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“Umm…Ilya what are you doing?”
Shane walked into their kitchen to see Ilya setting up one of their old tripods they used for extracurricular activities before they both started to play for the Centaurs together last season.
“Remember last week when Harris told us we should be more active on our social media?” Ilya asked, he shook the tripod to check the stability.
“No,” Shane said as he leaned on the counter top, “I do remember him telling you that you needed to be more family friendly and that you probably needed another round of media training though.”
Ilya gasped, “Hollander, you are so mean to me.”
“I am not! You literally retweeted a fan made video of me and quoted it with ‘So lucky i’m the one who gets to lick him’ on your public verified account.”
“Oh, so now it’s a crime to tell the world I have an extremely hot husband.”
“The video was made of clips from my Calvin Klein photo shoot!” Shane whined, “and your tweet went viral so then you got mad everyone was talking about my ass!”
Ilya grumbled something about Shane’s ass being ‘his’ under his breath when the oven timer went off.
Shane raised his eyebrows as Ilya put on his oven mitts and pulled out what looked to be a strawberry cake.
“So, what exactly are we going to be doing for this video?” Shane asked.
“You will see, it will be so fun,” Ilya said with a wink.
*The video starts with Shane and Ilya sitting at their dining room table. There is a messily iced homemade cake in front of them, and they are each holding cut out pictures glued on toothpicks*
Ilya: Hello everyone, the hottest couple in hockey here. We are going to do a ‘hear me out’ cake! Shane, are you ready?
Shane: Um, I think so.
Ilya: Okay, we picked our top 6 ‘hear me outs’ because we felt like 5 was not enough. Let’s do this, I will go first and we will take turns.
*Ilya looks through his choices before deciding on Li Shang from Mulan and sticking him onto the cake*
Ilya: First, I pick Shang.
Shane: Hmm. I thought you said these were supposed to be odd characters? Shang is considered hot by almost everyone Ilya.
Ilya: Yes, but I had to pick him. He is very handsome Shane.
*Shane thinks for a moment, then nods his head in agreement*
Shane: You know what, yeah I get it. He can stay.
*Ilya gently nudged Shane to signal his turn. Shane flicks through a few sticks before picking Dimitri from Anastasia*
Shane: Okay, first I have Dimitri from Anastasia.
*Ilya smirks at the camera before turning to Shane*
Ilya: Oh. So you do have a thing for Russians then?
Shane: Shut up. He’s cute and you know it
*Ilya looks at Shane with what could only be described as “heart eyes” before Shane elbowed him*
Shane: It’s your turn again.
*Ilya picks and sticks Nala from the Lion King into the top of the cake*
Shane: Ilya is that a lion?!
Ilya: Yes, it's Simba’s girlfriend.
Shane: Nala? You picked an animated lion?
Ilya: Shane Hollander this is a hear me out cake and you are not hearing me out.
*Shane pinches the bridge of his nose*
Shane: How do you have so many more to go?
Ilya: Is your turn solnyshko.
*Shane sorts through his stack before he makes his choice*
Shane: I have Ghostface from the Scream movies
*Ilya is silent for a moment, jaw dropped*
Shane: What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Ilya: So I can’t pick a lion but you can pick a serial killer from a horror movie?
Shane: Oh please, have you seen Matthew Lillard in that movie?
Ilya: Why did you not just pick him then?
Shane: You are asking me to choose between Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard. Do you even hear yourself right now?
*Ilya and Shane stare at each other, seeming to have a conversation with only their eyes*
Ilya: Okay fine, you have a very good point.
Shane: Thank you. Go again.
*Ilya laughs before picking his next one*
Ilya: I chose this McLaren I saw the other day, Is very pretty, isn’t it Shane?
Shane: A car. You picked a car for this.
Ilya: Shane. What do you need your glasses for this? That is not a car it’s a fucking McLaren! It’s a sexy car!
Shane: How the fuck can you be attracted to a car?
Ilya: Shane are you even looking–
*The camera cuts to Shane tipping his head back as far as it can go and sighing deeply.*
Shane: Is it my turn now?
Ilya: Yes.
*Shane pops a new stick into the cake*
Ilya: What the fuck is that.
Shane: It’s Venom. You don’t know who Venom is?
Ilya: That thing looks like evil Spider-Man.
Shane: I mean it kind of is? Do you seriously not know about Venom?
*Ilya shakes his head, shock still evident on his face*
Shane: Don’t let Wyatt know that unless you want a very detailed explanation.
Ilya: Why does its tongue look like–
*Shane cuts him off quickly*
Shane: Okay your turn again!
*Ilya looks between his remaining sticks*
Ilya: My next one is kind of two put together, which according to Shane was fine.
*He sticks in a picture of Robin and Starfire from Teen Titans*
Ilya: Specifically the 2003 version of the show, not the weird one they did later.
Shane: The remake wasn’t that bad, they did it for the younger audience Ilya.
Ilya: The original was perfect, they should have left it alone and you know it.
Shane: So you picked both Robin and Starfire?
Ilya: Yes both! Do you not have eyes Shane?
Shane: Robin?
Ilya: Google Nightwing and tell me you still don’t get it.
*Shane pulls out his phone and types quickly, then raises his eyebrows.*
Ilya: See, I am never wrong.
Shane: Oh shut up. You are so annoying.
*Shane laughs and smiles at Ilya*
Ilya: Your turn again moya lyubov.
Shane: Okay, this one you really need to hear me out on…
*Shane puts Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th franchise on the cake*
Ilya: Okay now you are just pranking me, you can’t be serious.
*Shane’s face turns pink with embarrassment*
Shane: You said anyone! I thought there weren’t any rules to this Ilya!
Ilya: There are no rules. I’m just shocked you keep picking murderers with big knives!
Shane: Jason carries a machete, it's different.
*Ilya looks into the camera like a scene straight out of The Office*
Ilya: Sweetheart…I do not think that is helping you the way you think it is.
Shane: Jesus Christ.
Ilya: Okay, moving on. My next pick is that pretty girl from the Hunchback movie.
*Ilya puts Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame on the crowded cake. Shane leans forward to see who he is talking about and scrunches up his face*
Shane: Esmeralda? Why her?
Ilya: Shane, have you ever seen the movie?
Shane: No I don’t think so, not unless we watched it with Hayden’s kids.
*Ilya takes Shane’s phone and pulls up the parade portion of the movie where she is introduced*
Ilya: Just watch this and then tell me what you think.
*The video is sped up while they both watch the clip. It returns to normal speed and Shane shakes his head*
Shane: She’s pretty I guess.
Ilya: Ughhhh you are hopeless Hollander.
*Shane grumbles and picks between his last two choices*
Shane: I have Lestat de Lioncourt from Interview with the Vampire.
*Ilya makes a grumpy face*
Shane: Oh what now! What’s wrong with Lestat?
Ilya: Nothing…
Shane: Ilya he’s not even real you can’t get upset over a fictional character!
Ilya: You were just mad at Esmeralda!
Shane: I was not!
*The video cuts to a black screen that reads, “They argued about this for 5 minutes so I saved us all from watching it! You’re Welcome! - Harris” *
Shane: Moving on from that, your turn. Who’s your last pick?
*Ilya grins widely and stabs the cake with his final ‘hear me out’ The Hex Girls from Scooby Doo*
Shane: THE WHOLE BAND?! Ilya come on, seriously?
Ilya: Shane you can not separate these girls.
Shane: They aren’t real!
Ilya: Shane look at them and tell them that.
*Ilya picks up the stick with The Hex Girls on them and holds them directly in Shane’s face*
Shane: They. Aren’t. Real.
Ilya: Shane you are so mean.
Shane: This video was your idea! We didn’t have to do this!
*Ilya puts the stick back into the cake and pats the top*
Ilya: Don’t listen to the mean guy, you girls are perfect to me.
*Shane shakes his head laughing quietly*
Shane: Oh my god…what is my life? Harris this is your fault completely.
*The screen cuts to black quickly and reads “You proposed to him Hollander this is not even remotely my fault, love you both! -Harris” *
Ilya: Okay Shanya, last stick, let’s see who it is.
Shane: Okay.
*Shane spins his last stick around and puts it front and center. Ilya squints his eyes to try and see what it is in the camera.*
Ilya: Shane…what the fuck is that.
Shane: Predator from the Alien and Predator movies.
*Ilya stands up so fast his chair falls backwards to the floor. He rounds the corner of their table to get a better look at the picture on the cake. Shane however, looks completely unfazed*
Ilya: Absolutely not, no, we are done. Video is cancelled! Goodbye, never ask us to make these again Harris!
*Ilya walks to the camera and right before he turns the video off, Shane can be heard cracking up*
The video is posted to the Ottawa Centaurs’ various social media accounts where it gains millions of views within days of being released. The fans on Twitter have a field day with it.
@OttawaCensOffical✅- Hockey’s favorite couple make their own ‘hear me out’ cake! #Hollanov #hearmeout
💬89k 🔁250k ❤️900k
@OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@haileyloveshockey- are we going to talk about Shane picking almost exclusively villains/monsters or are you guys not ready for that conversation yet…
💬46 🔁58 ❤️379
@OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@censfan2481- So Ilya gets mad about Lestat even though they lowkey have the same vibe but just different accents, that’s interesting.
💬3 🔁4 ❤️60
@OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@hollanov4lyfe- Shane Hollander Monsterfucker #confirmed?
💬69 🔁402 ❤️4k
➡️@hollanov4lyfe- omg a hit tweet!
@OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@ficwriter1410- I’m getting ideas…dirty nasty ideas… #watchthisspace
💬24 🔁7 ❤️81
@OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@Ilyaspuck- how much do we want to bet immediately after they finished filming this, Ilya bought a halloween mask for their sex toy collection?
💬54 🔁300 ❤️6k
❤️Liked by Rose Landry✅
➡️@Ilyaspuck- Rose??? What are you doing here???
@OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@Wyattthegoalie✅- @IlyaRoz81✅Cap! I’m more than happy to explain what Venom is if you want me too!
💬6k 🔁13k ❤️57k
➡️@ IlyaRoz81✅- Leave me alone Hayes.
➡️@ Wyattthegoalie✅- Okay then…😳
@ OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@ shanehollanderlover24 - Ilya picking Robin, Starfire, and The Hex Girls?? he knows ball frfr
💬37 🔁416 ❤️5k
🔁Retweeted by @ IlyaRoz81✅
@ OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@ puckbunnies - @ ShaneHollanderHockeyplayer✅ Don’t let these fools kink shame you king! We love monsters in this house! #monstersexiscool
@ OttawaCensOffical✅
➡️@ thatguybrad - why do we still care about these guys? no one cares what they do in there gay “relationship”
💬2 🔁5 ❤️10
@ thatguybrad
➡️@ censfan2481 - Two things.
- Wrong type of “there” you mean “their.”
- Shut up Brad.
💬18 🔁876k ❤️900k
Trending Now-
#KinkyShane
#Hollanov
#HearMeOut
#LetYourFreakOut
#MonsterSexIsCool
#ShutUpBrad