money, made him wonder if he was the heartless one or if that was the first thing that came to their minds when they found themselves asking why would he date a guy. Maybe, if he didn't develop those feelings for him, he would have thought about milking him for his money even more than letting him pay for every brunch, lunch and dinner they shared for the first few weeks.  

Wait a minute.  

"T-those were dates!?" He said, placing his hands on his burning cheeks. How did he not notice that, after years of going out with him!? Gosh! Where was his head!? No wonder they all called him dense.  

His brothers stared at him, waiting for the younger to elaborate a bit more. Because up till now, only three of them knew specs of information about his boyfriend; the rest stayed in the void making their own sick conclusions.  

"What are you talking about? You haven't answered my question!" Demanded the oldest, and to his delight, Todomatsu reacted, although not in a positive way. He shivered a little keeping his sight down to his lap.  

"I...I'm not going to answer that," he mumbled attempting to bite his lips again. Karamatsu wanted to be the one saving the day, but Choromatsu was not going to let him make it more awkward than it was. 

"That's fair...Um, so what does he do? I mean..." Todomatsu took his time to answer that without looking like he was frightened by Osomatsu's voice. Gulping, he forced a faint smile to look up at them. 

"I know what you mean, Choromatsu nii-san," moving his index finger to his bottom lip, he hummed, thinking of a good answer that would not give them everything they expected. If his darling worked at some place that he was not about to own he might have told them. Choosing the closest white lie, he answered. "He is a businessman," that seemed to calm them down, until he opened his damn fat mouth.  

"So how much does he make?"  

"Really?" Even Choromatsu was annoyed at Osomatsu's insistence. If he didn't want to share his income with anyone he shouldn't be pressured to do so. Besides that, he didn't have the right to do it, specially to Todomatsu. 

"What's up with you and my boyfriend's money?" Bluffing could be one of his attacks, if his stomach wasn't in knots for an entire different reason. Still, he was going to stick to it.  

"What's wrong with you and not wanting easy money like we always do?" Osomatsu replied, tired of not getting the answer he wanted. 

"Oh, well, excuse me then for treating my boyfriend like a human being instead like a fucking wallet," Todomatsu statement not only surprised them, but himself too. That kind of phrase sounded like he had softened.  

Perhaps he had.  

Being loved, truly loved did make a number on him. He started to care for someone else besides of his family, he literally banned him for covering the expenses of their dates; afraid of been perceived as a scumbag. After a couple of dates, he noticed little things that added charm to his stuck up self, he got to know him when he was angry, sad and a complete mess. Oddly, enough seeing all the nastiness hiding behind his perfectly snobbish attitude made him more human to him, so he did not leave. He started to see a similar behavior to the one he liked to use in a daily basis. Thanks to that, both of them relaxed, collecting the moments they'll need to slowly blossom their relationship into what it was now. 

"What did he do to you, uh?" His features darkened holding his gaze on the youngest frame.  

Todomatsu could feel drops out of nervousness start to form on his face and neck, telling him that he should back off if he didn't want to repeat what happened days ago.  
Osomatsu felt everyone eyes on him, judging him for what he was doing, and they were right to do it. In a vague attempt of fixing his own mistake for the second time, he sighed, getting rid of some of his sour mood; even with that, he managed to frighten the other. 

"Anyways. Since you don't want to flaunt his money on our faces, tell us something else," that was a good start, right? Of course it was! He was a genius. 

Thinking about what he could say without giving much, Todomatsu reminisced in his memories together, helping him calm his nerves along the way. 

"Um... He took me to Disneyland for a weekend," that definitely did it. Their eyes were huge and their jaws slacked, not believing what they were hearing. 

"What!? When!?"  

"Like a year ago," he answered, with no problem. 

"Todomatsu, what!?" Karamatsu was about to lose his shit, out of all of them he was the one acting like their mother; which was kind of funny for the rest, if not utterly annoying. So why not spice it up a little more? 

"We stayed in this gorgeous suite at the Ambassador Hotel."  

"I-in a suite? A-as in a suite!?" Mumbled Choromatsu, lacking color on his face. "What kind of businessman is he?"  

"Did you sleep in the same bed!?" yelled Karamatsu while he got way too close to the youngest, making him lean back from him. 

"Why wouldn't I?"  

"For the love of...! He probably touched you while you were asleep!?" he grabbed the front of his shirt to empathize the pain that crossed his heart. "No, my baby brother... No," was he crying? They were all equally embarrassing, but his second brother snatched the first place with his over dramatic existence. Todomatsu had a strong urge to bang his face against the ground until it started to bleed, and if he was lucky, he could die right there.  

"Wait a second!" Osomatsu's loud voice stomped Karamatsu's idiotic whining, making them pay the attention he always needed. "You sleep together?" Great, now all their eyes were on him. 

"He has one bed and I don't want him sleeping on the couch. I mean, what if he catches a cold, right?" 

Did he say something weird? He didn't get what that could be. Was it not normal to avoid getting a cold? Or not to steal someone's bed just because he was a guest?  
He was fairly guilty of doing the latter for the first two months, he was too nervous to let Atsushi sleep by his side in a bed. The sole exception to that were those naps they enjoyed in the middle of a relaxing movie or a show they did not care to watch at all.  

All of them were almost touching his nose for how close they have gotten. Todomatsu looked at each and every one of them, but he was unable to find a decent reason for their actions. 

"What?" 

"Oi... have you... you know." Osomatsu took the lead like he mostly did. What kind of expression was that supposed to mean? They were all staring at him in a weird mix of eager to know and wanting to murder if they did. 

"I know?" Frowning, with no clue of what mundane idea was haunting their brainless older brothers head, he grew wary of them. 

"Come on...don't be shy. Y-you can tell us, right? Right?" Nodding at the same time, they got slightly closer to him, and Todomatsu kept backing away from them. 

"T-tell you what?" Saying that set them off. They gritted their teeth and squirmed on the floor creeping the youngest out. "W-what's g-going on?" He wondered, bringing one arm over his chest. 

"Totty!? Totty!?" chanted Jyushimatsu.  

"How can you be like this!? Can't you see we are about to die!?" Added Choromatsu, gripping his head with both hands. 

"What are you talking about!? I-I don't get it!" 

"M-my dear b-baby brother," Karamatsu placed his hands on his shoulders and inched closer, thick drops of salty sweat rolled openly against his face and down to his neck. "H-ha...h-have you..."  

"H-have I what?" Todomatsu was sure his older brother was dying.  

"Did you do it doggy style!?" Yelled Jyushimatsu with a crazy wide smile, after he pushed Karamatsu away to steal his spot. "Or was it with a bat!?" 

Todomatsu stayed petrified, letting those words sink in. They were asking about sex. Of course they were going to fucking ask about his sex life. What were they going to do if he told them? Would they be disappointed? Relieved? Why did they have to be like this? Well, they wouldn't be his brothers if they were not like this.  
He could say no, but they were not going to believe him. If he said yes, more question would come. 

Unless, he took the other path. 

"...Is that all you want to know?" They all nodded, waiting for his answer like it was a Christmas present. Todomatsu inhaled as much needed air as he thought he was going to use. "I'm never going to tell you!! You perverted older brothers!!" he screamed right on their faces, topping it with a few smacks with his pillows; successfully pushing them away.  

"He is not denying it!?" Osomatsu instigated the rest, pointing at the youngest. 

"No! M-my tater tot!?" Karamatsu was in tears, crying over the virginity of his poor innocent baby brother. 

"Totty got a bat up his ass!?" Jyusimatsu spun around while Ichimatsu laid dead on the floor. 

"I-i'm not ready for this," muttered Choromatsu, pale as a blank canvas. 

The chaos unleashed under the roof of the Matsuno household, bringing life back to the self proclaimed rambunctious demon's lair. Matsuyo smiled at their antics, occupying herself with the numerous task of cooking for a big family. Not every day of the year she was glad of hearing them talk with each other, even if it was the kind of discussion a mother would prefer not to hear about. She made deaf ears to all their jabbering, they were grown up men now...sort of.  

That dinner, the table was full. Her sons were enjoying her meal, her husband was glad he didn't have to fight for food against them anymore and seeing his boys all together was a good change. Matsuzo had no idea what they were up to now, but for tonight, he embraced the old times that were long gone and dug in.

Chapter Text

The notification of a new text immediately dragged him out of his dreamless sleep. Todomatsu sighed, annoyed by how awake his body seemed to be, when his only desire was to indulge in it until later; with no other option, he reached for his phone on his right, only to smack someone right on the face.  

"...What the hell?" Osomatsu grumbled bringing one hand to his poor hurt face. Being slapped so early in the morning and with no reason at all! What a shitty day.  

Todomatsu did not remember letting any of them sleep with him, but he did recall following them upstairs and taking a nap.  

Great.  

At least he had a really comfortable night. 

"Sorry nii-san..." he mumbled, now reaching under his pillow. 

"It's too early for this shit Totty," whined the oldest, accommodating in the perfect position to get back to sleep; which he did, the second he turned away from the youngest. 

Rolling his eyes, he crawled out of their shared futon to walk to the couch with his phone in his hand. Doing the same thing as always, he unlocked it to check the new text that woke him up, already knowing who sent it. I mean, who else would text him that early in the morning.  
With a sleepy smile he started to read it. 

I took the day off 

What a silly sweetheart. 

You didn't have to do that. 

It was not necessary. Nothing bad was going to happen, they were probably exaggerating the situation. 

I know 

But this is important 

It definitely was, although he wished for the opposite, he still felt this nagging presentiment in the back of his head, telling him; no, guaranteeing that something was going to rot. Still, he couldn't dwell on a feeling. 

A perfect reason to wear new clothes, right? 

He was not only going to wear something new, he was going all out. In his eyes it was all or nothing. A perfect armor for war, he dared to think. 

I couldn't have said it better 

Oh... 

Did I wake you up, cute prince? 

If he was trying to lift his spirits, he was doing pretty good. 
Cute prince. Only in his drunken stupor he could hear those words from...anyone really. 

Yeah 

But I think I'll start getting ready 

The best excuse for a flawless escape. 

So early? 

What a hardworking prince you are 

He just kept calling him 'cute prince'. He should be glad not to have him there or he'll be forced to carry him everywhere. 
He should inform him about the rest of his plan before he forgets to do so. Todomatsu couldn't glide over any unfortunate possibilities that may surprise him later.   

Atsu, I've been thinking of telling them after lunch 

I don't think I want to wait until dinner 

He didn't need to give any further explanation. 

Okay 

Do you want me to be close to your house before that? 

And his boyfriend didn't need one either.   

Yes 

I have to pack my things too 

Right. How was he going to do that? He knew he was going to scare his brothers if he started to fill his suitcase in front of them. There was no other way of doing it, perhaps he should have done it days ago. No; he knew he should have. Now he'll have to risk a barricade of questions for being negligent. 

Pack the essentials only 

And don't forget to take a picture with you 

It helps 

A picture, uh?  

Atsushi had an aesthetically pleasant picture framed in his living room, right next to a clear vase filled by a bouquet of daffodils. The first time he laid eyes on that picture he got so curious that he couldn't stop telling him how cute he looked as a kid, shyly hiding behind his father legs while the other was busy talking with someone else. The following week, he learnt that his mother snatchet that picture in a rush when his father was in the middle of a meeting, because they did not have many pictures together due to his father absence over the years.   
In short words, Atsushi's father wasn't present for the entirety of his childhood, but once he reached his teenage years, he magically appeared to shape him into the man he wanted him to be. Luckily for everyone, he did not succeed. 

Okay dear~! 

I'll text you later 

After a long exchange of goodbye's, he sighed smiling at nothing. For a couple of minutes he let himself get lost into their memories together, hugging his knees close to his chest, he rested his head against them, getting a nice view of the window.  
He really was grateful to have Atsushi as his boyfriend, not because he wanted to be disgustingly sappy with the man, but because he felt comfortable to be himself with him. He didn't have to be sweet all the time, nor good, or be careful with his words; not even that! He could be as salty as he wanted to, curse and let his mouth run with horribly dry opinions, and Atsushi retaliated magnifically. Most of the time they ended smiling and laughing together at innocent passersby that had the bad luck to dress like a clown; seriously, what were they thinking? 

At first, Todomatsu waited for Atsushi to attack him with the same venom he did the first day they got to know each other; no wonder the people from their date group left them alone. However, he never did. Every time he got fussy, Atsushi helped him to calm down, when he got really angry, the other let him rant. It made him feel more than especial, that in all those years of hiding, he never yelled at him to make him shut up, or frowned at him for something he did. Todomatsu hit the jackpot, or his boyfriend really liked him.  
He was probably looking too cute to be yelled at. Actually, the first time he got to see him mad with him, or something about his person, he said: "You are making it really difficult for me to stay mad at you!" He fought a lost battle against Todomatsu's innocent eyes, winning thanks to a traitorous smile slipping through a forced frown.  
He took his words as a compliment and never looked back, along with the several messy make out sessions that extinguished his hot headed boyfriend. 

And to this time, it worked like a charm. 

Checking the hour, he cleared his head to stop living in his past heaven, to come back to hell.  

Since his father had the day off, he was most likely still asleep. Taking that into consideration, Todomatsu tip toed his way to the closet to get clean clothes before he walked to the bathroom to get ready. 

It was almost nine in the morning, the house was empty from the lack of life it had. Skipping the promise of a nice breakfast, he walked around the house for a while, at first it was to go look for the photo album they hid in a rush, but for an unknown reason he had stopped to observe the house. Getting nostalgic again, thanks to that stupid gut sensation that've been haunting him non stop since the inauguration to his coming out party, his mind chose to complicate everything by reminding him of better, simpler times.  
How many times did he trip and fall on his face? Somehow he was still capable of falling downstairs even if he was being careful on his way down.  
He had the pleasure of receiving numerous bruises from different places in the house, including the furniture, in which, all of them ended with interminable tears. 

The first time he had to hide those scary feelings was at high school when he had to reject a guy that had him fascinated. But at that time, he was sure he had to get a girlfriend not a boyfriend, so he lied to the poor kid, himself and them. Coming back home heartbroken with the bad news of being rejected by the girl he liked, got him into the good side of his brothers who were nice enough to let him cry until his infatuation ceased.  

"I got it bad, but he was really good at sports..." 

A perpetual smile revoked his bittersweet memories, turning the pages to another chapter he dearly held in his private stash of 'incovenient' memories, like the first time he stole one of his mother's glosses, it was kind of weird that no one noticed him wearing it. Maybe they did and decided not to tell? Whichever the reason was, the habit of having his lips well moisturized stuck to him. 
Now Todomatsu was a proud owner of three different glosses and one lipstick. How was he going to look cute without those? Exactly, he couldn't do it if he didn't have them.  
Karamatsu was the only brother he could rely on when he wanted to talk about make up, the older brother found out about filling his eyebrows and he found out about subtle ways to enhance the features of his choice; sometimes he wanted his eyes to be under the spotlight, other times he liked it more when he had pouty lips or a faint blush on his cheeks. It depended in his mood, still does. 

A looming figure creeped its way behind his back, and a gentle pat on his shoulder was all it took to rip a muffled scream from him. 

"I'll give you anything! D-don't hurt me!?" with his hands covering his chest, he closed his eyes not daring to look at the intruder; who did nothing but to laugh at his reaction. 

"I think we are at hand now," her voice made him turn around, taking away the scary part of being surprised. 

"M-mom?"  

"What were you doing standing in the middle of the room at this hour?" Matsuyo asked seeing her youngest son with newly formed tears in the corner of his eyes. 

"Ah... well... I was looking for the photo album," sniffling, he fixed himself up. Ugh, he could bet his nose was red. 

"You and your brothers did a good job at hiding it, but you can't beat your own mother," she patted the top of his head with a smile. "Let me bring it to you," his mother went back to her bedroom, and in silence she came back with the cursed album in her arms.  

Both of them, moved to the table and sat next to each other. Matsuyo placed the photo album on it and sighed. 

"What kind of picture do you want to take with you?" she asked, taking him a bit back with how effortlessly she got to find out. Todomatsu wanted to ask how did she know his intentions, although, he did tell her about moving out of the house. "You and your brothers are so obvious sometimes, it is hard not to intervene when things get out of hand."  

"Oh... Um... I'm not really sure," what kind of picture did he want to look at? One where they were kids? No, he'll end up crying if he takes one of those? One with their parents in it? Tears are going to be hard to avoid with that one. "How about one that doesn't make me cry?" 

Matsuyo smiled at him and opened the album close to the last pages. All their pictures were from their very start of their doomed days as Neet; half neet if he counts his part time job.  
In all of them, they were lazing around, dozing off, not caring and living the present like the trash they still are. Embarrassing. 
A Halloween picture caught his eyes. That was when they broke in Iyami's place and took everything. That was a really good idea. They got more stuff and money when they sold what they didn't want to keep. Another good choice was a Christmas one. When they decided to go out and torment couples at noon; when Ichimatsu walked in all burnt out, their mother had the camera ready. 
But it was the last one that he liked the most. It was a really good picture of them holding each other by birth order and smiling at the camera; except Ichimatsu of course. If he smiled earth could stop, or the whole universe could implode. Horrific. 

"I like that one," he said, pointing at the very last picture of the album. 

Matsuyo nodded and took it out, however, she went back to the very start of it and took out one picture of them when they were infants. Their parents trying to hold them together for the camera was almost impossible. It was a huge mess. Karamatsu and Todomatsu were bawling their eyes out while they held hands between their parents, Ichimatsu was hiding behind their mother with a shy smile, Jyushimatsu bounced in her arms wanting to escape while Choromatsu and Osomatsu hugged their father legs trapping him and sharing a wicked smile. 

"Take this one too."  

"But..." this was the kind of picture that was going to make him cry daily. Damnit. 

"No buts. Take it," she moved it closer to him to make him accept it.  

Todomatsu took both pictures in his hands and looked at her. 

"I'll help you with breakfast, but I might need you to cover me," he said winking at her. Matsuyo only squinted her eyes before giving in. 

They prepared breakfast for everyone in the house, Todomatsu got his chance to eat a bit of it while they cooked. Just like the other day, Choromatsu appeared to scold him, but their mother got on his side and he had nothing to do against her. He was obliterated.  

"Wait. How come we haven't seen you wear those? Are those new? They look new," it seems, that was not enough to make him shut up. Todomatsu did look cute; extra cute and stylish today, part of him was happy that someone noticed it too. 

"Well, I was waiting for the perfect occasion to wear it," with an innocent smile, he twirled for him to appreciated his boyfriend's good sense of style. 

"It is not your usual pink statement... except for the necklace," Choromatsu said touching his own neck. 

"It's not a statement nii-san. I do like pink," pouting he glared at him before he took the apron off. 

This was one of the rare occasions he didn't wore pink. Black dress pants that had the right length to show his trade mark ankles, that were covered with white socks. A light black undershirt that he pulled up to his elbows, over it he wore a short sleeved white button up shirt that modeled a nice front pocket on the left side in black. Lastly, he added a silver chain necklace with a pink rectangular jewel that snuggled perfectly on his neck to make it up for the lack of a tie.  
He could walk out and get a nice hot date, perhaps some cute girls would like to exchange numbers! As of now, he needed to just go out and flaunt how good he looked. That aside, he had something way more important to do than that.  

"You are not going to eat? Again?" 

"Leave your brother alone and take the last bowls to the table." 

Once Choromatsu suspiciously eyed him; possibly preparing a speech about the importance of ingesting food at the proper time and how skipping it was going to affect him, he grabbed the last two bowls and walked out. Todomatsu thanked their mother and rushed to get his suitcase first.  

He didn't have much time left, knowing those monsters were going to swallow everything they could, he didn't lose any of it. He quickly cleaned it, freeing it from the dust it accumulated while it was tucked with the rest of their Christmas decorations. 
Todomatsu grabbed a bit of everything, he packed half of his clothes, his make up. He left his laptop behind for the sake of his brothers, but he took his headphones and earphones with him. Three pair of shoes were all he could fit in, but it did not matter, he was going to buy new ones if he really needed them. Before he zipped it up, he reached for the pink hoodie.  

Should he take it with him? 

If his parents were mildly angry at him, he wouldn't have to leave, but if they scared him, he was not going to stay. Todomatsu was good at taking anon hate through social media, they were awfully bored people, also, he did throw shade to some of them when he had a good comeback. That was one kind of hate, another that he learnt to manage was the one he received in public; he could be with his friends and some rude people would have the nerve to call him names, lucky for him that he surrounded himself with the kind of friends that were as amazing as he was with words. Still, he was human, those words took a lot from him.  
With all that in mind, he was sure he was not going to be able to live in a house that he considered sacred, a place were he was not going to be judged.  

Gulping, he changed his mind, taking the clothes that had their green pine off the case, carefully folding them and putting them back in the closet. The last thing he put in, were the pictures his mother let him take with him.  
Closing the suitcase, he looked around.  

"I hope this is not the last time..." 

What was he saying? 

"Of course it won't be. I should stop this way of thinking." 

Getting back on his feet, Todomatsu carefully maneuvered his heavy luggage out the bedroom, when he reached the stairs, he stopped in his track to pout.  
He should have packed the night before, but no, he had to get all comfy and snuggly with his brothers. Good fucking job. Nothing to do besides getting it down.  
With every step he took, he lifted the suitcase and placed it to the next one; his things first, then himself. Todomatsu tried not to take that long, if he was found like that, they'll think he was escaping or worst.  
Two steps before touching the short way to the front door, he heard the clattering of their empty bowls. Fuck being stealthy. He rushed downstairs to pick his suitcase up and fast walk to the front door, he was going to start sweating bullets if he didn't find a place to put it; checking for every spot he risked himself and ran to the kitchen. The sliding doors freaked him out in time to shove it next to the fridge where a useless spot yelled at him to be used. Without any rational thought he took the apron and put it over it. 
He was going to combust. 

"Oh. Todomatsu, since you are here, you should wash the dishes, right? Be a good little brother for Onii-chan," every time he added that he could feel his skin crawl in disgust. He'll never fall so low as to call him like that, if someone did, they'll probably be fulfilling a nasty fantasy of his.  

"Y-yeah..."  

Once Osomatsu left the kitchen, he sighed in relief. He was sort of safe for now. 

"This is ridiculous," he chuckled staring at the amazing hideout he created in seconds. He was going to have a good laugh at that when the years passed. 

Choromatsu was the one bringing all the dishes to the kitchen; as usual. Normally, he'll help their mother, but since Todomatsu was the one there, he decided to help him instead.  

"So...what's the special occasion?" he started, moving to his side to wait for him to wash some dishes, so he could dry them and put them away. Todomatsu saw right through him. 

"Something that has to do with my boyfriend," he sweetly answered, handing him the first bowl. Choromatsu could try all he wanted, but the more he forced himself to act like he wanted to chat, he knew that deep down he was too curious to let this go. 

"Ah...Like a date?" That ultra virgin older brother of his, blushed at the idea of dating. Todomatsu chose to ignore that fleeting spark of jealousy. He really was going to incinerate him if he was even thinking about his boyfriend. It didn't matter that he didn't know how he looked!   

"You could say that," he giggled, sugar coating his bitterness. "Why are you so interested?"  

"Eh? Ah... That's because I want to know if I can meet him."  

Oh. 

Todomatsu stared at the foam surrounding the dishes, unsure of how to answer. When the only thing in his mind was how to tell their parents, he didn't stop to think beyond that. He never touched the idea of what he would do if things went well. 

"Todomatsu?"  

If... he got the green light, he'll definitely talk with Atsushi before making him come to their home. He could already see him smile. Introducing him to his family would be so much better, he could rub his successful boyfriend to their faces! That does sound exciting. 

"Oi. Todomatsu." 

"Hm?" 

"You have all the rights not to want to introduce him to us," Choromatsu sighed, defeated. "After all that...I would do the same, if not worst. But, just so you know. I'm still interested in meeting him," he offered him a reassuring smile. 

"You are?" tilting his head to one side, he went back to washing the dishes. 

"Of course! I have to know who he is."  

"Why?" 

"Why? Todomatsu. You are my younger brother, the least I can do is to have a conversation with him so i can know his intentions," he said, matter of fact. 

"I think I have a pretty good idea of what his intentions are," eyeing him, he smirked. Choromatsu gaped at him, slowly feeling the blood climb to his ears. 

"Y-you...Y-you really d-d-d-did it..." 

"Did what?" he feigned innocence, confusing his brother even more. It truly was entertaining seeing him react to his words. 

Leaving that conversation in a vicious loop sealed to his brother's brain, he finished his task and waited for Choromatsu to leave the kitchen, instead of jeopardizing his luck at being a self-proclaimed ninja with his luggage. 

Alone, he took his phone out, instantly snapping a picture of his achievement to show the world and his boyfriend; adding a silly comment to it with a cute emoticon at the end made it perfect to post.  

Now what? He couldn't hide in the kitchen until lunch, or could he? 

No. He had to find something to do for two hours and a half. Which wouldn't be hard if he wasn't secretly dying inside to extinguish the panic that was preparing itself to ruin him.  
How do people start a serious conversation just with their parents? There was no escape to avoid the awkwardness that will take over; also, the first time he got a job, he had no problem informing their parents, he just didn't see the appeal of sharing that with his brothers. 

While he though of what to do he saw a yellow blur ran out of the house followed by Karamatsu, who make a short stop to look at him. 

"You look perfect my brother!" he said, giving him a cool pose with a thumbs up. "Perhaps we should show the rest of the world too. If you are interested in joining me this morning," did he pause for a dramatic effect?  

"I think I'll pass. I want to stay at home while I can," he quickly said. 

While I can...While I can!? 

He was royally fucking it up.  

"I see..." his confident smile wavered for some seconds, so he pushed his sunglasses up. "Well, my dear Todomatsu. Enjoy the warm hug of home. Heh."  

Good lord he left.   

Walking upstairs, he found Choromatsu with his nose stuck to the same book, Ichimatsu was doing nothing besides staring at a random spot in the wall. What if... No. He shouldn't even lose his time thinking about things that didn't exist. What was he staring at!? If it was a ghost, he was going to eject himself out of the planet.  
Lastly, Osomatsu was snacking on the couch. It was going to end with crumbs again. Sitting there was out of the question, Ichimatsu was giving him the creeps and Choromatsu would start a conversation no matter where he sat.  
Next to Choromatsu it was. 

For a few blessed minutes, Todomatsu was touched by God's mercy, until it shattered right in front of his cute eyes.  
Choromatsu closed his book, crossed his arms and sighed. 

"What happened to your clothes?" This was not a good day, he should postpone it before it was too late. 

"My clothes?" he used his best adorable face to win, pouty lips and big expressive eyes.  

"Yes. Your clothes." The straight man keep his composure, but Todomatsu could see he was starting to break. 

"W-wha?" he tilted his head to one side. 

Choromatsu sighed again, closing his eyes. He won. 

"Whatever. I just thought it was a little weird, it's all," he explained accepting defeat. 

"I wanted to borrow your headphones..." Ichimatsu added, turning his head to face him. Hands down, he saw a ghost...or a demon. He didn't seem possessed, yet. 

"I threw them away. They were not working anymore," he huffed. 

Ichimatsu didn't buy that. He fucked up again. 

"Oh...okay then."  

Where they covering his lies? Well, that was new. 

"I like... your clothes," muttered Ichimatsu, loud enough for them to listen. A bit taken back for a sincere compliment coming from him, he lost the common words, making the both of them blush for that interaction. 

His phone really was a life saver. Also, he could change the vibration mode for a nice tone, he was getting bad ideas every time it vibrated on his front pocket. 

Nice hideout darling 

Todomatsu couldn't hold his laugh, remembering how stupidly convenient that went. 

You are dating a pro cute ninja now 

He was going to add something else, when one of his brothers cleared his throat. He didn't have to be a genius to know it was from him. 
Rolling his eyes, he put his phone down, but he kept it in his hands just in case. 

"Talking to him again?" not that bullshit, not with him...again. 

"What do you want?" if he was being cute and adorable, he changed it into a cold glare. Osomatsu lifted both arms in the air showing him he meant no harm. 

"Just wondering when is he going to show his face," he crumbled the chips bag into a ball and threw it, missing the bin like most of the time. "I mean, he took you to a nice vacation, he came to pick you up, you sleep together..." Looking at him, he gave him his best smile, although a little forced. "You know, I'm not the only one who wants to know him." 

"What? There is no way i'll make him come here," if things were different, he would have done it the second day they got together. However, he was not going to make him live a similar situation with his family, he saw how devastated he was, how much he cried, how hard it was for him to get back to his life. Todomatsu feared that, and they were asking him to expose Atsushi to more bullshit? The least he could do was protect him from what he could deflect.  

"You'll have to, eventually." 

"Actually... I don't have to. You are forgetting that I'm an adult, if we are not comfortable with something like that, believe me, we won't do it."  

"Now, now. You don't have to be so defensive. We want to have a little talk with him, that's all," like he was going to swallow that.  

"A talk...right." Rolling his eyes, he crossed his arms. Todomatsu knew he was getting a tad exasperated. He couldn't help it. Every single time Osomatsu opened his stupid fat mouth, he felt like a balloon about to explode. 

"Yeah. I could take him to Chibita's, talk with some beer and food. Something normal."  

Normal.  

Todomatsu could see that he had good intentions, but the worst things are always done with the best intentions. He learnt that the hard way and he took enough risks for the day to accept his filthy act too. 

"Normal or not, i rather talk to him about it."  

"Come on, Totty. You gotta call him or text him or whatever and he'll come, it's not that hard." 

"No. You can't do things like that!" He was reaching his breaking point. "I can't make him come here without telling him first," communication was a crucial point in a relationship; in any relationship really. Todomatsu have had his fare share of suffering from not wanting to talk; not like Atsushi minded that, after all he was way too good at reading him. Still, after years of a secret relationship, he didn't desire the misfortune of losing him over something as basic as that. 

"What's wrong with you?" Osomatsu asked, frowning at his defensive little brother. 

Okay, enough. 

"Nothing is wrong with me! Can you shut up already! I'm going to have an horrible day or a really nice one and you are not helping at all!!" Biting his lower lip to silence himself, he stood up and stomped out of the bedroom. "I... shouldn't have said that..." 

Another slip and he'll end dead in a ditch. 

He took a deep breath, checked the time and walked to the kitchen.  

Matsuyo was choosing some bags to carry the groceries, since their father was home, he'd take his spot to go with her. And he was right. His father was waiting for her at the entrance. 

"I should have gone with Karamatsu nii-san." 

Grumbling for his lost, he moved to the common room.  

Empty. That was better than having Osomatsu thoughts clattering the bedroom. 

For two hours he lost himself in social media, refreshing every page over and over again, in hopes of new content appearing. In the midst of boredom and familiarity he found the guts to text Aida back after two days of postponing a response. 

He could feel how he was disintegrating into his old neet self, the unwanted need of staying where he was, glued to the floor, with his torso leaning against the table. He'd have died, if it wasn't for Ichimatsu walking in.  
His cat lover brother sat next to him. 

"I'm hungry..." 

 Having him so close, felt like he was sucking the life out of him. 

"I'm too nervous to be hungry," he muttered, thinking the other did not hear. 

"Nervous?" A cold shiver made him aware of his constant fucks up. 

"Ah. Um. N-nothing."  

The fourth brother stared at the youngest without blinking for what he felt were hours, gulping and starting to sweat from the pressure, he averted his gaze, but Ichimatsu insisted to the point he might get crazy. This was too much!  

"Stop! Oh my god, stop it already!" He whined. "You... You really want to know?" 

Ichimatsu grunted in response. Yes. 

"I sincerely hope you know how secrets work. Otherwise you'll be sending me to my death," rubbing the back of his neck, he kept his gaze down on his lap. 

"...I can keep a secret." 

"Are you completely sure? This is ...this is important for me." 

Ichimatsu nodded, focused in what he was going to say. 

"I'm... Um..." this was like practice for later. Todomatsu should bail that and runaway. "I'm...well...i'm going to tell mom and dad about Atsushi...Today." 

His older brother kept staring at him, not finding the right words to reassure him that he'll have his back if he needed it; even if it was useless trash, it should count, right?  

Todomatsu felt the palm of his hand pet his head twice. He wanted to cry for how nervous he was. If he got sick it was going to be this shit's fault. 

Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu made their own entrances, followed by their parents.  

This was, hands down, the most nerve wracking and tasteless lunch he have ever had. For every bite he took, his brothers took four; while they fought for meat, Todomatsu got his from Ichimatsu's bowl out of pity. In the end he was not capable of finishing his portion.  
Once they all finished, he went after their mother with his brothers dishes. 

"Mom." 

"Yes?" 

"Can we talk?" he said in a wimp. It was now or never. Matsuyo looked at him for some seconds and smiled. 

"Of course." 

"But... I mean... Not only with you. I want to talk with dad too," his tongue felt so numb. 

She nodded, understanding his wishes. Maybe her son was like that due to being serious about it, even though he had no problem telling them he got a part time job. Or... the girl he was dating wasn't take home material.  
Was she doing drugs? Was she older than him? Younger? There were so many things that could jeopardize his nerves. Whatever it was, she'll try to understand, after all he was the second son to bring a girl home; a girl that made him happy. What else could she ask for?  

Grandchildren. 

"Don't worry my neet, I'll tell your father. Go and wait for us in the common room, okay?" 

Todomatsu nodded, going back to the table gripping his phone in his hand. 

I'm going to tell them now 

He quickly sent, injected with adrenaline. 

Okay darling 

I'm right next to your house 

The juice they have here is nice 

He chuckled, feeling his legs tremble.  

His parents walked in, sitting in front of him. No one else but them were there, Todomatsu wasn't sure if that was good or bad. 

"Your mother told me you wanted to talk to us?" Matsuzo started, seeing how nervous his son was.  

"Yeah... Yes," he gulped, trying to sort his words in the correct order, although the more he thought, more nervous he got. Eventually forgetting every planned line he could had. "I...Um...I've been seeing someone for a while and..." 

"You are dating someone?" Matsuzo's serious expression changed to a huge smile. "Why didn't you say that first! You heard that!" he said looking at his wife completely elated. 

This was so fucking bad. 

"N-not really..." he mumbled, fidgeting.  

Both of them shared a confused look. 

"What do you mean?"  

"I mean...I'm dating someone but It's not a girl..." he said, averting his gaze in fear or seeing the worst. But...no. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it properly. Taking a deep breathe, he lifted his head and looked at them. "Mom, dad. I'm dating the man I love." 

They stayed still staring at him and nothing at the same time. Todomatsu couldn't make anything from that.  

Then it happened. 

It was in a blink of an eye, he would have never seen it coming. He only felt the pressure on his face, taking the breath away from his body and knocking him to the floor. His head couldn't process the pain right away, nor his mother yells or his brothers rushing to the room. His sight blurred and he groaned tasting blood inside of his mouth, the fire expanded to the rest of his face forcing a cry of salty tears out of him. Slowly the world went back to a normal speed. With the fingertips of his trembling hands, he touched the right side of his face whimpering. 

"W-wha..." was all he could form before strong hands forced him to his feet. 

"Stand up like a man, Todomatsu."  

Ah. He hit him.  

"I... I can't..." he blubbered. 

"Your mother and I did not raise you to end up like one of those degenerated," his father height was nothing compared to his brothers, but he presented himself in such a strong way, it made him want to get away as soon as his legs started to obey him again. He didn't want to listen to that, not coming from him. "You either man up and forget that no sense you told us, or I'll do it."  

The blood rushed to his legs, preparing them to run. 

"B-but I l-love him... H-he makes me happy..."  

He should have kept his mouth shut.  

"What did I tell you!?"  

It was scary, it was so fucking scary. He reached for his phone and pressed the call button; having Atsushi's number ready before all that.  
Matsuzo saw red, Todomatsu could easily tell, it was the same look Osomatsu gave him when he found out. 

So he ran without looking back, turning off all their voices that insisted in calling for him. 

He rushed to the kitchen to get his things, thankful that his brothers tried to contain their father for him to escape. Slipping his shoes on, he walked out of the door only to collapse against Atsushi chest. Todomatsu screamed feeling someone stronger than him so close. 

"Todo! Darling, calm down," he wrapped his arms around him for a fiddle second before he rushed to take his boyfriend's suitcase to the trunk of the car with one hand while the other firmly guided his poor darling away from that house.  

Todomatsu's wails made bystanders stare at him in worry and pity, every tear he shed made Atsushi felt guilty, every lament that came out of those pouty lips made him wish he could do more than just an easy way out. Drops of blood tainted the white shirt he was wearing, his face was getting swollen and soon it will portrait a poisonous mix of purples and greens.  

"Get in the car, okay," he could barely talk without his voice shattering, but he managed to help him get in anyways. 

His heart was broken and his fear was enough to cut the oh so called important ties. 

The last thing his older brothers saw, was a car driving away from home.

Chapter Text

It had to be nothing but a nightmare. 

Soon, he was going to wake up, turn around and cuddle up to one of his brothers. 

None would push him away, because he was just that spoiled. 

They'll let him cling and he'll be warm. 

When he tried to open his eyes, they didn't budge at all. Swollen, heavy, red. He tried again. 

Nothing happened.  

Without the will, how would it? 

But he wanted to move, he wanted to live, to get up of the damn bed. 

Since that day, he hadn't charged his phone. 

Since that day, he didn't stop crying. 

Since that day, he hadn't moved from the bed. 

Sometimes he wasn't alone, sometimes there was no other way but to be alone. 

He was lost. 

How do people overcome that kind of break? 

He knew it wasn't a major problem. There must be millions of cases like his, and yet he couldn't find the same strength others had. 

Maybe he was weak. He'd always been the weak one. The one that was left behind.  

When he changed, he was the one leaving them behind. 

Things changed, he said. 

They'll get better if he went on with his life without his brothers. 

No matter how much he ripped himself away from them, they'd always find a way to easily slid into it, to mess it up, he thought. 

This has to be a well deserved punishment for all the lies he told. 

Pulling the covers over his head, he focused in the beating of his own broken heart.  

It was rather calm. 

"Darling..." 

His voice sent chills down his back. His hands looked for him in the self proclaimed coffin made out of silk sheets. He was not going to let him go.  
Wrapping his arms around his middle, he pulled him up to the surface. 

It was wet. 

This wasn't the bed, he realized. 

Where they in the ocean? 

Opening his eyes, Todomatsu stared at the clear vast sky. Feeling the fresh wind against his naked skin clash to the contrasting burn of the purest water he was floating in. It hurt in a way beyond his comprehension, fooling him into taking a gradual immunity to it. Looking to his right, Atsushi appeared in front of his eyes, laying by his side in the same hellish ocean.  
The other male perceived him, turning his head slightly to his left to look back at him with a tender smile.  

He smiled too. 

They were burning in their own heavenly peace. They seemed fairly happy to do so. Shouldn't that be all he wanted for their relationship?  
They were strong together. They took care of each other. They had each others back. They were a team together.  

Together. 

… 

Uh? 

The second time he opened his eyes, he saw those gentle eyes glancing down at his bloodshot ones. 

"Come on, wake up darling," sitting down on the bed, he leaned close to his still sleepy figure. Brushing a few loose strands off his face with his fingers, he felt him stir up. His hair was awfully oily. "Sit up so you can have late breakfast in bed," he fondly said, coercing him the best way he knew. By spoiling him. 

Rubbing his eyes to chase the sleep away, he sat up yawning. Giving in the promise of breakfast in bed. What a luxury, right? 

"I had a weird dream again..." 

"The one with the water?" Inquiring he placed the tray on Todomatsu's lap. 

"Yeah. You were there too," reaching for his cup of tea, he brought it up to his nose to take a hint of which one of the many brews his boyfriend owned, decided to serve him. It took one sniff to easily catch the calming scent of a chamomile tea.   

"Aww, I didn't know you cared so much about me," cooing at him with a sly smirk, he kept poking fun at his cute boyfriend, expecting a golden reaction. "I'm touched." 

"Shut up, you are ruining my appetite!" Grumbling he pouted, bringing the tiny cup up to his face in an attempt to hide the pinkish hue growing on his cheeks. 

Neither attempted to divert their gazes away, not wanting to give the other the victory. However, Atsushi had another plan in motion. Standing up, he walked to the windows to drawn the thick grey curtains open. Unlocking it, he pushed it to let the air flow in, circulate and leave. With the light brightening the bedroom, Todomatsu followed his every movement. Lowering the cup onto the tray on his lap, he saw him go to the closet. 

A half empty closet.  

Atsushi had insisted in filling that empty spot he cleared for him. He truly understood why he brought the topic almost daily. But, it was scary to cement this new reality. Unsure if rushing it was far better than to keep circling a delirious dream. 

For now he thought of something that'd help him find a believable excuse to avoid the inevitable. His boyfriend didn't permit him to formulate anything, he could see him thinking.  

His time ran out.  

"I'm not going to let you postpone it anymore," stating that, he left him nothing to appellate the contrary. Moving Todomatsu's suit case in front of the closet, he turned around to face him. "Today, I'll help you settle your stuff."  

"But..." 

"No buts, darling. After breakfast, you'll take a shower and come back here to organize your side of the closet, okay?" Using his soft voice to persuade him to do as he said, Todomatsu averted his gaze, stubbornly pouting at the perfectly sliced avocado in front of him. 

Did he really have to?  

What if they came to get him?  

What if they were sorry? Really sorry?  

No. That would never happen. 

Gulping a burdening knot down his throat, he felt his lower lip trembling. Quickly, he brought the cup to his lips, taking a sip of the warm tea, and hoping for an immediate relief. 

Atsushi didn't need to think to know what; or rather where he should be. With long steps, he shortened the distance between them, going back to his side of the bed to keep him company. Gosh he knew how much he needed it.  

"Darling... You've been in bed for a week," muttering the facts for him to understand where he was coming from, he offered soothing rubs on his crouched back. "I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I let you mourn in this state any longer," the silly doubt of a possible break up creeped up in his mind, only to be interrupted by the memories of his own wallowing misery. "If I correctly recall. You kicked me out of my own bed crying, and you didn't stop until you dragged me to the bathroom," chuckling he cut his ministrations short reminiscing the furious desperation that molded it's way into angry tears on Todomatsu's face. No one had ever worried to that extend for Atsushi; and for him, that meant a lot. "I've never been more grateful of having someone like you by my side to help me when I needed it the most," pausing his heartfelt speech always was something to be highly aware of. It could go really good or really bad. Todomatsu braced himself from that stupid comment he was meant to spill. "So, now you'll either walk to the bathroom willingly or I'll carry you there to give you a bath. After all, you can't expect me to sleep next to my smelly boyfriend for more than seven days." 

There it was.  

Why did he love him again? 

"Excuse you!? I am not smelly!" Placing the cup down onto the tray rather roughly, he crossed his arms hardening his glare to make a point. He was NOT smelly. 

"You haven't taken a bath or a shower for a week, darling," snorting, he smirked rolling his eyes before returning his gaze on him. "I might love you, but I'm not going to put my sense of smell at risk just because I find you utterly irresistible to stay away."   

This was one of those moments when he hated his guts for been so clever with his words and the worst of them all, for been right. This hurt his ego and inflated Atsushi's.  
He shouldn't be the smelly boyfriend. He refused! 

But alas, he had nothing to defend himself with. He lost this one. 

"I'm not smelly..." grumbling he opted to eat his avocado instead of acknowledging his brutal murder. Indulging in the rich flavor of Atsushi's fresh assortment of food, he moaned savoring it's first bite like it was a gift from a god. "This is so good." 

"Right?"  

Atsushi patiently waited for him to finish every little bit of his food, before he took the tray back to the kitchen. 

Looking at the window, he observed the clouds follow its own lazy steps in the sky. Fall was close to an end, delivering the very last refreshing breezes of the year to a country that'll be enduring the dry Winter season. 

Talking about winter, this was going to be their first official Christmas together. 

As a couple. 

A real one. 

Blushing, he pushed himself off the bed, dragging his feet to the bathroom.  

The lukewarm water traveled over his body, catching the sweat and dirt he accumulated over the days, only to end colliding with the white floor and lose itself to the drain. That addicting numbing sensation revitalized him in ways he didn't know he needed. 

He'd have taken a bath for his sore muscles, but for now, he wanted nothing else than to stay up with his head high.  

Taking a shower was a good idea.  

He'll keep that to himself. Too bitter to keep stroking Atsushi's ego.  

In one hour and a half, he shaved his face, arms, legs, every nook and cranny he despised being covered in those pesky things. He didn't feel like himself for so long, that he couldn't stand his body doing what it should do.  

His hair came next.  

So good. The scent of fruits, the natural sweetness of something already perfect. The aroma was so good. It was finally clean. 

He was clean. 

His hair was going to be so soft, his skin would glow, royally accompanied by the sweet scent he claimed as his own.  

Welcoming the hug of a plush towel to pamper his body, he trapped the drops in its core until he was dry enough. Lastly, he reached for his soft pink robe to fairly exchange it. Securing it around him, he walked to the mirror. 

His face didn't look that bad anymore.  

Actually, he felt like he was starting to pull off the black eyed look. 

Snickering, he took his lotion; generously applying it to his face while he massaged it, relieving the encapsulated stress from crying. After that his serum followed the same routine, then his moisturizer and finally his make up base. He wouldn't need to cover his face, after all he was not going to step out of the apartment. Yet. 

When he went back to the bedroom, he found his clothes placed over a neatly made bed. In silence he started to get dressed. 

"Peach..." 

Atsushi whispered laying against the window. If he only knew how handsome he looked like that. If he had an angel or a demon looking after him, it has to be that man. 

"You are staring dear," Todomatsu said, glancing at him half naked. 

"How could I not?" 

His face turned slightly pink with those words. Damn him. 

"Stop it." 

"I don't want to." 

Gulping he covered his chest with both hands. Todomatsu puffed his cheek out, directing a glare at him. This was his fault. 

"Aww. Look at you, all flustered," smiling, Atsushi walked close to him. "You don't have to cover yourself. I'm not going to jump you, you know," leaning closer he kissed his forehead. 

He knew that. He just didn't get it. 

"Why not?" He carefully asked, slowly letting his arms freely fall to the sides.  

"Do you want me to?" Caressing his damp hair, he looked at him. 

Did he? Maybe, but not at the moment. 

"No. I...Atsu..." Understanding that he was not really feeling like himself at the moment, he might lost touch with what was in his head and what he should attend to ease his mind. The next words were what he'd always feared. The very first thought that came to his pretty head every time he saw other couples. Betrayed, he didn't doubt to ask. "Is our relationship normal?"  

For some good minutes no one said a word. He didn't mean to voice his insecurities in the middle of important matters that by themselves, were quiet chaotic. Damaging both parties and what they'd created from a flickering spark.  
Atsushi reached for his cold hands, enveloping them in his own, and by some extend warming them up. A simple smile, a fond look were all it took for him to clear Todomatsu from his misery. 

"Do you love me?" What kind of question was that? Of course he did! And yet, he still asked. Pouting, Todomatsu nodded, maintaining his sight down to their joined hands. "Do I love you? More than I can imagine. That makes it normal to me." 

Biting the inside of his cheek, he lifted his troubled gaze, showcasting his upsetting break with his family onto a haunting topic. 

"But we haven't! …" blushing, he stopped his running mouth before he triggered his bad luck to start its gears once again. To call for the inevitable. Being left alone.  

Ugh. What was he doing? What was he trying to do? Pushing him away by how incompetent he was with relationships, it seemed.   

He didn't want to talk about any of that anymore. He was ruining everything in no time!  

"Sex?" His voice ground him to their plane of existence and once again, for a preferred lack of words the other nodded. "Darling. We've been seeing each other for years. We've done plenty together, and I think I already told you that there are different ways of having sex," by now, Todomatsu was more embarrassed than anything. "I promised to go slow with you... As slow as you want me, to be exact," feeling his hands move all the way up to his face, caressing every patch of smooth skin in his path with his fingertips, only to end cupping his burning cheeks for a sweet eskimo kiss. 

That brought a relieved smile to his face. 

Truly, whatever that was, he hoped it was the last one.  

If he could blame someone or something for his incoherent behavior, he'd blame the situation a thousand times over. 

"I don't know what came over me, dear," Todomatsu sighed, trying to explain his outburst while his body began to skillfully melt into a blissful state of relaxation. 

"I don't mind," humming, Atsushi smiled like nothing happened. 

Feeling his warm breath achingly brush over his lips, sent his heart to a known rhythm that was not going to be unheard of. His longing was short lived by the slightly chapped taste of Atsushi's lips pressing against his own, and he wasn't going to stand there doing nothing. Getting on the tip of his toes, he pressed them back.   

Fully dressed, they advanced to the next step. Actually moving in...together. One by one, they emptied Todomatsu's suitcase, giving his clothes an espace in a new home. A place that belonged to him, and only him. Although his side looked half full, his old clothes would never be able to fill it up, for him that meant more place to gather new things. Things, he was going to buy with his own money. Not an allowance.  

Taking his empty suitcase, Atsushi put it right next to his at the end of the closet, sharing a mysterious harmony. 

If he was sincere, this apartment seemed warmer than the last time he stayed in. 

Everything he had the grace to own, found It's place. 

His makeup was next to Atsushi's cologne and shaving cream, snuggling with the rest of the products he would be able to use daily now.  

A bittersweet sensation hundled in his chest, spreading through his veins, making him pick the pieces of his new reality at his own pace. It wasn't as bothersome as he thought it'd be, but that didn't make it any easier to assume just yet.    

"What do you want to do now?"  

That should be a simple question to answer. Todomatsu had a few good ideas to spent his day at his new home, most of them consisted in laying on the couch either playing video games together, against each other or cuddling. Maybe both. With that in mind he took a long jump into a whole nother topic. What was he going to do with his life now?  
Living with his parents and his never changing brothers, put a stop to that train of thoughts for years. As of now, he wasn't as lost as he should had been. Well, he wasn't stupid. The core of the problem wasn't that.  
Everyone changed, things couldn't stay for ever the same way they were. It was bound to feel weird, however that didn't mean it was a bad thing. If done well. 

"...It's not about what I want... It's about what I have to do," Todomatsu sighed, playing with his fingers, succumbing to life like any other being.   

Ah. 

His phone. Todomatsu had not touched his beloved phone since that atrocious day. He let it die to seal the separation without being disturbed by petty apologizes, hopeless promises of a better treatment. Putting himself under that torment was highly unnecessary.  
In the other hand. He was going to need it. He'll have to turn it up whether that was for work, his social life or private matters. Perhaps, he could postpone it for a bit more. Unprepared for whatever it would thrown at him. 

"Hey, don't force yourself, this is your first day getting up. Also, it just so happen to be my day off."  

His day off? Wait a minute. Were they talking about the same thing? In his handsome boyfriend defense, he was awfully vague with his choice of words. Sparing his soul, he decided to use more self explanatory words. 

"Uh? No, no. I didn't mean it like that." 

Or that too.  

Atsushi chuckled at the faint frown Todomatsu was trademarking, over selling it with cuteness. Reaching for his smaller hand, he firmly held it; inadvertently giving him the support he'd been offering from the start. Leading the way to the living room, he laid down first, knowing he'd accept his clear invitation. Laying over him on the couch was the best way to spend the day. 

Patient as always with him, Atsushi accommodated his lithe body over his own, quickly finding the perfect pose for impromptu cuddles. Highly satisfied, Todomatsu rested his head against his chest while the other secured him, wrapping one of his arms around his waist, instantly hogging the warmth emanating from Atsushi's form.  

"What did you mean then?" He asked, recalling that unconnected conversation they had. Petting his head, he softly scratched his nape, leisurely mingling his fingers with his silky strands. His hair was soft now. 

"My phone, Atsu. I have to charge it," humming, he fell under his spell. Drawing tiny circles over his chest to lull him in a similar way. He sighed. "I don't want to dwell on this too much. I can't allow that. Staying here will make me think of it non stop," changing the pattern into tiny hearts, he got bored of it, moving his hand up to his neck to caress that spot that he was well acquainted with. "I supposed I'll get another job." 

"I can't believe you are real," quivering for his ministrations, he pulled his boyfriend up and closer to his body with one arm, enveloping him in a tight hug. "How can someone so cute be this strong? You are making me look bad," chuckling he bombarded the top of his head with several kisses.  

"Me? Strong?" Pouting he let him do as he pleased. He was not going to tell him to stop anytime soon either. 

"Definitely, darling. It took me three days to even think about going back to work. And here you are, suggesting it like it's nothing."  

"Well... I don't want to think about them anymore. Working will help me in more than one way too." 

"It will."  

All this reassuring was making wonders in him. Atsushi relaxed his hold, leaving enough place for his boyfriend to accommodate as he wanted. However he didn't expect him to play dirty so soon. Sitting up, he placed his hands on his chest to help him keep the balance over his body. Slowly, he rocked his hips against Atsushi's leg. Putting the right amount of pressure on his groin with his knee every time he rotated his pelvis. Stealing his breath away by doing the unexpected, Atsushi quickly reached for him, anchoring himself by holding his insistent hips with his hands. 

This was payback.   

This lovely imp was still bitter. Figures. 

"Can you help me put together a resume then?" Todomatsu muttered, licking his top lip while he kept edging him on, tempting him to never reach a much desired culmination with an innocent look, that pierced right through him.  

Atsushi was destroyed.  

"A-as much as I want to keep you as a stay at home boyfriend, I'm not strong enough to go against... t-this."  

Smiling, he prolonged his suffering longer than he should've, leaving Atsushi with an erection he was not going to attend, nor let the other do it. And with a little coercion from his side, he successfully exchanged his boyfriend and his own pleasure for cuddles.  

He shouldn't have called him 'smelly' in the first fucking place. 

That noon, Atsushi helped him write a good resume and as soon as they finished it, they browsed the web for a part-time job or a full time one that would be nearby for Todomatsu to travel on foot when the traffic turned into a hellish nightmare. Or somewhere close to Atsushi's office, so they could go together.  
Thanks to his professional advices, he got to avoid the shady ones, the miserably greedy ones and the ones that asked for way too many things. Doing everything they could without getting out of the apartment, Todomatsu applied to a good amount of ten different offers. He just had to wait. 

Two weeks later, December creeped out on them with its festive wave in every corner of the city. Todomatsu hadn't been feeling right the last weeks, he either really enjoyed his freedom from home, or fell into a tear inducing days where he only sobbed looking at the framed pictures he took with him. He didn't seem to reach an even ground yet, he was merely working his way out, but his boyfriend always reassured him that he was doing a great job. 

After another miserable day, he decided to stop staring at those pictures and to occupy his time in more helpful activities than crying, like doing the chores. Minutes before Atsushi arrived home the apartment phone rang. He was not going to lie, it scared the living shit out of him, making him tear up even. 

Why did it have to be so loud!? 

Todomatsu let it rang two times, taking his own to catch his breath and calm his beating heart. Walking to it, he answered it with trembling hands. 

The first thing crossing his mind, was attending the phone at his parents home. He'd to bite his tongue to save himself from a second hand embarrassment. 

"Hello! We are calling from Sweet Berry apparel store." 

Atsushi was getting used to finding his darling in two different emotional states, one where he'd run to his arms to soothe him, or where he'd be welcomed with sweet kisses. Not knowing which one was going to be, he unlocked the front door and announced his arrival. 

"Darling, I'm home!"  

When no one came, he put on his slippers to look for him. What if something bad happened when he wasn't around? No. Atsushi needed to keep his emotions in check at all times, he didn't need to freak out when Todomatsu was still suffering.   

Oh. He was on the phone. He could relax again. 

Todomatsu would have welcomed him back, asked him how his day went and so on. However, he was quiet busy listening to the young woman explain to him about the store and what his work would consist of. Needless to say, he had been hired. 

"A-ah! Yes! I-I'll be there! Thank you!" 

Atsushi had been observing him in silence. Approaching him, he found his cutie smiling and bowing at the phone. Those were good news, and if he had to take a wild guess, he'll bet his life it was one of the places they applied to. Once he hung up, Todomatsu turned around, containing his excitement as much as he could to threw himself at his boyfriend, who caught him in his arms with a gentle smile. 

"Good news I believe?" 

"I got a job at the store I told you about!" Hugging him as tight as he could, he bounced a little on his tiptoes, unable to keep that rush of happiness under control.  

So cute. 

"The one that opened this July?" Fully aware of what store he was gushing about, he indulged him, wanting to savor his moment of joy.  
How could he forget about the pink theme store that he was dragged in because the color palette complimented with his skin tone, brightening his eyes. And they definitely worked with his size too, also the oversized tops and pants looked flattering on him. Everything about that store enhanced Todomatsu's cuteness ten fold.  
It could be the kind of weapon Atsushi didn't want to go against, knowing he was going to lose. 

"Yes! That one! Oh god!" The content bouncing on his feet made Atsushi blush. But it was the sincerity of his smile that knocked him out of his feet. 

"When do you start then?" 

"Next Monday!" Throwing his arms up he winked at him. "Oh! Before I forget," murmuring to himself like he was plotting something, he went back to his usual pout. "I have to work from Sunday to Thursday, just so you know." 

Seeing him this happy was everything he wanted to accomplish in life, aside from staying handsome and rich, obviously. Although they'll have one day to enjoy as a couple, he didn't complain. They were living together now and he knew he could found a way to turn one simple day into two heavenly ones. The perks of the soon to be CEO. 

Atsushi wanted to see him smile like that every single day if it was possible. 

That weekend, they entertained themselves with the idea of decorating the whole place.  
This was going to be their first official Christmas, so it had to be perfect by any means possible.  

Since Atsushi was used to not having his boyfriend for himself to celebrate it at his apartment, he lacked quiet a lot in the decorations department. Now, it just so happen to be the year he'll go all out to impress his lovely boyfriend, who was thrilled to set foot outside after confining himself inside for far too long.  

Accordingly dressed for the sudden change in the weather, they stopped daydreaming and went out, supposedly only to get what they thought they were going to need. 

They might have gone over the budget with so many cute and couple themed things. Todomatsu's smile numbed his senses.  

Fortunately for them, money was not an issue.  

Leaving the busy streets of Tokyo behind them, they filled the trunk of Atsushi's car with heart shaped lights for the windows, aromatic candles for the ambient, pillows with different Christmas figures for the couch, two boxes of crystal ornaments to dress their tree and a beautiful star with a cute face on it to take over the top of it. Matching scarves, some baking supplies, even warm sock found their ways into their bags. They bought so much, that when they arrived at the apartment complex, Todomatsu had to hold the elevator door while Atsushi got the rest of their shopping bags out of the car. 

What would you do at a Saturday night? 

Go out with friends? Relax at home? 

Screw that. Their initial hype of celebrating the festivity together didn't burnt out by their intense shopping. Tired and slightly chilled by the winter frost, they hurried to rid themselves of the heavy layers of clothing to change into their light pajamas.  

Why would they wear something light in winter? Well, others might have freezing rooms to get back to, luckily for Todomatsu, the heating system in Atsushi's apartment was timed to start even when they were not there to turn it on, welcoming them with an enveloping warm. Once they were comfortable, they went straight to rummage through the bags with an infectious energy.  

Bit by bit, the apartment started to get the Christmas spirit it lacked over the years, and with Todomatsu's choice of music, no one could tell them that this December they were not ready for Christmas Eve. 

The heart shaped lights glowed at the beat of their own muted songs, perfectly framing the top of the wall to wall windows. The tree had the perfect size to accommodated it close to them without hogging the breathtaking view Atsushi was paying for. Hanging the snowflake and tear shaped crystal ornaments on the plastic green branches, filled them with such a magical feeling. They were sure their handy job was going to pay off with the beautiful vibe they were creating in one night.  
The candles found their spot on each side of the coffee table over a white and gold embroidered tablecloths. In the center of it, Todomatsu placed down an impeccably round ceramic serving tray with two floors. For the moment it would stay empty, however Todomatsu had no intention of keeping it like that, promising to decorate it with sweet delights for them to savor. Atsushi could not wait for that to happen. 

They should've bought a cake too, however, Todomatsu wanted to bake it. He was not going to eat something that his boyfriend couldn't. Homemade it is, then, right? 

Proud of their handy job, they ate something light thinking about nothing else but to rest. 

When Monday came, Atsushi didn't let him go alone, oh no. He drove him to his first day at the job he liked.  

Unsure if he wanted to hit him or kiss him, he did both. First he punched him on the arm with no force and then he leaned close to peck his cheek. 

"Have a good day, darling."  

"You too, dear." 

"I'll come pick you up, okay?"  

Todomatsu got out of the car, waved him goodbye, took a deep breath and walked into the store he was going to be working at.  

Part time was so much better. He should've chosen a part time job not a full time one. He was going to get paid good money, but it was so tiring. Carrying boxes, arranging outfits for the display, folding the clothes, hanging the bags and hats; welcoming every single person was the easiest of them all. It was his first job in a long time, his first full time job to be exact.  

Just like he wanted, all that work kept his head free of his family for the day. 

Atsushi came to pick him up like he promised and both whined about their jobs all the way to the apartment. After enjoying their dinner, they took a warm bath together to relax. 

"Atsu..." 

"Yes?" 

"I should charge my phone, shouldn't I?" He said moving the bubbles in the water. "It's been a month already..." 

"You don't have to answer them if they call. You can block their number or change yours," Atsushi joined him leisurely moving his fingertips to bother the bubbles. 

"I'll change it in January," closing his eyes, he rested his back against his chest, comfortably sinking into the scented water. 

"Seems good to me." 

Before he went to sleep, he left his phone charging. He really didn't know what was going to happen, being in the dark was never on Todomatsu's forte. 

When he woke up, the first thing he did was sat up in bed and reach for his fully charged phone. He didn't turn it on, nervous for the consequences of his rash actions. Warm hands took it away from his own, leaving it where it was. 

"Come on. We don't want to be late." 

Minimizing his mess helped him to stay on his feet, to not succumb into that unnecessary depressive train of thoughts, of what ifs. After a short shower and lazy kisses, they got dressed. Atsushi in one of his many work suits, while Todomatsu worked his way around a soft pink long sleeved shirt. It was nice not having a boring uniform, the only rule they forcibly insisted on was that they must be dressed in the colors the brand was trying to sell. For him, that meant his whole closet. 

Sharing breakfast in a comfortable silence, he kept eyeing the phone. Atsushi didn't want him to be tormented over a phone when he was personally having a very domestic moment with his darling, a moment he clearly adored. In one swift movement, he took the phone and turned it on. 

"W-wait!" Gasping he stayed completely frozen, hearing his phone coming back to life. His boyfriend unlocked it making the hairs on his back stand up, alert for everything. 

"You have fifty six missed calls, and ungodly amount of unread messages on social media and eleven voicemails," lifting his sight from the screen, Atsushi looked at his wide eyed cutie. "Since the majority of those missed calls are the same number, I'll guess that's the one you want blocked, right?" Not waiting for an answer he was not going to get, he took the problem in his own hands, blocking that number and erasing every voicemail. "There."   

Speechless, he kept staring at him and the phone he slid close to him. 

"If they keep insisting, we'll change your number before January." 

Did Atsushi feel like this when he helped him? Did he feel this loved? Overwhelmed by his fast decision making, he closed his mouth, awfully embarrassed for how easy he made it seem. 

"...Thanks," mumbling those words while he bit his lower lip, made Atsushi's heart skip a beat choking with his coffee.  

The days passed one after the other, teaching them to stick to a routine they found themselves smoothly getting used to. Living without hiding behind prejudices was a therapy all together, releasing the extra stress of holding rocky lies as evenly as the truth over their shoulders. Initially when their coworkers asked about their relationship, they never hesitated to let them known. In Todomatsu's eyes it always felt wrong having to come out to every single person who inquired about their closeness. They shouldn't have to do that, or was that part of the package of Not Being Straight? Nevertheless, he'd rather repeat he was dating a successful man than to go back to his old mindset. 

Finishing selling three one of a kind dresses to a group of cute girls before his lunch break was considered an achievement. Being the only guy working at that store was meant to caught the attention of bystanders. Some of the male customers walked in out of curiosity, others felt encouraged by his presence. But, that wasn't the sole reason they came back. Todomatsu knew his ways, he acted charming in front of them, offered his sincere opinion to insecure ones, chatted with them to the point they actually thought he wanted to listen to their life stories. The nerve of some people. In short words he was pretty good at his job. 

"Matsuno-kun! You can go and take your break now, I'll take care of the rest," informed one of his coworkers who was folding pastel green capris. 

"Okay!" Closing the cash register, he grabbed his coat and his tote bag. Tying the long white and pink striped scarf around his neck, he secured it with a cute bow that fell snuggly to the side. "I'm leaving now, Aoki-chan!" 

Waving her goodbye, he braced himself for the freezing cold weather. Usually, Atsushi would text him to tell him where they would meet for lunch. Unfortunately, his boyfriend was held captive with tons of papers in his office. The picture he sent was priceless.  
Giggling, he hid his red nose behind his scarf. 

He should send one too! 

Working in one of the top five shopping districts; Shibuya to be exact, was tiring. The streets were full, busy, thriving with life the whole year. Even more when a holiday presented. The whole place played harmoniously with each one, attracting possible customers. 

Walking to one of the closest spots he liked to frequent to enjoy a warm light meal, he passed through waves of people. Focused on his phone, he missed the look on their faces when he didn't realize with who he bumped his shoulder with. Muttering a fast apology, he bowed. He would have kept walking if he just didn't look up. 

Pale, frozen in place he clutched his phone with both hands.  

"Totty..." 

Ichimatsu pulled him into a tight hug, unable to wake him up of his stupor. Choromatsu was in a similar state, since the only thing he could do was mutter that nickname. 

Pulling away after an awkwardly considerate time, Todomatsu kept staring at them. Speechless. 

"Ah... Sorry." 

Choromatsu had a wide assortment of questions, that conciently matched how freaking bad his anxiety has been those past weeks. Sadly, he couldn't find a correct one to start talking, making him look like a fish out of water. 

"Where were you going?" 

Turning his gaze at Ichimatsu, Todomatsu considered his options disastrously pedaling the gears in his head to get back to earth. 

"L-lunch..." muttering he hid his face behind the thick scarf. 

"Where?"   

"Right there... I-it's warm." 

Todomatsu lead the way to Trueberry, a vegan restaurant. The gush of warm hit their freezing faces as soon as they walked in. Todomatsu chose to take the same table Atsushi liked to ask for, a simple wooden one next to the windows to see the snowflakes fall. Sitting down, on the right, he asked for an extra chair for his brother. 
With everyone sitting down, the waitress asked for their order. Todomatsu didn't have to look at the menu to order a green juice and a vegan nuts taco rice. That was his go to mix to get the energy he needed for the rest of his shift. His older brothers by the other hand, found themselves too overwhelmed by the environment of the restaurant. Being the kind soul he was, he ordered them Vegetable Norimaki and fermented brown rice with the same juice. Those two were going to be trapped in the bathroom for hours. The young lady walked away with a smile, leaving them waiting for their food. Todomatsu gulped down the knot that was constricting his throat, efficiently forcing a cat like smile. 

Wasn't he forgetting something? 

Right. He haven't taken the picture yet. What a life saver. 

Opening the camera setting in his phone, he stuck his tongue out and took three different pictures with the same pose. Humming the Christmas song that was playing, he tweaked his chosen one, adding a nice caption and some hearts along with pretty sparks. Oh! And let's not forget a good Christmasy filter. Once it was ready, he sent it to Atsushi. 

"Totty! Are you two timing already? If so, can I get Atsushi's number?" He didn't notice her coming with their food until she opened her mouth. Todomatsu wondered how did she do it to end up serving them every single time they came.   

"No to both and stop calling him by his first name like you two were close," she could be one of their new friends, but she was too straight forward. Something that never stopped to irk him. "Aren't you supposed to serve our food, Sasaki-chan?" Bitter, he sugar coated every word. 

"Don't be like that. This place have been crazy! And we haven't reached the peak yet," complaining about work was always his cup of tea.   

"I know right? Sadly, Atsu has been kidnapped by his worst nightmare."  

"No," gasping she served them their dishes, more focused in their little catch up chat than her own job. 

"Paperwork."  

"Harsh. Anyways. I better hurry up or the manager is going to make me stay longer... again. Here is your food! Enjoy it!"   

Todomatsu smiled at her and digged in.  
His brothers may have been right in front of him. That doesn't mean he was going to waste his break on them. 

"Totty... We... We called you," Choromatsu said, watching his younger brother casually eat his food.  

"I know." 

Checking his phone to avoid the tension, he pouted seeing that he had half an hour to eat.  

"Todomatsu..." 

He didn't have the time nor the disposition to engage in their cynic family intervention. Drinking half of his juice he locked eyes with them. 

"Look. I know this is really awkward, but unlike you two I have a job to return to and I'm not going to sit here and swallow the food I would appreciate to enjoy, just because you can't form a sentence like a normal human being."  

Ah, fuck. 

He went too far.  

Both brothers lowered their gazes. Embarrassed of each other they decided to taste their own share. 

"Sorry... Um. Congrats on your new job?" He said, unsure on how to continue without provoking the youngest anymore. 

"Thanks. I have..." Todomatsu checked the time again. "Twenty minutes left."  

"When are you coming back home? Jyushimatsu really misses you. Shitty... Karamatsu too," Ichimatsu spat out. The abruptness made him want to die, but it gave Choromatsu the push he needed to keep going. 

"We all do... Mom and Dad are worried Todomatsu," he added with a reassuring smile. 

Finishing his drink apathetically, he sighed. Like he was going to believe that bullshit.  

"I'm not going back there so i can turn into a professional at receiving blows to my face," he took a bite of his taco. It would've been fucking delicious if he didn't have to gobble up.  

"The least you could do is answer our calls," calmly muttered Ichimatsu. 

"The least you could all do is fuck off," he replied with a tight smile. 

"So... You are living with your... boyfriend now?" Choromatsu butted in the right time. Still, neither of his younger brothers seemed like they were going to behave. 

"Yes. And It's such a nice change sleeping next to someone who actually loves you."  

"You are acting up again." 

"Is that so? Then how about you try the other end and see how much you like it." 

Enough. If he let them carry on, one of them was going to end up dead. Right now, he wasn't sure which one.  
He chose to calm the youngest afraid he'll ran off like last time. 

"Todomatsu, he didn't mean it like that." 

"I did. He's just mad," Ichimatsu stared at a fuming Todomatsu with a slight frown on his face. Ditching Choromatsu's plan. 

"Of course I am! I was having a really great day until you two appeared! I don't want to see you, talk to you or meet you anymore! What part of that you can't comprehend? I'm tired of this bullshit." 

Todomatsu couldn't stop feeling wary around them, it didn't matter if they had good intentions, if they were truly worried for him, sorry even. He couldn't see pass that feverish fear covered by a blinding anger. Deaf to his voices, he paid for his food and left the restaurant in a rush. Thinking they'd stay for the sake of their food, Todomatsu hurried back to work. Fighting against the crowd, they followed his steps. Todomatsu ended up guiding them to his workplace. 

They didn't exist.  

They did not follow him. 

They weren't waiting outside like creepers do. 

They simply did not exist. 

Using that as a mantra he forced a charming façade to get through the day.  

When his shift was done, he helped his coworkers to close the store. And right away, he texted Atsushi. If he was still trapped, he didn't want to stay out and freeze to death for waiting to be picked up. 

Do I have to go back all alone today? 

His boyfriend quickly answered him. Those have to be good news. 

Traffic is horrific. 

I'll be there in 5. 

Five minutes were nothing he thought. Todomatsu grabbed his things, covered himself up to fight the cold and stepped out of the pastel themed store. With his phone in hand, he counted the seconds while swaying side to side to keep his body warm.  
Seeing his older brothers approaching him from his right, he sighed and started to hum, closing his eyes.  

"What do you want?" He whined. 

"We couldn't finish our conversation Todomatsu," Choromatsu was lucky, he wasn't that much of a piece of shit.  

"I have nothing to discuss with you," he replied, wishing he'll get the hint.   

"There is so much we should sit and talk about! You can't just act like nothing's wrong!" Lord, he didn't get it, did he? 

"Watch me."  

"Todomatsu," Choromatsu reached for him, but when he touched his shoulder, Todomatsu flinched backing away from him. 

"Don't," turning around to face them, he furiously glared. "Don't touch me!" He roared, forcing them to back away.  

"Totty... You are not okay... not even close to fine. You shouldn't have left home like that." 

"Why are you doing this? Why are you two still here? A-and don't use that bullshit excuse of 'we miss you Totty' because I don't buy it - he had to stop talking. He was going to make everything worse. Then why couldn't he stop trembling? 

"Tch. What else do you want us to say? That we hate you? You know we don't. We are brothers, Todomatsu," Ichimatsu was lying to him.  

Gritting his teeth, he took one step closer. 

"Actually I don't. For all I know, you are doing this to feel better about yourself, to not wield the guilt of this fucked up situation!" He stomped one of his feet down to make his words get through them. 

People were staring at them, no one really stopped to get involved, but the disapproving look they adopted was beginning to eat his older brothers up to the point they preferred to lower their voices. Todomatsu was not receiving any of that, and if he was, he couldn't care less. Of all people he was not going to calm down because they were a little embarrassed. 

"What? Todomatsu, no. Listen," why was he always trying to talk some sense into anyone? Was he blind? Couldn't he see how done Todomatsu was? How futile his plan was? 

"That's the thing! I don't want to listen to any of you! Leave!"  

His eyes were burning, his voice wavered and none of it was for the cold. They managed to exasperate him to the point where both his fists were tightly balled up to his sides. Holding up. Bottling up the rain of words he still had. Keeping himself at the verge of losing it. 

When he thought they were going to start talking again, he felt the touch of his hand on his shoulders and in a swift move, he was not longer looking at them.  

"Did I really make you wait this long? You are freezing darling," taking his gloves off, Atsushi reached for his cold, trembling hands to put them on.  

"Atsu..." seeing him there, the action itself made him tear up, while he nervously chewed his chapped lips. 

"Why don't you go ahead and wait for me in the car?" Doing everything in his power to no hug him and dry his tears right there, he handed him the keys to his car. "Go on, it's right there," pointing at the vehicle he smiled at him. Reassuring him that everything was going to be okay.  

With the keys in his hand, he did as he said. Giving one last glance behind him he saw the gentle smile and soft eyes Atsushi showed, twist into a cold look and a harsh scowl. Todomatsu could notice his older brothers growing cautious of the man in front of them. 

Good lord they still had some sense in them.  

Unlocking the car, he got in. Immediately turning the heat on did nothing to help him calm his nerves, but he was warming up. It didn't take long for Atsushi to walk back to his car. Curiosity overtook him, once his boyfriend sat on the driver seat, soothing his tears away with a charming smile. 

"W-what did you do?" He asked pouting. 

"Nothing you should worry about," that charming smile out of context was always dangerous. 

"Atsushi." 

"It was nothing, darling," starting the car, he drove into the busy streets. "I simply suggested them to give you more space," he finally added. 

"Last time you 'simply suggested' someone, they didn't talk or came across me ever again."  

Wait a minute. 

"Oh my god, you scared them away, didn't you?" Whining, Todomatsu covered his face with both hands. "You can't do that to them." 

"They made you cry again," with a slight frown he waited for the green light. 

"Yeah, but..."  

"What else did you want me to do? They were upsetting you."  

"I hate it when you are right," moving his hands away from his face, he kept complaining, but for a different reason. 

"I find it quiet exhilarating," smirking he glanced at him.  

"Oh, cut it out, you asshole," Todomatsu hit his arm, uncapable to fight the faint smile on his face. 

"You love me that way." 

That prick didn't let him have the last word either.  

Whatever he said to his brothers, or did for all he knew, seemed to have worked. Todomatsu didn't have any impromptu visits at his workplace for the rest of the week, although he was not going to lie to himself. He was still a bit jumpy at his lunch breaks and end of his shifts.  

On his day off, Todomatsu occupied his evening with lots of baking. Taking out of the oven, trays of cookies, chocolate brownies and the sponge cake they were going to share that Christmas eve at the apartment.  
The only down to that precious day, was that he still had to attend the store until lunch. It wasn't that big of a deal, however it managed to irk him the right amount. Luckily, both of them had Christmas day to laze around in their pajamas. 

Now, there was another tiny, insignificant detail. His Christmas present. 

Todomatsu didn't know what to give him. He thought about cooking a nice meal, but that felt so little next to any of the possible presents Atsushi may brought to the table.  

The nuisance of being broke.  

Besides what could he give him that he could not buy?  

Exactly.  

Nothing. 

With not a single good idea in mind, he solely focused in decorating the snacks and the cake before his boyfriend came back from work. 

Christmas was so close. So, so close.  

Waking up early to a cuddly boyfriend was always good, a head start to lazy kisses that could turn into more. In his case, it was a nightmare. He had no time to waste in silly kisses, the store was going to open earlier, because of last minute shopping. And to think he used to be one of those people. Shame on him. 

Todomatsu thought of taking the train to avoid bugging him, although he didn't want to walk there all alone in the cold, he didn't want to wake him up either.  
To his surprise, Atsushi raised from the dead pissed off because of his considerate plan. Todomatsu finished his breakfast witnessing in awe how his pissy boyfriend ran around to get decently dressed.  

Managing to save him from the awful weather, he kissed him, wishing him a good day at work. 

Atsushi was driving back home, after dropping Todomatsu off. At least that was what he intended to do before he received an emergency call from his mother. That could either be really bad or nothing at all. Hoping for the later he drove pass his apartment changing his destination. Better check that first off his mental list, so he'd swiftly move to the most important task of the day. Picking up the perfect present for his lovely boyfriend.  
Surely he was meant to impress him with the best, to brighten up his life daily. Besides, if there was something he wanted that Atsushi could buy, he saw no problems by purchasing it. Is not like it was so hard to satisfy his fancy taste in life. 

He loved him that way, with his shady side and his ridiculously expensive taste.  

The frantic morning left no room for breaks. Customers flourished the store through the hours, embellished by the designs they offered with different discounts.  
Approaching the closing hour, seemed impossible with how many people stopped by to buy a last minute present. It didn't matter what it was, they were still selling twenty minutes before they could free themselves from all that Christmas madness. 

They keep announcing that they were about to close the doors, that those were going to be the last pieces they'll sell, and they just keep appearing out of nowhere. 

Lunch was a lie. 

Tired, a bit dizzy and starving, they decided to close three hours later.  

"I saw that massacre, are you okay?" Leaning against his car, he received his hardworking boyfriend with a hug. 

"I'm barely alive Atsu... My feet hurts so much. My throat is sore, my cheeks are numb and the worst of all I'm hungry," complaining to his boyfriend about his personal sacrifice seemed fitting for the holidays. That, and he deserved to be spoiled after living that hellish nightmare.  

"Poor you. Do you want me to carry you to the car or a restaurant?" Cooing, he smiled at him. His cheeks were so red. 

"Why don't you carry me back to bed instead? I would really love to have lunch in bed." 

He wanted lunch in bed, lunch in bed he was going to get. 

Driving back to the apartment was one of those neurotic experiences that tends to bring the darkest things from someone's soul. They were not spared from that, falling into a black pit mostly referred as road rage.  

By the time they were home, they were annoyingly tired of the highly stressed rush they got from being outside. Opting for the easy way out, they settled for the snacks Todomatsu baked and their favorites warm beverages; tea and coffee. 

They did spend the day together, the catch was that they kind of slept it off.  

Scarcely waking up early enough to celebrate. They dressed up appropriately for the event, setting the coffee table up, Todomatsu placed the sponge cake in the middle, while Atsushi put two glasses at one side and champagne on the other.  
Dimming the lights, let their decoration shine, immersing them into this harmoniously space they put a lot of effort to build up. Perhaps it was the notion of what they have done that made them feel so serene. 

Todomatsu cut one big slice of cake for them to share, after they took a good amount of selfies together with his boyfriend's phone. Atsushi poured the champagne into their glasses and sat down next to him, facing the beautiful view. Leaning against each other, they watched the snow fall at the tune of the songs they took the time to download for the Eve.  

It was so cozy, so...well, merry. 

Once the clock announced the expected midnight, Atsushi reached for his present behind one of the many pillows on the couch and handed it to him.  

For Todomatsu, it felt like time stopped.  

The present in front of him left him with no words. An average person, would be happy to get a delicate bracelet from their significant other.  
This wasn't any cheap knock off bracelet you'll find at some random store.  

No.  

This was an original Cartier LOVE bracelet. A rose gold oval shaped bracelet, studded with diamonds. How many were there? A hundred? He was going to buy a whole new outfit just to wear it. 

"Did you like it?" 

Did he like it? What kind of question was that!? But more importantly, he had absolutely nothing to give him. What kind of loving boyfriend doesn't get his partner a Christmas present? A shitty one. 

"I... I don't have anything to give you," muttering, he could feel the familiar sting in his eyes, as his cheeks heated up out of shame.  

Atsushi sighed taking the bracelet in his hands, he reached for Todomatsu's right hand to carefully slid it to his wrist, letting it sit at an angle. Leaning close to him, he softly pressed his lips to the inside of his wrist.  

"You gave me your heart. For me, that's more than I could ever ask for."  

His words pushed him off the edge he was dangerously trying to avoid.  

Trembling, he pulled him up of the couch leading him close to the window. Atsushi wrapped his arms around his waist instantly making him grasp the front of his black shirt, creating wrinkles with how hard he was holding onto it.  
Todomatsu tears won the second his stupid boyfriend began to smoothly sway side to side to the slow rhythm of the song. 

"Merry Christmas darling," Atsushi whispered afraid to break the mood. 

He should've said something back. He should've done many things that night, but alas, that was the best Christmas eve he had ever celebrated. 

They stayed up the whole night, tangled in bed, kissing and saying sweet nothings to each other with the intentions of watching the sunrise before they unceremoniously fell asleep. Atsushi's hot breath tickled the back of his neck, one of his hands were halfway sliding into his underwear. It was so warm, he didn't feel the need to move away from him. Until the apartment phone startled them with its loud ringing, what a marvelous way to wake up, right? 

Groaning, Atsushi secured him to the bed, tightening his hug.  

"Come on... don't be childish," Todomatsu was going to kill someone if the damn phone didn't stop, or if he didn't let him answer it. 

"Let's be childish and ignore it," Atsushi grumbled, nuzzling him.  

The ringing ceased for a short while, taking away the satisfaction they felt as fast as it started again.  

"I'm going to end up mental if I don't pick up the phone," complaining, he kicked the covers off him. 

"Throw it through the windows. You've got my blessing," sadly Atsushi couldn't hold him back any longer. The sacrifices he had to make. 

Todomatsu lost his balance and his sight when he rushed to get up, trying to make that horrid ringing crap stop.  

Who'd be sane to call at... five in the afternoon? Fucking no one. Savages. 

"Hello?" He yawned answering. 

"Todomatsu? Is that you?" 

What? 

"Hey, Totty can you hear us? Hello?" 

How? 

"Choromatsu, are you sure this is the right number?" 

Why? 

"Totty, are you there?" 

Hung up. Hung up already. 

"My brother... are you listening?"  

He should've let it ring. 

"How did you celebrate Christmas eve? Hope you had fun tho. We didn't do much, compared to last year it was pretty boring. Mom and Dad didn't do much celebrating either."  

He didn't care.  

"Todomatsu, when are you going to stop throwing this tantrum? You don't have to keep doing that to prove your point, okay? We get it. You have strong feelings for someone. But that brought so many unnecessary discussions. I'm not saying that what I did was right, or what dad did. I think we all can agree that you are just overreacting."  

Tantrum. They called it tantrum. 

"It's been a month. New Year is right around the corner. And since we let you spend Christmas with that Atsushi guy, we are cool now, right? You'll come back home, right Totty?" 

Tightening his jaw, he gritted his teeth gripping the phone. 

"Totty?"  

"You are a fucking idiot..." 

Livid, he roughly grabbed the whole thing, yanked it with enough force to disconnect it and threw it across the room.  

"Todo!?" Fully awake by the noise, Atsushi rushed to see what was going on. He saw the phone uselessly sitting across the room, the cord hanging from where it used to be secured and Todomatsu heavily breathing in front of him. "Darling, what happened?" 

"They said everything was okay! That I was overreacting! That this was a tantrum!" His eyes connected with the framed pictures of his family and he screamed, throwing them against the wall, breaking both of them into pieces. "They have no idea what they had fucking done."  

To calm him down, Atsushi didn't have to do much. As long as he was tightly held, fed and warm, he was going to be fine. Bringing him back to bed, he cuddled him for a hour before he decided to start a conversation. Knowing how wrong that could go and how many times he had fucked up, he wasn't completely confident in how this one would go. 

"Feeling better?" He softly asked.  

"Hold me tighter."  

Who was he to deny him comfort? Atsushi complied pulling him closer to his body, slipping his hand under his shirt to rub his tummy, casually touching his navel for a little longer. Gradually, he could feel how his muscles relaxed. 
Now that he seemed more calm, it would be a great idea to inform him. 

"Darling, I didn't want to break the news to you this soon. But I'm a hundred percent sure you are not fond of the situation you've been forced in and I think this might help," was he rambling? 

"What news?" 

"Yesterday morning I reunited with my mother. We mostly talked about her divorce, her new life and what not. Then she said that I was going to assume the role of the head of the company next year because she was planning to open a second one somewhere else. The thing is, she is unsure of moving out so soon." Atsushi was aware of what he was asking from him. If they happened to go through it, he wasn't just asking him to let his family behind, but all his friends too. Everything they new, they'll have to start from zero. 

Todomatsu turned around to face him. He said enough to understand what he was implying. 

"How long?" 

"Depends. Ten to fifteen years more or less. It is a tediously long process, if you want to do it right that's it." 

"I see... - mumbling, he laid back down." 

"Don't think too much about it. We still have a couple of days to decide." 

Curling up against his body, he let his mind wander into the possibility of living where they would be left alone, where his brothers couldn't reach him. 

"Would that be enough for us?" He voiced one of his many worries. 

"With help I don't see why not." 

Atsushi nuzzled his face against the crook of his neck. 

"What do we need?" 

Surprised by his brave choice, he explained every little bit of what was going to happen in the next course of the days. 

When January came, Atsushi's mother accepted that clever exchange, under one condition, that she gets to visit them for the Holidays.  
Todomatsu quited his job giving a vague explanation to everyone. 
   
Packing everything up was more fun than it should've been. Looking at how empty the suite was, they reminded themselves that all of their furniture were already shipped, so they didn't have to live like animals. Taking with them only the essentials, they checked their first class tickets. Their passports were up to date, their papers clean, but Todomatsu had one last thing left to do to cut every single tie. 

Deleting every scrap of information of his phone, he changed the number, put it in a really nice box and mailed it to his parents home. On the back of it was a simple post it note with one sentence written on pink. 

Learn how to use it. 

:3