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Descent Into Madness

Summary:

Okay, Rodya just killed SPOILER Alyona and Lizaveta and basically, Razumikhin saves him.

Notes:

Well, it isn't finished. I don't think so. I might add to this as I do for some of those fics and yes i feel like i'll just update it someday. I kind of love Razumikhin. I also call him Dmitri a lot and also Raskolnikov is Rodya I think for most of the time. Btw I haven't even reread this in a hot minute so do I have any idea what I even wrote? No. This is based on the murder that's in the book but everything I wrote is a shitshow really. I wanted to make it gay but it's kind of not really but I will add eventually to it in the future. Excuse my use of Russian I am not russian nor do I have any idea what he said. Also, I love Flying Lotus and this title is because I was listening to You're Dead! when i wrote this on a roadtrip. I am not Dostoevsky okay pls forgive me.

Work Text:

Rodya stood shivering in the middle of the room. He looked around with a haunted expression. Alyona lies on the floor, unmoving. A little beside her lies her sister, Lizaveta, who stopped to breathe only a minute ago.

Rodya was in a shock. He kept nervously checking his surroundings when he heard footsteps. 'Quick, hide!' he thought but he didn't have the time. There were two dead bodies and the blood was all over the floor. He had a little on his clothing but he would get it all erased. It was too late, he heard the door opening and considered running but as he took his first steps to the window he stopped in his tracks when he hears his voice.

"Rodya, what are you...", he hears Razumikhin say. Rodya didn't know what to do or what to say. Could he simply throw himself out the window? He had to try. He tried for the window again and takes his last breaths. Unfortunately for him, Razumikhin grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the window.

"Rodya, are you out of your mind? Well, stop killing people, then you wouldn't be so suicidal. You know that, right? Please, you won't get caught. You shall not be worried, I told nobody you are here."

Rodya looks at his former friend who he tried to run away from, dear Dmitri Razumikhin, and tried to see in his eyes if he was lying. He could only see an easy gentle smile on his face. Could he trust these eyes though? He tears himself out of his grasp and looks down at his clothing again. "I will clean up."
Dmitri laughs as if they were the only people in the world because well, there are people, witnesses, down just a floor beneath them. Couldn't he realize that every sound he made could help him get him arrested? Rodya grabs his arm and shushes his friend -or whatever they were. Dmitri still chuckles but how could he possibly find this funny?

Rodya says: "Hurry, I don't have time. I need to get out. Fast, fast, hurry now." He gets up and takes Alyona's bag, anything that could be traced back to him. Razumikhin picks up something random that doesn't really look imporant to Raskolnikov as he says: "Why did you kill them anyway? Sure, money, and they were annoying but... I don't know. You don't strike me as a violent killer. You're..," he trailed off.

Rodya nods. Yes, he had had to kill Alyona. Lizaveta... it wasn't planned at all. "Why are you here?"

Razumikhin smiles. He seemed to he doing that quite a lot, Rodya has known him only as always wearing a smile. It made him approachable on the surface but it could be just as dangerous and treacherous. Razumikhin knows Rodya was evading the question but answered nonetheless: "I am just wherever you are. Don't you feel the connection? I just felt that you were in trouble and I turn up here and, oh, you are. Lucky you, that I am here and not some officer."

"A witness, you mean. You are a witness too. How do I know you won't deceive me?"

"I won't, Rodya. Believe me. I am helping you, aren't I?"

Rodya shushes him again because he hears more footsteps. They had been wasting too much time. How could they still be stuck here? How long has it been since Alyona's and Lizaveta's death? Minutes, maybe even an hour? Everything was moving so slowly in time. He couldn't be sure it was even the same day. Was this tiredness he felt or was he getting nauseous? He blinks slowly and a second later Dmitri was all around him. "Aren't you tired now? Well, I guess killing two women is quite exhausting. Don't worry. I shall carry you. Though I am afraid we won't get out in time. Tell me again, why did I help you?"

Rodya only manages a nod and leaves the thinking to his friend. He might as well die, or worse, get caught. He shakes his head and says with breaks: "We need to get out. I cannot die here."

Dmitri smiles and lifts Rodya up. "милый I guess I will carry you home now." Rodya falls asleep and lets Dmitri carry him away. He wakes up next and they are at Dmitri's house. "What happened?", are Rodya's first words addressed to the man sitting on the edge of the bed he is on. "There you are, Rodya, I was just making soup. Here, eat it all up. You ought to eat more, you seem so skinny."
Rodya shrugs but it rather pains him. He forget all about the crime, he couldn't recall why his friend was here or why he was in bed. He just let it be and ate Dmitri's soup.

Razumikhin was still all smiles and giggles. "I cleaned all up don't worry, Rodya. You can rest just fine now. I will be back. Just rest, please."

Rodya didn't understand what he was saying but then everything changes when he remembers in the split of a second. He drops the soup, his hands are at his temples and his voice has left him. "Oh no.. what have I done? I ought to... They are searching for us, no? I will get caught. I will die. I will turn myself in. I have no choice I ought to-"

Razumikhin picks up the rest of the soup but the plate was shattered and he sighs. "Rodya.. you know that you have been sleeping quite some time, yes? Well, I don't think anybody is looking for you. You should trust me, I cleaned up fairly well."

Rodya couldn't. His mind was racing, it was spiraling, he couldn't even believe he was awake. "Am I imagining this? Razumikhin, are you really here?"

Razumikhin smiles even though he just cut himself on the shattered plate. "Dear Rodya, I, Dmitri Prokofych Razumikhin, swear by my name that I hope I am real. I don't know any better than you though. You should rest. Your head must be hurting."

Rodya pats the space next to him, as if to signal Razumikhin to lie down with him. He thought maybe his friend was tired too. Rodya falls asleep too fast to see his friend lying down beside him. He misses the way Dmitri gently checks his forehead for temperature and kisses it softly.

Some time later, nobody knew what time it was at this point, Rodya awoke to a rather clingy Razumikhin. He didn't recall falling asleep with his friend but he thought he must have. There was some space on the bed but still Dmitri was lying too close to Raskolnikov. Their legs were all together. Rodya's mind was still twisted, if he touched one, he couldn't say if it was his or Dmitri's. He should stop touching anybody, really. Now he really must turn himself in. He got reminded of the murder again the murder he commited and he didn't know what to do.

He looks over at Dmitri but he is sleeping soundly and he looks so peaceful Rodya wishes it was the reality. That life was so peaceful but no it was all so complicated. He was so weak he didn't prove anything at all. He had been foolish to think this would change anything. Oh, why has he done it? Why has he done the deed?