Chapter Text
Nina and Matthias had been living together for a few months now and everything was going well. Everything, except the fact they never fought. And that would be a good thing, if there were not any moments when they disagreed on something. However, moments like that still happened but when it did, Matthias always dropped the argument immediately, and agreed with whatever Nina was saying. If they didn’t find something in their house? No problem, Matthias would help her look, even though he knew he didn’t move or see the object. If they didn’t agree on who should have done a chore? Matthias always proposed her to spilt whatever they had to do, even when he knew that he was not the one who forgot to do it.
And she didn’t like that. She felt like Matthias was afraid of her, or her reaction if he dared to speak up against her. That made her feel like an awful partner. Part of her also wanted them to fight, because it was easier to deal with the aftermath of a fight (and the possibility of actually winning the argument) than the quiet agreement and submission Matthias always gave her.
One day, she finally had enough and something snapped in her. She had spent the day with Wylan and Jesper, and their light bickering made something ache in her chest. Even that, she didn’t get to have it with Matthias.
That day, Matthias got home later than usual and she didn’t know why.
“Where were you?” she asked, as soon as he came through the door.
“I was at work, we had an emergency coming up”, he explained calmly, but he was also confused about why she was asking him right away, instead of greeting him with a kiss, like she used to do.
“You could have texted” she replied right back, as if she knew that he would reply that. She probably did, she knew that Matthias wouldn’t purposely go home late.
“I didn’t have my phone with me I’m sorry, I’ll think about it next time” he answered, looking at her.
“It’s not the first time it happens though”
“I’m sorry” Matthias repeated.
“That’s it? You’re sorry?”
“What else do you want me to say?”
“You always just sit there and take whatever I have to say to you, why do you never fight back?”
Matthias was removing his shoes, but she could see the way his shoulders were tense
“I don’t think it’s worth it” he said simply, getting up, and going to the kitchen to drink some water.
“What is not worth it? Our relationship?” she said, following him. Deep down she knew that she shouldn’t push his buttons like that, but she also needed to see how far this could go.
“That’s not what I said” argued Matthias, trying to stay calm, but the annoyance was growing in his chest. He was exhausted, and just wanted to rest after his long day at work.
“That’s what it feels like though, you’re always backing away every time something’s happening”
“Yeah, because the things we fight about are not important. I don’t mind taking the blame for things like that”
“Are you afraid of me?” she asked suddenly, her voice flat.
“Afraid?” why would I be afraid?” he asked, confused.
“Because you never fight back, and I don’t understand why!”
“Nina please calm down” he said, trying to take her hands, but she took a step back.
“Don’t touch me, and don’t tell me what to do.” She stated coldly.
“Nina, I just don’t understand what the problem is” Matthias was starting to get annoyed too, but he didn’t want this fight to get bigger than it already was. If something happened while they were fighting, he would never forgive himself for it.
“I told you, you just won’t listen!”
“No, I listened, I just don’t get why you get angry at the fact that I let you win arguments, that shouldn’t be a problem, no?”
“it’s not about that, I just feel like you don’t care!”
“But I do care!” argued Matthias, looking right through her eyes, hoping that she understands.
“Oh yeah?” Nina scoffed.
Matthias nodded, his hands were shaking slightly but he tried to control it as best as he could to not let his feelings get the best of him. Nina saw right through it though, even if they had of course agreed that she should never use her Grisha powers against his will, but noticing a very fast heartbeat, a lot faster than usual, wasn’t that hard. She was too far in the argument to pay attention to it or say something that would release some of the tension, though.
“Look, I’m sorry if I hurt you, and I’ll do better, I promise.” pleaded Matthias. “Now can we please stop for now? I’m so tired from work and I need some time to decompress”
“You’re doing it again” she muttered.
He sighed loudly, and went in the living room, sitting on the couch and putting his head in his hands.
“Don’t ignore me Matthias”
“I’m not, I just don’t want to talk about that anymore”
“So you’re running away from the fight again? Like you ran away from Fjerda?” as soon as she said it, she regretted it, she didn’t control what just came out of her mouth, and it scared her how easily it was for her to hurt him. It was obviously a sensitive topic for him, and she knew better than to attack him for it.
Matthias didn’t see her face of regret though, he turned harshly to her and bit “Do not bring my hometown into this”
“Matthias…”
“No, you wanted a reaction of me? Well, there you go. You have it now, is that what you wanted?” he said, his voice cold as ice.
Matthias’ anger was so different from her, while hers was scalding and unpredictable, his was cold and measured. She realized that it has been years since she last saw it, and she didn’t miss it at all. She just stood there, speechless. She had wanted him to fight back so much, that she forgot to think about what would come after he would get angry.
Matthias stood up and started to walk away in their bedroom, but Nina grabbed his arm.
“Matthias…” she said again, but he just pulled away, and turned to her abruptly, in a frantic motion that made her flinch. She tried to cover it the best she could, but he already saw it.
“You flinched” he stated, disgusted with himself. He swore that he would never make her scared again, not since these days spent on the boat.
“Fuck you” she said, instead of asking him to stop, to beg him to forget it and go back on more neutral, safer grounds.
“Nina, I’m sorry I didn’t...” he started, trying to grip her arm, but she never got to hear the rest of his sentence because she stormed away, slamming the door of their house behind her. Matthias flinched at the sound, and sat on the floor, burying his head between his knees, wrapping his arms around them, a few tears slipping through his eyes. His worst fear had come true, Nina had left and he didn’t know if she would come back.