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Izuku was fine.
The war was over. Izuku had survived. All Might, his friends, his teachers—they had all survived this time too. Izuku wasn’t able to save Tomura, so it wasn’t a complete victory, but he had at least helped him defeat All for One.
Society was starting to change little by little. Every day, Izuku saw heroes and citizens alike extending their hands to help one another in big and small ways.
Izuku, miraculously, still had his own hands to extend.
So, he was fine.
He cried with his classmates as they relived the horrors and losses of a war they had been forced to fight in way too young. He took their pain, because he knew how. He knew how to bury pain deep where no one could see it, not even himself. Because he had to keep moving forward. So many others were still hurting, so many still needed to be saved. He had to help them.
And besides, he was fine.
✧✦✧
A few months after the war—after everyone had recovered from their injuries, after the delayed graduation for the third years, after the late start to their school year—Class 2A had finally settled back into a routine, a routine that helped them feel like normal high schoolers again.
It was a weekday night, and Izuku sat at a table in the middle of the dorm’s common area with Uraraka, Todoroki, and Iida, studying for their upcoming exams. The sounds of their classmates playing video games and chatting filled the air, but Izuku preferred the noise over silence. Preferred being able to see his classmates, hear that they were well. That they were here. That they were alive.
Katsuki was in the kitchen with Kirishima, making dinner for himself. Izuku wouldn’t admit that he had purposefully chosen a seat with a view of the kitchen, just as his friends wouldn’t admit that they had purposefully left that seat open for him. It was an open secret, Izuku’s need to keep Katsuki in his sights after the war. His need to keep Katsuki close.
Every so often, Izuku glanced up from his notes to look at Katsuki. Just a quick peek, look and away. Just an assurance that Katsuki was there. Katsuki was moving. Katsuki was alive.
The routine was broken when the door to the dorm opened with a soft, “I am here!”
Izuku turned to see All Might standing in the entrance. He was out of the wheelchair, though still recovering. Aizawa was standing close by, ready to support All Might if he needed. Izuku watched, his chest tight, as All Might slowly made his way across the common room. Memories of All Might bursting into the dorm, voice booming and full of energy, laid over the image of the weakened man before him, but Izuku quickly shook his head to clear them away.
All Might was alive. That’s all that mattered.
All Might greeted everyone as he passed, but he made his way to the kitchen, to Katsuki, first. Izuku watched from under his eyelashes as Katsuki grinned up at All Might, offering him a taste of his mapo tofu.
All Might laughed, shaking his head. “I can’t quite handle spicy food yet, Young Bakugou. I’m surprised you’re able to with your recovery.”
Katsuki snorted. “Doesn’t affect me at all. And the doc says I’m doing better anyway. Might be able to get back to full training in the next month.”
Izuku gripped his pencil, fingernails digging into his palm so hard he felt a sharp sting.
“That’s wonderful! I’m so glad to hear that.” All Might’s grin softened as he reached into his pocket, pulling something out. “Well, there’s no better time to give this back to you, then. I’m sorry I couldn’t clean it, but I did sign it.”
Katsuki was silent as he reached out to take the item from All Might, holding it delicately, reverently. Izuku’s brow furrowed as he stared, trying to see what it was. Then, Katsuki’s hold shifted, and Izuku saw it. An All Might card. The same All Might card he and Katsuki had both pulled as kids.
Except… It wasn’t in pristine condition like Izuku’s was. It was stained. How could Katsuki have let his card get damaged?
It took a moment before Izuku realized: it was stained with Katsuki’s blood.
It was the card that had been lying next to him on the battlefield, in the Coffin in the Sky, soaking in blood, when Katsuki, when Katsuki…
There was a clatter as the pencil fell from Izuku’s grip onto the table. He didn’t notice his friends turn to look at him as he started to gasp for air. Something was squeezing, squeezing his chest, his lungs. He couldn’t get a full breath. His vision was blurring, darkening around the edges, but that card, that blood-soaked card stayed in focus. There was a roar building in his ears, drowning out the worried voices around him.
Izuku felt the embers of One for All stirring, something rising up. It wasn’t as strong as before, because it was only drawing from embers, but he recognized the sensation, even as he was losing all rational control.
Faintly, Izuku heard someone call his name, but he was already shoving himself from his chair and running out into the fading evening light.
Izuku had no control as Blackwhip seeped out in sharp tendrils, looking for something to attack, somewhere to release this overwhelming…rage? Pain? …Grief? Izuku couldn’t identify exactly what he was feeling; he was simply overcome. With some effort, he was able to direct Blackwhip at the buildings around him, propelling himself across campus. But no matter how fast he went, he couldn’t escape the images assaulting his mind.
Bursting into the Coffin in the Sky. Too late.
Everyone, everyone, lying on the ground. Too still.
Katsuki—Kacchan—spread out in a pool of his own blood, eyes wide, a gaping hole in his chest. A hole where his heart—his heart—should be.
Katsuki, dead.
Izuku wasn’t there. Izuku was too late.
A sob tore itself from Izuku’s throat, raw and choked. His vision was blurred. He had stopped moving, had stopped swinging through the campus, but he couldn’t tell where he was. He just saw darkness around him and the memories in his head. He crumbled to the ground, chest heaving, wailing. Katsuki was dead. He couldn’t save him.
Blackwhip was feeding off of this overwhelming well of emotions that Izuku couldn’t press down anymore. Banjo had told him he needed to control his heart, control his emotions to control Blackwhip. But honestly, what did it matter? Banjo also said that he wasn’t alone, but that wasn’t true. Banjo wasn’t there anymore. None of them were.
Blackwhip was taking over, and Izuku just wanted to…let it. He just wanted everything to stop. Maybe if he gave in, he would stop feeling again.
But then an explosion sounded nearby, abruptly pulling Izuku out of his head. Kacchan?
“Oi, Izuku!” Another explosion, pushing past the tendrils of Blackwhip, illuminating the area around Izuku. Forcing him to focus.
Where was he?
“Kacchan?”
“Izuku, let me in!”
Izuku blinked, eyes adjusting to the dark. He was encased in Blackwhip, the quirk spilling out of him and surrounding him like a cocoon. It seemed with nothing to attack, Blackwhip had turned in on Izuku himself, shielding him from the world outside, in an attempt to protect him from the feelings evoked from his own thoughts, the memories in his head.
The memories of a dead Kacchan…
Blackwhip flared. Izuku could feel it whipping around outside.
Another explosion. “Izuku, dammit!”
Izuku slowly blinked again, wiping a hand across his damp eyes. Katsuki was here. Those explosions were him. Izuku wasn’t back in the Coffin in the Sky, looking down at Katsuki’s dead, lifeless body. He was here, somewhere on U.A.’s campus. And Katsuki was here with him. Alive.
Izuku needed to see him, right now.
Calmer, it wasn’t too difficult to withdraw Blackwhip. The tendrils drew back, cocoon disappearing the reveal Ground Beta, significantly damaged from Izuku’s breakdown.
And before him stood Katsuki, sweating and panting, looking at Izuku with a mixture of concern and confusion.
Yes, Katsuki was alive.
Izuku closed his eyes and breathed. How could he have let himself lose control like that? He—
“Izuku, what was that about?” Katsuki took a step towards Izuku, tentatively reaching out. “Are you okay?”
Izuku opened his eyes, pulling his mouth into a grin. Katsuki’s brow furrowed in response, his eyes darkening.
“I’m fine, Kacchan,” Izuku said. “Did All Might leave already?”
“You’re not fine, don’t pull that shit.” Katsuki stalked forward until he was right in front of Izuku. They were so close they were breathing the same air. “I haven’t seen you lose control like that since joint training with 1B. What happened? And you only have embers… Are they okay?”
Right, Katsuki wouldn’t have seen him at Jaku or the Coffin in the Sky. He was unconscious. …Dead.
Izuku forced that thought away. He just wanted to lean into Katsuki, to place a hand or even his ear over Katsuki’s chest, to feel reassurance that his heart was still beating, was still there.
But instead, he took a step back.
“Yeah, it just…happens sometimes. When you’re hurt, I get angry and Blackwhip reacts, I guess. I think seeing the card set it off, but I’m fine. ’Cause you’re fine. There’s nothing to be upset about.” Izuku forced a grin, hoping it reached his eyes. Hoping it would convince Katsuki. “And the ember is still there, nothing to be worried about. I just haven’t used Blackwhip in a while, so it took a bit to get it back under control.”
“Izuku—"
“C’mon, weren’t you cooking dinner? I’m sure you want to eat it before it gets cold—”
“Izuku! You’re not fine!” A hand came up to Izuku’s cheek. He flinched, before realizing that Katsuki was brushing away tears that Izuku didn’t realize were still falling.
“I…” Izuku didn’t know what to say.
“You’re not fine, you haven’t been fine,” Katsuki repeated in a softer voice. Both hands cupped Izuku’s cheeks, squishing his face gently. “You’re just shoving everything down, like you always do. You’re helping everyone else but you’re not letting anyone help you.”
Katsuki held Izuku’s face in place, forcing him to look into his bright crimson eyes. As Izuku stared, he felt his chest tighten, his throat seize. The pain, the anger, the grief. It slowly built within him, until it didn’t. Until it quickly spilled out all at once. Izuku’s face crumbled. He started to sob, hands coming up to clutch at Katsuki’s shirt.
“You died, Kacchan!” he wailed. “You were dead!”
Speaking the words aloud, to Katsuki, simultaneously lifted a weight from his shoulders and brought him to his knees. His legs simply gave out, unable to support him under the emotions washing over him, the emotions he was finally letting himself feel. But it was okay. Katsuki was there to catch him, lowering them both softly to the ground.
“Everyone was hurt, and you were dead, but I couldn’t stop fighting.” Once Izuku started, it all spilled out, words fighting to flow out of him. “I couldn’t stop to help any of you! I couldn’t stop to grieve. I still had to fight Tomura, to defeat All for One. I was too late. You saved me so many times, but I couldn’t save you the one time it mattered the most. You were just…gone. I had never pictured my life without you, but you were gone.” Izuku’s voice broke. He sobbed harder.
Katsuki held him close, squeezing Izuku tightly as if trying to hold him together.
“Izuku, I’m sorry.” Katsuki pressed his face into Izuku’s hair, lips brushing against his scalp as he spoke. “I’m sorry I put you through that. I’m sorry you’ve been holding onto this for so long.”
What? Izuku shook his head, trying to pull away. “No, no, why are you apologizing? You’re the one who got hurt, who died. I was fine. And you’re alive, so there’s no reason for me to—”
“Stop it.” Izuku clamped his lips shut at Katsuki’s harsh tone. “Stop comparing your grief to everyone else’s. Yes, I did die, and you lived through that. But you saw me dead. You carried the weight and expectations of the world on your shoulders as you continued to fight while grieving, because you’re you, you’re a damn superhero. But you don’t have to carry it anymore. I’m here for you, we’re all here for you. You deserve to heal just like everyone else.”
“But—”
“No. You went through the same war we all did, and all of us needed time to heal, not just physically, but mentally, too. Would you be telling someone like All Might not to get help, just ’cause he’s a hero?”
“No.” Izuku shook his head, hiccupping. “…I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
“I know.” Katsuki took Izuku’s hand and pressed it over his heart. Izuku sighed, feeling the steady thump-thump-thump beneath Katsuki’s ribs. Yes, his heart was still in there. Still beating. Keeping Izuku’s childhood friend, his most precious person, alive.
Izuku couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward, replacing his hand with his ear. He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of Katsuki’s beating heart. Katsuki let him, embracing him so tightly he was surrounded, cocooned by Katsuki. Izuku never wanted to leave.
“It’s probably going to hurt for a while,” Katsuki murmured. “But I’ll be here with you for all of it. I’m not leaving you again, not if I can help it. I will always, always fight to come back to you.”
Izuku sniffed. “I know.”
And he did. Katsuki always appeared when Izuku needed him the most, even if it meant fighting against death itself.
Izuku sighed, letting himself sink deeper into Katsuki’s hold, trusting Katsuki to support him. His eyelids started to feel heavy, his breathing evened out, slowing.
After a few moments, Katsuki nudged him, pulling away slightly.
“Oi, don’t fall asleep. We can’t get caught here after curfew. Do you want to be put under house arrest again?”
Izuku grumbled, burying his face deeper into Katsuki’s chest. “No.”
Katsuki gave Izuku a light squeeze before pulling away. “Then come on, let’s go.”
Izuku made a face, his eyes refusing to open fully as Katsuki pulled him to his feet. He immediately stumbled, slumping against Katsuki. This emotional exhaustion that had hit him was unlike anything he had experienced recently.
Izuku blinked up at Katsuki slowly. “Kacchan, I don’t think I can get back on my own.”
Katsuki blinked back, then sighed. “Just this once, nerd.”
Then Katsuki was lifting Izuku onto his back. Izuku smiled softly as he pressed his face into Katsuki’s shoulder. He drifted off to the soft motion of them walking back to the dorm, surrounded by the scent of Katsuki and feeling safe in the knowledge that Katsuki was here with him and alive.