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Gary really should have known better.
They’ve lived together for years, so it’s not as if it’s a secret that Goh’s conversations with his parents usually last five minute and primarily comprise noncommittal monosyllables. It hadn’t even occurred to Gary to question that Goh would have mentioned getting married to his parents before moving fifteen minutes away from them. It’s not like Gary was excited to break the news to his grandfather either, but he’d still done it.
But, well, the way he’s anxiously fiddling with his wedding band right now, with his parents apparently already en route to their new place, is saying a lot more than any excuses he could be making.
“I didn’t think they’d actually come,” he stresses. “I thought we’d have, I don’t know, a few weeks before they suggested coming around. How was I supposed to know they’d want to help us unpack?”
Gary pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on already. “Is that even actually an us?” he has to ask.
Goh’s fingers still around his wedding band. It slips down to the table, circling around the space he dropped it for a moment before falling flat with a muted clatter. He shoots Gary a bashful—guilty—smile. “Um. Maybe?”
“Well, I guess we can be thankful you got me pregnant and not the other way around,” Gary grumbles. “Otherwise, the man they’ve never met in their son’s new apartment would be a really bad look.”
“Well…we could just…not tell them that part?”
Gary’s hand falls away from his face, but—no. Goh’s gaze betrays no ounce of sarcasm. He’s not attempting to lighten the mood. He really, actually thinks…
“You’re out of your mind,” Gary says decisively. “Also, I am going to very kindly pretend you didn’t just suggest that we let your parents think I’ve just been really fattening up lately.”
“They’ve never met you!” he protests. “As far as they know, you’ve always looked like this.”
“I think you really want to stop talking now.”
Goh’s mouth slams shut. As it does, his cheeks flame scarlet, and he looks down at his dropped wedding band. After a few beats, he says, “Sorry. I swear I’m not trying to insult you. It’s just…gonna be a lot for them, all at once.”
“Yeah, well. Pretty sure there was a simple solution to that problem.”
“You don’t get it,” Goh mutters. “It’s not like it just slipped my mind or something.”
Before Gary can even hope to respond to that, Goh jolts up at the sound of his phone ringing from his pocket. With shaking hands, he retrieves and answers it. In an instant, his whole affect is changed; his voice rings between the unpacked boxes in their kitchen bright and cheerful.
“I can come down and let you— Oh!” He laughs a bit, unable to bite back the anxiety that creeps into the sound. “Well, in that case the apartment number is five hundred four. Sorry I missed your text!” A pause, then then: “Great, well, I’ll see you soon, then!”
And just as soon as his demeanour shifted, it shifts back. As he hangs up the phone and slams it down on the table, he looks up at Gary and hisses, “Just go put on a sweater or something!”
“Goh, seriously. You have to tell them.”
“I will. Just—let’s at least ease them into it. Please?”
Really, Gary ought to be more angry than he is, but something about that wild look in his eyes just makes him pause. It’s not like he’s showing enough for it to be that obvious to someone who doesn’t know him already—but he’s just the right amount of sensitive in his own skin lately to find the idea of letting anyone believe this is how he’s supposed to look completely unforgiveable.
At last, he acquiesces with a hefty sigh. “Fine. But you owe me.”
“Anything you want,” Goh says quickly. As he rises, he picks up his wedding band—and after a hesitant pause, pockets it. Gary watches, silently, his jaw clenching, until they hear a rap upon the door and Goh hurries to go get it.
Working to unclench his jaw, Gary turns to enter their bedroom and locate the baggiest sweater either of them owns. It turns out to be Goh’s, but it’s rather large on Goh as it is, so it hangs off Gary’s frame just enough to hide his distended belly. Annoyed at the way they flap over his fingers, he takes a minute to roll the sleeves up to just under his elbows. As he catches himself in the mirror they’ve still yet to take off the wall from the former tenants, he finds his lip curling with disdain. Red is so not his colour. They really need to get rid of that thing, preferably as soon as possible.
As much as he would love to just stay here and break it into a million pieces right now, though, he knows he can’t. With more effort than he knows is reasonable, he forces himself to breathe in, and out, and then turn and leave the room. Feet weighed down by dread, he takes his time coming into the living room.
As he comes into their line of sight, Goh’s parents both look over in surprise. Before either of them can say anything, Goh jumps in with, “You remember Gary, right? My—um—friend I moved in with for grad school?”
If it weren’t for the fact that his parents are standing right there, Gary might have strangled him. The apologetic glance he throws over his shoulder isn’t doing much to help that feeling, either. But as it is, they both smile widely, and Goh’s mother says, “That’s right! It’s so nice to finally meet you, Gary. We’ve heard a lot about you.”
Somehow, Gary doubts that, but rather than say so, he forces his lips into a smile and steps forward to bridge the gap between them. When he outstretches a hand for her to take, and her husband after the fact, he makes a point to offer his left hand. He doesn’t think he imagines the way both their gazes linger on his wedding band, either—and he certainly doesn’t imagine the way Goh ducks his head to avoid meeting any of their eyes.
“Goh said you wanted to help us unpack,” Gary says pleasantly. “But you came all this way, and I know you haven’t seen him in a while, so why don’t you sit down for some coffee?”
“Oh, are you sure? We don’t want to impose when you’re still trying to settle in!”
“Family’s hardly an imposition. Isn’t that right, Goh?”
Goh grits his teeth, and looks away from him. After a beat, he says, “That’s right. Family’s not an imposition at all.”
“Well, if you’re sure, then we’d love to. Where should we put our coats?”
Goh takes them without a word, allowing Gary to lead them into the kitchen. As they do, Walker asks, “What made you decide to move all the way out to Vermilion City, Gary?”
“Oh, well, my family is in Pallet Town, so it’s not all that far from home for me.” He pauses, and then catches Goh’s gaze over his father’s shoulder. “Anything you want to add, Goh?”
Goh splutters as both of his parents turn around to look at him curiously. Content to leave them to it, Gary makes for one of the few cupboards they’ve already stocked: the one filled with coffee and tea.
“W-well, Gary and I, um, we…you know…”
Camille frowns at him. “You…?”
“We’re—we’re sort of…together…”
“Oh!” Walker beams at him, and then back at Gary, too. “Well, that’s great.”
“That’s wonderful, Goh,” his mother agrees heartily. “How long has it been?”
Goh looks down at his feet, and says nothing. Feeling somewhere between pitying and vindicative, Gary cuts in to save him: “A few years, now.”
“Years!” Camille’s eyes widen. “W-well, that’s…that’s lovely, Goh! We’re so happy for you!”
To Gary’s surprise, he sees Goh’s hands curl up into fists at his side. He’s clearly trying hard to swallow back some kind of upset emotion, which, in a short few seconds, he manages to do with more success than Gary thinks he has ever seen from him otherwise. When he lifts his head again, he is wearing a soothing smile. His voice comes out strong and even: “Thanks, Mom. Go ahead and sit down. I’ll bring you something.”
With that, he steps past them to join Gary at the counter. But rather than set to work helping him prepare drinks, he just tells him, “I can do this. You can sit.”
But as he reaches past Gary to pull out the instant coffee, Gary notices the trembling in his hands has only grown more pronounced.
Before he can even really think it through, he snatches Goh’s hand in his, pulling it back. When Goh’s eyes meet his, they are wide—and fearful. It settles beneath Gary’s skin, hot and prickling.
“Hey,” Gary says. “Forget about this. Okay? This isn’t gonna get easier if we just stand around and wait for it to.”
When Goh doesn’t pull away from him, he reaches out with his other hand to dig into Goh’s pocket and fish out his wedding band. With a steady hold, he brings it up, and slips it back on to his finger.
“Time to be honest,” he says firmly. “Coffee will wait.”
“Easy for you to say,” Goh whispers. “You’re not even allowed to drink it.”
Gary rolls his eyes. “Yeah, so if anyone ought to know it can wait, it’s me. C’mon, sweetheart. Come sit.”
The pet name does the trick. His gaze softens, just a bit, and he nods, allowing Gary to drag him back to the kitchen table. His parents, who have politely been conversing with each other to pass the time—something about a systems grid, from what Gary can gather as they approach—look up in surprise. Perhaps they see the emotion sat upon Goh’s strained shoulders, too, because his mother says, “Goh? Is something wrong?”
“I, um…” He stops, looking back at Gary in appeal. When Gary doesn’t say anything, however, he steps forward and pulls out a chair, sinking down into it. Though his gaze falls down to his lap, he still manages to whisper, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“You can tell us anything,” Camille says quickly. “Right, honey?”
“Right,” Walker agrees. “We’re listening.”
But, clearly, their listening is not enough, for Goh remains quiet. With a pang in his chest, Gary pulls out the chair and sits beside him, then reaches over to intertwine their fingers.
At once, Goh breathes out—and looks up at his parents, steely resolve shining in his eyes.
“Gary and I aren’t just together. We got married, a few months ago. We, um—we didn’t have a wedding, so you didn’t miss anything. It was really quiet. We didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I guess, I just… I wasn’t really sure what to say.”
They’re both staring at him, but, to their credit, they recover quickly, replacing their surprise with something kinder, more supportive—and yet, somehow, so much less open than before.
“Congratulations,” Walker says. “That’s a big step.”
“We’re so proud of you,” Camille adds.
Gary feels Goh’s hand clench in his. Caving at last, he tugs on his hand, drawing his eyes to his, and raises a questioning eyebrow at him. Goh searches his gaze for a long moment, before, finally, nodding, and whispering, for Gary and Gary alone, “Thank you.”
“There’s one more thing we should tell you,” Gary speaks up.
“Oh? Is everything all right?” Camille pauses. Anxiety besets her frame all over again. “This was a pretty sudden move, wasn’t it? You’re not—you’re not sick, are you, Goh?”
“Nothing like that,” Gary assures her. And then, with an ease too often rehearsed over these past few months: “I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby. That’s why we decided to move back.”
“You’re—you— A baby…?” She stops, taking in a sharp breath, and then seems to shake herself. All at once, her sense of wonderment, the hint of betrayal beneath it, falls away, replaced by that same practiced smile as before. Beside her, her husband looks much the same, and he nods his agreement when she says, “That’s amazing news!”
“And I’m sure you’ll need a lot of help unpacking here if that’s the case,” Walker chimes in. “We’re very close. We could come and help out as much as you need.”
It sounds like a nice offer to Gary, but he feels Goh wince—minutely, restrained, probably so his parents will not see it. Even still, he croaks, “You don’t have to do that. You’re so busy, I wouldn’t want to add more to your plate…”
Camille smiles at him, but Gary knows—he does not see the sadness within it. He likely never will.
“If you think we’re busy, just wait until your baby is born! I’m sure the extra hands will help.” She pauses, then asks, “Have you told your grandma?”
Mutely, Goh shakes his head.
“She’ll be delighted too,” his mother promises him. “And she’ll want to help in any way she can.”
“I don’t need…” He stops himself. Swallows thickly. “Never mind. Thank you. Is there, um…is there anything you want to know?”
“Whatever you want to tell us,” Camille says kindly.
But more and more apparently, it is not a kindness at all—for Goh only tenses into himself more with her words. He’s still shaking; this close to him, Gary can hear just how erratic his breathing is. By all means, there should be no reason to panic. His parents obviously aren’t upset.
“You know,” Gary says, slowly, “there’s a mirror the former tenants left hanging on the wall in our bedroom that we want to get rid of, but we just haven’t had a chance to do it yet. Especially since it seems to be nailed in, so we’ll have to fill in the hole. Seems more trouble than it’s worth right now. But, honestly, that thing is driving me crazy. Maybe you could take it down for us? And we don’t exactly have any spackle lying around here, so…”
“One of us can go to the store,” Camille says right away. “Is there anything else you need?”
Goh ducks his head. Gary doesn’t miss the way his eyes are screwed shut as he does.
“Well,” Gary says, “it’s awfully close to lunchtime, isn’t it? We don’t have much around here to eat. I’d feel real bad asking you to do work for us and then not even feeding you. Why don’t I give you some money to pick something up for us on the way home?”
“That won’t be necessary,” Walker tells him. “We’re more than happy to buy you lunch.”
“In that case, why don’t the two of you go together to get the things we need while Goh and I get a start on unpacking? Now that I’m thinking about it, there are probably some other things we could do with picking up… I could send you a list?”
Even as his parents smile, Gary doesn’t miss the look Goh shoots up at him, like he’s, somehow, completely lost his mind. Even so, when Gary asks for it, he hands over his phone so that he can text a list of—admittedly, mostly bullshitted—groceries and supplies to his mother.
“Got it,” she chirps. “Then, we’ll be back soon, okay? Let us know if there’s anything else you need!”
“Will do,” Gary says.
They wait a moment longer for Goh to respond, but all he manages is to offer them a shaky smile. And then, just like that, they are out the door, leaving the apartment in relative silence cut through only by the unsteady inhale-exhale of Goh’s breathing.
After a moment, wherein he seems to try—and fail—to get it under control, he whirls on Gary and demands, “What the hell are you doing? You can’t just—send them to work for us!”
“Why not? They’re clearly happy to do it.”
But to his surprise, Goh’s eyes fill with tears. He yanks his hand away from Gary’s and stands up, turning his back to him. He is breathing hard and fast again, apparently too much so to get a hold on his words.
“Lemme take a guess,” Gary says after a moment. “You’re upset ‘cause you think they should be mad at you, and they aren’t.”
“I knew they wouldn’t be mad,” Goh mutters. “They’re never mad. They’re never disappointed, or upset, or anything. They’re—they’re good parents. They are.”
“Then why does it sound like you’re trying to convince me of that?”
At once, Goh whirls around again. His expression contorts with a rage he has, evidently, been trying to hold back for a long time. Longer than just today. Longer, perhaps, even than Gary has known him.
“Because I don’t even know if they’ll come back!” he snaps. “I can’t even count on both hands how many times they promised to go out and get food, or groceries, or just something small from the store, and didn’t come back. They’ll be gone for hours, and I’ll just be here, waiting for them, just like always, and I…I…” He stops, taking in a shaking breath, and reaches up to furiously wipe away his tears. “I’m not upset,” he says, pointlessly, because he obviously is.
But Gary can appreciate, too, that this is not a side of Goh he sees often—or has maybe even ever seen. Any conversations they’ve had about his parents have been short and dismissive. Except, Gary recalls, one five months or so ago. What had he said then?
I don’t want to be like my parents. If we’re going to do this, then—I need to be there. For both of you.
“Come here,” Gary tells him. “Sit down. Let’s just—talk. Okay?”
He’s quiet for a long moment. So long that Gary thinks he might refuse, but then—
A short, guarded nod. With measured steps, he returns to the table, and lowers himself down next to Gary again. But he is still trembling, even now, when Gary reaches out to hold both his hands in his.
“You’re not gonna be able to be different,” Gary says, “without acknowledging that something here hurts.”
Twin tears slip down his cheeks as he meets Gary’s eyes. There’s something more than mere resistance there. A fear he has known all his life, reflected back to Gary in cracked fragments like the spiderwebs of broken glass on the windshield of his parents’ car.
“I know they didn’t mean to,” he croaks. “I didn’t even think— I didn’t realize it still bothered me so much.”
“You have to actually say it,” Gary urges him. “What bothers you?”
“I—I don’t know.” His hands hold Gary’s more tightly. “I just always wished—they could have been there. More than they were.”
“How often were they there?”
Goh laughs, miserable, and wet-sounding. “Not often. Even when they were there, they felt so…far away. Sometimes I guess I wondered if maybe it was my fault. That there was something wrong with me that just…made me impossible for them to reach.”
“I’m reaching out to you, aren’t I?”
Sniffling, Goh nods, and adds, “And—you’re not the only one. Chloe, and Ash, and…everyone, really.”
“Everyone except Mom and Dad.”
“…Yeah.”
“Do you really think they won’t come back?”
He shrugs. It is a jerky, awkward gesture. After a moment, he admits, “They seemed really into helping. A few years ago, they hired someone else at the company to offset their workloads, so…I don’t know. Maybe they’re less busy than they used to be. I’ve never thought to ask. I can’t really even…imagine it.”
“Well…you’ve been away from home a long time. But I guess whether you wanna give them a chance to prove that they can do better is kinda up to you, isn’t it?”
“All I’ve ever done is give them chances,” Goh points out weakly. “They always said sorry. They always said it would be different. But if I kept hoping that one of those times they said so it would be the truth, I—I think it would’ve killed me.” His voice goes very soft, almost as if he doesn’t want Gary to hear the confession.
But he does. And within it, all the pains Goh had never been able to bring himself to show to anyone else.
“Then, whatever happens,” Gary tells him, “I’ll be here. If they really do let you down, I’m not gonna just sit back and let it kill you. That work for you?”
His eyes widen, just so. And then, to Gary’s surprise, he laughs, a quiet, gentle thing.
“Okay,” he whispers. “I…I am sorry I didn’t tell them. I wasn’t trying to make it into a whole…thing.”
“I think I’m starting to get why you didn’t tell them.” Gary shrugs. “I’m pretty much over it by now. And, clearly, they’re not holding it against us, either. Although,” he adds thoughtfully, “we should probably mention the five months pregnant thing at some point today, too.”
Goh’s cheeks pinken. “Y-yeah…I know…”
“Then, let’s get started on the rest of those boxes in the bedroom. By the way, I’m taking this sweater out later and burning it. It’s hideous.”
Goh gasps, pulling his hand away in order to reach out and grab the sleeve of it. “Don’t you dare! I love this one!”
“I seem to remember you saying you owed me anything I wanted earlier, though.”
“Gary! I meant, like, a foot rub or a nice dinner or something!”
Gary’s lips twitch up. “Guess you shoulda clarified, then. Besides, you do that stuff anyway, so shouldn’t I use my favour on something you wouldn’t do for me normally?”
Goh’s mouth opens and then closes again, stumped. Gary grins, and leans forward to kiss his frustration away. As it goes, he stands up, and gestures toward the bedroom. “Well, I’m taking this thing off, so if you really wanna save it so bad, you’d better find a nice hiding place for it.”
With that, he makes for the bedroom. Goh hurries after him, steps lighter than they have been since his parents called earlier today and asked to come over. He even laughs a bit as he follows after Gary. It soothes something in Gary, too; the knowledge that things are different, that they will be different—and they will meet each new change as they come, together.