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It was a normal day in Mary Bell Township. Kids were running around playing, the men were heading off to work, and the women were tending to the housework. It was just an ordinary suburban town. But there was one person there that was not normal: Mr. William C. Woodiam.
First of all, he was a musician. And not just any kind of musician…. He made evil jazz. It was nothing like normal jazz. He insisted that his music couldn’t be described by any existing terms. But in Mary Bell, everything had to have a box that it fit into. And ‘evil jazz’ was the one it fit into best, even if it spilled out the metaphorical sides quite a bit.
Second, there were the rats. They all ran across William’s property like they owned the place, and Mr. Woodiam never allowed any harm to come upon them. Pair that with the strange, snake-like creature that lurked around…. The exterminators never had a chance.
Finally, and worst of all, Mr. Woodiam insisted that people call him….. ‘Will Wood’. Nicknames were improper, as were shortened last names. William Woodiam was not normal!
It was currently 7:30 on a sunny Saturday morning, a few clouds drifting across the sky like fluffy sheep grazing in a field. Two resident kids, Jimmy and Evan, were walking around the neighborhood. They stopped at 34 Front St., looking at the home resting there.
It was a white house with a black door and shutters, and the yard was all dug up. Various tools and knick-knack-like items were scattered around, as well as a concerning amount of cicada shells.
“That’s where Mr. Woodiam lives…..” Jimmy whispered. Evan nodded, observing the house warily. “Yeah, I’ve heard him singing about praying for the devil, and about being someone’s ‘girlfriend-boyfriend’, whatever that means.” he replied.
The boys continued to whisper about the rumors they had heard from the other residents of Mary Bell. But suddenly, a sixties-esque piano tune blasted from inside the house. Both boys stared in horror as a silhouette appeared in the window. Could it be?
The window opened to reveal a man with messy black hair wearing a black suit, a light pink shirt, a striped tie, and a pair of silver earrings. It was him! William Woodiam!
He leaned out the window, waving at the people passing by. “Good morning, Mary Bell!” he called out. He put his arms out, grinning widely. “It is I, the amazing Will Wood!”
Evan and Jimmy were in absolute shock, as were the other passerby.
William put a hand on his chin, leaning back against the window frame as he thought over something. “Hm…. Should I climb out this window and risk irreparable damage to my bones, bones, bones? To all my separate body parts that come together to believe they’re me, and not just chemistry?”
He was already halfway out the window.
“Yes or no? That’s kind of a silly question.”
He had one leg out the window, and he was on the verge of falling.
“Welp, the answer? I know.”
He jumped out of the window and fell to the ground in a heap. The two boys watched, feeling confused and incredibly concerned.
“Is he dead….?” Evan asked, trembling a bit. Jimmy variously walked over to Will, grabbing a stick and poking his head. Will’s head popped up, his face holding the grin of a madman. “Hello!” he said cheerfully, causing both boys to scream in terror and run away.
A stampede of rats broke down the door and ran over to their master, helping him up and starting to carry him. Will happily let it happen, standing with his hands on his hips as his furry, living raft carried him down the street. He waved at his neighbors, and they screamed and ran just like Jimmy and Evan had.
“Ah, it’s good to be in Mary Bell Township!” he said, letting the show continue.