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"How are you, Mark?" asked Dr Sheriffs. Yeah, I'd made the same joke when we met. Are you from the wild west? I don't recommend. She's here for what she calls 'tea'.
"I guess I'm alright,"
Since I'd gotten back from Mars, it had been decided that I should go to therapy. I mean, I do need it but . . . what's the rush. Only a week back to Earth I'd been assigned Dr Sheriffs. From what I've been told she's the best in the country. Well, the best who's equipped to deal with astronaut chaos and all the rest of it.
"How would you define 'alright'?"
"I dunno . . . I guess getting a good few hours of sleep, I met Back and Johannsen over the weekend."
"Did you have another nightmare?"
I slowly nod once. They'd been happening from sometime around sol 30. They'd stayed every since. Sometimes it was a breach in my suit. Others I was floating through space, watching the Hermes fly by me. Most of the time though, it was the HAB exploding in the middle of a storm. The one that had got me stuck there in the first place.
Most nights I'd be lucky if I got three hours of sleep. Either I don't dare let myself be reminded of what happened or I sucked it up and took my chances.
"Was it the HAB again?"
"No," I take breath."It was a breach in the Hermes. I guess the seal couldn't hold when they blew up the hull, and every- everyone-" I'm brought back by droplets falling onto my jumper, quickly wiping my new batch away.
Dr Sheriffs changed the subject, asking about Beck and Johannsen. I told her that we took a walk together, caught up on what's been going on in our lives, but I didn't tell her about my panic attack.
It was just a kid playing with a broken spaceship, but I guess it was enough to spark some unpleasant memories. It took me back to when the crew had got me on the HERMES ship to go home, I'd been up after curfew floating around the ship. Back then, was impossible to sleep and eventually everyone got sick of me waking them up just so that I could avoid sleepign that they took turns watchign over me in case i freaked out.
Before that plan had been made though, I'd managed to sneak through to the centrifuge. I just watched the stars swirling aroud me. Then I heard a banging. I looked over to the port side - where they had breached the ship for me. Panicing, I'd thought that the doors had breached, unable to hold against the vacuum of space. After spiralling into a mental breakdown. It turned out Martinez had heard me and after falling asleep for a five-minute power nap, he followed through and caught me in a hot mess.
Ironic how I had a panic attack about a panic attack.
Dr Sherrifs must have noticed my eyes drift over to the plant on the table between us. It was a peace lily. A soft purple. "Mark. Mark? Do you need a minute?" She sighed, "Mark, I know you've been though a lot over the past few years but that doesn't mean you have to keep it all inside. Sure, you've told me about the HAB, your flight as Iron Man and all that's in between, but you still need to process these things.
"I want you to try journalling. Maybe next time you wake up from a nightmare, jot it down. You don't ever need to share it with anyone - me included. I'm just here to say 'Well look, you made it! Whoo hoo! Now tell me all your trauma.' But I do think it would help you sleep."
As I try to protest, the Doctor pulls out a diary from some place behind her seat and places facing me on the table.
"I know you probably don't want to, but take it and do what you want with it."
"Fine but I just need to get this straight. You want me to write down all my trauma . . . in a book." I receive a nod. "Do you realise that it would take centuries to do that? I mean i know you hate it when I do this but, I'm fine" Exaggerating the 'I'm fine' part I give a cheesy grin along with a thumbs up. All Dr Sherrids replies back back with is some kind of mixture between a scoul and relenquish.
"You can chuck apples at me all you want Mark, but I do believe that this will help you."
"I shall call it 'You keep me up all night.'"